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 AUTHOR
 CaptivatedK
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 163
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?Page 15 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
You really... Really... Must not like men. I mean... Wow...Laughing all the way to their next conquest? Thats horrible and close minded. Women are just as bad as men... And ring on your finger..why? Why bother? So you can save it, find out neither of you are sexualy matched and divorce in a few years after realsing one of you enjoys porn the then other is a fem-nazi out to rid the world of pre-marital sex?
 luv2lol
Joined: 2/18/2007
Msg: 164
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/26/2008 12:38:27 PM
My friends and I were talking about this and we only get upset when you are under the impression that the sex will not be the end of the relationship. If both agree it's nothing, it's nothing. That will not be the girls complaining on the site I assure you. We complain when you feel played/used/lied to/etc because they gave us the impression they liked us and it was going somewhere. Sometimes you feel an amazing chemistry and their actions appear to be the same so we think we have met our one. It works for some...many of my friends slept with their husbands soon after meeting (if not the first night) so just because you do doesn't mean it won't work. Also with online dating you can sometimes put months into talking to someone, asking questions about who they are and getting to know them by what they write and stories they tell you about themselves. Just because you haven't met them doesn't mean you can't care a lot for them by the time you do. So you go to bed with one man...but then you wake up to another you would have never touched with a 10' pole. It's those feelings you had that will make you hurt and upset when all of a sudden the texts/emails change/aren't as frequent, they don't make time for you after you are together...or worst of all just disappear all together. We could deal with it if it was a rare occurrence but unfortunately it's the norm rather then the exception. Why not get annoyed with that??? Not continuing the double standard that women should be judged by when they sleep with a man.

My guy friends make the excuse they do that because they don't want to hurt to girls when they aren't interested...truth is they are self-fish cowards and don't wish to go through a short term discomfort to talk to the woman and they won't listen when I say it hurts them more because the women don't get closure and then go through the whole sefl-doubt thing, feel stupid because how could they not see it coming and trust issues result. Ignorance is bliss I guess. And men complain women have baggage...go figure...if a man knows that a woman likes him, he also knows that she's not going to take sex with them lightly. I've had to do it...sure it was uncomfortable but they deserved that respect...and I could live with myself too which was a plus. We should value each for no other reason then we are people.

So instead of buying into this crap about a women's worth being determined by if she wants to have sex with a man early on, how about starting a thread about encouraging men to view women as human beings with feelings that deserve the respect of knowing what they are getting into and not garbage to be used and tossed aside. Sheeesh
 dickwaad
Joined: 12/15/2008
Msg: 175
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/26/2008 8:17:46 PM
[Why shouldn't he value you? Have you lost your value because you had sex? I would have thought you'd become worth a great deal more!
And how does a man "prove his love"? Inquiring minds want to know]

I think what the OP ment was that some women have sex on the third date (for example) and then when the guy doesn't return their calls anymore they bash men, saying that 'all men want is sex' and complaine that they were used. All the while, they allowed themselfs to be used.
You're wrong if you think that you become a 'great deal more' by opening your legs too soon. The same thing works both ways though.
It's not about an action that anyone can do to prove their love but a feeling of comfort, trust and security that you can't develope in 3 days or as the OP pointed out 3 weeks.
I agree with her, maybe i'm old fashion, but love making is much better when there's love involved.
Listen, weather you want to wait or not is up to you, but having SEX in the first week or two, well that's just sex not love and it no difference then if you did it on the first night.
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 176
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/26/2008 11:19:49 PM

Women who have sex with men who have NOT proven their love for them should never turn around and complain about having been used. What do you guys think? Reading some of these threads makes me wonder how it is that women have forgotten the power that they wield when it comes to relationships and love.

If a man can have you after the 3rd date or even the 3rd week of knowing you... why should he value u?


Amen!
It's the cause of about half the posts on here. Yes, I agree. Women have forgotten the power they held once. It's ironic, when you think about it especially in today's world.
A whole new generation seems to have misinterpreted women's liberation or simply just squandered it away.

To be honest, if it were the man being penetrated, more men would value the sex act more, I am sure. But because we are the one doing the penetrating, many of us can do that all day and not feel any remorse about it. (this is also why more men refuse to have vasectomies, for instance... they don't want THEIR bodies messed with, but will gladly agree to a woman having her tubes tied up.)
There's something to be said about accepting someone literally into your own body. Women cannot just open up easily to just anyone. If you do, yes, you will feel violated and cheap. Let's be honest. This is a valuable gift you're giving away. If you have low self-esteem, you will continually be taken advantage of.
 Sensitive P. Ness
Joined: 12/15/2008
Msg: 177
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/27/2008 1:25:38 AM
Answer: Because they can! That's why!
 Newlife6666
Joined: 12/20/2008
Msg: 179
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/27/2008 11:21:08 AM
Sex is a huge portion of a relationship. In my opinion, if you are not compatible in bed nothing else matters . Been there done that and will never try that again.

I am more than a bit selective about where I go in that area however I think that sometimes waiting too long can actually kill a potential relationship. Sex can actually take a relationship to the next level.

Men can feel rejected and toyed with when you wait too long and it can change the way they do feel about you.

Use your brain but follow your passion. I say that and I have yet to be just a notch in someones belt loop.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 180
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/27/2008 12:31:08 PM

I am not or was raised Catholic so I have no clue or comment to make on this point (ie I do not perceive the concept of the "Madonna" in a "Madonna/whore complex").
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Organized religion is the worst offenders in the suppression of women through the ages. The catholic church being one of the worst offenders among them.


This has nothing to do with religion, it's the concept that what every man wants for a wife/serious relationship, is a woman who is capable of being a in the living room and a in the bedroom.
Cindy O
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 182
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/27/2008 12:52:24 PM
Madonna/Whore Complex:
Wikipedia: "According to Freudian psychology, this complex often develops when the sufferer is raised by a cold and distant mother. Such a man will often court women with qualities of his mother, hoping to fulfill a need for intimacy unmet in childhood. Often, the wife begins to be seen as mother to the husband—a Madonna figure—and thus not a possible object of sexual attraction. For this reason, in the mind of the sufferer, love and sex cannot be mixed, and the man is reluctant to have sexual relations with his wife, for that, he thinks unconsciously, would be as incest. He will reserve sexuality for "bad" or "dirty" women, and will not develop "normal" feelings of love in these sexual relationships"

I think we all know that there are lots of men who display this Madona/whore complex (as do some women I suppose)

Wikipedia con'td: "Popularly, the term is used to describe an unsatisfiable desire by a man to have his wife or other female partner exhibit both of these mutually exclusive traits. This introduces a dilemma where men may feel unable to love any women who can satisfy them sexually and are unable to be sexually satisfied by any women who they can love. Alternatively, the term is to describe or attempt to justify the behavior of men who pursue multiple women as a way of fulfilling each of these needs. A popular example was seen in an episode of the widely popular Sex and the City TV series in which one of the main characters, Charlotte York, cannot satisfy her husband which causes good friend Samantha Jones to suggest "Madonna-whore" as a possible reason to their sexless marriage."

So; as you can see, it's a lot more complex than church in the bedroom or, "lady" in the living room and "whore" in the bedroom.

 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 184
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/27/2008 1:04:58 PM
It was either one or the other - meaning, a woman who has a sexual drive is a whore.

So is that why they marry women who won't let them have any unless they are "good boys", and then these men are out wandering around with their****hanging out (figuratively speaking!)looking for a little on the side,claiming their wife doesn't "understand" them, or that they are "trapped" in a "loveless" marriage?
A man who believes a woman with a sex drive is a "whore", and therefore chooses women with no sex drive as their life partners,deserves to have a starving Willy.
It seems to me that men with their (upper) heads on straight would be looking for a woman with a healthy sex drive that she's capable of controlling. If they CATCH themselves doing "black or white" thinking about a woman's sexual conduct,wouldn't a reasonable man try to figure out why he was doing that?
Or am I just expecting way too much, thinking that there are men capable of straight thinking, reason, and thoughtful examination of their own responses to women's behavior( good, bad, or indifferent)?
Cindy O
 ChicagoStyle
Joined: 5/7/2006
Msg: 186
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/27/2008 1:07:40 PM
Just a few things I would like to point out....

No offense but the cell phone for 3 days test seems kinda stupid. If you don't trust someone that much why even bother?

What about the guys and girls who are not looking to get married?

You can be really in love and committed to someone without the marraige part.

And, not everyone is looking for a serious relationship , both men and women. Some want a casual relationship and simply want someone to have fun with, which yes, includes sex. Just because you label it as something precious and God given doesn't mean others agree with you.

You sound alittle jaded.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 188
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/27/2008 1:17:28 PM
"Christ/Outlaw Snydrome" *laughin here*

I don't think Freud delved into that one too deeply.


BTW: "Spooning" leads to "Forking"


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 190
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/27/2008 1:29:38 PM

Women suffer from the Christ/Outlaw syndrome... the sensitive, communicative guy who'll take 'em into the bedroom and ride 'em hard..

Syndrome? Is that what they're calling it these days? Are ALL fairytales now called syndromes?
Cindy O
 matchlessm
Joined: 11/11/2007
Msg: 193
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/29/2008 3:56:27 AM
The culture of victimhood in this country unfortunately has spread to women's sexuality. A half-century into the "second" or "modern" American women's rights movement, claims by women that they were "used" by men they consented to have sex with ring pretty hollow. When some women insist on being as free about sex as men, but then blame men for taking advantage of them when things go badly, isn't it just a case of wanting to have your cake, and eat it?

Women who do this insist on the benefits of fully equal treatment, and then--if treating sex like they think guys do doesn't provide the satisfaction they hoped for--claim men used them. Weaseling out of responsibility when things you freely chose to do go wrong is not very admirable, in either sex. So, women who play the innocent victim whenever the sex they chose to engage in doesn't go their way shouldn't expect to be taken seriously, or to be respected for their integrity. If single women don't like the way sex turns out, they should choose their dates more carefully, wait until they have good reason to believe the guy they're dating cares about them, or both.
 still_hope
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 195
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/29/2008 8:44:29 AM
I read and read all these posts....some I learned from, some I grimaced and grit my teeth over.....sometimes I laughed...and, occasionally I wanted to applaud!

I like what folks (men and women) said about "connection" "respect" "honesty" and most of all..."communication". I consider these things all valued and powerfull by both genders in and out of the bedroom...past that, it's really between the couple what works for them.

While it is painfull to be lied to or betrayed....by either gender....Our choice is what we do with it....and, sometimes circumstances change through no one's fault. I have been hurt badly in the past...but, it would only give that person more CONTROL over my life and keep the hurt going if I let it make me bitter or jaded. It's made me wary...have some walls built up....but, I'm honest about that and do my own work on my own stuff.

Someone said here to be with a partner you like...not just lust or love....I'd like to suggest looking for what happens to both of you...the identity of your relationship that you build....do you both like how things are going? Are you happier together than you were alone? Are you each trying to do your best to "connect" "respect" 'be honest" and "communicate"? OhO,I've gone full circle....

Keep swim'n....
 Onceuponatime61
Joined: 10/10/2008
Msg: 198
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 1/14/2009 12:11:46 PM
MSG#1 sefra wrote;Women who have sex with men who have NOT proven their love for them should never turn around and complain about having been used. What do you guys think? Reading some of these threads makes me wonder how it is that women have forgotten the power that they wield when it comes to relationships and love.
If a man can have you after the 3rd date or even the 3rd week of knowing you... why should he value u?
I don't think having sex on the first date or the 21st date has anything to do with someone having value for you. Either two people click and get along or they don't. I have no value in someone that uses sex as a tool to force someone into a relationship. It's like someone saying.
your not going to get none of this unless you make a commitment
It sounds like a form of prostitution. Your not going to get no kitty unless you pay me with a commited relationship.

MSG#1 sefra wrote;Reading some of these threads makes me wonder how it is that women have forgotten the power that they wield when it comes to relationships and love
So what do you mean by "POWER"? Are you using sex as a power tool? Your really fooling yourself if you think for a minute that if you think holding off is going to make a guy feel value for you.
I value someone for the way they treat me and if they care for me. Value has nothing to do with a piece of ass. I value my companion for being there when I need them. No mater if you hold out till there's first signs of love before you jump in the sack with someone doesn't matter. If your not compatable in the bedroom then the relationships more likely going to have complications. No mater if you wait 3 days or 3 years.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 199
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 1/14/2009 1:39:33 PM

They could care less if the guy was highly successful,famous, or extremely good looking. They only complain when there was nothing monetarily gained. How ironic, huh?

Not me - I'd love a highly successful, famous, extremely good looking man who was good in bed. What's to complain about there?
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 201
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 1/14/2009 2:20:02 PM
that's one mixed up OP. She makes the kind of statements she does in the original post and further compounds her idea of the "position" women have in the dictatorship of relationship/sexual roles, states in her profile that you can't be married to contact her, and then states in another post that she sucks face with married ones that she works with. Ahhhh...the power and integrity some people delude themselves into believing they have.

That aside, I dislike whiners...male or female. If you make a choice in life...learn to live with it and move on...*stomps my foot*....gawd! lol
 Peter_not_Dave
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 202
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 1/14/2009 2:40:16 PM
Sefra,

> If a man can have you after the 3rd date or even
> the 3rd week of knowing you... why should he
> value u?

You seem to assume that the only power a woman has in a relationship is in withholding intercourse. As though she has no inherent worth other than as a potential (emphasizing "potential") sex partner.

That's an old, outmoded, and sexist notion, especially for a woman to hold.

Why should he value "u"? I'll tell you why I value women with whom I've had sex.

1. Because I chose her for who she was, not just because she was hot.
2. Because she values me. It wasn't an act of manipulation or calculation either.
3. Because I'm not one of those few guys who are entirely satisfied with intercourse. I'm greedy--I want to enjoy a woman's mind too.
4. Because she's as sincere with me as I am with her. She enjoyed it too.

You seem like a modern woman. Do you still think that only sluts have sex with men without a ring and a date? Do you think that men believe that?

What's wrong with women being equal partners in these transactions? When a man and a woman have sex, is it automatically to be assumed that the man took advantage of the woman? Is sex always a gift from the woman to the man that must be compensated in some other form? These are antiquated ways to see it. I only get involved with women who are as interested in enjoying me as I am in enjoying them. I won't be a party to victimhood or to delusions of victimhood.

Peter
 Cogie36
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 205
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 1/14/2009 4:00:28 PM
Proving his love: COMMITMENT would be a pretty good start, wouldn't it?

And what would be so wrong about waiting until you have a ring on your finger before letting him have all 'the goods'?

Geesh women have been brainwashed these days.... men must be laughing all the way to their next conquest!


A friend suggested the following...to know if he is for real:

As an exercsie:

exchange cell phones... literally give him you cell phone...while you have his for at least 3 days.... just to see who calls...





You know in the beginning everyone has something to prove.....and its not just about sex.....

The women who complain about sex are the ones who have high expectations for a relationship and just happen to get involved with the wrong guy......so what i'm sure at one point we've all done it.....no ones perfect......

waiting until you have a ring on your finger....well maybe there are some women that just like having the relationship without worrying about if he is gonna give you a ring or not.......sounds materalistic to me


your theory on the exercise about exchanging phones for 3 days ......well if you are going to do this exercise first of all you'd have to be in a " relationship" with a guy because hes clearly not going to do this if you've only been dating a short time.......
and if you have to exchange phones.......I guess that means you dont trust him......not a relationship i'd wanna be in.......good luck....
 ImAHotMess
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 219
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 1/29/2009 5:14:05 PM
SNIPER, would you gut my Deer for me? Damn, now that is love. Why can't I meet more men who want to hunt, and take their woman with them!! I can find many things to do, while waiting for that perfect buck to come along. :)
 arcticdude
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 231
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 1/31/2009 7:27:36 AM
'Proving' love within a relationship is something that is never finished, imo.
When people stop showing/proving their love through their words/actions the relationship is probably over.

People complain when things don't work out the way they wanted...That's kind of 'normal' human behavior...I wonder why you don't 'get' it!

There are lots of reasons to 'value' someone...Listen to yourself.


If a man can have you after the 3rd date or even the 3rd week of knowing you... why should he value u?


Ummm...how about for all of the other possible facets of your total 'being'?

Your quote implies that women have only one thing to offer. I don't agree.
 lil red corvette
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 232
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 1/31/2009 8:05:57 AM
The first consideration should be what the woman wants. If she is ok with an instant sex life ... so be it ... and no one should feel entitled to judge her.
The fact is that most men are ...(they really really are) looking for a piece of (well.... you know what I mean ) ...and it is likely that the average fellow presented with a sexually agressive woman who flashes the 'all clear' signs after the first coffee... will definitely take advantage of the offer... but will at some time soon after realize tthat the "wanting" is often more appealing than the "having" .

Men tend to want to "conquer" whether it is countries, business deals or women.
If the opposition surrenders before a good fight ... men will feel somehow cheated.
There are obviously exceptions to this ....
Some people have sex the first date and develop wonderful lasting relationships.
(But I think these are in the minority)

But I digress.....
My suggestion to all women ....( and I risk retribution by the entire "non female" population by saying this :) is to say to the new prospective "suitor" that you have a firm rule of not sleeping with anyone for a minimum of (fill in the blank) .. perhaps three months.
If the fellow is looking for some on the spot (you know what) ... he will be conspicously unavailable for a second date , (his loss... ) if however he "sticks" and you have the opportunity to get to know each other over a period of time (without the Damacles sword of impending and expected sex) you can take the time to decide if he is truly someone you wish to be intimate with ( how's that for empowering ? )

If you decide after the third or tenth date that you want to remove the "probationary period" do so ... but the decision of when to (or if to ) have sex should always rest with the woman. (ok... now I have a hundred men thinking all manner of unkind things about me ! )
 hurricane hanna
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 238
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 1/31/2009 5:41:56 PM
"Why do women have sex and then complain"

Um...you might be speaking completely from your own personal experience.....

Most women don't actually complain after sex.
 arcticdude
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 240
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 2/1/2009 4:48:56 AM

"Why do women have sex and then complain"

Um...you might be speaking completely from your own personal experience.....

Most women don't actually complain after sex.

That was awsome!
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 253
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 2/21/2009 4:55:17 PM
Why do women have sex and complain about it?

Because:
1. The sex is usually pretty fleeting and isn't near as good as he promised it would be.
2. His negative personality traits come out post coitus.

So the lies come out before and the ugly truth comes out after -
and even though we know this is what happens, we keep hoping the next man will be special or different.
It's best for a woman to just get a no-strings lover with the same erotic tastes. It is what it is, no one has been lied to and everyone walks away happy.
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