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 victoriasnewsecret
Joined: 1/23/2008
Msg: 126
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Being in The Right League Page 3 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
I went on a date with a guy once who I thought was out of my league in pretty much every respect. I proceeded to sabotage myself right out of having any chance with him.. lol, not on purpose unfortunately. I knew I was doing it and couldn't stop myself.

After growing up a little, I really regret that! Still talk to him but doubt things will ever progress, I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm insane
 Brownlady1953
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 127
Being in The Right League
Posted: 1/13/2009 7:41:42 AM
Fingerpick68, I have to agree with you....in my profession, I hardly EVER see elected officials openly date (and certainly not marry) women (or men), who don't have their same "status." Use them, maybe (I've seen a LOT OF that), but never, ever be seen with them in public.....
 wnight
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 128
Being in The Right League
Posted: 1/13/2009 8:46:08 AM
I could not imagin what could be in my league, if there was one. I like everyone. Would I date everyone , no. wow.. what a topic

When you say

How 'bout trying to give 'em a chance and being turn down? That enough for you to be in a different league?


I notice a lot of women on this site seem to not respond back or give it a chance, dispite the fact they are overwhelmed with other e-mails. There is a lot more to a person then what is on a profile like the OP mentioned.
 FortyFine44122
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 132
Being in The Right League
Posted: 1/14/2009 4:50:28 PM

For example, only women who look like Nicole Kidman, can have men who look like Hugh Jackman
.....
It's not just sexual attraction or physical attraction. For me, sometimes it's intellectual attraction as well. If I meet a guy who's super brainy, even though I consider myself a fairly intelligent person, a part of me is going to be thinking, am I brainy enough for him, or will I bore him eventually
LakeCountyGal, I hope you understand that this is only in your head there is no absolute beauty, even smarts are subjective. He might be smart enough to PhD in nuclear physics, but not smart enough to make right choices in his life. A woman might be even beautiful, but when she opens her mouth, she won't stand a competition from just an average girl.....well, maybe for one night she would

I never been intimidated with any man I've been dating. FYI, I am this poor "waitress" everyone is referring in this topic...and I might keep doing it for quite some time. I guess, men, I've been daiting, were concern about my profession, but definitely not all of them. So what?

Everything in your head, lady. If you consider yourself out of someone's league, you will be.

A man who's very sophisticated, world traveled, whatever, seems out of reach for someone like me
They are everywhere - it's not that complicated to travel (and not that expensive a waitress couldn't afford), it depends on priorities. If you prefer shopping 24/7, definitely you won't have money to travel. if oyu don't like to read, and you prefer simple funny comics, who to complain? Try to be something what you are looking in a man...and you will get what you are equal to.

Fear is the most dangerous thing, which destroy hope.....if you want to be happy - just be happy! and please, don't think about leagues (unless you want to marry a Prince some day.....then it's just not enough princes over there...competition is too hard)
 FortyFine44122
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 134
Being in The Right League
Posted: 1/15/2009 9:31:29 AM

It seems that women pursue matches that they feel are right for them. They could reject valuable men.
Instead, men, regardless of their level of attractiveness, are inclined to always go for the big prize, even if they know they stand no chance to get it.
Hey, fingerpick68, the quote above is from your OP.
Now you are stating, that
Being in the right league with someone has less to do with the confidence of approaching and dating someone, and more with the ability to retain that partner for longer time

I am trying to persuade a woman that she can do it, too....if she has confidence to pursue what she wants.

Now, about ability to retain a partner for long time. you are particularly right about it. I know that good looks&good sex alone won't help it. It's why my advice was to revise yourself and see if you are a good match to the men you are attracted to.

From my experience, you can't build any relationship with someone, you are not attracted on the skin-deep level. It's why men win the game, when starting with looks...and women analyze way too much from start. I believe if they would be more confident and keep eye on big prize, they would reach more in business, in personal life...which dating is part of.
 Cogie36
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 135
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Being in The Right League
Posted: 1/15/2009 9:34:12 AM
If someone says they are out of someone elses league to me that says that you think you are better then they are......thats a turn off in my opinion.......everyone has preferences but there are no leagues in dating......
 FortyFine44122
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 137
Being in The Right League
Posted: 1/15/2009 11:04:33 AM

Women, on the other hand, can be very critical and judgmental of other women. They will often engage is gossip and put-downs if a woman is seeing someone her friends consider out of her league or having a relationship they consider "improper."
This is very true
So, just go for it and don't tell your friends
 FortyFine44122
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 139
Being in The Right League
Posted: 1/15/2009 12:15:55 PM

Women are traditional housekeepers. When they are not predators and they look for an actual long-term partner, usually they look for someone to fill their inner needs, someone to fill them and complete them. That man might not be necessary "the big prize" when it comes to attractiveness
but what does it have to do with League?
Women go for men they are attracted to. If they afraid to do that for some reasons, they just don't have enough self-esteem in the first place.

If I were in child-bearing age, I'd go for good looking guys so my children wouldn't be ugly. It's natural. Of course, most good looking guys are already too spoiled with women's attention, so I would chose someone, who can be a stable partner as well...at least until children are grown.

Once I am adult and more mature, I choose by different criteria. Yes, he has to coinside with me on many levels (it's why so much more complicated to find the right man now than 20 years ago), but it's still not a league. It's my preferences.

Would I be bold enough to go for good looking guy, much better off than me in any meaning? Yes, if I would be interested in him. This is the only reason I am dating anyone. Well, if he wouldn't be interested in me - good luck, it happens. But why wouldn't I go for him in the first place?

Because I am a traditional housekeeper and this man is too good for my house???
There is no such man
 compleat_man
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 140
Being in The Right League
Posted: 1/15/2009 12:17:57 PM
BlueLike Jazz777 says:


I get you won't date a gorgeous, yet stupid, waitress...

I get that you would date a waitress that is gorgeous, but has 'evolved' & is considered a higher class individual.

I think where you are lacking in communication is that you keep waffling between looks & social class. Stick to a point, and be consistent with it...


um, what about an (unknown looks) but arrogant, stuck-up social- climbing bytch who looks down on other people who earn an honest living?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 143
Being in The Right League
Posted: 1/15/2009 2:22:49 PM
there is no absolute beauty, even smarts are subjective. He might be smart enough to PhD in nuclear physics, but not smart enough to make right choices in his life. A woman might be even beautiful, but when she opens her mouth, she won't stand a competition from just an average girl.....well, maybe for one night she would

There isn't such thing as absolute beauty or intelligence -- but they're not purely subjective. I'm not being shallow whatsoever when I say that, just because people would rather hear otherwise. Also, someone who has a PhD in nuclear physics may very well have better skills at English class, too, than the average Joe (but not required). I say never assume someone who is smart in something big must be equally dumb in something else big. Many bright people are just plain bright. Don't get me wrong, though -- there are people just smart in one area and clueless in others.

Beauty is subjective beyond the basics, as there is an objective foundation to the judgment of beauty. A hunch-back midget covered in hair and missing teeth -- that's not visually attractive and there's no beauty to it. Don't get me wrong, beauty-judgment skews and is influenced by our experiences, etc. But foundationally, we all can separate ugly from beautiful. Also, when it comes to status, too.

Sure, there's "that guy" who will rate a girl a 9/10 when most guys think she's a 3-4/10. But I'm talking about mass opinion. (I know, this sounds sooo shallow; I'm just being observant).

It'd be cruel to tell a guy who has little education, work experience, and is rated to be a 3.5/10 in looks by most women, to go hit successful business women who are rated to be a 9+ in looks. Bottom line: He'll get shot down, left and right. His self-esteem will shatter.

I'm just saying there are -general- sections of "leagues" when it comes to looks or status. It definitely has it's general flexibility, don't get me wrong. However, telling someone in low league-ranking that pretending there's no such thing is positive -- ends up being negative by the lack of results he may return (again, low league ranking; not average joe getting a girl who's prettier than his better looking buddies' girls).
 Ender330
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 145
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Being in The Right League
Posted: 1/15/2009 3:06:26 PM
I'm in the Big League...I'm into Big League Chew!!!
WTF...what is a league anyway? Who sets up these league and what are the rules? It's mostly us Americans who buy into and fall into this League stuff...
 briargate
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 150
Being in The Right League
Posted: 1/15/2009 4:10:01 PM
Japan is like that as well, perhaps even more obnoxious. A friend of mine taught English over there and he had a female colleague that had made a circle of Japanese friends. My friend told me that this was common for a circle of Japanese to latch onto an American and take them in. They did up the town, went to exclusive parties, and for all outward appearances were buddies. But at some point, one of them just announced to the girl, "That's it. We are done with you. Good bye." No one would talk to her anymore. This was a common thing to happen, my friend said.
 compleat_man
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 151
Being in The Right League
Posted: 1/15/2009 4:14:17 PM

I guess this is the most clear example of league that comes to mind.


wouldn't the 'caste' system in India be even clearer? they even wear different clothes and markings

or the idea written about By Aldous Huxley in "Brave New World"- every one divided into classes -Alphas, Betas, etc. each with different colored uniforms.

are you saying that you feel teh French model is 'better' ?
 Ender330
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 152
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Being in The Right League
Posted: 1/15/2009 4:47:38 PM
More Idiots...we do not have a cast system here and this is not FRANCE...

It's AMERICAAAAAA...get it right... and most of us are not in the upper 10% so we are all in the same freakin Little Titanic! When it sinks...we all go down together!

If you make 20k a year or $100k a year you still can't play with the boys who make $1,000,00 a year. So your all in the same damn league...its just that most of us don't realize it!
 Ender330
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 155
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Being in The Right League
Posted: 1/17/2009 9:21:13 AM


Wallet game is weak game, mi amigo.


As week as it may seem to you. It is the game that is played by everyone world wide...money = power = respect. Money, Power, Respect...

First you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the respect! Who has more money? Whoopi Goldberg or Oprah. Both have respect but who has more? And as far as POWER ha ha we know one can do their fair share to get presidents elected.



Go to any American average high-school and you will find all kind of leagues. The league of geeks, dorks and freaks, who will keep generally to themselves.


Yea that works great until you ahh get into what I like to call the real world. 5-10 years out of high school...all that league bullshiii changes! Girls that wouldn't even speak my name in high school...want to get together for dates, to have kids, and for financial advice....WTF!

So again...for all us shucks who don't run around in the Million Dollar league...we are all part of the same loser league...we just try to make ourselves feel better about our position by trying to set up leagues within a league....pathetic as it might seem, it is true!
 compleat_man
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 156
Being in The Right League
Posted: 1/17/2009 9:23:36 AM

Go to any American average high-school and you will find all kind of leagues. The league of geeks, dorks and freaks, who will keep generally to themselves.


Yea that works great until you ahh get into what I like to call the real world. 5-10 years out of high school...all that league bullshiii changes! Girls that wouldn't even speak my name in high school...want to get together for dates, to have kids, and for financial advice....WTF!


hahah yeah I remember the "hottie untouchable goddesses" of high school

see them 5-10 years later and most look like haggard used-up slovenly matrons..most with 4-5 kids in tow

the "party life" often wears off the gloss ;)

VVVVVVVVVV


^^^There's also the weight issue. Most "hot" women and men in high school became quite overweight after high school. Whereas the skinny, nerdy people became hot.

Unfortunately, when you are in HS the future doesn't matter. It's what's happening to you in the now....


yeah, or made a lot of money , too ;)

I doubt that Bill Gates was overwhelmed with 'hottie girls' banging down his door for dates in high school.. "Revenge of The Nerds"

true, "today" is the most important thing.

VVVVVVVVVVVvv
 Tyegolfsndallas
Joined: 3/10/2008
Msg: 159
Being in The Right League
Posted: 1/17/2009 7:05:06 PM
What are your experiences in-your-league versus out of your league?

I noticed that in-the-league and out-of-league borders are continuously shifting based on level of confidence, physical, emotional or social shape.

THIS WAS THE ORIGINAL POSTER'S QUESTION

In my opinion it makes good sense to have a working definition of what's debated in order to intelligently argue a view. The word here in question is "League", did you look it up to get a definition of what it is? For those of you who haven't looked up the word, here is what "Dictionary (dot) (com)" states that the definition is:
league[b/]
noun, verb, leagued, lea·guing.
–noun 1. a covenant or compact made between persons, parties, states, etc., for the promotion or maintenance of common interests or for mutual assistance or service.
2. the aggregation of persons, parties, states, etc., associated in such a covenant or compact; confederacy.
3. an association of individuals having a common goal.
4. a group of athletic teams organized to promote mutual interests and to compete chiefly among themselves: a bowling league.
5. Sports. a. major league.
b. minor league.

6. group; class; category: As a pianist he just simply isn't in your league.
–verb (used with object), verb (used without object) 7. to unite in a league; combine.
—Idiom8. in league, working together, often secretly or for a harmful purpose; united.
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To answer your question from my perspective "Fingerprick68" I have to say that "in-your-league" mingling for me works out 10 out of 10 times better than "out of your league". The common geared aspirations and goals that have been achieved or exposure that people "in my league" have makes our interaction more meaningful. Who wants to have a conversation with a volleyball, other than "Tom Hanks" in the movie "Cast Away"? I want to carry worthwhile conversation and interaction that leaves me bettering myself, or leaves me wallowing in the past fun. I don't want useless conversation and interaction that makes wonder why in the heck I spent my time and or money on being there. Heck the person in that situation might as well be a volleyball because I'd want to kick the living crap out of them for wasting my time I've been on the lower and higher perspective of this scale in my life. I've been the more achieved and also the lesser achieved and even as the lesser I was still well above average. The issue I found as the more achieved was that the person was always on guard no matter if I didn't care or not. It was always them saying or feeling they weren't good enough, so that put their self esteem at risk and they would let themselves be happy. The issue I found as the lesser achieved was that the core circles and values the higher achieving person had really meant nothing to me so our mingling didn't really has as much meaning. Even though there were some good times shared. All in all I say there are exceptions to most rules but in my life it's better to stick within “your-own-league", and this is coming from a man who has been above average for quite sometime. Peace.......
 Tyegolfsndallas
Joined: 3/10/2008
Msg: 160
Being in The Right League
Posted: 1/17/2009 7:16:18 PM
Before anyone comments on all the "Bold" I had no idea that the whole thing was going to come out that way.. LAUGHING MY BUTT OFFFF.... I SWEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL... I only wanted the part that said "This is the original posters question"... LOL!!!!!!! I'm not screaming nor was it my intent.

On the other note. For all of the people who argue whether or not "Leagues" exist, well lets just say that you are arguing a loosing battle. The definition of the word and it's meaning being put in action notates an existance. You are only making yourself look utterly dumb if you don't acknowledge they exist. You can disagree with them but how can you say they don't exist. Moron's.... It's like Charles Barkley stating "I am not a role model". Know matter how much he sought out to just be himself, lesser people of envy followed and mocked his antics. Henceforth, he had to publicly announce that no matter how much he wanted to just be an individual and be judged for his sole actions, he had a responsibility because of his success to be more mindful. Point being...... You may choose to say you don't believe in it but it doesn't disolve the fact that it's there...
 aliveone1
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 161
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Being in The Right League
Posted: 1/17/2009 7:18:45 PM
Frankly, I am just confused by this question, to tell you the truth. I must be in a "league of my own"! LOL I would have no idea what defines a league or what league I should be shooting for! LOL ????? I just go for people who intrigue me for some reason, and these people are so varied that I can't see how any of them could possibly fit into the same category. Unless I just label it, "The league of Awesome People"! Hey, maybe we could start up our own bowling team!

League, Smeeg. Whether they exist or not, I choose to ignore them!
 dugfrsh90
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 163
Being in The Right League
Posted: 1/18/2009 6:41:17 AM
Well, that ex-cop with the wives in their early 20's, when he'ds 50 something, that I would say is out of his league. Unless he's popping viagra like it's candy, then he's not going to be alive very long, she's probably got a huger life insurance policy on the guy, or wants that book deal when he's dead. Think 11-12 years age difference is reasonable. I've met woman mostly in their 60's, however in a good club I can meet the 20 somethings. They usually complain about the immature brats thier dating. I just listen. Just let all the other bone heads do my work for me, it's easy. However I myself am looking for a woman in her mid to late 30's. Here I've met hardly anyone under 50. Seems there's a lot of late bloomers here just want that nice guy now that they've built up a lifetime of garbage to dump on somebody, not all but most.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 167
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Being in The Right League
Posted: 1/18/2009 10:34:37 AM

However, she told me after the date that she did not want to see that man again, or give him any chance. I was curious about the reason, and she told me that that man could have had any woman he wanted, and he was out of her league.

I find the concept of "leagues" perfectly silly. We are all human beings and no one of us is better than another. I don't believe there is anyone out there who is out of my league, because no matter how attractive, successful, rich, etc. she might be, she is still a human being with flaws and shortcomings.

Not only that, but everyone's tastes are drastically different. I think a lot of people shortchange themselves by thinking the other person is out of their league, while the other person goes home and talks to their friends about that wonderful person they just went out with and how they can't wait for date #2.

Besides, in my opinion, any woman so arrogant as to think she's out of my league is automatically relegated to Single-A-Rookie-League status. The last thing I want in life is to spend my time with someone who thinks I should be grateful to her for deigning to spend her oh-so-valuable time with such a peon as myself.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 168
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Being in The Right League
Posted: 1/18/2009 10:40:29 AM

I apologize, I miss the point and/or question..

What about a social elite? ?

Just because they're wearing $500 designer pants doesn't mean they don't still put them on one leg at a time. Having high social status doesn't mean you're a better person. It just means you eat more expensive food.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 171
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Being in The Right League
Posted: 1/18/2009 10:45:40 AM
I have to admit I still feel intimidated somewhat with men I consider to be in a much higher league then me. I figure, they can have anyone they want anyway, so why would they bother with a mousy comicbook geek like me?

If they can have anyone they want, then what makes you think they *wouldn't* want you?

I remember looking at one of the Playboy College Girls magazines some years back and, of course, they had excerpts from interviews with the models. One woman who actually came from a college not far from me was, of course, fantastically beautiful, but she talked about how she almost never dates because guys don't approach her. She said she'd love to be able to meet men but they're too intimidated by her looks, so they never approach.

So just because you think someone can have "anyone they want" doesn't necessarily mean it happens that way in reality.
 compleat_man
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 174
Being in The Right League
Posted: 1/18/2009 11:29:20 AM
Grammar Gal:


I do not date anyone with less than a BA -


she would have, and still would- turn Bill Gates down for a date

don't worry, I don't think he's interested anyway...he's happily married..according to all reports.
 FortyFine44122
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 175
Being in The Right League
Posted: 1/18/2009 1:34:51 PM

So just because you think someone can have "anyone they want" doesn't necessarily mean it happens that way in reality.

it gives a hope
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