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 colakitty
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 251
Racism in DatingPage 11 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
Sorry to hear you ran into some rude people here. This happens to just about everyone though, not necessarily about race. I know that I've sent a few messages out and instead of getting a simple "not interested" I got long rants on my weight. I'm sure you can imagine. I try not to discriminate either, but everyone has different features they are attracted to. You can't change what you find attractive, you CAN change how you react to people you aren't interested in. A simple "not interested" is all that's needed, no long rants on WHY you aren't interested...
 Connor-19
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 252
Racism in Dating
Posted: 4/22/2009 8:00:57 PM
Suggestion: Next time a girl tells you to "find a date at the gorilla cages at the zoo" tell her you're not allowed to anymore.

The last one that got out ended up becoming the President.

(This is not me meant to be demeaning to african americans, this is just to rub it in her face) XD
 thwipp89
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 253
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Racism in Dating
Posted: 4/22/2009 10:33:56 PM
OP- those types of comments are pretty crappy and uncalled for. sorry you had to experience that. we've come a long way in this country but still have a ways to go. racism and discrimination is still alive and well, unfortunately. when i saw the republican national convention and some of the republican rallies, i honestly felt i was witnessing KKK or nazi rallies with all the hate, fear and control. it was pretty disgusting...no matter where you go there are going to be cool people (who may not always agree with you), as well as straight up hate-filled, ignorant a-holes. don't let the **stards bring you down.
 uultramann
Joined: 2/5/2009
Msg: 254
Racism in Dating
Posted: 4/23/2009 7:49:54 AM

What gets me is that I am white but some people don't realize that Europeans are white and because I'm of Spanish and Italian descent they say I'm not white. That's only their opinion because it's not factual


So that begs the question... How does one define what race one is?

Does the term "white" encompass all of Europe and its descendants? I'm reminded of SAT testing back in High School, and the part where it asked one to fill in race. There'd be the usual categories - white, black - but there there would be those other crazy categories like "White, not of Hispanic Descent" or "Asian/Pacific Islander"...

So if I am to understand how my SAT test defined race, people from Tokyo are the same race as people from... Hawaii? And White people had to be White but not of Hispanic descent? What's that leave? England? France? Are you confused yet?

It's stupid. It's why I date a woman for who she is first, and her skin color maybe ranks 9th or 10th on a list of 10. Race matters far less than, say, smoker/non-smoker. It matters less than hygiene. It matters less than a sense of humor.

Ooh... that gives me an idea to change the tone of this thread...

Name 3 things of a potential mate that matter more than race!
 thwipp89
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 255
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Racism in Dating
Posted: 4/23/2009 1:45:21 PM
"Name 3 things of a potential mate that matter more than race!"

smoker
drug user
has kids
staunch conservative
overly religious
wants kids
distance
weight
appearance

how's that? =)
as far as race, i'm pretty open. i have an affinity for latin women, tho. however, on the flip side, asian women generally don't appeal to me, physically-speaking, but there certainly are exceptions to the rule. the last girl i went out with was half puerto rican, half black. i find that people of mixed race tend to be some of the prettiest people around.
 kthyg
Joined: 11/24/2006
Msg: 256
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Racism in Dating
Posted: 4/23/2009 3:24:01 PM
3 things for me would be:

Strong religious views
Insistence on a monogamous relationship (since I don't want monogamy)
Ignorant views (ie racism, sexism, hate spewing)
 Nannao
Joined: 4/18/2009
Msg: 257
Racism in Dating
Posted: 4/24/2009 2:00:13 AM
I am so sorry that you had to have those experiences I come from a multi-racial family and I would have it no other way. I have seen how rough it is to have to deal with not only the normal everyday problems of paying bills, getting layed off, and sick kids at home but to also have to deal with hatred from people for nothing more than the way you look or because you are related to someone who looks different is shameful no matter if the hate is because of your race or your size or even your hair color and though there have been improvements in our society I don't believe there have been enough of them to be proud of. I was ecstatic when Obama was elected president but I fear that it might not be for the reasons that we hope. I truly do hope that the day will come when all the pointless hatred that so many of us hold will be gone but for now that time is in the future perhaps we will live to see it die.
 Brownlady1953
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 258
Racism in Dating
Posted: 7/26/2009 8:02:23 PM
I emphasize....I have had some very nasty and racist emails directed my way....and not by people I contacted, either.......
 roseyn
Joined: 5/25/2009
Msg: 259
Racism in Dating
Posted: 7/26/2009 9:11:37 PM

What gets me is that I am white but some people don't realize that Europeans are white and because I'm of Spanish and Italian descent they say I'm not white. That's only their opinion because it's not factual


I guess it depends on the European cause I have many European friends who get COMPELTELY OFFENDED when they're referred to as being "white"
And they say " I'm not WHITE i'm EUROPEAN"
I never understood it
 roseyn
Joined: 5/25/2009
Msg: 260
Racism in Dating
Posted: 7/26/2009 9:15:24 PM
Anyway 90 % of the men who have contacted me are WHITE
A lot of them would start the approach with a question "are you into white guys"
and honestly I think maybe thats a good approach to get the obvious race difference out the way.
The person will either say "yes", "no", or it "depends on the person tell me more about yourself" or something along those lines.
 chadcuba
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 261
Racism in Dating
Posted: 7/26/2009 9:29:26 PM
". If one was to take away the minority vote, how many caucasions actually voted for him? "


And how many blacks voted for mccain ???? If you're going to try and find racism out of how many whites voted for obama then you just show your ignorance and if one really wanted to get the statistics out, the percentage of blacks who voted for mccain is a complete and utter joke compared to the number of whites who voted for obama so shut the hell up you ignorant fool.
 kthyg
Joined: 11/24/2006
Msg: 262
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Racism in Dating
Posted: 7/27/2009 4:30:32 PM

A lot of them would start the approach with a question "are you into white guys"
and honestly I think maybe thats a good approach to get the obvious race difference out the way.


I get the same thing when approached by black men. It does get it out of the way. Of course, my answer is that it very much depends on the man. I am much more attracted to the looks of black men but I have never dated someone because they are black. You have to have a lot more going for you than that.
 penelopelove69
Joined: 7/21/2009
Msg: 263
Racism in Dating
Posted: 7/27/2009 5:44:20 PM
I've actually been pursuing white men, semi-successfully, on this site and I have had all decent responses. Those that are not interested in me just don't reply. Those that do, we chat...
PS - You white guys are FREAKS!!
 rubberchicken39
Joined: 12/25/2008
Msg: 264
Racism in Dating
Posted: 7/27/2009 5:44:49 PM
Well I feel it is Ok not to want to date outside your race. I feel people should be nice about it too. But i feel some women get real mad and rude is because men do not read and respect their profiles. I mean if your profile states you do not date black men then every black man on POF emails you then that is when I get pissed off and rude. Not because I am racist but because i feel the black man is disrespecting me for it states in my profile I am not attracted to black men yet they still feel they can get busy with me anyway. I am guilty of being rude back not because i am racist but because I feel disprespected
 The Forlorn Knight
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 265
Racism in Dating
Posted: 7/27/2009 5:57:24 PM
If I meet a girl, and we have things in common, similar interests and chemistry. I don't care what her skin tone is, She could be purple, plaid, or fire truck red.
 JulieC29
Joined: 6/16/2008
Msg: 266
Racism in Dating
Posted: 7/27/2009 7:04:34 PM
Very hurtful and stupid things to hear from people. There are some very hateful people in this world and you just have to walk away knowing you're a better person.

I wouldn't tie the elections of 2008 to anything regarding race. I cannot stand racism, sexism, etc. and I voted McCain. And I would do it all over again.
 The Forlorn Knight
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 267
Racism in Dating
Posted: 7/27/2009 7:08:38 PM

I wouldn't tie the elections of 2008 to anything regarding race. I cannot stand racism, sexism, etc. and I voted McCain. And I would do it all over again.


Likewise, I am definitely not a fan of Barrack Obama. And it has nothing to do with the man's skin tone or heritage. but his politics (or lack thereof?) and empty promises.
 LuvsLaughs
Joined: 4/14/2009
Msg: 268
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Racism in Dating
Posted: 7/27/2009 10:57:18 PM
I think that you should know.... I don't really worry about race. We are all part of the human race. It's the culture barriers that cause problems in society... in my case, my mom and uncle would absolutely hit the ceiling if I were to date a black man, no matter how well educated, how nice, how mannerly... etc. that he was. They were raised during the end of the depression, so everything was divided. White people had their places and black people had theirs. Restaurants, drinking fountains, bathrooms, etc. My mom and uncle are incapable of wrapping their heads around such a thing as me dating outside of our culture. Be it black, asian, mexican, indian, pakistani... (I'm 46, and they are in their 80's) What I am saying..(oddly) is that perhaps when the elderly are no longer whispering such things in our ears, things will truly change... for the better. I am a very laid back person... I have taught my son to be open to people from varying cultures.... I was upset one day when he said that he hated black people. (he was nine at the time) I stopped and stared at him. What? Why? He started crying and told me the only kids that picked on him were black kids. I sat down and pointed out all of the black kids that didn't pick on him and had to point out that two white kids did pick on him. He listed 8 black kids that picked on him, so from his perspective, that was how it was. It did make me think; however, that some of the ongoing racism/ culturalism may very well stem from such occurrences.... just a thought.
 alexbibdel
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 269
Racism in Dating
Posted: 7/27/2009 10:59:06 PM
It sucks that racism still exists. At least when they're so obvious about it you catch them early.
 yoyophoto
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 270
Racism in Dating
Posted: 7/27/2009 11:26:25 PM
People who say those things are obviously narrow minded and uneducated. Not to mention they must live a sad life to say hurtful things like that. Keep your head up and just know they don't speak for everyone.
 coachandteach
Joined: 2/10/2009
Msg: 271
Racism in Dating
Posted: 7/28/2009 11:06:26 PM
I am actually pleased that POF doesn't ask for racial preferences. I think its a nod to a better future where there isn't racism. I also like the omission of racial preference because it may have the potential to force people to acknowledge their "preferences" publicly and examine themselves a bit more.

For example I hope the men and women who feel compelled to put in their profiles "I only date race X" think about why they have such a narrow view of what is, and is not attractive. I love women of all flavors.
 winteragain
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 272
Racism in Dating
Posted: 7/28/2009 11:15:56 PM
dis is a tuff reality we muss face cuz ain't no odda place like u.s. but errytime da opposition be steppin up dats when u take da criticism as feedback cuz u need it to make u strongurr i no we all been called n-gg-r i no i been called cra--a, chank, sp-c even by da members o da demographic dat purport to axe fo peace in dis tumultuous era we b livin in so whut im sayin iz im asian, we got it worse than anybody wat wit asians makin up liek 99% of prisons im sayin b thankful fo what u got for i am knowin indeed u is my friend and i support u to the fullest extent in which i am able to.
 vortec94
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 273
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Racism in Dating
Posted: 7/29/2009 12:24:19 AM
Liking or disliking someone based on race just doesn't make much sense. Yes, cultural differences can exist, but usually it's nothing that can't be worked out or even appreciated.

However, I don't think there's really anything wrong with finding one race more or less attractive than another. It's a matter of aesthetic preferences just like preferring certain heights, body shapes, etc. My friend thinks Mexican chicks are the hottest in the world. OK. It doesn't mean he's being racist against asians, whites, blacks, etc.
 DeepLuv09
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 274
Racism in Dating
Posted: 7/29/2009 12:40:03 AM
OP

That sounds like a horror story, geez. I normally make it a point to ask beforehand if the person I am msging is open to interracial dating, you can never assume. For example there was a time I never dated whites and never took it kindly when a non-black person showed interest in me. Later on I became more open-minded and discovered that human beings are essentially the same. Have you ever been prejudiced towards another person (not necessarily race) but it could be about their belief system, nationality, height, weight etc? Race is not the only problem of the human race. Even among black people we have some really vile human beings that make you wonder what hell-hole they crawled from so don't take it too personally.
 Pashune
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 275
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Racism in Dating
Posted: 7/29/2009 1:25:46 AM
I honestly think my family would hunt me down with pitch forks if they found out I once dated a mixed person.

It's great living in racism central. /sarcasm

I'll date any color, any race, etc., as long as the chemistry is there.
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