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 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 282
Being in The Right League Page 14 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
^^^^^
After some thought I think someone "out of your league" means they are substantially better looking than you by the general populace, in combination with being potentially more "upscale" than us in style and that way about them. If the combination of the two is substantially higher than where we are, we consider them "out of our league".

Some may say "oh there's no such thing; I have confidence"... first I'd say that's silly. One would have low confidence if they had to be in denial of some folks being better looking or more upscale than they are. I think one can have confidence knowing they're roughly a 7/10 in looks where 5 is average, and not quite that "upscale" and sees himself about a 7/10 on that scale.

There are gray areas... and a gal who he sees as a 5/10 in looks but very "upscale" (9/10) in her appearance and attitude is hard to tell if she's out of the league of him who's 8/10 in looks, but a 4/10 in being "upscale".

I think that's why you'll see some girls who aren't naturally very pretty at all, but their dress, style, and maticulousness are carefully crafted ("upscale") so they make up for it, thus bumping them up a "league".

I think many times it's unclear, and only clear when you don't feel you're their type (they're a little more 'upscale'), and at the same time, you feel they could get a guy substantially better looking than you, too. It's a judgment call -- not by your own eyes, but how they see you and where they tend to be.
 db281981
Joined: 9/9/2008
Msg: 283
Being in The Right League
Posted: 2/25/2009 12:40:29 PM
azureorb- I get that, but it's I'm still wondering if it matters what league you are competeing in or if you even know which league (not you personally, just using 'you' as a pronoun.)

A different example to maybe explain better what I'm trying to say. I have a friend who is generally considered very pretty. She gets a lot of attention and compliments and has no problem meeting men. She is constantly asked why she is single, or how it's possible that a girl who looks like her could be single.....etc. But the men she meets are not the type that she would want a relationship with which is why she is single. They may be in her league appearance wise, but then maybe it's the nice guy with the sweet smile and humor or whatever that she would prefer to be with. You know, the one that would never ask her out because she's out of his league.
 DocElffington
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 284
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Being in The Right League
Posted: 2/26/2009 7:07:02 PM
Maybe she needs to learn some assertiveness and pick the kind of guy she'd like to be with and get the ball rolling?

Maybe the guys she'd be interested in are looking at the women in their league because the guys figure they have no chance with her anyway?
 db281981
Joined: 9/9/2008
Msg: 285
Being in The Right League
Posted: 2/27/2009 8:34:36 AM
Mr. Provocative - You are right. That would at least potentially solve her problem. But when I posted that example I wasn't looking at it in terms of how to solve the problem so much as whether or not considering leagues or determining them differently can cause a handicap in the dating world for either or both parties. Yes, she can probably just do something to solve the problem which is the best and most logically advice; but I guess I was just thinking wouldn't it be nice if the problem didn't exist to begin with?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 286
Being in The Right League
Posted: 2/27/2009 11:35:00 AM
laree27,

I don't think a personality trait (like sense of humor or niceness) makes one in a better or worse league. May make them a better match...

But I think 'league' refers to looks+status. She must be at LEAST in your league in looks, but her status should be significantly higher in that case. Also, she could be prettier than most girls you could land a date with, but she's laid back, not upscale, and in your "type" zone.

My thoughts and examples to clarify:
"I wouldn't say she's out of my league, because she's not that pretty... but she's just really upscale, so she's just not my type and vice versa."
"Yeah, she's out of my league. She's not super-hot, but she's fine looking, and a famous singer..."
"Yeah, she's out of my league when she goes to the bar, that's her thing, so I guess she is. You take all that makeup and the upscale dress away, and her natural beauty's decent, but not out of my league. However, look at the upscale guys she hangs with and do chase her. She's not my type, and she fancies the upscale guys who would be out of her league if she wasn't so dolled up with sophistication when she went out."
"No, I wouldn't say she's out of my league. She's down-to-earth just like any normal middle-america gal, but she's just naturally really pretty."
 db281981
Joined: 9/9/2008
Msg: 287
Being in The Right League
Posted: 2/27/2009 1:17:27 PM
azureorb - Thanks for taking the time to clarify that for me. I think the idea I was having a hard time with falls into your last example and being in your type zone regardless of league. But then reading your post I see how the more you interacted with someone the more clear the type match would be and probably overcome whatever 'league' issues there would otherwise be.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 288
Being in The Right League
Posted: 2/27/2009 4:55:56 PM
laree27,

Oh, one clarification I may have mistyped. Goes with the last example... If the girl is prettier than you but she's laid back and not at all of any more "upscale" type than you, then she's NOT out of your league.

Therefore, with that last example -- she's your type in general (as far as "upscale" or "downscale" goes)... and she's just prettier, no she's not out of your league. Now, if she's A LOT prettier than a girl you could realistically ever get -- YES, then she is out of your league.

A girl would have to be several more steps up in better looking, if she's your same type of being upscale/maticulous/etc, to be considered "out of your league".

Usually, it's a combination of both. Average Joe at bar sees fancy upscale dressed lady who's really good looking, hobknobing with guys in suits or close to it. She's out of his league. Out of your league means "very little to no chance".

Average Joe doesn't have to be bitter about it, because she's not his type anyway... but he knows she's more upscale and hotter than his demographic, thus, he would have no chance anyway if he was looking for a quick fling or something.
 db281981
Joined: 9/9/2008
Msg: 290
Being in The Right League
Posted: 2/27/2009 8:37:01 PM

Although...wow, I do have to say, there are actually "leagues"? I must have been oblivious all these years! Gads, I probably should have reigned my ego in in that case in the past, rather than just being my usual bull-in-a-china-shop self, eh?

It never really occured to me to NOT go for someone simply because they might be "out of my league", to be honest. Damned pesky ego, I guess.



That''s hilarious! I agree this thread has been very interesting and thought provoking........but don't change girl, if it hasn't effected you thus far it's probably not all that important for you to notice now!

Azureorb - thanks again for the further clarification!
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 291
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Being in The Right League
Posted: 2/27/2009 9:21:07 PM

Statistics show that 1 out of every 10 men cheat. Whereas only 1 out of every 4 women cheat.

Um, that means that women are *more* likely to cheat than men are...
 compleat_man
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 292
Being in The Right League
Posted: 2/28/2009 8:42:03 AM
^^^


Statistics show that 1 out of every 10 men cheat. Whereas only 1 out of every 4 women cheat.

Um, that means that women are *more* likely to cheat than men are...


yes, to the poster who said that..do you realize in other words you said that 10% of men cheat, and 25% of women cheat?

I doubt the veracity of such a wide spread..if heterosexual men or women are cheating they are presumably doing it with people of the opposite sex; thus the numbers should be fairly close to equal..unless you are saying a person part of a couple is ;cheating' with a lot of single people; but in most cases like that the single person knows the other is not single, and that is also cheating of a sort.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 293
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History
Being in The Right League
Posted: 2/28/2009 3:27:49 PM

yes, to the poster who said that..do you realize in other words you said that 10% of men cheat, and 25% of women cheat?

I doubt the veracity of such a wide spread

Plus, I did a quick Google search and every site I found gave statistics that showed that men and women are about equally likely to cheat. Which sounds about right to me.
 strait-country
Joined: 3/12/2009
Msg: 295
Being in The Right League
Posted: 3/30/2009 6:19:32 AM
8567: women are just as shallow
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 298
Being in The Right League
Posted: 4/10/2009 7:53:03 AM

I don't think about league, to be honest with you. I go for whomever I am attracted to, and I'm not just talking about physical attraction.

You are overlooking the fact that those to wom you are attracted (and actually see as accessible) will be affected by who you think you can attract. You don't have to be talking about just physical apperance (and I'm sure most people aren't), but most people are only going to mitigate so much in their willingness to make tradeoffs.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 300
Being in The Right League
Posted: 4/10/2009 9:49:18 AM

I have attracted several different types of guys within various different "leagues". Therefore, I don't feel as though I am good enough for certain "leagues" and not enough for others. So, as mentioned before, I will go for whomever I am attracted to, regardless of how unattainble that man may seem. If it works out, great. If not, that's perfectly fine.

Unless you're saying you'll go for a person who is physically attractive regardless of what that person's other qualities are, you over simplified what I said. I didn't think that was what you were saying in the post to which I replied. If you're saying that you'll go after the best looking person you can find without having more to offer than looks, you aren't being realistic. On the other hand, if you you know you have something to offer that person he can't easily find in someone else, then your comment makes sense, but at the same time, that was my point in my earlier comment.
 CutTheCurtains
Joined: 9/17/2012
Msg: 302
Being in The Right League
Posted: 10/3/2012 8:13:34 PM
For what I always thought is that people date other people who they consider being their equals, and this is done subconsciously.'

I think we all have once saw a couple walking at the mall and thought '' Wow, why is she with THAT guy? He must be.....etc''.

It's probably because they consider themselves in the same league. It has nothing to do with how you view someone, but its about how you view yourself. You have low self esteem, You probably won't be flirting with the dude with the hard abs an the colgate commercial smile. If you're scrawny but have charisma, confidence and humour, you could possibly suceed in winning beach babe's heart.
 LDW61
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 303
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History
Being in The Right League
Posted: 10/10/2012 8:25:43 PM
well i have one question .. what league am I in.. ? several of the attractive guys i have sent messages to have never replied. am i not pretty enough.. is my profile not well written or did i not give enough info. I seem to have plenty of older men, and black men contact me when my profile states i am interested in WHITE men between the ages of 48-55 . i just dont seem to be attracting what i am looking for.
 Robin.Doeve
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 304
Being in The Right League
Posted: 10/10/2012 8:35:50 PM
It's funny how all the men say they don't believe in leagues, it's because they think they can get any woman, no matter how gorgeous or successful she is. Truth be told, there definitely are leagues, sorry to burst your bubble.

I usually try to look for guys that "match" me, they are compatible with me physically, where they are in life etc. etc.

And I'm definitely able to say that there are men out there that are out of my league, I'd be intimidated if someone ten times better looking approached me.
 TheDeliberateStranger
Joined: 4/24/2012
Msg: 305
Being in The Right League
Posted: 10/10/2012 10:50:24 PM
^^^^ wow there we have it guys. the truth spoken!
 Octane_Rush
Joined: 9/22/2012
Msg: 306
Being in The Right League
Posted: 10/10/2012 10:52:34 PM
[quote\ It's funny how all the men say they don't believe in leagues, it's because they think they can get any woman, no matter how gorgeous or successful she is. Truth be told, there definitely are leagues, sorry to burst your bubble.

I usually try to look for guys that "match" me, they are compatible with me physically, where they are in life etc. etc.

And I'm definitely able to say that there are men out there that are out of my league, I'd be intimidated if someone ten times better looking approached me.

EXACTLY! Guys are pompous jerkwads. I operate on the assumption no woman would want me; it's better to have no self-confidence than to be arrogant. It's a doctrine I preach to us subaverage guys.
 thepigofyourdreams
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 307
Being in The Right League
Posted: 10/11/2012 5:58:53 AM

EXACTLY! Guys are pompous jerkwads. I operate on the assumption no woman would want me; it's better to have no self-confidence than to be arrogant. It's a doctrine I preach to us subaverage guys.


One can be confident without being arrogant.

I am confident, and make absolutely no apologies for it whatsoever. If someone misinterprets it as arrogance, I couldn't care less. It's their problem. I'm not about to downplay it just to avoid any accusations.

There is nothing good about no self-confidence. It's not protecting you from anything. It's nothing but misery.
 _Leahcim_
Joined: 9/10/2012
Msg: 308
Being in The Right League
Posted: 10/11/2012 6:30:46 AM

One can be confident without being arrogant.

I am confident, and make absolutely no apologies for it whatsoever. If someone misinterprets it as arrogance, I couldn't care less. It's their problem. I'm not about to downplay it just to avoid any accusations.

There is nothing good about no self-confidence. It's not protecting you from anything. It's nothing but misery.


^^^^ Precisely!! Those who let validation from others determine their self worth are on the wrong path.
 chrismac1982
Joined: 9/2/2012
Msg: 309
Being in The Right League
Posted: 10/11/2012 7:09:58 AM
Most chicks, guys too will try and try and try to get that perfect 10, when they are not worthy of a perfect 10 because they aren't one either. So they wait and wait and wait. When they get in their 40's, their biological clock is ticking, and they realize they have to get what they can before it is too late. That is when they go for poindexter because "He is a nice guy".

Remember this, a woman would rather share a guy who is a 10 with several other women, than have a 9 all to herself.
 Midwest_Southwest
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 310
Being in The Right League
Posted: 10/11/2012 7:51:57 AM

Instead, men, regardless of their level of attractiveness, are inclined to always go for the big prize, even if they know they stand no chance to get it.


Disagree with this. While I think men might be thrilled to have a relationship with the most beautiful woman they can, the majority of men I’ve known do not want a relationship with a woman that is wealthier, much more educated or of significantly higher status- someone that they perceive as having greater power or status than they do.


I noticed that in-the-league and out-of-league borders are continuously shifting based on level of confidence, physical, emotional or social shape.


I think that’s true.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 311
Being in The Right League
Posted: 10/11/2012 10:39:03 PM
Hmmmm... I've always found the concept of the 'leagues' things as very interesting, even though I don't really understand it. I think we all know what an quite-to-really attractive person is, and what a not-very-to-not-so-attractive person is, but how granular does it get? I mean, how does one even know where in the narrower part of the spectrum to they lie?

See, I don't have any idea how attractive to consider myself, not just in the granular sense, just not at all. ¯\(°_o)/¯ Is there some secret to figuring it out, or is it a bunch of hooey? I mean, on semi-regular occasion I have women tell me stuff like I'm "gorgeous" out of the blue, or "You must have women all over you?" (as a recent female client told me in a meeting), but to say I was even marginally successful in the dating world would a gross overstatement... LOL! I'm fairly certain I'm a homely mofo that occasionally gets lucky when solar flare radiation slips through cracks in the atmosphere and interferes with women's brainwaves. I gave up utterly on here as I've gotten no replies in hundreds upon hundreds of messages, interspersed by the occasional woman fawning over me (usually sent from somewhere like the U.K.). But then again, I've dated women I'd consider (and most others would to) nines. Girls with modeling portfolios... who thought I was attractive as well. And then, most of my girlfriends have been in far worse physical shape than myself (maybe I just have an ugly face), which is more objective than subjective. So, what's my league?
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 312
Being in The Right League
Posted: 10/12/2012 7:22:40 PM

My personal dating experience confirms this theory. It was one time when I lowered my bar and tried to date people under my standard. To my surprise, I was constantly rejected (with some exceptions that were explained otherwise) and did not know the reason until I read that study.


This is why I am how I am. If I am going to be rejected anyway, I might as well actually go for the ones I like.
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