Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > "men outnumber women on dating sites" Fact? or Myth?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Laha Math
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 102
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?Page 5 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
Don't know if men outnumber women on this site but all of the people on my "viewed me" list and all of the people who ever bookmarked my profile " favourite" are women. That's the only counts that matter, no?
 Captain_Random
Joined: 8/19/2010
Msg: 103
view profile
History
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 3/4/2011 2:01:05 AM
Men do outnumber women, but that's not the problem.

Here's the deal. Not to sound all "high and mighty," but people need to be realistic about their value in the dating market. Everybody has a value. If you're a 5, don't message 8's and 9's. Be realistic. Actually, sending out messages to people with the same body type as you will go a long way towards being successful on here.

And don't give me this crap "I DO send messages to women who are in my league." No, you don't. Two-thirds of messages go to the most attractive one-third of women. I would guess the remaining one-third are messages from ugly dudes sent to average women. So that means at least two-thirds of the messages are from dudes who are clueless.

With the vast selection on here, I know it's tempting to try to "date up." But the fact is, dating is a market just like any other. And markets are efficient. Just because you're selling, doesn't mean someone's buying. If the market says a house is worth 300k, you wouldn't expect a buyer to offer 400k, would you?
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 104
view profile
History
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 3/4/2011 11:20:44 AM
"Actually, sending out messages to people with the same body type as you will go a long way towards being successful on here."

This is most definitely a fallacy, because certain body types are more valued by women (regardless of their own body type) than by men, and vice versa. Truly thin women are greatly prized by many (for reasons I don't understand), but truly thin men aren't anywhere near as sought after. Heavily muscular men are usually in the upper echelon of men, but heavily muscular women gross out most people of either gender. Heck, one of the most valued and common body types that women have (voluptuous) doesn't even have a male equivalent. A "voluptuous" man is actually a pretty disgusting thought.

I am living proof that there are significant problems with this hypothesis. I am a former competitive powerlifter and have been ripped with muscles most of my teen and adult life. Yet I have never been able to get my equivalent, an athletic woman, to date me -- they haven't been even remotely interested (and as a former coach [including of women's softball teams] and sports official, I've been around tons of them). Athletic women may very well have a preference for athletic men, but their perception of athletic men is that they are "big," so even though I'm obviously about as athletic as they get (and stronger than a lot of bigger men), I don't qualify. Indeed, I've seen many athletic (and plain thin) women with large, overweight SOs, including my best friend, a petite former high school cheerleader who weighs less than 120 lbs but whose husband is 6 foot+, 350 lbs+.

Also, you'd think "short" would be the best sub-body-type for me, but almost none of the women I've dated were shorter than me, because short women have an even stronger preference for tall men than average-heighted women do. Most of my dates have been 1-3 inches taller (with some a lot taller) and if not overweight, almost certainly not fit. I can't get a shorter woman with an athletic/thin body type to write me back on POF to save my life. Even though they are my equivalent, they are the most prized women on the site, yet I am among the least desired men on the site, despite the fact that I am exactly the same body type as these women! A much taller but overweight, out-of-shape guy that is obviously not the same body type has a much better shot with women of my same body type.

It's also a very tricky thing to assign "numbers" to people. I am an extremely athletic, magna cum laude college graduate with a full head of hair and a good paying stable career. That all adds up to a 9 or 10, right? But I am in the shortest 99% of men and the least desirable ethnic background, which automatically equals a 1. Theoretically that "averages" out to a 5, but I've dated some very attractive women who thought the things I mostly had control over were much more important than the things I didn't have control over (and more importantly, my face was cute to them), so to them I guess I was a 9 or 10, and I've been soundly rejected by women who thought things I did not have control over were more important than things I had control over, so to them I must have been a 1 or even a zero -- and both groups included women I'd consider to be 1s and 10s. I think with MOST guys, it probably is easier to be honest with themselves about what "number" they actually are, but I'm pretty much a numeric enigma, and you'd have great difficulty proving otherwise.

As a result, POF has been an extremely frustrating experience for me. I have a very wide level of attraction and see dozens of new profiles every day of women I am definitely attracted to, but I don't have hundreds of minutes every day to write all of them, and even if I did, I certainly realize that the vast majority of them are not going to consider me attractive enough to respond to (especially with so many other options). I could email a bunch of women that most guys would consider 1's that I'm definitely not attracted to and probably get decent response rates, but what good does that do anyone? People who aren't attracted to each other probably shouldn't be dating each other. Trust me -- I know this from experience. Figuring out who would find you attractive when you're someone like me and there are thousands of possibilities on a site like this is pure and simply maddening.
 Captain_Random
Joined: 8/19/2010
Msg: 105
view profile
History
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 3/4/2011 5:13:54 PM

Where did that statistical factoid come from? I keep reading assertions to that effect in these fora, but who ran the figures? Did they originate with the POF management? Can POF even collect such data?


Another dating site did a test where people's attractiveness were rated and then they looked at the number of emails they got. They concluded that two-thirds of emails go to the most attractive one-third of women. So, clearly, some men are trying to date out of their league and, as expected, are failing miserably at it.


Truly thin men aren't anywhere near as sought after.


Are you sure about that? A friend of mine is a very skinny guy, borderline underweight, and women throw themselves at him. Although, his height may have something to do with that.


Heavily muscular women gross out most people of either gender.


Sounds like my ex-gf. Despite not lifting weights, she had a very muscular, bulky frame. Very unusual.


Short women have an even stronger preference for tall men than average-heighted women do.


Interesting theory. Shorter women are probably valued as much as taller men are. So that would mean tall women and short men would be undervalued. I know I've had more dating success with taller women (5'10" and up). I even dated a woman who was 6'2". I remember her saying that her preference would be to date a man taller than her (I'm 5'10"), but if she made that a requirement, that she'd be single forever.


POF has been an extremely frustrating experience for me.


Join the club, lol. I'm starting to think that a lot of women on here are just not serious. I see so many profiles that say "just looking." Like they're browsing linens at Macy's or something. It's like being a car salesman and you're trying hard to sell your customers a car, but they're just there for the free entertainment.

I just get the vibe that they think most men on here are trash, but they might as well keep their profile up in the unlikely case that Mr. Perfect comes a calling. I'm sure I'll get ripped a new one for saying that, but that's what it seems like.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 106
view profile
History
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 3/5/2011 8:02:57 AM
DTFAN88: I would like to tell you those women just eventually lost interest like the handful of non-mothers did after a few emails, but interesting thing about these mothers: they were DAMN QUICK to want to set up meetings. I've actually never had a childless woman attempt to initiate a meeting, and nearly all the ones I attempted to initiate a meeting with disappeared pretty much with that email (or text/call if I had gotten their numbers by that point). Yet within 2 or 3 emails, all of these mothers were talking about meeting, even the one a million miles outside my league (however, she quickly disappeared after she brought that up and hasn't logged on in weeks -- guess she met her dream guy, or just got sick of the POF sewage). So one of them I actually set up a meeting with, then she had to postpone (because of her kid, of course), then I had to postpone because of a disaster with my movie, and I'm not sure where we stand at this point. Not sure what exactly happened with the others -- I think maybe our emails to each other just became less and less interesting, from paragraphs to paragraph to sentence, so somebody just basically stopped writing the other. Had they been childless, I probably would have tried a little harder, honestly. The one I'm in limbo with seems absurdly enthusiastic about meeting me so although she doesn't write much either, I guess she's not going away and I might end up meeting her, but it's pretty much impossible for this to work out, because she's only free two days a week due to her kid and I'm, well, NEVER free.

My best friend (who is a hot mom) pointed out to me that one other reason mothers might be so much more likely to respond, even if they are very young, attractive and not desperate, is because your image of yourself changes a lot after your body's been hammered by pregnancy and childrearing, and if you're no longer concerned with physical perfection about yourself pre-baby, you're also not quite as concerned about physical perfection with your significant other. Idealism is also much more likely to go out the window after you've had children in a bad relationship than being in bad relationships that don't result in children. My best friend from college (also a hot mom) was such a wild woman during our school days, but after her "perfect man" husband put her children's life in jeopardy with his continued wild ways, she told me (post-divorce) that she was never going to get involved with a guy like him again, that she had a much different sset of standards for dating now, but she feels like that if she hadn't had children and still gotten a divorce that she would have been looking for exactly the same kind of guy she married. Children just fundamentally change what women look for in a guy, to the point that I somehow become an option whereas pre-child I was not.

But again, all for naught. I haven't sent an email to a mother since that experiment. But I've noticed that nearly all my unsolicited "viewed me" additions as of late are single mothers.

CO: I know a lot of (usually childless) women who will not date a man who weighs less than she does. Skinny, non-muscular men usually weigh less than most women they interact with. But understand, I'm not saying there aren't plenty of women who like them -- I'm just saying, they aren't as sought after as their female equivalent. You rarely hear women sitting around fantasizing about skinny guys in general (maybe a specific skinny guy). I mean, Team Edward is obviously not a small group, but most women I know would gnaw their arm off for a night with Team Jacob (quite a converts from Team Edward after "New Moon" came out, as Taylor wasn't bulked up and taking his shirt off in the first movie).

"Interesting theory." Not a theory. Women control dating (I'm sure this is a surprise to no one). Tall men don't really have much of a strong preference for short women according to most studies I've seen, but short women have a STRONG preference for tall men and aggressively pursue them, taking many tall men off the market, leaving tall women and short men to their own devices. If tall women want to date and it's getting late in the game, then they are either stuck with men who are not so tall, or being the "other woman" to a tall man -- it's the latter that creates dating/mating imbalances. As I probably said somewhere else in this thread, women are substantially more likely to get married than men, primarily because the most desirable men end up with multiple mates (often at the same time), while the least desirable men end up bachelors for life. In all honesty, I think the least desirable men could find someone to marry, too, but it would often be someone they don't want to marry, so they don't marry anyone. But personally, I've definitely found taller women more willing (but not necessarily happy with) dating "beneath them" than shorter women are to date "at their level, and it's pretty much because of what you said: you can't stick to both the height rule and fidelity rule in times of imbalances and expect to date.
 Captain_Random
Joined: 8/19/2010
Msg: 107
view profile
History
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 3/5/2011 6:47:59 PM

In my area, men outnumber women by about 2-20%, depending on criteria.


You sure about that? For the under 30 crowd, the statistics are usually 2X as many men as women. As you go up in age, the ratio evens out. Fear not, gentlemen! When you reach age 50, there will be an equal number of 50 year old women on here.


Even the one a million miles outside my league (however, she quickly disappeared after she brought that up and hasn't logged on in weeks -- guess she met her dream guy, or just got sick of the POF sewage).


She actually said that? "Look, it's not going to work between us. I'm way out of your league." That's hilarious. I've never heard of a woman actually telling a guy that. Gotta admire her honesty though. I think most people in that situation would try to think up some BS excuse.


My best friend (who is a hot mom) pointed out to me that one other reason mothers might be so much more likely to respond, even if they are very young, attractive and not desperate, is because your image of yourself changes a lot after your body's been hammered by pregnancy and childrearing...


So basically, having kids "brings them down a notch." If they're overweight themselves from having kids, they're more likely to tolerate a guy being a few pounds overweight. Makes sense.


My best friend from college (also a hot mom) was such a wild woman during our school days, but after her "perfect man" husband put her children's life in jeopardy with his continued wild ways, she told me (post-divorce) that she was never going to get involved with a guy like him again, that she had a much different sset of standards for dating now, but she feels like that if she hadn't had children and still gotten a divorce that she would have been looking for exactly the same kind of guy she married.


I'm guessing she's referring to the "bad boy" type. Sounds like she emotionally matured and realized that that type only leads to grief. It's unfortunate that it takes some kind of tragedy or, in her case, near tragedy, for that light bulb to come on.


CO: I know a lot of (usually childless) women who will not date a man who weighs less than she does.


Actually, my ex was that way. She was absolutely distraught that I weighed less than her. It didn't matter to me, but it was a huge deal to her.


Short women have a STRONG preference for tall men and aggressively pursue them, taking many tall men off the market, leaving tall women and short men to their own devices.


I think all women would prefer to date a tall guy, it's just that petite women are the most highly valued, so they're able to get what they want.
 Captain_Random
Joined: 8/19/2010
Msg: 108
view profile
History
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 3/13/2011 1:20:59 AM

"Settling" will lead to dissatisfaction from both parties


I frequently see on women's profiles "I know what I want and I'm not going to settle." Since they don't elaborate, I assume they just mean they're trying to find the most attractive man they can possibly find, which is obvious and really doesn't need to be stated. I guess that's intended to be a subtle warning "if you're not hot, don't bother with me."

The whole concept of "settling" is absurd. What are you gonna do? Fall in love with someone and then spend your life wondering if there's someone more attractive in the world who will date you? Let me save you the time. Yes, there is. But so what?
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 109
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 3/15/2011 11:25:26 PM
settled for the domestic opt out of the cards that were dealt to me.
ex-pating with a new deck of cards, different set of rules, and wildly different stakes off to enjoy the imports.
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 110
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 4/25/2011 10:29:29 AM
Don't know if anyone has suggested this or not, but there is a site called Quantcast where you can find out the gender ratio of individual sites.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 111
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 4/26/2011 2:19:18 AM
I didn't read through all the posts...this is a simple reply to the original question.

So what?
Who cares how many guys or what the ratio is?

It's like the ratio of guys that WANT to be sports/movie/rock STARS!
Millions want to be but only a few ARE!

Do you think any Rockstars, sports stars or movie stars that made it would have made it if they were afraid of the odds?

90% of the guys on here are either the guys at the dance standing along the wall or trying cheezy lines!

I know what you're gonna say... it doesn't matter....the popular boys got all the dates already....which would be MY point.

They put their energy into socializing, sports and activities then showed up at the dance popular....the guys along the wall didn't do any ground work, yet show up at the dance and wonder WHY they aren't popular!

The popular guys never worried about how MANY of those guys WANT to ask the cheerleaders to prom....it doesn't matter! The question is irrelevant!

So who cares if the men here outnumber the women 50:1?
In fact who cares how many women there are either....just point me in the direction of the cheerleaders! GIGGITY!
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 112
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 4/26/2011 9:58:18 AM
jco,

Would you, even as a self proclaimed popular boy, go to a dance if you knew ahead of time that the guys would outnumber gals on a 50:1 ratio?

I think the site operators care about the ratio, or rather, the perception of that ratio, or they wouldn't be so coy about it.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 113
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 4/26/2011 10:10:48 AM
^^^^ You're assuming I consider myself one of the popular guys.... I'm not and I don't.
There's another guy at the dance...the guy who seems to always BE IN a relationship....that would be me....he BRINGS a date to the dance so really the only thing he has to do with the whole mess is observe it and be amused.

BUT....since you asked! On the odd occasion when I did NOT have a date to take, and KNOWING there would be a 50:1 ratio would I GO anyway? YES! I would!

...AND I would EXPECT to be dancing with the hot girls!

In tenth grade I took two college girls to some of my school dances...not at the same time though.
THEY asked to be taken...It had an unintended affect on the girls at my school... they started seeing me different.
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 114
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 4/26/2011 12:03:05 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^

I call b*llsh*t on that. The part about going going anyway knowing the 50:1 ratio ahead of time. Unless you just wanted to hear the band.

As for the rest, well, you're probably no more of a liar than anyone else on here.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 115
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 4/26/2011 4:37:41 PM
^^^^ Call it if you want to but it's true! What's the harm?
First off, I KNOW my friends will be there...and we'll have fun.
I might meet NEW friends, male and female...and we'll have fun.
Even if I don't know anyone there...I'll have fun and meet people.

See the trick IS to HAVE FUN! No matter, the ratio... if you're having fun and are confident and EXPECT people to be ATTRACTED to you...they WILL be!


THAT's how you stand out and reduce the ratio or even turn it around!
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 116
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 4/28/2011 5:33:29 PM
^^^
So true.
Plus odds are deceiving.
Out of those theoretical 50 guys....40 are probably dufuses, so not a worry.
And the other 10 are probably too shy to worry about.
So 50 guys just milling about harmlessly shouldn't be a concern.
:-P
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 117
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 4/28/2011 6:13:38 PM
^^^^ Just look at all the guys here (and everywhere) complaining that they can't get dates....

A guy I know (I've mentioned him before) Comes to my club sometimes, hangs outside talking to me most of the night...but complains that there are no girls for him inside! Duh! he wouldn't know'cuz he's outside b!tching!

Hell, I'm outside and get more attention than he gets inside....it's because he doesn't try and when he does...he over does it!
There's no talking to him...he thinks he knows what he's doing! There are many guys like him....he's the guy women will defend as "the Friend" and a "nice guy" but will never date!


....Other times he's just plain creepy!
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 118
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 5/18/2011 4:03:33 PM
jco415,

If you would willingly go to a dance with a 50:1 ratio of men to women, it's because you have, or think you have, something to prove. Maybe you are set on proving that people ARE attracted to you?
Of course maybe "proving" things is your idea of fun.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 119
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 5/18/2011 4:11:12 PM
^^^^^ How do you come up with THAT? especially after my post explaining that I would go to have fun...and yet it usually HAPPENS.... mostly because 99% of the guys are moping around NOT having fun!


Call it if you want to but it's true! What's the harm?
First off, I KNOW my friends will be there...and we'll have fun.
I might meet NEW friends, male and female...and we'll have fun.
Even if I don't know anyone there...I'll have fun and meet people.

See the trick IS to HAVE FUN! No matter, the ratio... if you're having fun and are confident and EXPECT people to be ATTRACTED to you...they WILL be!


THAT's how you stand out and reduce the ratio or even turn it around!


It's NOT about proving anything.... it's about ATTITUDE....as in: Make the best of where you are...


Hater!....
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 121
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 5/20/2011 4:07:15 PM
Hey jco415,

While you and your buddies are at that dance dancing with the one woman and showing off your attitude to the other hundred guys present, I'd be looking around somewhere else to see where the rest of the women are hiding. I suppose it all depends on what one wants to accomplish.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 122
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 5/20/2011 4:24:55 PM
^^^^^Okay, blah blah blah..... quitter!
Ladies and gentlemen....THAT's why the numbers and ratios don't matter!

I love it when someone tries to put you down and unwittingly makes your point for you!
OohRah!

 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 123
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 5/22/2011 4:59:33 AM

It has something to do with more fake estrogen being introduced into our environment.


I thought the male sperm determined that, plus how many times you have sex.
The more sex a man has the less male producing sperm in the "lot"..



......and broke.


With this recession, going to be A LOT of broke men....women might have to suck it up and date 'em.


No we don't HAVE to.

Plenty of professional men, men with "decent" jobs, great retirements on here..Problem is they think they are a rare find and that it makes up for morbid obesity, lack of common sense ,humor, intelligence, integrity and character.


I think in this area its not to big of a difference. ( ratio)
A LOT of single/divorced men..and married on here "wooking for nub".
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 124
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 5/23/2011 4:40:44 PM

So since I had two boys, does that mean my sperm count was way up there for the lax of sex? lol
Mercy, the things you can hear, here!


No jim..lol

You could have a really high sperm count with vigorous swimmers just becayse you are so dam virile...wahahahaha

Theories.

A high sperm count will favor conception of a boy. Loose underwear for a boy, a hot bath just before baby making for a girl. (Theory: Heat will kill off more of the weaker Y bearing sperm than the X bearing sperm).

Frequent intercourse for a girl, less frequent intercourse for a boy. (Theory: The more baby making you do, the lower the sperm count, which will favor a girl.)

 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 125
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 5/24/2011 7:50:52 AM

I think the bigger problem is that some men will email women when they clearly don't match what she is looking for. Email whomever you consider to be attractive. However read the profile first and and make sure you meet most of the requirements she has stated on her profile before emailing her. If a man doesn't match what she wants, then she isn't going to be interested in him.


I actually ignore the above. Instead I look at things we may have in common and try to connect on that basis. Many women that I have ended up going out with, even had in their profile that they did not like men with facial hair. And they still went out with me.

Probably the only criteria that makes me NOT email a woman is if she is a born again Christian, does not drink at all or is looking for a guy that makes 150,000 a year.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 126
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 5/30/2011 3:27:05 AM



Well, at th every least, I hope these facts shed some light on why Internet dating doesn't work for men.


...Maybe it should read:



Well, at th every least, I hope these facts shed some light on why Internet dating doesn't work for SOME men.


YEAH, just like 99% of men want to play MLB .....and won't make it, there's one percent who have agents lining up to sign them!
That 1% doesn't give a crap-ola about statistics....
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 127
men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth?
Posted: 6/26/2011 7:49:40 AM
you could be the only male in the room of 30; and still not popular.
ooooh the hostility of the current crop of women MSW students - they all have baggage and axes to grind. weeee.
it aint the ratio thats F*d up.

I will get a wonderful Venn diagram going about the number of women to men....in your area... in your age range,.... in your HWP range... without kids, without already being divorced.... that dont smoke... and that dont mind your less than 6-2 height..... that are attracted reciprocally
Notice how the circles dont over lap !
and that is before you open your mouth and offend them with some prattle coming out of your mouth that they find offensive at that moment
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > "men outnumber women on dating sites" Fact? or Myth?