Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > "men outnumber women on dating sites" Fact? or Myth?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 52
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?Page 3 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
I always have faith on one thing.

Never underestimate the stupidity of most men.

So 100 guys contact a woman.

33 will say, "hey baby, check my profile, I am cool, stable, I will make you laugh, I have money, I have a boat, I have a huge banana."

33 will say, "Hey you are so beautiful I just wet my pants looking at your photos and even though I am drooling myself silly I want you to see my profile so maybe I will be worthy of your shoe dirt."

33 will say' "Hi, I am so shy my balls just crawled into my throat, so don't check me because I am scared."

1 will say "Was that photo taken on Lake Como? What took you there? Did you enjoyed your trip?


Guess which one is she going to answer?

(actually you are all wrong, she answered the guy with the most money and the big banana.)
 Handsomelaughs
Joined: 2/9/2010
Msg: 53
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 2/24/2010 7:20:04 AM
Here's something. Match.com told ABC news that their ratio is 59% men to 41% women. I'm sure it's pretty close to that across the board on all sites.
 NASH58
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 54
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:32:27 AM
Let me tell you about Nashville Tn there are a lot more men than women . now 5 of us men have been divorced over 10 years and have not got close to meeting any one that we wouild go out with over 2 times . All the women over 50 that we are looking for don't want older men LOL . they are looking for yonng studs LOL and ask if you have Health Insurance ; i know both me and my friend xwifes got there self boys 20 years younger than them LOL . my x is 56 her live in 35 my friends x has one 18 years younger . now i don't want anyone younger than 50 my self 55 up is best so where are all these women and yes i don't want Fat bbw not my thing but we are all older had do not have a great bod LOL so there is not much chance that we will ever have some one LOL so live alone Tom
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 55
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 2/26/2010 2:11:29 AM
Markus has stated on more than one occasion that it's between 1.5 to 2 men to 1 woman. Varies a bit by area. The 5:1 and 20:1 come from, as nearly as I can tell, men who constantly target five up from where they are, have no success, and being unwilling to retarget in a realistic range of themselves, want to blame some extrinsic factor.

I can only say I met more guys on PoF in the 10 months I was still looking than in the previous fifteen years.

 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 56
view profile
History
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 2/26/2010 3:36:28 AM
I live in quite a small community for year-rounders....
out of curiousity just did a pof search with no specifics other than distance...
the results - within 10 miles -264 men, 235 women
within 15 miles - 433 men, 388 women
wow - so not so big a discrepancy in my area...
but now I know, until I hid my profile, why occasionally a total stranger
from here would publicly recognize me...(off topic, but sortof scary).
 Mben1986
Joined: 10/13/2009
Msg: 57
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 2/26/2010 7:21:59 AM

i don't know where i could rely on these facts. i don't know what the ratio for toronto men and women but i think ive read somewhere there seemed to be more women than men. mississauga area is just for quiet, surburban family life.


I have the same problem out here in Cambridge...an absence of people in their early to mid 20s. But I always find there's lots of girls to choose from in Guelph and Hamilton (university towns with good ratios). Minako, if you're looking for a big pool of single guys to hang out with, expand your search radius to include Waterloo. There's a ton of single men out there with an appreciation of Asian culture...just so long as you don't mind hanging out with guys younger than you, haha.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 58
view profile
History
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 2/26/2010 8:40:52 AM
Interestingly, living in a major metro area can be as big of a POF problem as living in a small town (as you can see in my profile, I was born and raised in a ridiculously small town [population 200], so I've definitely had both experiences, just not the latter on POF, but I can imagine).

I did this little POF experiment (DO NOT FORGET TO LOG OUT BEFORE YOU DO IT -- being logged in will cause POF to take the mail settings of those you search for into consideration and you will receive highly inaccurate results). I have dated women here that lived an hour away on several occasions, so I used 50 miles as the radius. To be honest, I sort of gave up trying to get an exact count due to any range besides a single year resulting in 600+ users, so I took a random sample of individual ages between 21 and 60 (before 21 and after 60 are low enough to calculate exactly).

Grand total for the Tampa Bay area that have logged in during the first 12 hours of just TODAY:

13,000 Men
8000 Women

Ratio = 1.6 Men to Every Woman

I believe this is about what Markus and some other dating sites claim, 60% men, 40% women and not that far from what most of the other large market POF'ers came up with. (Coincidentally, recent thread poster virgilskid and I live in the same general area; in fact, the last woman I dated lived in Palm Harbor. He came up with an even number, but stuck with a smaller demographic. I didn't notice any significant difference in ratios from age to age except for 60+, which had far more men than women, but so few are in that group overall that it probably didn't skew the result by more than a % or 2.)

So anyway, those odds aren't good but they aren't 20:1 terrible either.

The problem is, it's nearly impossible to pare that list down. I mean, we're talking over 15,000 women a day in this area logging onto POF and likely some tens of thousands per week. Of course, I'm probably not going to try to date any 60-year-old women, and some women have mail settings precluding dating a man of my age. I also don't go out of my way to date women with children, and although I don't mind dating taller women, that's usually a waste of time to bother with them because most women won't date shorter men. So being more realistic, 1100 women 18-40 under 5'6 with no children whom haven't eliminated me in their mailing list options have logged in through just the first 12 hours of today. 1100.

It's difficult to know where to even begin with a list like that. Interestingly, even though there are 50% more men than women, I'm sure a similar woman's list is much smaller, because they're a lot pickier about things like age, ethnicity and height when they do searches. The only thing that's close to a deal-breaker I have is children. I'm not too picky about anything else, so I'm stuck with a list of 1100 women to deal with. So far today. Just looking at all those profiles will take many hours, much less sending each one of them an email. (Of course, a handful of them will say something in their profiles that disqualifies me, so I wouldn't send them emails -- but it will be just a handful! Once I did a little study of my own and it really was about 1 in 20 profiles among those in my searches that wrote disqualifying language in their profiles. Yet I'm quite sure most women are more selective than that...)

I'm just saying, more mailing options or "filters" or better searches or "winks" or some kind of double blind match system would really help pare down this ridiculous list of 1000+ women I have to deal with. Maybe I'm the only person in a major metro with this "problem," but I tend to doubt that. Sometimes there is a such thing as too much of a good thing, especially when it REALLY isn't that good but it only seems that way on the surface due to the idiosynchrocies of the site.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 59
view profile
History
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 2/26/2010 12:37:05 PM
HFB: Note the last word of this sentence:

"Grand total for the Tampa Bay area that have logged in during the first 12 hours of just TODAY:"

All of my searches were only for profiles of people that had logged on by that point TODAY. None of the male or female profiles were dead. Had I used the 30 days limit instead of the "online today" limit, I probably would have ended up with 5000+ rather than 1100 for my own personal search, and over 20,000 for the all-encompassing search. I don't even have time to do a search that includes "past month" people -- I would have to search one single age at a time, combined with a certain height or ethnicity range just to keep it under the 600 limit.

I'm not suggesting it's a myth that there are very few active women on the site. It entirely depends on where you're located and how far you are willing to travel for a date. If I still lived in the middle of rural Alabama like I did growing up, I wouldn't be one bit surprised to find only a couple dozen profiles in my immediate area, most of which would probably be dead. But within 50 miles of my current city of Tampa, there are definitely thousands of active women on the site. And I can't even begin to fathom what people who live in actual DENSELY populated metros have to deal with: within 50 miles of NYC I'd probably have over 10,000 desirable, active profiles in my searches.

On the other hand, I can do the same Tampa search in Match and come up with only a dozen women with active profiles to contact, as opposed to 1000+ with POF. The difference isn't so much paid vs. non-paid, although that's obviously a factor. The main difference is FORCED PREFERENCES on Match. You have to fill out a form telling people what age, ethnicity, religion, height, body type, etc. you would PREFER to date. Theoretically, if I did the EXACT same search on Match or Yahoo (that is, childless W18-40 who are under 5'6"), I'd probably still come up with 100+ women active (though not necessarily with paid memberships). But as soon as you click on their profiles, you can see "Oh, she wants a different ethnicity... and this one wants a taller guy... and that one wants a Jew..." So that 100 is quickly pared down to about a dozen that you have any business bothering to email. With POF, there aren't any forced preferences, just a couple of mail settings, so your 1000+ person list stays at 1000+. If you have some preferences, you have to list them in the description area, and very few people do that in this politically-correct day and age. It's just not very kosher. But if it's a Match/Yahoo situation where they FORCE you to do so, people will fill it out. I could still email a woman looking for Jewish guys if I really wanted to at Match, but I probably wouldn't. With POF, there's a 90% chance I'd have no idea if a woman was only looking for Jewish guys -- you can't assume because the woman is Jewish she will only date Jewish, and most people aren't going to put that in their description area. That's what makes POF so problematic, despite the fact that theoretically, you've got plenty of "fish" you can fry on here. I have a much higher rate of response on Match and Yahoo than on POF, despite the fact that so many women on those services don't have paid accounts and can't email me back! But if I email a woman on one of those services, it's because I know she hasn't automatically disqualified me, and you have no idea what's going on with most POF profiles. It's just a 1000 number roulette wheel.
 wooliepack
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 60
view profile
History
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 3/3/2010 9:34:33 PM
I'm also on a dating site for horsie-singles, which should be mostly women. One of the ladies I met here was on there, too, but she gave up-- TOO many women, she said. I can't say I've gotten any great deal of attention as a result.

While I was composing my page there, I thought to look at the men's profiles, to see who I'm playing with. No shortage of men seeking women. So I looked up "Men seeking men"-- nada. Then I looked for "Women seeking women"... Surprise! THAT answered my question as to why they're not contacting me.
 njbris
Joined: 10/17/2009
Msg: 61
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 3/22/2010 1:12:45 AM
Yep, women have it all, no doubt about that.

It seems that many or most women here "hold out" as they believe their prince charming riding a white horse will arrive any day and sweep them away.

The real people around them (the men on this site) are not good enough. They are in love with a fantasy, a romance novel.

They need to start looking in the mirror and see the true reflection, which is that they are just ordinary everyday looking women. Many are middle aged, overweight, average, nothing special, just women.

That's fine, but that doesn't mean that they should sit here day in and day out thinking that most or all men on this site are not good enough for them

Time for a reality check
 Mben1986
Joined: 10/13/2009
Msg: 62
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 3/22/2010 12:13:43 PM

Why would a man in his 40's settle for us when he can have a hot 22 yr old?


Who says 22yr old girls are responding to men in their 40s? I'm a 23 yr old male and I'm not getting many responses, so I doubt the old, fat, and balding equivalent of myself is doing much better.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 63
view profile
History
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 3/22/2010 1:47:10 PM
G2: Interestingly, in the US, by age 44, 22% of males are childless, but only 15% of females. Question is, does this suggest more men just naturally go out of their way to avoid becoming fathers than women do becoming mothers, or does this suggest the more desirable men are able to impregnate a larger number of women each while the least desirable men are given less opportunities to become fathers?

I had this female friend who was completely and totally obsessed with a married man. She was attractive and had plenty of guys interested in her, but it was her goal in life to be with that one man, so she rejected all those suitors to concentrate on her affair with him. Later on she discovered he was also carrying on an affair with another woman, who he got pregnant. So this ONE guy had THREE women (at least) who were in otherwise "monogamous" relationships with him, two of which he fathered children with during this single period of time. The two affairs knew he was married, but, they didn't care, because that was the one guy they both wanted for whatever reasons (he was sorta rich and handsome and suave). So those were two women "off the market" that could have been dating other men.

This isn't even remotely uncommon, of course: Wilt, Tiger, etc. But no doubt this concept translates into POF as well. Men already outnumber women 2:1 on the site, then there's that top 1% guy who is receiving interest (maybe obsessive interest) from some significant portion of women on here and probably stringing a bunch of them along, pretty much taking them out of the dating pool. So it's not just a matter of the ratio being 2:1 on the site or 120 to 100 in the general population at a certain younger age or whatever -- the top 1% also takes a significant and disproportionate number of the women off the market, making the discrepancy even worse than it naturally is.

Generally speaking that doesn't really work the other way around. Yes, the 22-year-old supermodelesque woman is probably the most popular person on the site and she might be dating around a little, but eventually she's going to settle on one guy and try to make it work for the rest of her life, so all the other men go back into the pool. Not nearly as likely with the most popular guys, and, hell it only takes a few of them to seriously screw up the ratios. So I would suggest there are a lot more than 1/7 men left over.
 Mben1986
Joined: 10/13/2009
Msg: 64
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 3/22/2010 9:09:16 PM

I had this female friend who was completely and totally obsessed with a married man. She was attractive and had plenty of guys interested in her, but it was her goal in life to be with that one man, so she rejected all those suitors to concentrate on her affair with him. Later on she discovered he was also carrying on an affair with another woman, who he got pregnant. So this ONE guy had THREE women (at least) who were in otherwise "monogamous" relationships with him, two of which he fathered children with during this single period of time. The two affairs knew he was married, but, they didn't care, because that was the one guy they both wanted for whatever reasons (he was sorta rich and handsome and suave). So those were two women "off the market" that could have been dating other men.


And this is exactly the problem. Women are much pickier than men and their expectations are a lot less realistic.

Whereas with women hunting men, there have to be some obvious issues going on if the guy is to ignore or reject her. She must be:

A) Overweight or ugly (the former can be fixed, so don't whine).
B) Having a profile with some very incriminating stuff that reflects badly on her.
C) Very different in age. But generally, older women don't message younger men anyways. Men, even in their 40s, are happy to get with a woman in their 20s.

Besides A and B (C doesn't really happen, so scratch that), what reason do you have to turn a woman down? Even when you remove women with problems A and B, you are still left with a huge pool of potential suitors to select from. This doesn't mean you'll go far with them, but at least be willing to accept a date. Whereas, with women, they have to be swept off their feet by a man of mystery with a 6 figure income before they even respond.
 njbris
Joined: 10/17/2009
Msg: 65
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 3/22/2010 11:49:27 PM
TuffLuv1984

Did I say anything about sex or marriage? Nope, I didn't think so.

They are holding out as for not giving men on this site the time of day.
 njbris
Joined: 10/17/2009
Msg: 66
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 3/23/2010 2:08:08 AM
ALL guys?

The majority of men on here are looking for more than just sex. Yep, the same men who you ignore. Either for it to be trust issues or they are not good enough.

You are the problem
 Mben1986
Joined: 10/13/2009
Msg: 67
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 3/23/2010 6:37:29 AM
Njbris, I just read your profile. Hilarious!! I couldn't agree more.

The problem is we have 3s (women) gunning for 10s (men) and not considering anything below that. If a woman is not getting messages from 10s (since she doesn't do any messaging herself), she'll hold out until a 10 comes along to sweep her off her feet.

TuffLuv1984, maybe it's true that many of the men on here are just looking for sex. Some are, and it's obvious. Others are, but they put up a slick veneer that makes you think otherwise. Some are genuinely looking for something deeper. Problem is, how can you tell?
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 68
view profile
History
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 3/23/2010 7:07:39 AM
You know, from an entirely scientific point-of-view, women deserve to pickier -- after all, if they become pregnant by an insufficient father, then they are almost always stuck with child-rearing duties (or the emotional trauma that results from eliminating those child-rearing duties in some way). One of my female friends a very long time ago said something to me at the time that I didn't really understand but now I do (though I still think it's an extreme position). She said she would not date ANY guy that she knew there was no chance she would marry. And she was pretty young when she said that, maybe 20, so she had plenty of time left on her biological clock to "experiment." As I've been an "experiment" for nearly all of my dates (except for my last girlfriend, I can't imagine any of them would ever have given serious thought to marrying me), I was annoyed with that attitude. I, and many other people I know (especially younger ones) date more for the fun of dating, and if it develops into something serious, so be it. Seems like you can find a real gem you never expected that way, vs. having this big list of parameters every person you date must meet beforehand.

She was actually a VERY sympathetic human being and said she understood that, but she pointed out that if you date somebody who you know would make a terrible spouse, you might fall in love with them anyway, and then you'd probably be stuck with a terrible spouse for the rest of your life. I just sort of shrugged at that, but now most of my female friends from that era have married, and quite a few of them got tangled up with terrible spouses and are in miserable marriages or divorced or heading toward divorced... and now I'm looking at my younger female friends stuck in the exact same pattern: they and everyone else have known from the beginning these are rotten guys, but they're engaged and making marriage plans and nobody can stop them because it's like these women are ADDICTED to those crappy guys. Not crappy guys in general, but that ONE crappy guy. Admittedly, these are pretty much all cases of women dating hot, jerk-type guys, but you can just as easily get addicted into a terrible relationship with a nice, average-guy who you never really loved, I suppose. I still wouldn't advocate the "only date guys you would be willing to marry" philosophy, but some level of pickiness is necessary to avoid a miserable life.

G2 (from the other thread): You have a point in that often the women being taken out of the pool by the top 1%-ers aren't really women that most guys would want to get seriously involved with. But does that really matter? Point is, there are still way more men than there are women and a ton of men are going to be left out of the dating (or more like mating) game. Of course, every day I log onto this site, there are about 10,000 women in my area that are active. Some of them have been regularly active on the site since I started 3 years ago. They're obviously not "pairing up" and creating a situation in which there aren't any women left to go after. So to some extent, this is all just theoretical or hypothetical. It's difficult to say what's the practical effect of there being more single men than single women when there are still so many single women. If POF was a dance or one of those home ec classes where couples pair up and take care of a doll and there were more men than women, then some guys would be screwed. But POF (and generally real life) doesn't exactly work out that way. The bottom 1% of men will probably go years without dates but there will always be a significant amount of single women to ask out at any given time.

Which, to some extent, makes this entire thread moot.
 EGJV
Joined: 9/13/2008
Msg: 69
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 3/23/2010 7:51:46 AM
but some level of pickiness is necessary to avoid a miserable life.
"

Pickiness won't help unless you have the corresponding correct CRITERIA, which is severely lacking, I find. Women never ask for a "trustworthy" guy, but ALWAYS want someone who loves animals. You tell me how liking Fido correlates with relationship stability, reliability, etc etc...
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 70
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 3/23/2010 7:57:46 AM
I'm not sure why the answer to this question means anything. The op gives wildly varying ratios (indicating that it's hard to get accurate numbers from anyone who really knows) and our opinion of what the ratios are is not going to make it so. The ratios are what they are. Develop a strategy that works for you and you'll have a strategy that, for dating purposes, has the answer built in.
 Backlolz
Joined: 11/11/2009
Msg: 71
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 3/23/2010 8:29:43 AM
unpredictable

oh i can assure you that 90% of men are very routine and predictable. it's just that women expect us to do the most craziest of things..... like getting up and change the channel instead of fighting about who lost the remote...
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 72
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 3/23/2010 8:36:21 AM

I think your question begs another . . . If you are correct and men outnumber women by 10/1 or 20/1, and the web site indicates you have a 99% match with someone you're very attracted to . . .then why isn't the guy "all over it" when a pretty, fun, fit, financially healthy woman basically "throws" herself at him.

Before I met the person I'm dating, I used to look at the page which had percentage points for matches. I never did figure out what it was that supposedly made us a match and of all of the women I met while I was looking, not one of them ever appeared as a match (or on any other page which supposedly listed women with whom I would find something in common.) The matching and all of the other fluff is just marketing. This is not to say that Markus doesn't make some attempt to devise a useful algorithm, however, since he won't say anything with regard to how his alogrithms supposedly work, nor provide the raw data and information necessary to determine if the algorithms work, all you can say is that whatever the algorithms are, they show exactly what the algorithms do calculate. That may be quite different from what the algorithms are purpoted to calculate.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 73
view profile
History
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 3/23/2010 10:35:06 AM
"Interesting, yet you continue writing books about it in this thread. "

Well, for years all the statistics have been pointing toward my life being pretty moot, yet for some reason I keep living.

Surely you've noticed by now that I'm one of the world's premiere devil's advocates. I frequently argue against my own position in the very next sentence after I've stated it. I think it's pretty important to acknowledge that every position in an argument has merit, unless there's no credible research backing up a position. Otherwise, you just end up looking ignorant.

I should also point out, although my POF area has 10,000+ single women (and many more men), there are plenty of POFers that don't live in major metros. The issue may not be as moot to someone with a couple hundred single people within reasonable driving distance. (There I go again, arguing against my own position.)
 standoutboy
Joined: 12/7/2009
Msg: 74
view profile
History
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 3/23/2010 12:31:19 PM
hawkingjr,
I ve been reading your posts for a while now, and I must say, you always hit the nail on head.
Why you are still single, for me, should be one of the wonders of the mordern world? Women don't tend to go for rational, decent and caring men for superficial reasons, covered up with petty excuses. If they did, the world, would be a much better place as those who are not would phased out, because having positive characteristics would be an incentive for bagging a partner. Sadly, its not and thats harsh reality of life, a lot of guys have to face.
The dating/mating scene after reading your well detailed analysis, fills me with a sense of hopelessness and despair.
 Sayers987
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 75
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 3/23/2010 8:25:44 PM
I have wondered about the apparent discrepancy between numbers of men and women on dating sites.

A woman friend told me that on roughly 90 per cent of her dates, men pressure her for sex by the second date. Another thread on pof talked about men sending unsolicited pictures of their privates to women. I understand that a lot of men send sexually aggressive emails to women they don't know. A second woman told me that she and her friends couldn't take the harassment and quit the dating site. The total picture suggests that a large number of women won't put up with this behavior. Hence, there may be fewer women on dating sites than there otherwise might be under different circumstances.

Of course, this is discouraging to those of us seeking actual relationships because we may be perceived with distrust. Guilty until proven innocent.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 76
view profile
History
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 3/24/2010 1:03:19 PM
Remember, I never said ratios were important as far as getting a date ON THIS SITE. Someone asked the asked the question, I’m a professional stats guy and am fascinated by such things, so I came up with some answers.

I do think it's pretty easy for a guy's email to get lost in the noise around here. What woman with 50+ emails a day has time to seriously consider them all? I don't normally get quite that many at my jobs and I still forget I opened a number of them. But in POF's case, is that really a ratios issue? That's more of a mass numbers issue.

Let's say you have a town with 25 men and 5 women. That's a 5:1 ratio. The most first contact emails any woman is going to get in her entire tenure on the site (until a new guy moves in) is 25. I think she can deal with that. But let's say you have a city with 20,000 women and 10,000 men, so women outnumber men 2:1. Yet, thanks to modern socialization, all the current rules will still apply: men will still be the ones making the vast majority of the first moves ESPECIALLY since women don't even know they outnumber men 2:1 (well, unless they are in a thread like this where someone like me posts fairly accurate research on the matter). So the maximum number of emails any woman might receive is now 10,000, even though women vastly outnumber men.

So in any major metro like the one I live in, the ratios can't possibly mean much. Women are just going to get a massive number of emails by virtue of them being women and living in an area with a massive number of men. If there are 10,000 men, it’s not really going to matter that much if there are 20,000 women or 5,000 women, they are probably going to get about the same amount of first contact emails. 100:1 ratio (as in 10,000 men, 100 women) might matter just because men would run out of women to search and start contacting women they wouldn’t have contacted before, but so long as there are 1000s of women, no man will ever run out of women to search and would therefore on average send out about the same amount of first contact emails every day. Every day I come across dozens of women’s profiles I haven’t seen before... which is part of the problem with this site, believe it or not. Too many women, not enough of them describing who they won’t date.

Understand, I don't blame the system for my shortcomings. I blame the system for wasting an unnecessarily large amount of my time. It's like I said in that recent Match thread that was peculiarly deleted: I've been on Hot Or Not for 8 years and met probably a couple dozen women through it, despite only spending probably an average of a couple minutes each day on it (when I don’t have anyone to email). Most days when I get serious about Plenty of Fish, I have to spend HOURS on it (not counting the forums) to accomplish anything messaging-wise, and after 3 years, I have nothing to show for it. If my futility on POF is all about my shortcomings, why have I met dozens of women from other sites and zero on this site? And no doubt, those other sites have 1.6 to 1 or likely much higher male to female ratios, too. But regardless, it doesn’t really bother me so much that my POF experience is a failure. It bothers me how much effort I have to put into POF to end up with a failing status. And that’s a combination of the system and the massive numbers (more the former). But it probably doesn’t have anything to do with ratios.

If POF had preferences or all the mail settings people request or a “meet me” function like HON, my experience would be much, much different, because I would only be sending messages to women that haven’t ruled out dating me, and be getting much higher response rates, like I have on other dating sites with those functions. I spend the vast majority of my time on this site sending emails to the 95.4% who will never respond but there’s no way I could know this since they look pretty much like a lot of the women I’ve gone out with in my life, while on other sites I spend the vast majority of my time cultivating communication with women who I know are interested in me. If you’re somebody like Chasing Cars or Cynthia or Mr. Evil who is obviously in the top 50% in physical desirability in their age brackets (CC is probably in the top 10%), then, sure, you can blame yourselves for your earlier failures and probably should if your characteristics put you in the top 10% of searches and still can’t get anything going here, but for that bottom 35% Evil mentioned (much less the bottom 1% that I’m in), this system is overwhelmingly broken for and it hardly matters what you do here: you’re going to waste a TON of time contacting people that have no interest in you. Sure, maybe the ultimate goal is Ms. Right, but 3 years of active membership and no meetings at all are pretty bad for your psychological health and I'm pretty sure that hasn't happened to very many people in this thread -- meeting a bunch of the wrong people at least suggests you're worth meeting.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > "men outnumber women on dating sites" Fact? or Myth?