Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 4
view profile
History
The Day After the First DatePage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
It's definately the cake thing. He recognized your ambivilence and now that he has shown you what a brave, respectful, gentleman he is hs suddenly appears more attractive. Some other gals gain.
 lorelei540
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 5
The Day After the First Date
Posted: 12/31/2008 8:49:40 AM

Here's where I'm torn. I appreciate him acknowledging that I wasn't blown away and being honest. But I almost wish he would have been a tad more aggressive and asked me about.


If you want to go out with him again, reply to his email by asking him out.
If you don't want to go out with him again, reply to his email by wishing him well.

Easy peasy. But be aware that he may have said "you didn't feel a spark" so that he wouldn't have to say "I didn't feel a spark."
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 8
The Day After the First Date
Posted: 12/31/2008 8:50:41 AM
If the sparks didn't fly there's no reason to waste their time. Why would he want to be aggressive about pursuing someone that wasn't completely into him in the romantic sense? Even if you did agree to go out again it wouldn't turn into anything long term.

I understand it's flattering to be wanted, but that is not an excuse to interfere with another persons needs or life.
 Samantha44
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 14
The Day After the First Date
Posted: 12/31/2008 9:00:42 AM
Sometimes OP we want all the fireworks and know we have met the ONE!!! I have met men on occassion and thought....ok it was not fireworks but would definately go out with him again and see where it goes there was something in him that caught my attention, couldn't put my finger on it.

Now maybe this guy was a dud in your opinion, meaning could not see yourself getting naked with him....i think given the guy was a gentleman and called you on your lack of chemistry...your ego may be a bit bruised at this point. If not call him and be honest what you are feeling...if you know. You might be feeling...hmmmm he is not like someone I would normally date there for you want to dismiss him right out of the gate.
Take some time with this one....you might surprise yourself.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 15
The Day After the First Date
Posted: 12/31/2008 9:01:02 AM

Here's where I'm torn. I appreciate him acknowledging that I wasn't blown away and being honest. But I almost wish he would have been a tad more aggressive and asked me about.


Ah, you're just pissed off that he took away your control over the situation.

Women are usually the ones who choose, so I can understand why you feel the need to stamp your ickle feetsies....

 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 19
The Day After the First Date
Posted: 12/31/2008 9:03:05 AM

Getting to know somebody takes time. Certainly you will meet people where there is obviously no interest in a second meeting. I think if you come away with an interest to know more about someone you have good reason to meet again.

and I also think that if you come away with having to decide if you would or would not accept a second date then you have a good reason to say "hey, lets be friends" but not date them. Even if you didn't warm up instantly and sparks didn't fly; you should still feel some sort of strong desire to see them again.
 cfb62
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 20
view profile
History
The Day After the First Date
Posted: 12/31/2008 9:11:22 AM
I'm beyond impressed with his email to you for all the reasons you stated.
Good for you that you had a date with a guy with class!
Don't read anything into it.
Nobody did anything wrong, "it" just wasn't there.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 21
The Day After the First Date
Posted: 12/31/2008 9:14:03 AM
Wha?? They went on ONE date. I'd have asked him out again. ONE date isn't enough for me to guage anyone on. You said you had a great time, though not a chillingly fantastic one. Maybe YOU were in a weird mood, or maybe HE was? I probably would not write off anyone after ONE date.
 Wildman46
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 22
The Day After the First Date
Posted: 12/31/2008 9:15:01 AM
The Op ego is now totally crushed, she left the date last night thinking "I killed it, he wants me bad". Then she spend the rest of the night thinking of ways to let the poor love sick guy down easy. Now she wakes up to that e-mail and it's like WTH!!!! Now she has to reevaluate everything.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 23
The Day After the First Date
Posted: 12/31/2008 9:21:02 AM
You hate the rejection don't you? But look at it this way, you were not into him as much as he wanted you to be, so he decided it was not worth the chase, so next. Next time you are with someone, and you really like him, show him. If not, giving these type of signals will procure these same respond.
 catkin2007
Joined: 12/18/2007
Msg: 24
The Day After the First Date
Posted: 12/31/2008 9:22:35 AM
I give the man major kudos for letting you know he had fun, but realized that chemistry wasn't there for you. I also give him major kudos for having the ability to wish you well.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 27
The Day After the First Date
Posted: 12/31/2008 9:51:39 AM

If you want to go out with him again, reply to his email by asking him out.
If you don't want to go out with him again, reply to his email by wishing him well.
Easy peasy. But be aware that he may have said "you didn't feel a spark" so that he wouldn't have to say "I didn't feel a spark."


I agree with this poster. I think some people will say things such "I felt that you weren't interested in me" as an excuse. When in reality he or she wasn't interested in you.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 28
The Day After the First Date
Posted: 12/31/2008 10:00:52 AM
You should be and should have been a tad more agressive to show your interest and make ``sparks fly.'' It's self-defeating to pursue someone who isn't interested when one has the option to pursue those who are. You snooze, you lose.
 NHSteve
Joined: 11/3/2008
Msg: 29
The Day After the First Date
Posted: 12/31/2008 10:59:53 AM
It seems to me you were on the fence, and then he showed himself to be an unselfish, perseptive stand up guy, and these qualities are pushing him into the second date category. Many people are looking for these very same qualities all the time.

What's the harm in asking him out? He'll be surprised and flattered and it's only another two hours and $75 for dinner.
 NHSteve
Joined: 11/3/2008
Msg: 32
The Day After the First Date
Posted: 12/31/2008 2:34:23 PM

He sounds like someone that gives up too easily and isn't worth a second date anyway.


Both sexes have their own issues and pit falls to deal with. But this is a problem that guys have to deal with.

You come on confidently but try to read all the signals. With one type of woman, you just won't take the hint and you are are royal pain in the ass. With the other type, you're a wuss because you don't push the envelope.

That's what makes dating fun!
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 37
view profile
History
The Day After the First Date
Posted: 1/1/2009 8:41:39 PM
Meeting someone for the first time isn't easy. It is possible to feel all sorts of things. It is also possible to like someone but feel confused if they are not what you expected or are used to. It does sound, from what he said, as if he felt some kind of chemistry but didn't think you did. He had a nice way of putting it, very endearing. He sounds a real gentleman.

I suppose you need to see if you feel any clearer about the meeting now, in retrospect. He sounds interested but obviously won't hassle you if you are not. You need to think whether you are actually interested in him and, if you let him know that, you need to be aware that he might back out. He might have already decided it's not worth the hassle of pursuing someone who feels lukewarm about him, or he might not have been that interested himself but gave you the out instead as if it were your choice. Whatever you decide to do, it wouldn't be fair to mess him around either.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 38
view profile
History
The Day After the First Date
Posted: 1/1/2009 9:28:55 PM
nice play... He's very clever .. He obviously didn't want to see you again because if he did.. . he'd be wanting to persue. He wasn't interested enough to persue so.. The way he handled it, he rejected YOU by making it look like he was accepting your rejection of him.. He's found a great way to back out of subsequent dates easy, and your left wondering wtf? .. He's a smart one.
 Change Of Pace
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 40
view profile
History
The Day After the First Date
Posted: 1/2/2009 7:26:51 AM
I think it was the guy who wasn't interested and he just used OPs own 'actions' to print his get out of jail card. He basically was saying...I really don't want to see you and since it was obvious you felt about the same--see ya.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 41
The Day After the First Date
Posted: 1/2/2009 11:59:57 AM
So neither of you were feeling it and at least he had the class and the cojones to address it. Is this worth starting a whining thread over? Next.......
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 42
view profile
History
The Day After the First Date
Posted: 1/2/2009 3:30:54 PM

t's self-defeating to pursue someone who isn't interested

Bingo
.. Yet she didn't say she wasn't interested... so.

Op; I think you didn't jump his bones, or indicate that you wanted to so he's movin on to someone who will. With some the instant attraction has to be there or they figure it isn't evva going to be there. No matter what his motive for putting the "blame" on you.. at least he didn't lead you on.
 Cogie36
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 43
view profile
History
The Day After the First Date
Posted: 1/2/2009 3:51:44 PM
If you think that someone likes you but you are not that into them....and to come find out they will just move on instead of chase you like you wanted.....all the sudden they are alot more attractive......thats what this sounds like to me.......from what you said he told you in the email sounds like he was a really nice guy and you blew it.....
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 45
The Day After the First Date
Posted: 4/29/2009 11:31:49 PM

Seems like a want to have my cake and eat it too hunh? Folks, especially my lady friends out there, what would you have rather had?? But I almost wish he would have been a tad more aggressive and asked me about.


Your sentence doesn't make sense; he would have been a tad more aggressive and asked me about? asked about what.

He handled it well; and yes you are too demanding; He sounds like a great guy that is sensitive and didn't want you to feel uncomfortable. very cool.

He's going to make a girl very happy some day.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 46
The Day After the First Date
Posted: 4/29/2009 11:33:01 PM

The Op ego is now totally crushed, she left the date last night thinking "I killed it, he wants me bad". Then she spend the rest of the night thinking of ways to let the poor love sick guy down easy. Now she wakes up to that e-mail and it's like WTH!!!! Now she has to reevaluate everything.

Now she wants to get another chance to make sure the guy is hooked before dumping him. It's all just a ego stroke to the OP, nothing more, she could care less about this guy.


He didn't get up on the wrong side of the bed; he's right on; I think the OP's ego was beat up and she wanted to be chased whether she wanted him or not.

karma is a bad thing to mess with.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 47
view profile
History
The Day After the First Date
Posted: 4/30/2009 8:03:41 AM
You mean "asked you about"...at the end of the date as opposed to an e-mail?

I dunno, sounds like he did the right thing to me! And he merely confirmed what you were already feeling! He's a man among men.
 injeanious
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 48
The Day After the First Date
Posted: 5/1/2009 10:06:29 AM
I had this happen once after I went out with someone a few times. I actually was distracted on that particular date and was holding back when he was kissing me, because I was meeting someone else that week that I had been talking to and didn't want to lead him on until I knew I wanted to move forward with him. I actually did like him. He emailed and told me he sensed I wasnt interested and basically "let me off the hook." It really turned me off that he made an assumption without asking or without just simply asking me out again and giving me the opportunity to say no if I wasn't interesed. I ended up not making it past the first date with the other guy so I would have wanted to move forward with this guy if he hadn't done that. Its hard enough to meet people, it does seem like with online dating people make quick assumptions sometimes and don't give enough of a chance.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >