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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?      Home login  
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 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 164
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Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?Page 5 of 35    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35)
I think the "it won't happen to me" thought is what runs rampant in high school and will forever.
But for every single Mom out there is the guy that fathered the kid and for some reason he does not get the same stigma attached. Whether she works 3 jobs to support her baby or goes on the dole she still gets labelled.
 readthedamnprofile
Joined: 5/5/2010
Msg: 165
Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 9/21/2010 4:33:55 PM
sweetnessin:love

Look you are obviously the expection to the rule but, having worked as hard as you have and made the sacrifices you have made to do right by your kids would you really stand up and advocate the AVERAGE twenty year old having a baby?

If you could end up with the same babies you have now but, have had them at a point in your life when you did not have to work to four am to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table, wouldn't you choose that path instead of the one you ended up on.

My mother had me at nineteen, she got married to the my father, it did not work out and she ended up raising me alone. Like you she worked her fingers to the bone to provide me with a good life and I went on to get three degrees and travel the world and enjoy two careers that taught me so much about life and people. I hope it will turn out the same for your children.

I will be eternally grateful to her for that but, I was not a stupid child (obviously) nor deaf, nor blind. I heard her cry at night because the bills were all coming due and the money would not stretch far enough to cover them all. I saw her work herself to death by the age of fifty three trying to do it all alone, not just for me but for her extended family whom she seemed to think she owed her soul to for taking her in with a child after her marriage broke up. She never had much of a life of her own and while I never got the impression that she ever resented my presence or did not love me dearly I wondered as I got older if she would do it differently if she could do it all over again.

I bet she would have, if only from the perspective of giving me more than she did. I did not know I was poor until I was older but, you can damn well be sure she knew we were. I did not care that my clothes were second hand but, I know she did because the first thing she would do when she did get her hands on some funds was buy me something new to wear.

Why chose that life for yourself and your children if it is not necessary to do so? I congratulate you on being a good mother, I really do, but, don't give other young women the impression that it is a good thing to bring children into this world when the world they are coming into is going to be hard for them. Realize that not everyone resonds to adversity like you do and many of these children born to young mothers that are ill prepared for their arrival and the sacrifices that will entail do not do right by their kids, and I am sure you know some cases where that is true.

That is what I am saying. And I also stick by analysis that many young women do not have babies for the right reasons. Again, many does not mean all and if it does not apply to you, then it does not apply to you.
 kissmyasthma
Joined: 12/4/2009
Msg: 166
Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 9/21/2010 4:46:01 PM
^^^^^^Thank you, and just how many times does one have to post the numbers that will back up your post and not Sweetness's?
And please nobody come back with well all those kids had fathers crap because that isn't exactly true now is it? They had sperm doners or something closer to that effect.
Sure I understand that won't speak well of men in general but I have one child concieved in marriage and even I wish she would have chosen another man for I don't have a relationship with my child and my money will never equal the having of a father fulltime in a child's life.
As far as any woman saying they would do things differently or to have not chose to become a struggling single mom it could only be done if the actual memory of that child could be removed because no one would ever wish to undo any child just the circumstances.
 readthedamnprofile
Joined: 5/5/2010
Msg: 167
Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 9/21/2010 4:55:47 PM
Yes, of course kissmyasthma ( I was laughing while typing your user name by the way) that was what I was getting at. Anyone can be a good mother if they are willing to put the work into it but immaturity is not a good precursor to being a good mother, nor is lack of financial and social and emotional resources. Absentee fathers don't help matters either and as I said to sweetnessinlove, if she could end up with the same children she has now, whom see loves I can see, but at a time when she could provide for them more easily I am sure she would chose that route, if for no other reason than because it would be better for her children.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 168
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Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 9/21/2010 5:57:17 PM
From what I have seen & heard, it would seem that the problem isn't with age, it is with the lack of emphasis on marriage. Years ago, most women were very young when they had kids, but they were married. Today, the institute is hardly held in high esteem. To be honest, neither is responsibility, paying consequences or self sacrifice. While it may be true that kids today mature faster, they certainly don't "grow up" any faster. Perhaps that is the real difference.
 readthedamnprofile
Joined: 5/5/2010
Msg: 169
Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 9/21/2010 6:32:33 PM
More an emphasis on lack of responsiblity, paying for your mistakes, and making sacrifices than on not getting married. I know lots of families where the parents are not legally married and they do very well by their children and each other. I also know of a lot of marriages where the children are being drug up because both parents are too busy fighting, having affairs, drinking, partying and acting like retards to take care of them properly. Marriage, in and of itself, is not a guarantee of being a solid foundation on which to start a family, especially in light of current divorce rates.

What has to happen is that people need to wake up and start making better choices, especially when those choices concern matters of procreation. No one should have a baby with someone that is obviously unsuited to be a parent. If you are dating a drunk, a druggie, someone with no job and no ambition to get one, someone you are seeing casually with no hope of it turning into a committed relationship, someone you don't see as good enough for you to spend your life with then it is a probably not a good idea to have kids with them. It never fails to amaze me when I hear people go on and on about what a loser someone they are dating is and then they are either pregnant by that loser or got that loser pregnant just a few short months later. Suddenly all those things that were wrong with that other person have disappeared and they are now good parent material? No, they are the same loser they were before only they are going to be a mommy or a daddy.

Stability, security and a genuine to desire to be a parent in conjunction with someone else that is emotionally, socially and financially ready to be a parent and who wishes to be one along with you are the keys to giving your children the best shot at a good start in life. I suppose you can play catch up in doing what is best for your children after the fact, and some people do that well but, why put your kids behind the eight ball of life to start with you can avoid doing that?
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 170
Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 9/24/2010 6:21:47 PM
Well, truthfully yes, if i could have had my daughter at a later date i would have. I know i screwed up back then, i truly set out to get myself stable and take good care of her though, to negate the screwup i made. ( Not calling her a mistake, just my own teenage stupidity). Would have been nice to work 9 to 5 like her friends Mommies did, but without a degree it wasnt an option for me, so i was a late night bartender, unglamorous as it sounds it wasnt too awful, the hours were ungodly but the cash flow was awesome, and it was never boring. Some of my drink concoctions are legendary in the Florida Keys! Ask for a Sex on a Key West Beach, or a babymamadrama shooter or a Stock Island Stripper down here and they will be like 'oh you know Sweetnessinlove'. So yeah i had no good reason to get up the duff at that age and im the first to admit common sense was not my forte then, i operated on pure emotion and no logic. But i did change and do right by my girl. Some young moms just want to do right for the kids.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 171
Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 9/24/2010 6:35:11 PM
I also did it 'by the book' when i had baby number 2, was married to a good man, felt stable emotionally and monetarily, and we both wanted to have a baby, yet im 30 and alone and parenting 2 kids alone (not entirely i date some and have fun but have no commited SO, dont know if i even want one at this point after going through the trials and pains of adjusting back to singledom). Life is just bizarre sometimes, but i think if we try to make good life choices, learn from the bad ones and stop making them and mature from them and try our best it turns out ok. No i dont advocate to young ladies to get pregnant, its best to wait.
 ilovehistory
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 172
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Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 9/29/2010 9:05:18 PM

I think the "it won't happen to me" thought is what runs rampant in high school and will forever.
But for every single Mom out there is the guy that fathered the kid and for some reason he does not get the same stigma attached. Whether she works 3 jobs to support her baby or goes on the dole she still gets labelled.


I don't agree about the stigma attached to poor single mothers relative to that attached to poor singe fathers. While its true that a woman who cannot support her kids is looked down on for going on welfare (as she will have to do unless her family is willing/able to financially support her and her children), single fathers who cannot support their kids financially are given no help by the state. Instead, they're treated as criminals and often jailed for something that in many cases amounts to no more a crime than simply being unable to find a job that pays more than $7 an hour. The same problem the single mom often faces, but she is a victim, and is helped by the state. In most parts of the country young people cannot find jobs that pay 'living wages', and no one can support a child on the jobs offered to young men and women today. I think its good that society helps single moms; I wish the same help were extended to the men.

I have long theorized that more fathers would stick around if they could afford to support the kid. How many young single dads from well off families run off? I don't know any, and I know many guys who fathered kids at young ages like that. Myself included! I was 21 and partway through college when my son was born. My family and my son's mother's family were both well off and they made sure that we and our son were supported financially so that we could finish school. My friends in the same situation also came from well-off families and they also remained in their kids' lives. I knew women who had kids with poor men and the men ran for the hills. I think money makes a difference. If the man doesn't have to fear jail or other persecution from the courts (which poor moms don't face...they get welfare that men cannot get, at least in my state), they'd be more likely to be good dads.

I know some of you will dredge up a few examples of rich men who were 'deadbeats'. Fine, there are some, but the vast majority of so called deadbeat dads are men who either cannot find jobs, or who make very little, and do not have support from families with money.

I have custody of my son now, and I support him myself, with no help from family or my son's mother. She cannot afford child support, and I don't ask for it. Its not in my sons best interests to see his mother hounded for money she cannot give. She has mental health problems and lost her good paying job.
 akb4t9
Joined: 2/17/2010
Msg: 173
Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 10/6/2010 6:28:31 AM
i read that 40% of kids nowadays have little or no involvment with their dads. It shows how low morality has gotten and how women easily sleep with losers. Don't listen to all these women who try to tell you otherwise.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 174
Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 10/6/2010 10:27:09 AM

They do..what makes you think they dont?

Both of my childrens fathers had college degrees and lucrative careers, the first one ran. Money and education isnt always indicative of character.
 KiwiBassist
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 175
Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 10/6/2010 12:28:31 PM
yep sweetness, money and education means absolutely nothing to some. My child's other parent has a Master's Degree in Engineering and has a well paying job, but they still ran. Some guys with lower incomes stick around, some don't, has nothing to do with class, eduction or money, they come from all walks of life. They can be a loser either way.
 018lol
Joined: 9/11/2010
Msg: 176
Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 10/13/2010 12:45:48 PM
I was 16 when I had my 1st child and 17 when I had my second, I was married but my ex did anything to make the relationship better, I only took 2 1/2 years taking all of his Bull. I think that woman should not take anything from their husbands, boyfriends, etc if they are cheating, making them live a miserable life, hitting them, abusing of them physically, mentally, verbally or any other way.
Old fashioned would take man's bad treatments, infidelity, harassment, abuse etc.... Not me because, I thought of my children and I don't want them growing in that kind of environment.

That's one of the reasons there is young single mothers out there.....
 Tigerbabygirl
Joined: 10/25/2010
Msg: 177
Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 11/3/2010 10:43:44 AM
Up until the mid-20th century it wasn't uncommon for women to have children by ~20, because a woman's peak fertility was, and still is, age 24, with a huge dip each year after following an asymptotic curve. What was extremely uncommon was for these women to be unmarried; the trend began with people who absconded from their partners while they were away during WWII. Today it's because chicks think they have the right to pleasure without the consequences and their parents aren't bothering to screen their behavior, hence single moms and skittish, broken homes.[\quote]

and it has nothing to do with the men does it? Single mums just get pregnant on their own somehow.

I would say more men think they have the right to pleasure and running away from their responsibilities.

Go get some help terrasauce for you issues, you obviously have an issue with women in general because of your moms revolving door of partners while you were young.
 sexyisback!
Joined: 9/14/2010
Msg: 178
Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 11/3/2010 11:10:35 AM
uh, gee because there's no such thing as birth control or it's just too- gosh-darned 'complicated' to figure it out.

It is people's business to some extent because a very large proportion of these people are living on taxpayer's money (welfare, ADC, etc.)

It happens at least in part because these people KNOW they don't have to be careful/take precautions because they can always go to the gov't for $$ to raise the kid(s) and don't need to earn any money of their own to support them.

Also many young girls/women are deluded and think if they have kids with a guy that will bond the guy to them and he won't leave them, and/or there is somebody who has to love them (the kid).

they might feel lonely/unloved and.or have rather low self-esteem and figure being a mother gives them some esteem
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 179
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Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 12/21/2010 11:39:33 AM
Why is it always the woman who is stigmatised and looked down upon - I will never understand this....

1. The woman has the -only- say in whether that baby is brought to term no matter how much persuading the man does. 100% of the choice, IMO translates to 100% of the flack.
2. Her bringing that child into the world has the potential to complete fvck up 3 people's lives.
3. You can sling as much mud as you want at the guy, but at the end of the day, not only did she sleep with him, but she decided that he was good enough to be the father of her child.
4. With the 18-22 crowd, chances are that they decided to have a baby -before- they finished going to school and -before- they got their life in order. Which means they're probably going to school and/or working a whole lot, hence not spending a whole lot of time raising their children.
 jenn8131
Joined: 11/12/2010
Msg: 180
Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 12/21/2010 12:55:45 PM

1. The woman has the -only- say in whether that baby is brought to term no matter how much persuading the man does. 100% of the choice, IMO translates to 100% of the flack.
2. Her bringing that child into the world has the potential to complete fvck up 3 people's lives.
3. You can sling as much mud as you want at the guy, but at the end of the day, not only did she sleep with him, but she decided that he was good enough to be the father of her child.
4. With the 18-22 crowd, chances are that they decided to have a baby -before- they finished going to school and -before- they got their life in order. Which means they're probably going to school and/or working a whole lot, hence not spending a whole lot of time raising their children.


Typical patriarchal BS and exactly why women are stigmatized. Because we live in a patriarchal/western society. This was not always the norm it has unfortunately become the "norm". All you have to do is look at history with the rise of the catholic church. Women are expected to follow "certain" behavior and if they don't they are stigmatized, and marginalized. This is unfortunately the world we live in. You play by societies rules otherwise ur a misfit. I personally don't mind being a misfit and outside societies norms.
And mrcs84 you do a wonderful job at describing the typical BS of western society. Its not that way everywhere but unfortunately seems to be spreading. In other countries women aren't discouraged, punished for having children. And a single parent is fully capable of raising a happy child-- lot of messed up people come from 2 parent homes.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 181
Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 12/21/2010 1:10:34 PM

1. The woman has the -only- say in whether that baby is brought to term no matter how much persuading the man does. 100% of the choice, IMO translates to 100% of the flack.

Besides the "flack" part, hard to argue with that...
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 182
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Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 12/21/2010 1:46:45 PM
Typical patriarchal BS and exactly why women are stigmatized. Because we live in a patriarchal/western society. This was not always the norm it has unfortunately become the "norm". All you have to do is look at history with the rise of the catholic church. Women are expected to follow "certain" behavior and if they don't they are stigmatized, and marginalized. This is unfortunately the world we live in. You play by societies rules otherwise ur a misfit. I personally don't mind being a misfit and outside societies norms.

Well, that's the society you live in. Deal with it.


And a single parent is fully capable of raising a happy child-- lot of messed up people come from 2 parent homes.

It is indeed possible. I personally know of several cases where the person turned out well. However, chances are significantly more likely that the "messed up" people will come out of a 1 parent home.

And before anyone asks for some statistics...here is a pretty exhausting page on the effect of single parenting vs two parenting.

http://www.civitas.org.uk/pubs/experiments.php
 jenn8131
Joined: 11/12/2010
Msg: 183
Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 12/21/2010 2:16:47 PM

Well, that's the society you live in. Deal with it.


What an ignorant thing to say. Is that your answer to racisim too? Deal with it? Wonder if African Americans had just "tolerated slavery, had just lived with the jim crow laws of the South". Let me guess your okay with the token success of a few African Americans in the US while a huge percent of African Americans still live in poverty. Due to decades of abuse, being objectived, and stereotyped and not even being classified as human. But is that your attitude with that too-- deal with it. There have been a lot of people who have challenged the status quo, and its a good thing don't you think?
But yes your successful because of your own abilities. Never mind the civil rights movement, or affirmative action laws, you did it all on your own. Wonder how successful you would be if society hadn't changed? Maybe you should study some history and see that change is possible. Or maybe even look at some other countries maybe expand your knowledge a little bit.

Of course a 2 parent family is more successful than a single female headed family. Our society does not encourage women having children out of wedlock. Look at how single headed female families do in Sweden where women have access to national daycare. They do much better. In North American we punish these young mothers. Their opportunity for upper education becomes much harder. Jobs women typically do (service jobs) are low paying while men without education can still get good paying job (trades). Because man's work is seen as more valuable than a woman's. And women were seen as leaving the work force once they left to have a family because they had the man to support them. Of course you have the statistics to back up your argument because once again we live in a patriarchal society. I wasn't disagreeing with you or your post. I just called it what it is patriarchal bullshit. And I don't have to deal with it I can challenge it if I want.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 184
Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 12/21/2010 2:48:11 PM
^^^ Your second paragraph is a reach in some respects.
Lots of single moms here get government sponsored educations and many of those institutions provide daycare as well at a small cost. My ex-gf is enrolled at the U of M (Minnesota) and gets very low cost daycare in exchange for two hours per month of watching over the kids in the center as an assistant to the head person.
Young mothers get comparatively easy access to government assistance compared to those without children. Show up with a birth certificate that shows you as the mother and you're going to get a monthly check.
Men without education cannot get into a trade anymore, most require a certificate from a trade school that can take three years to obtain, depending on the trade. If not, they must pass through an apprentice program, which does not pay very well. Women also have access to these jobs (carpentry, plumbing, welding, electronics, all are jobs women are more than capable of) and are actually encouraged in the name of diversity and affirmitive action.
College enrollments, especially graduate school, are far and away becomming dominated by women, while male suicide rates keep increasing.
If you want to cry about being a woman and how it is a disadvantage to you, there are people who will listen and sympathize. If you cry about being a man and the enourmous pressures on males in societies world wide, no one will listen; they will tell you "be a man and shut your pie hole."


But is that your attitude with that too-- deal with it.
That's exactly what the Civil Rights Movement was; dealing with it.

I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but you're running down an entire group of people (men) who are on a serious decline and nothing is really being done about it from a policy stand point.

Story: My friend's wife came home one day with an announcement. She was cheating on him and wanted a divorce. She did not work, and he did all the house work, too (yes, he was a pushover). She took him to court, and the infidelity didn't matter at all. She got the house, custody of the kids, and a generous monthly payment. Now her and her new man are living in his house, that he is still paying for, and he's now reduced to part time dad.
How is that "patriarchal bullshyt?" Oh yeah, the judge was a man.

And that folks, is why I'll never get married. No advantage to a man, what so ever.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 185
Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 12/21/2010 2:48:50 PM
I'm not quite so worried about how many single moms there are under 22...

I'm more concerned about how many fat girls there are that are under 22.


it wasn't like that when I was under 22....

there are tons of fatties and chubbies young girls in the younger generation - even one without kids...
 jenn8131
Joined: 11/12/2010
Msg: 186
Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 12/21/2010 3:34:21 PM
Yeah things have changed for women and thats because women have done stuff about it too... feminist movements.
Things are getting harder for everyone not just women. In BC we have the lowest min wage in the country. Also most jobs won't even give u 40 hours a week. Everything has been outsourced. We no longer have the manufacturing centre that we used to have that supported many people.
I'm not saying it isn't hard for a man either. My dad worked over 30 yrs at a sawmill making over $20 an hour raised his kids put them through university and now he works at walmart for $10 an hour. Would I have had the opportunity to go to school if my dad was on a walmart salary? Probably not my parents helped me out a lot the first time around. The middle class is shrinking at a rapid rate. I'm not running down men i'm running down the capitalist patriarchal system that comes up with this bshit. And maybe men that spouse this same narrowminded crap.

I agree with Karl Marx - marriage is a legalized form of prostitutioin. There really are no benefits to getting married. You get all the same rights in common law in Canada with out the big "show". Save yourself a ton of money that you waist on a party that could be used on your future as a family. And plus in all honesty most relationships have a 5 yr life span.

Now the reason why most women/men in north america are overweight is because hello Macdonalds need we say more? and all the perservative crap that is put in our food. The overweight epedemic isn't just impacting women.
 Blu_Angie
Joined: 11/7/2010
Msg: 187
Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 12/21/2010 4:37:18 PM
The amount of single mothers should have been dropping since the 1970s... I guess HIV is not an important enough concern to practice safe sex!!!
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 188
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Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 12/22/2010 12:53:14 AM
NO.
It's likely the 'messed up' people will come from a poorer area.


Yeah, and the link outlines the potential for single parents being poorer:
- Lone mothers are twice as likely as two-parent families to live in poverty at any one time (69% of lone mothers are in the bottom 40% of household income versus 34% of couples with children).

-Lone parents have twice as much risk of experiencing persistent low income (spending three out of four years in the bottom 30% of household income) as couples with children – 50% versus 22%.

- Lone parents are more than twice as likely as couples with children to have no savings (68% versus 28%).

- Lone parents are eight times as likely to live in a workless household as couples with children (45% versus 5.4%).

- Lone parent households are over twelve times as likely to be receiving income support as couples with dependent children (51% versus 4%). They are 2.5 times as likely to be receiving working families tax credit (24% versus 9%).


And it most certainly does outline the potential for children being more messed up regardless of how well off the parents are. It also cites its sources (all 112 of them), while you're just pulling things out of your @ss.
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