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Joined: 5/16/2005
Msg: 26
I don't think much of people who do thisPage 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I think these days if you can achieve puberty, you can achieve baggage...personally I like my designer luggage as it's helped shaped the person I am today, which is pretty damn good! I think the term "mental disorder" is pretty broad spectrum too, so it all depends. I'm not sure I'm equipped to deal with someone that is living in a place with padded walls, but I think the majority of the public these days are on some form of anti-depressant and most of us have dealt with some varying degree of depression in our lives. All I'm saying is it's up to the individual to decide what they can deal with and how messed up the other person is...I mean we're all messed up in some way, right? Who put the "fun" in dys-fun-ctional! WOOHOO!
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 27
I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 12:15:25 AM
If being sane is thinking there's something wrong with being different...I'd rather be completely ****ing mental.
Joined: 11/24/2008
Msg: 28
I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 12:20:55 AM
Are we talking about someone who is a bit neurotic or someone who has a serious mental illness? I watched my sister go from a vibrant, talented young woman to an empty shell over a 21 year period because of her schizophrenia. I would never get involved in a relationship with someone who was mentally ill after having to care for my sister for so long. I just could not deal with it emotionally, mentally, or physically again. Not to mention financially.

And if you think mental disorders are 'just labels assigned by some wackjob pseudo-doctor', then go check out the psychiatric floor of any local hospital. Spend a couple of hours with the patients there, and then come back and tell us how mental disorders are not real.
Joined: 7/24/2008
Msg: 29
I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 12:26:29 AM

I guess I should add that I hang with people who have emotional disorders all day for my work, so I just know I'm not going to have a lot in common with people who make generalization about mental illness, so I woudn't date them. But I respect that they admit that they feel they are too intolerant to accept someone with a disorder. I'd rather know up front that they are going to bail when the going gets tough and their partner needs help and support.

Just out of curiosity, how many bi-polar men have you dated who refused to refrain from drinking alcohol while on medication?
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 30
I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 12:29:38 AM
They're not real, they can be severe emotional problems, but they're not actual medical problems. That's what I meant. Don't straw man me.

Ultimately I think people CAN deal with people who are even quite 'mentally ill', they just don't want to. I'm not necessarily talking about your case, or 'extreme' cases, but I'm talking about how in many cases, too many people use that excuse. It takes guts and a large leap from ones' comfort zones, and pretty much every idiot is too lazy and decadent to do so. This combined with the idea that these disorders are 'ingrained' thus they can't be changed for the better, which is really quite false and just a manifestation of society's tendency to be lazy and cowardly with this matter.
Joined: 6/30/2008
Msg: 31
I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 12:36:33 AM
I guess we will have to put all the people will mental disorders in a box and hope they can find love with each other. Oh boy that leaves men who have 5 different kids by 5 different women , women who can't seem to shut their legs, people who would not know how to tell the truth if it jumped up and bit them on the a s s , and completely self absorbed individual to whom the world only exist for their personal pleasure. After all in our society this is all very normal.

Ain't being normal grand.
 Easy Read
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 32
I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 12:59:14 AM
OP, I am trying to find the point or intent behind your thread. Did some one ask you if you thought much of people who have mental disorders? Did you just feel the need to let POF community know that YOU dont like "mental cases"? I read your profile and thread. You are much like Tom Cruise and his self-aggrandized perceptions of something he understands nothing of. I am unsure you have an operational definition of Mental Illness (too late to look it up now). Do I need to point out the obvious? Headline News: "22 yr old Piano teacher with some college, and cant find a date b.c he finds them boring, has finally made sense of the stentorian complexities of mental illnesses." Lets here what he has to say, "It is quackery". Wow, on behalf of the POF community I want to thank you for that...

There is so much and so many things wrong with this thread that I feel overwhelmed. Im not saying that dating some one who is in the bowels of an active disease is appealing to me. BUT, Ill say that there are periods in lives where Mental Illness is more common than not. Mental Illness is on a continuum and the continuum is on continuums. Your thought processes on this are so uninformed and simplistic that it occurs to me that you either are deliberately antagonizing or you are so uneducated and Narcissistic that that denial and ignorance has blinded you.

Bottom line, I think, is this: I imagine it is possible that you had an idea for a thread expressing concerns about dating people who are so involved in their own chaos that they can not give in a relationship but your manner of expression and choice of words and sentence formation make you sound like a real prick. Maybe you are empathic, as you stated, but re-read your profile. All you do is push people away, judge and exclude them b.c YOU dont think much of them.
 Tammy the cat
Joined: 10/17/2008
Msg: 33
I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 2:31:27 AM
The people who have been exposed to living with partners with mental disorders,do an can have the knowledge to answer this.There are many forms of mental illness,all vary an everyone 'suffering from' has a different case senario.To tag everyone together an say they are all to hard is very unfair.Very generalised description.This is like saying a particular religious group is no good cause of a few hard liners or extremists/no reference made to any particular religion type either.Every person suffering from 'whatever ' is at a different stage an has unique circumstances that lead to the problem.In other words,how for instance 'I' am now,is totally different from how 'I' was 10 years ago,suffering from the same mental illness.Now i could be at a totally different stage/still suffering,on meds but a lot better/stabler etc...All depends on what it is,personality type-recognise an try help themselves ,individual circumstances.There are still a lot of people out there with undiagnosed mental disorders also.Understanding what the mental disorder is in the first place,symptoms ,treatments availble,specialist advice on how to manage it or things,love an caring attitude//in for the good times as well as hard times.Everyone has a choice an should still be respected for their choice.Not evryone wants to join the army,be prison officier,street cleaner,not evryone can handle living with these conditions.Takes a very strong person indeed.
Joined: 10/12/2008
Msg: 34
view profile
I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 2:48:30 AM
1) You call your friend with a big nose "Snotman", it's okay to call your friend with mental illness "Wacky".

2) "I don't judge" or "I'm not judgmental" or such expressions are almost always untrue. Everybody, all the time, is making and has to make judgments. And you better be making judgments. Should I get a subprime mortgage? It's scorning you don't do.

3) Mentally ill people are just weak - I wouldn't date one.
Mentally ill people just give up - I wouldn't date one.
Mental illness is scary - I wouldn't date one.
I dated a mentally ill person - I'll never date one again.
The mentally ill can't help it - I wouldn't date one.
The mentally ill are hard-working members of society - I wouldn't date one.
The mentally ill are indistinguishable from anyone else - I wouldn't date one.
The mentally ill are . . . . you get my drift.

4) Six weeks: "Man, dating you is like living on a roller coaster - excitement."
Six months: "Man, dating you is like living on a roller coaster - I can't take it anymore."

5) If anybody, anywhere would like more information about psychotropic medications and mental illness, I make this offer. I'll come over to your place. I'll start titrating off my medications which will take about six weeks as stopping all of them at once would cause psychic trauma and increased risk of heart attack, insomnia, blurred vision and other delights. Then you can observe my behavior at length. When you've finished your observations, I will re-start my medications. This should take about seven weeks. You will not be in any danger. I might. I won't have to exaggerate. You will believe.

6) There are many people who hesitant to be with me. No dog has ever has.
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 35
I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 3:55:16 AM
I am of the mindset that - if the person has a mental disorder - it would be 'okay' if

1) they acknowledge it and accept it AND
2) they TRY to do something about it (e.g. meds, therapy, etc..)

I firmly believe that if you do those things then you are better off than 99% of the people out there in the real world.

If you do neither of these two things - then you have what I call 'baggage'.

We all have 'issues'. It is the ones that go 'unchecked' that are the problems. Whether it is emotional or otherwise matters little.

The thing that I do not understand is - how old does someone have to get before they realize that by not acknowledging their issue or doing something about it - that they will forever continue the path that they have been on.

If someone refuses to do something about their 'issues' then what can they expect from someone else that they bring into the mix via a relationship???? Deal with the emotional (maybe physical) fallout???

If you refuse to deal with your issues - don't expect someone else to.
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 36
I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 4:18:08 AM
I would just like to open my mailbox and read a coherent message instead of that horrid IM speak.

We'll get to the mental illnesses later.
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 37
I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 4:35:40 AM
"I won't date people who have been diagnosed with mental disorders"
I mean honestly, I see if someone doesn't want emotional baggage, but that's a totally different thing. Mental disorders are just labels assigned by some wackjob pseudo-doctor based often based on cursory judgments

i'm curious; do you have a mental disorder but can't get no love? or is it that you personally have zero experience and knowledge related to what you're actually talking about? i think it must be the latter, otherwise you would never have committed such words to the plasma screen. because the reality surrounding your preposterous and aggravating generalizations is profoundly different than your assumptions which are very broad, but about as thin and useful as toilet paper. i won't even bother explaining. you're a genius; you figure it out.
Joined: 3/26/2006
Msg: 38
I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 4:47:24 AM
"I won't date people who have been diagnosed with mental disorders"

Gee they must stay home


Raise your hand if you are stressed?

Raise your hand if you suffer from PMS or menopause?
Raise your hand if you have kids age 11-19?
Raise your hand if you work for a boss that is a complete A**H***?
Raise your hand if you have more bills than money at the end of the week?
Raise your hand if you are the caregiver of an elderly parent?
Raise your hand if you can't perform sexually?

All forms of stress that can be managed either my diet , exercise or a little medication?

Don't you just love those who live perfect lives and sit in judgment of others?

Before I forget I saw a bumper sticker yesterday: "Hell was full so they sent me back here! "
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 39
view profile
I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 4:55:00 AM
Some profiles actually say that if you take medication, they will not date you.
According to this thinking, then everyone in the broken hearts forum should not date.

That is okay, because it just identifies those people as snobby a**wholes......which is someone I refuse to date. ya!
 Tammy the cat
Joined: 10/17/2008
Msg: 40
I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 5:07:22 AM
stevelfun//sorry but not everyone ,no matter the age,can actually recognise they actually have a problem in the first place.Some people are just out of it to the point that reality ceases to be real.They go through the motion of living life daily,but,their reality is make believe,a place to hide where they actually feel safe.The real reality of life,actually going on around them ,due to a set of unique circumstances is so horrendous,there is no way on this earth that they actually know how to deal with it in the first place.Only after one condition changes, do they see the light, they start to venture out to seek help in the first place.I know what i am talking about here,for this was me,at a certain point in my life.
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 41
view profile
I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 5:07:22 AM
By the way, one person on this thread who answered disaprovingly on dating people with mental disorders is separated, won't answer the smoking question, is a few pounds overweight and is looking for someone "with a multicultural palate."


So we have someone on a dating site who isn't even divorced yet, may turn to food and tobacco addictions to escape from life's disappointments, and may be a bit of a snob, passing judgement on people who may suffer from depression. NICE!

See how easy it is to place all people under this label?
 Ravishing Renee
Joined: 1/22/2007
Msg: 42
I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 5:17:14 AM
In the first place....your not going to know someone has been diagnosed with a mental disorder unless they tell you ( +1 to them for honesty) and to say you won't date some one who has been...... well all mental disorders are not that bad.......lets see OCD.... wanna clean my house..LOL come on over.......

and lots of people have mental disorders who have never seen a doc.... Narcissiam is the one that is never treated.. and you certainly can't live with someone who has that!!!!!!

yes it sucks to be in a relationship with someone who has baggage... but after living life.. having your heart broken .... watching people you love die..... you carry baggage.... lets face it we are not 16 anymore.. and have lived life.. and we carry some of the scars with us......

Some people consider your family baggage ( its all in the mind of the beholder)

I kind of like who I am.........

and I hope I can find someone else.... who can love me.... BAGGAGE AND ALL>
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 43
I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 5:21:25 AM

Do YOU have a mental disorder? I'm not asking to be rude, I'm asking because you're so defensive and I'm guessing someone shut you down because you gave them a peek inside your life...and they told you that very thing.

And honestly, after looking at your need to climb down off that big ole horse you're on. There are a few "flags" in your profile, that if I were the type to "look for something", I'd say you had some issues you needed work on...but that's just me. (the mental disorders and wackjob quote is a perfect example of that...but that's just me).
 Chevy Girl 78
Joined: 7/14/2008
Msg: 44
I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 6:01:13 AM
Irespire, you are only 22. Please learn to become educated on a subject before you post a thread about it. Mental Illness/Disorders are a very complex subject. Doctors in the last few years have finally been able to truly understand why they happen etc and how to treat them properly. How can you state what is or isn't a mental illness. Also there as of yet there is no "cure" for any mental illness. Even people who are "cured" from clinical depression, they are still very susceptible to relapsing and becoming sick again. Therefore never being completely cured.

I can understand people who have had a bad experience with someone with a mental disorder not wanting to become involved with someone new with one. It can be a very hard thing for someone to go through. People who are not being treated or are going through a relapse are very unstable and hard to deal with. I also hope though that people don't immediately judge and push someone away because they have one. There are the ones who follow treatment and do things with their lives to minimize the effects of a mental illness and then there are those who are too sick to seek treatment or even recognize they have an illness.

It is sad that there is such a large and horrible stigma attached to mental illness, there was a study done by the Canadian government in the last few years. They did a poll and 7 out of 10 people wouldn't admit it if one of their immediate family members had a mental illness. How sad!
Joined: 3/25/2008
Msg: 45
I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 6:14:42 AM
I won't date people I don't find attractive - at least not after the first time. That could be for all sorts of reasons. What I don't do, and what I find mildly ridiculous, is to exclude swathes of possible candidates for some specific and pretty much arbitrary reason. OK, I admit I exclude men because, well, they are men, and children... and dogs and other animals purely because they are not of my species. Other than that I'm open to suggestions... which probably translates to "I'm desperate". "Preferences" are just that: preferences; and are not written in stone for me. I may prefer a red-head, but that doesn't mean I never look at a blonde, not that they are likely to look at me.

So much for my view on the generics, i.e. that preferences should be flexible and used as guidelines only. What about the specifics of the original post? Well, I strongly suspect that there are at least as many, if not many more, people out there without a diagnosis of some mental disorder who would qualify for one than has actually been diagnosed. Here in the UK apparently its fairly common for NPD and BPD, to name just two, not to be diagnosed at all, when they might well be in the US. Why? Well, there's little or nothing in the way of effective treatment, and merely giving people a label, which is what a diagnosis would mean, is pretty pointless at best and is generally counter-productive. Bear in mind that our health services are for the most part publicly funded: there is little profit in such diagnoses. Most "sufferers" of such disorders stay firmly in the community and go about their lives undiagnosed - my ex-wife possibly being one such person, but I will never know for sure. So, such a diagnosis is not very helpful as a screening tool for would-be dates as it misses most of those who "should" be screened.

Then there are very common disorders, such as depression which few of us are likely not to suffer from at some point in our lives. Its generally treatable and temporary, or at least episodic. To exclude all those diagnosed with depression would shrink the "datable" pool to almost a damp patch in a sea of mud.

Everyone has "baggage" of some sort. Some people are more difficult to live with than others. I don't judge based on a diagnosis. I decide based on the person, and their circumstances.... which is probably why I don't meet many, if any people.
Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 46
view profile
I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 6:30:51 AM
i hear so much about bi polar and its all bad..when it all it really means is that both sides of the brain work at the same time and often a person gets confused with too much information going thru their head at once...i know this becaue i have it..its a chemical imbalance in the brain and it can lead to mood swings, insomnia, and rapid cycling...but it can be controlled and if one is bipolar then one must never ever use street drugs or alcohol!

its that simple!

i see a private psych dr. every couple of months and i take no meds and he tells me that he wishes all his patients were as well adjusted as i am to which i laughingly reply that he would be one broke physchiatrist!

but i make the choice to handle my mental health daily and i utilize the tools i have learned for relaxtion and positive thinking when i need them.

i am not a helpless victim to this disorder nor do i live like one.

if someone doesnt want to date me because of this then that is their choice and it is much the same as them not wanting to date me because of my age or being in a wheelchair....i simply say "next" and go on with my life.
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 47
I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 6:31:05 AM

Please learn to become educated on a subject before you post a thread about it.

Also there as of yet there is no "cure" for any mental illness.

amazing how both of your personalities can type at the same time...
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 48
I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 7:20:24 AM
What type of disorder are you talking about? I see a man who has OCD, but the limit of his strangeness is that he MUST put exactly 12 blueberries in his pancake batter, not 11 and not 13.

I grew up with a consistently depressed, bi-polar mother. I lived for several years with a man who is often depressed and is bi-polar. As a result of those experiences, I probably would not date a man who suffers from clinical depression or is bi-polar. I know it isn't something that a person chooses to "be," but the consistent day-to-day dealing with those problems is draining and sometimes, frightening.

But a lot of people have quirks that out of the ordinary: I like creative craziness.
 Chevy Girl 78
Joined: 7/14/2008
Msg: 49
I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 10:31:24 AM

amazing how both of your personalities can type at the same time...

forallintents, what are you talking about? What does being educated about a subject have to do with wether there is a cure for an illness or not? Just because an illness has no cure does not mean you cannot be educated about what knowledge is out there.
Joined: 12/15/2005
Msg: 50
I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 10:43:29 AM

I'd argue that the 'blues' is considered a mental disorder due to the extreme overdiagnosis of depression...and pretty much everything.

You can get over clinical depression, it just takes really long time.

You could also cure yourself and learn how to sing the story so others don't get the disease. I am a PhD of the Blues, are you talking to me? Are YOU.......talking to ME!
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