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 AUTHOR
 Paladin_Darkwolf
Joined: 3/1/2007
Msg: 3
what should i do?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
OP: Find someone else. She is going to cheat again on you and you can do much better than that. She has already done it once... and you should not have to deal with the constant nagging thought of whether or not she will do it again.
 red_relaxed
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 4
what should i do?
Posted: 12/29/2008 9:06:16 PM
First of all, I am so sorry that you are going through this painful time. I don't know the details of how and why you all came to be in this situation, but your wife has broken the trust in any case. Tough one to get your arms around.
If she isn't prepared to stop fooling around and address the issues in your marriage, it is pretty much over. Difficult to heal and trust again, but possible if both parties are willing to forgive and forget.
Have you spoken to her about seeing a marriage counsellor?
Do you have someone to talk to?
 Sensitive P. Ness
Joined: 12/15/2008
Msg: 5
what should i do?
Posted: 12/29/2008 9:15:42 PM
What a cold-hearted, back-stabbing bytch!!

She doesn't love you or even respect you!

She doesn't even deserve any credit for being direct and forward, because she cheated on you 3 months ago and is just now fessing upto it!

Honestly, with all of the guy attention she's got going on...it sounds like she's ready to play the slut role!


You don't need all of this BS!!!

It's time for you to move on.

She's made her bed already.

If I were you, I'd press for custody, since your kids don't need to be around that kind of behavior either!
 transcend
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 8
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what should i do?
Posted: 12/29/2008 9:38:23 PM
If your wife of 12 years is discussing her dating status with you..guess what
you are no longer in the picture

If you love your kids then deal with this crisis putting their needs first.. your wife has already given up on you
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 10
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what should i do?
Posted: 12/29/2008 9:54:26 PM
She wants to create a cuckold lifestyle.
Where she uses you for all her home- and financial-emotional- fathering the children needs etc but gets her sexual satisfaction elsewheres.
 DesertLioness
Joined: 8/2/2006
Msg: 12
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what should i do?
Posted: 12/29/2008 10:04:02 PM
Ouch! This is a truly ugly situation. The other responders pulled together all the pertinent information, so about all I can do is toss in my two-cents' worth. Your wife is already emotionally detached from you and your marriage. And I agree completely that her statement about loving you but not being in love is really lame. She has told you clearly that she wants to play around to find out if there is someone better out there for her, all the while having you in the wings to take her back (she believes) if she doesn't find that special guy she is looking for. That is really arrogant on her part. But hon, if you continue the relationship knowing she is dating other men, you are an equal partner in the collusion. So how many years does she get to locate her new "Mr. Right?" One? Five? Unlimited? This is pathetic. My suggestion is that you let her know two things: (1) if she wants to date, then the two of you have to get a divorce, and (2) if she decides to stay, then tell her marital counseling is a requirement (note that word) for the two of you.
 dickwaad
Joined: 12/15/2008
Msg: 19
what should i do?
Posted: 12/30/2008 12:12:26 AM
Go about it legally and file for a divorce. Take her for everything but most of all YOUR child. Your marriage is already over, it would be best for you to end it now so that you can start the healing process.
DON'T cheat on her, and if you do, don't let her know because this will hurt you in a court of law.

it must really suck dude, i feel for you.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 30
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what should i do?
Posted: 1/2/2009 11:03:47 AM
Tell her to pack her bags, leave the kids ( if you want them) and move on. What, does she think you are her girlfriend, wanting to share her sexual experiences with you while you wait and hope she stays? Man, she has a very low opinion of you. I'm sure my answer isn't politically correct but her stuff would be outside waiting for her, she already made her choice, I wouldn't be there holding her hand and helping her make a decision about who to leave me for and why!
 cfb62
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 31
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what should i do?
Posted: 1/2/2009 11:05:38 AM
Focus on what's best for the kids.
This is a terrible situation for them to be in.
Start planning your life without her. Now.
Don't you dare sit around waiting for your wife to make her decisions, while you just sit and wait like a puppy dog.
She's got no reason to walk away and will most likely stick around as long as she's having her cake and eating it too.
Life's too short.
You are miserable.
Run!
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 34
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what should i do?
Posted: 1/2/2009 5:09:11 PM
Op: You're just a big ole chicken who has settled into your marriage like a comfy old pair of slippers and you've too weak to give that up. The woman is so blatantly secure in your apathy that she feels free to tell you that she is going on a helocopter/dinner date with ANOTHER MAN. It's time to shake the fear and make her accountable for her actions.. let her see what it's like to live on her own for awhile.. or with helocopter dude until he tires of her.. DON'T be there for her when he does.

Buck up, be strong she dosen't love you at all.. she just considers you a habit that she hasn't broke yet. She is the type that will leave her children for another man. Once she knows she has Mr. helocopter sewed up.. you and the kids will be history. Don't let her do that to those children If you shock her and leave her now.. she may wake up enough to realize how sad it will be when her children are led to believe she no longer loves them. and resent her in their presence. I suspect when she's free and single again.. Mr. Helocopter will dump her like yesterday's garbage.. Don't let her resume your apathetic marriage when he does, without her reaping any accountability for her actions... because she's just going to repeat the behaviour as soon as the next guy focuses on her... She needs counceling for ego and you need it for self-worth.

Move It.. DO SOMETHING / ANYTHING..NOW! Don't wait to see if she goes on the date.. WTF!

Print this thread out and give it to her to read... it will at least start you two on a dialogue about how disfunctional your whole family is as a unit.

Good luck.. It takes courage.. and we've all been placed in a situation where we had to be brave and take action for some reason or another and we're all surviving.
 cncgandolf
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 37
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what should i do?
Posted: 1/3/2009 11:51:48 PM
Are you sure you are not a doormat? The behavior you describe is doormat.

Boundary: Cut it out or get out.

If she agrees to cut it out and you are willing to give the relationship another chance then get some heavy duty counseling.
 MOTORCYCLEMAN4U
Joined: 2/12/2008
Msg: 40
what should i do?
Posted: 1/6/2009 2:25:48 PM
I would have to ask myself if I think I did anything to push her to make such a stupid decision especially with kids. If I truly thought I was not to blame I would run Forrest run.
 RK831
Joined: 5/4/2008
Msg: 43
what should i do?
Posted: 1/7/2009 8:28:19 PM
Dude, I'd leave her. The essence of marriage is trust, so with that violated, your foundation is undermined. If she's done it to you before, how do you know she won't do it again? Don't complicate the matter and just leave her.
 mel282
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 44
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Posted: 1/8/2009 11:44:21 AM
Once a person starts looking at others in a sexual way the relationship as been over for some time.
 FastReb
Joined: 1/3/2009
Msg: 45
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Posted: 1/8/2009 12:09:28 PM
First, the marriage is over. It doesn't matter whether she has confessed to having an affair or not. When she said "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore," it is the same thing as saying that I appreciate the memories but now I'm moving on. The marriage may not end today, tomorrow, next week or even next year, but it will end.
If she is telling you that BS line but hasn't said she wants a divorce, then it is because she hasn't gotten everything lined up the way she wants it before she pulls the plug. You may not want to face it but it is the truth.

Secondly, you have a choice. If the kids are of an age where they can speak for themselves (usually 12+), the judge will usually at least ask them who they want to live with when the divorce takes place. If they are between 7 & 12, the judge may ask them but will still pretty much make the decision based on what they feel is in the kids best interest. Under age 7, forget about it. The judge will almost automatically place the children with the mother, unless you can show a very good reason for them not to. Your choice here, based on the kids age, is do you stick around hoping they'll make it to the age where the judge may ask them who they want to be with or do you go ahead and pull the plug yourself.

The bottom line is that no matter what you do, be it trying marriage counseling, sitting down with her to talk things over to try to work things out or even if you told her that her infidelity was okay with you, she will leave at some point. If she just wanted sex from someplace else, she would not have told you about the affair or have told you that she still loves you but she was going to go out for sex with other guys and you could either put up with it or not. She didn't say that. She's already showing you that she's doing that. She included that she's not "in love" with you anymore. That right there is signalling you that she's outta there, not if, just when.
 red_relaxed
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 48
what should i do?
Posted: 1/11/2009 10:28:50 AM
Putting a percentage on how much you love someone is a strange way of measuring, at least to me. And if it were doled out in percentage, 120% would be what you deserve.

From what you've shared, your wife wants the financial security only, and that's what she loves about you. I'll bet she's been doing a lot of thinking at night. Wondering how she's going to feed herself.

Hang in there bud, you deserve so much better and you're getting it!!!

 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 54
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what should i do?
Posted: 1/21/2009 8:26:50 AM

never talk bad about there mom in front of them period im keeping the kids cause i love them and want then in a stable home she has no real place too go as of right now and will prob move around from man too man till she setttles sooo im keeping them but the oldest daughter will prob move with her mom when she gets a stable home
Op: Even though it doesn't seem fair, your wife has rights. I suggest you contact a lawyer and explain your situation and get some advice. She is intitled to half the marital worth (if any) and if you own a home together, then she has rights to half of the equity in it as well. If you are taking care of the children, and they are happy with you, then you may even be elligible for child support from her. Call a lawyer a.s.a.p. to find out what your's and her rights are at this point.
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