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 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 26
Breaking Up on ChristmasPage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I guess I have some "issues" or questions with your choice of words here, OP


I contributed $5oo to a TV gift


How does one contribute to a gift? Either you gave him money with the expectation that he would use it to buy a TV, or you went in on the purchase with someone else for this man. It's unclear. Either way, if you "gifted" money - it was given freely, and without rules requiring he "take you along" for the selection, shopping or purchase. Or that he consult with you about where to place it in his house....

Who suggested that you contribute? Did he? If so, I wonder why you would do so. If not, then again.... you "gifted" it. When you give something you release your ability to control it.


I feel very used and mentioned my unhappiness about his unthoughfulness...


How were you used?
To assist in purchasing his TV?

Again - you "gifted" him with that. It also appears to have not been done at Christmas, but in October....how does that imply it's a Christmas gift.

Do I think it was rude he didn't get you anything? Perhaps. But I know nothing of his circumstances.


Well he told me to pack up my stuff from his house and never call him again
Were you living with him? Did you make Christmas Eve dinner at his place?

I do think you've been foolish with your generousity. But you're also keeping score which is unfair, and you have expectations of him, that you aren't verbalizing and when he fails to perform as you expect, you are affronted, and were bold enough to tell him so, over a nice dinner for Christmas Eve in his home.

It appears neither of you has interest enough in the other person to form a lasting relationship.

Count your losses, hold no grudges and move on.
It's a new year.
Start fresh.
Perhaps you would feel better had you spent the $500 on yourself, rather than trying to win and woo this man with your ca$h?
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 27
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History
Breaking Up on Christmas
Posted: 12/27/2008 8:11:13 AM
Out of work for a few months and still gave him $500 for a TV? Sounds to me like he used you, but YOU need a good course in finances. Love cannot put food on your table, gas in your car or pay your mortgage.
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 28
Breaking Up on Christmas
Posted: 1/1/2009 5:46:28 PM
Color me vindictive (and it's very rare for me to say something like this) but under those circumstances, i'm pretty sure my boot would have accidentally met with the tv screen on the way out the door. He can spend my 500 on a new screen for it.

That being said, this guy was showing you who he was for a long time....you have to own some responsibility for putting yourself in that situation....
Try to forgive him, try to forgive yourself, and make sure you learn the lesson here....after all, you paid for it.
 Older_N_Wiser
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 29
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History
Breaking Up on Christmas
Posted: 1/1/2009 6:06:19 PM
Op, I feel your pain. This has more to do with the timing of the brakup than the gift. I know. I had to kick my ex-b/f out on my birthday! It was my present to myself. I found other women's #'s, texts back and forth and pics of their body parts on his phone the morning before my birthday. I didn't say anything at the time cuz I had to go to work. That night I waited til midnight so it would be on my birthday,and then confronted him, kicked him out, packed his stuff and put that out too! Done, over, good bye to bad rubbish. I won't be played and you shouldn't be either. You let him play you long enugh. Consider the breakup a very Merry Xmas to you!
 cooldude
Joined: 4/26/2004
Msg: 30
Breaking Up on Christmas
Posted: 1/1/2009 7:42:20 PM
I am glad the OP at least acknowledges the mistakes she made. Occasionally we all do. As far I from what I read, the TV is pretty much "A gift" You mentioned gift several times even in your first post.

All these people saying you own part of the tv, I just don't see it that way. Even if you go to small claims court, if you, at any time, mention it as a "GIFT" pretty much case closed.

As far as I see it, a gift is to be given without expecting too much in return. I think the gift was way way too much to begin with. I don't always agree with being "used" statement which is seen so often on here. I see people do some stupid things, often when they were the ones who bring it up. Then claim they were "used" when things don't pan out.

Yes, the guy was probably not good boyfriend material....but as I see it mistakes were made on both sides.

I would just chalk it up to experience and move on.
 RosePetals4u
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 31
Breaking Up on Christmas
Posted: 1/1/2009 8:45:30 PM
No I didn't take the TV...he put up the other half of the money for it anyway. Besides I had a hard enough time getting all my belongings from him. He wouldn't give my air conditioner back to me and a few other things. I left and drove around for a while very upset. I called him back and demanded my air conditioner and he finally put out his back door. He still has a few other things and told me I could get them next week from his landlady/neighbor.

Funny thing is I kinda saw this breakup coming and thought to myself that I should just take my things out of the house when he wasn't around someday...but thought that would not be the right way of breaking things off. Instead I endured complete Christmas catastophe.
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 32
Breaking Up on Christmas
Posted: 1/1/2009 10:48:39 PM
Johnny....

You have my sincere compassion. No one deserves such callous and insensative treatment....If I ruled the world people like that would be banished somewhere wretched. I really hope the new year brings something fabulous into your world.
 German_girl
Joined: 4/15/2008
Msg: 33
Breaking Up on Christmas
Posted: 1/2/2009 1:30:08 AM
I think he was ready to break up with you anyway if he acted like that because you expressed his unthoughtfulness. Too bad all that happened at Christmas. You deserve better
Happy New Year!
 taketime54
Joined: 10/7/2006
Msg: 34
Breaking Up on Christmas
Posted: 1/3/2009 11:56:20 PM
You must have known there was a problem because you joined this site looking for dates Long term) in November 2007. So there must have been problems in the beginning. (for the record, you joined 13 months ago and started seeing him 15 months ago)

So I am sure there must have been many red flags that you ignored. I am sorry for your loss, but you only get respect if you demand it.

Christmas is one of the biggest break-up times.

Good luck in the future.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 35
Breaking Up on Christmas
Posted: 12/25/2010 5:07:12 PM
Rosepetals4u,
don't put yourself down hun. It's a learning experience, I agree a simple appreciation would be nice. You're X man was just a taker and one day he'll get his in the worst kinda way trust me can't run from Karma baby.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 36
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History
Breaking Up on Christmas
Posted: 12/25/2010 5:12:00 PM
^^^um...this was two years ago, archangel.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 37
Breaking Up on Christmas
Posted: 12/25/2010 5:18:58 PM
Breaking up is normal doesn't matter if it's Christmas or Valentine's day it happens just gotta accept it for what it is and realize it's a learn experience.

P.S. oops my bad :-S hope she's doing well now :-)
 techguy6505
Joined: 11/21/2010
Msg: 38
Breaking Up on Christmas
Posted: 12/25/2010 5:35:59 PM
Wow, sorry to hear that. The guy is an @$$. Well I have to say that men aren't the only jerks on Christmas, women do it too. I'm going thru one right now.


All I can say is you can do better. It sucks, I know know as I'm dealing with it too. You just have to say screw it and get on with your life. Karma has a funny way of biting people in the @$$ though.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 39
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History
Breaking Up on Christmas
Posted: 12/25/2010 6:10:29 PM

Karma has a funny way of biting people in the @$$ though.

Uh-huh......hard thing is figuring out if it's Karma biting your ass now....or hers later!
 thetrick123
Joined: 7/16/2010
Msg: 40
Breaking Up on Christmas
Posted: 12/25/2010 8:09:04 PM
OP..stop calling yourself dumb and stupid. What comes around gos around. This man was clearly not worthy of your kindness, nor your affections. Sorry it had to end that way, and on Christmas as well.
 navycanuck
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 41
Breaking Up on Christmas
Posted: 12/25/2010 9:37:36 PM
That really sucks. I think you should ask for the TV back as he dosent' deserve it after what he did to you.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 42
Breaking Up on Christmas
Posted: 12/25/2010 9:42:54 PM
I am sorry this happened to you on Christmas eve, Rose that sucks.
What bothers me though is not that he didn't get you a gift, I mean maybe he didn't have the money, maybe he felt like since you both purchased the tv together that, that was the gift.
I think that both of your nerves were probably raw at the time and maybe some things were said, that were in haste and unfortunately just happened on Christmas eve.
Either way, I would not beat yourself up about this I would say you dodged a bullet here.
Who kicks someone out, at the drop of a hat or the first sign of disagreement.
Seriously you are old enough not to have to go out with someone this immature.
Find someone who knows how to have a real relationship which involves more than cookies and cream.
 UglyFroggieCritter
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 43
Breaking Up on Christmas
Posted: 12/26/2010 12:55:36 AM

That really sucks. I think you should ask for the TV back as he dosent' deserve it after what he did to you.


Nah, the tv's two years old now. Better off getting a new one.

(Check the dates on OP's people, please. I know "redundant" threads force us to use older threads, but enter in to it with both eyes open or you look a little silly.)
 eastwood969
Joined: 12/21/2009
Msg: 44
Breaking Up on Christmas
Posted: 12/26/2010 6:48:25 AM
You don't have to wait till Christmas to be shocked. You could have noticed he wasn't the type of gift giving guy to begin with. We do still have a bad economy last time I checked so maybe you and him just didn't think along the same lines to begin with.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 45
Breaking Up on Christmas
Posted: 12/26/2010 7:13:47 AM
Maybe the guy did get her a gift for Christmas, but something happened just before Christmas and decided to not give her the gift. Otherwise, this scenario makes no sense. Who gets booted out of their/his home over trivial crap on Christmas? I think the moving out part was planned ahead of time by one or both of them.

Like the saying goes: there's 3 sides to every story. His side, her side, and the truth. I don't think the truth version has been released yet, or at least parts of it have been omitted.

Most of the people here are only reading the part where the OP was whining about not getting a gift and everyone wants a lynch mob to hang the guy without knowing why he didn't give her a gift.
 lostgirl71
Joined: 8/16/2008
Msg: 46
Breaking Up on Christmas
Posted: 12/26/2010 8:24:27 AM
I am more inclined to believe the actual situation was that for the past three months since the funds were given for the television the guy has been nagged about the amount given and about getting the tv. Then he did it a few weeks back and I am sure hasnt heard the end of picking it up without her.

Maybe he had it? a person can only be nagged so much. And for those shocked that he asked for monies to compensate for someone staying at the place for reasons of work, I dont find this at all out of the ordinary, additional people mean more electricity more water more food bills. Unless she was looking for a free ride why is it so bad that he be compensated if another is residing in his house?

Sorry but I dont see this as a woe is me story about the Grinch, but a half story of a doomed relationship.
 artman11111
Joined: 10/18/2005
Msg: 47
Breaking Up on Christmas
Posted: 1/3/2011 6:34:36 AM
Well I'll tell ya some of my story
2 days before Christmas,I found my g/f (now Ex) had been cheating on me,with multiple men, from the Casual encounters section,here @ POF,for a very long time.
We are not children. I am in my late 40's,she in her early 50's. We had lived together a long time,and had,what I thought was a good life.
Turns out she had been stealing from me every chance she got. Little here,little there.
She couldnt come up with her half of the rent,and I wound up buying her entire family
Christmas presents.
I am not perfect,and am NOT dis-owning any responsibility for our relationship going south. But what she did was Classless,and child-like. I would never hurt someone like this today. I am not a teenager.
She has a 12.00/hr job and I make 50k. Who do you think paid the bulk of our bills and entertainment.. For years.
I am in awe of how cruel and horrible this person has become. I spent my Christmas depressed and angry,by myself. Next year will be better,and I will get through this
But I will never forgive,nor forget
Happy New Year
 lostgirl71
Joined: 8/16/2008
Msg: 48
Breaking Up on Christmas
Posted: 1/4/2011 5:16:59 PM
So what you are saying is 12 days ago you ended a long term live in relationship and you are already on here looking for long term? Doesnt sound to depressed to me ...
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 49
Breaking Up on Christmas
Posted: 1/4/2011 5:27:29 PM
It was 12 days and TWO years ago.
Old thread.
But I think the girl was sillier than she knew.
When he said to pack up her stuff and leave...
she should have took the TV too.
 lostgirl71
Joined: 8/16/2008
Msg: 50
Breaking Up on Christmas
Posted: 1/4/2011 5:39:59 PM
I was talking to the gentleman above me who just posted that this just happened - two days before christmas this year ..

the other one two years ago - well still stand by my orginal post more to the story and she probably nagged him to death about it
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