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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Woman won't tell me her last name      Home login  
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 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 126
Woman won't tell me her last namePage 6 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)

i absoutley agree women have to be careful , too many weridos out here.


Agreed, but having a relationship is a risk/reward calculation. If one is too fearful of what "might go wrong", with someone she's known for six weeks to trust him with the "secret information" of her last name, then her priority is taking care of her, somewhat irrational, fears, rather than being open to a relationship. It's that simple. If you want absolute safety, then don't date.

No one is suggesting that women should give their full names, addresses, and social security numbers to every man who sends a first contact email. There is a point, at which, "reasonable caution" turns into debilitating fear, and this sounds like a good example, unless she's simply not interested.
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 127
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 5/16/2009 7:34:19 PM

Did you hear about that woman who just got stabbed to death by a man she met online. Somehow he got enough information about her to track her down and then kill her.


There are 308 million people in the United States. Of those, there are 60 million or so single or divorced people 45+. Every poll shows that over 50% of those dating in the 45+ category are meeting from one online site or another.

In a population of say 15 million or more people, who are meeting and dating from online, there are occasional cases of things that have gone horribly wrong. So, do we all cower in fear, and stay inside our locked doors, lest something "bad" happen?

Chicago, with a population of 3 million, has nearly 500 homicides a year, yet people go out shopping, to dinner, to work, and to pursue other activities that make life worth living. Agoraphobics stay inside, and never go out, and justify their fears with street crime statistics. So be it. I would not, however, start to get involved with such a person.

Likewise, someone who is too afraid to be normal in a dating relationship. She has every right to be afraid and secretive, even after coming to know someone. There are no rock solid guarantees that will banish phobic fear. For me, though, I'd simply move on, if someone is so paranoid and secretive. Life requires risks, carefully measured risks perhaps, if one is to live a life with any substance or quality to it.
 gudtogo21
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 128
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 5/16/2009 9:33:31 PM
She doesn't feel safe.
She won't tell you her last name, and you don't like it!!
And you're only 3 weeks into the relationship.
Hoenstly, do you think it's a match?
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 129
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 5/16/2009 9:47:19 PM
She doesn't feel safe.
She won't tell you her last name, and you don't like it!!
And you're only 3 weeks into the relationship.
Hoenstly, do you think it's a match?


Let's not make the OP out to be the dysfunctional one here. I've had hundreds of first dates in my life, and I can't remember a single time that it's moved to a second date, where I didn't know her last name. It's called "normal". Normal behavior is a good thing, and if someone is acting in a way that seems "odd", the presumption is that the "odd" behavior stems from dysfunction.

I don't "use" the information to do web searches. It's not important. Finding out "facts" about someone is useless. What matters is that which she wants to you to know, as part of the process of letting each other "in" to our lives. What would be important in this scenario is that she's built a "wall" or barrier about something so basic, which, to me, would indicate that she has "issues", that I probably wouldn't want to deal with.
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 130
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Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 5/16/2009 10:19:54 PM

its not like these guys will say hey lets go out tonight and afterwards i think ill slap u around abit or maybe strangle u for my personal pleasure because im a freak. and just so u know u wouldnt be getting my name after 3 months let alone 3 weeks

No, but that is what the screening process of sending a few messages, then emeiling, then chattig then moving on to phone calss is supposed to do. Screen the guy!
So you would not gve him your name after three months? Would you kiss him? How in the world is he gonna call you after two months because if he has your number then he can simply do a reverse look up and get your name and address too!! Oh no!! Now what!?!? It is simply rediculous to simply try and hide from the world instead of take 'reasonable' precautions to protect yourself from wrong doers. To not give the person that you are dating your name after three months (much less three weeks) is not giving a relationship a serious chance to happen.
Frankly, it's just stupid.


Did you hear about that woman who just got stabbed to death by a man she met online. Somehow he got enough information about her to track her down and then kill her.

Hey did you hear about that guy that got into a car accident and died? Did you hear about the woman that bought something off of Ebay and got ripped off? Did you hear about the people that went to work and a plane hit their building? Did you hear about the people that put their money in into Mutual Funds and 401ks and then they lost it? Did you hear about the people that bought houses and then the market crashed and now they are paying for houses that are worth less than what they bought them for? Did you here about the people that sent their kids to school and then the children were molested? Did you hear about the parents that let their children go swimming and then the kid drowned?
WTF!?! While it is sad that someone was killed, to live your life based on the fears of what if is silly. You take reasonable precautions to protect yourself. Tell other people where you are going. Call at particular times, Go some place that you are familiar with. That sort of thing. Get to know the person before you date them in person. Meet them at the location. But people die. It's a fact of life.
If you are truly so afraid of the risks , then internet dating is not a good choice for you. After all the person at the other end could be anybody...
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 131
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Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 5/17/2009 1:23:00 AM

If she hasnt given you her last name yet SO WHAT... What do you need that bit of information for? dont you know how to contact her? you must have some idea pushing for personal information that You dont need is seriously questionable.


So what? Well why do you even need her first name? You can simply refer to her by her POF profile name!! You get her name as part of the relationship building process. A very early and small one. Are you honestly trying to say that the situation that you had is similar to dating a man for three weeks? These two guys were strangers that you knew for five or ten minutes. At no point did he say that he was pushing for the information but, lets face it. If she was not comfortable with him after THREE WEEKS, then why would she continue dating him?
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 132
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 5/17/2009 7:35:59 AM
There are always a lot of "online poseurs", who claim this, that or the other thing. No matter how weird the behavior might be, there are those who will "defend" it, by putting their paranoia on display.

I have to wonder, though, how many of those who claim that they withhold their last names, when they start "seeing" someone, are really doing that in real life? My suspicion is that many aren't actually dating, and, instead, are merely opining about what they think they'd do, if they were to ever actually date someone.

Simple fact of life experience is that it's weird. When people act contrary to "normal" and customary ways in our culture, there is a "reason", and it's rarely a "happy surprise" to discover the reason for weird behavior.

I've had first dates with hundreds of women over the course of my life. I'm not consciously aware of any, where I didn't know her last name by the end of the first date. I know for sure that I've never had a second date, where last names were being kept "secret".

In real life chance encounters at the grocery store or gas station, the normal process is to exchange business cards, while planning to meet for "a drink after work". Online is a little different, and I don't give out my full name, until we've made an actual date. Yes, I've had the occasional "whack job" who tracked down my address and just showed up. So what? It was uncomfortable in the moment. So 2 times, out of many, I had to deal with "uncomfortable" for a few minutes. As I said, "so what?"

The truth is, there are very, very few homicidal maniacs out there in the world, and it's very rare, if it ever happens, that one is "attacked" after a first date, because he/she gave out a last name.

To "protect" against ever having anything go wrong, would be to let life be totally guided by fear, and doing that would ensure that nothing good could ever happen....cuz to get to "good", you have to let down the barriers in normal and sensible ways.
 Devilsfan58
Joined: 3/19/2009
Msg: 133
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Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 5/20/2009 8:09:33 AM
I find the behaviour of women in General so perplexing.

While this individiual is afraid or refuses to reveal her last name I suppose under the pretext of some serial madman gone mad, do a search for serial killers and prison groupies.

Here is the text from one such article.
Scott Peterson, the man who was convicted of murdering his wife and unborn child, had been on Death Row barely an hour when the first proposal arrived from a woman who wants to be the new Mrs. Scott Peterson.

Three dozen phone calls came in to the warden's office on Peterson's first day at his new home in San Quentin State Prison -- women were pleading for his mailing address, and one smitten 18-year-old said she wanted to marry him.

I will never understand it.

So you have a serial killer who is getting mail from 36 different women openly disclosing where they live and probably their last names too.

The things that cease to amaze me!
 chinadol6977
Joined: 6/24/2011
Msg: 134
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Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 9/13/2011 12:57:04 AM
3 weeks isn't a very long time...She's getting to know you,if you a really interested in her the last name shouldn't be that much of a problem..I don't give out alot of my information,I'm paranoid in your eyes,but careful in my own..There are a lot of crazy people in the world that we live in,women have to be careful with personal information..I had 3 different guys try to follow me home after I was finish on a date,when I noticed it each time I drove to my ex's house and let him know someone was following me...
 NS_ARTEMIS
Joined: 6/28/2010
Msg: 135
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 9/13/2011 6:12:48 AM
lmfao Devils. Imagine...and the majority of men on here can't even get a "not interested" to their replies. Perhaps they need to change up their um "approach"
 1bellanella
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 136
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Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 9/13/2011 6:53:36 AM
daynadaze..

I sure wouldn't tell some one my address in that short a time


If you gave him your last name he could EASILY find out where you live. There are websites that cater to this type of thing and provide all kinds of personal info for a mere $9 or $10.
 3xsacharmsotheysay
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 137
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 9/13/2011 6:54:52 AM
Let me give you my ss# while we are at it!!!
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 138
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 9/13/2011 7:22:15 AM
according to the women posters that answered my previous posts..its wayyy too early..wait 6 months to year..eventually it will come out..and then you'll know why she kept it from you all along..lol..
You will have spent a ton of money..invested an inordinate amount of time..only to find out 'eventually' she was either married or wanted by the FBI. LOL..
She may have had a stalker before too..so that might make her leery...in my most recent survey..at least 50% of the women out there have had stalkerish situations before. I myself did a stalkerish act back in my 30's..
 chinadol6977
Joined: 6/24/2011
Msg: 139
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Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 9/13/2011 8:55:09 AM
So why would doing stalkerish acts be funny^^^^^This is why women wait...
 ChrisD1957
Joined: 12/20/2010
Msg: 140
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 9/13/2011 9:15:04 AM
That was over two years ago...I bet he knows her last name now.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 141
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 9/13/2011 10:27:26 AM
because i was infactuated..and couldnt take the rejection!! However, i was her #1 stalker..she had many because of the way she blew us off. Not a nice person. I'm used to the rejection now..lol..(as long as its done in a 'nice' way).
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 142
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 9/13/2011 10:44:10 AM
I find it strange that her withholding her name is acceptable by women.

What if the shoe was on the other foot and a guy wouldn't disclose his last name?

I do background checks to date I have found 4 ladies that had felonies on their records.

Two cleaned out their "boyfriends" houses after getting "close enough" to warrant being given a key.

The other two were convicted of assault and battery.

It is cheap insurance as you can get a good idea of their ability to handle money....You don't get a detailed report but you do get a general one that lets you know if they are drowning in debt.

I went out with a lady that wouldn't tell me what she did for a living......Turned out she was a "escort."

I found out on the first date needless to say that was the end of the date.

Sorry but a woman hiding her name is not a red flag.....it is a flashing red sign that says ROAD CLOSED!



Now - a word to OP - the few times that I did not disclose my last name was simply the fact that I knew the romance was never gonna bloom. In other words - it was a conscious choice and it was made out of self preservation.


So you knew romance was never going to bloom....Yet you went out with them letting them think it could.....WHY? I would be willing to wager that if you had disclosed that little tid-bit of information they wouldn't have wasted their time or effort on you.

 Magina314
Joined: 1/9/2011
Msg: 143
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 9/13/2011 10:53:34 AM
I never thought i'd have to say this, but if she doesn't let you be creepy...maybe you should creep someone else?
 3xsacharmsotheysay
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 144
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 9/13/2011 11:11:25 AM
^^^^ priceless

Hey mj I think we all have our reasons and history for setting our personal security boundaries... Mine are strictly for the safety of my daughter.. I get messages and requests for phone numbers all the time and I have to keep in mind that it's just not my safety I need to be concerned with. We have nothing but our gut instincts to go off of... Personally if I don't get a good enough feel after a few meets to where I wouldn't release my last name I still wouldn't be dating him 3 weeks down the road but hey that's just me!!
 Shay-Ley
Joined: 8/23/2011
Msg: 145
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 9/13/2011 6:30:05 PM
Why would you want her last name anyway, planning on getting married or buying a house and you need her name to finalize the deal She will when she good and when she is ready... she is not ready...she likes her privacy "so get over it"

Good luck and have a nice evening!
 forumjunkie942
Joined: 8/15/2011
Msg: 146
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 9/13/2011 7:27:34 PM

I find it strange that her withholding her name is acceptable by women.
What if the shoe was on the other foot and a guy wouldn't disclose his last name?



Sadly I don't find it all that "strange" as much as "expected" Clearly, IMHO, on these boards and probably real life, there are just some clear double standards between men and women. If a woman doesn't want to share information, then she's just being "prudent" or "careful" If a man doesn't, then he's married or a scam artist or a scumbag or jerk. I'm always amused at the common prevailing notion by many, in their behavior and responses, that only men can be threats in the dating world. That only men are able to inflict possible harm in any given situation.

I would be pretty hesitant around a woman who demanded men do or not do certain things but would not hold up those standards to herself and her own life.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 147
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 9/13/2011 7:35:56 PM
Perhaps she's married?

(or is setting you up for a scam?)

Heck; if after three weeks she refuses to share her last name, there is DEFINITELY a problem of some sort there.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 148
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 9/13/2011 7:41:26 PM
"I would be pretty hesitant around a woman who demanded men do or not do certain things but would not hold up those standards to herself and her own life."
.
.
.
I actually put these women out of my world asap. how dare you demand this safety and security for yourself but not think your date worthy of the same safety/security.

There is way too much paranoia these days. It seems that you're either worthy of sex or marriage in a short time, or you are deemed dangerous, a stranger and an enemy.
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 149
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 9/13/2011 7:45:31 PM
Not telling you her last name? Wise and prudent I would say. I bet you dont know where she lives either. She doesnt want you looking her up in the phone directory.
Three weeks is no time... Plenty of stalkers out there and she has to be careful.
She may be hiding something of course......

No man that I have met through a dating site has ever known my full name and that makes me feel safe as they have not worked out and who knows what they might do if they can track down where you live.
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 150
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 9/13/2011 7:48:46 PM
Now to be fair, any woman wanting Scott Peterson or any other murderous criminal especially one who kills his wife, is not right in her mind and to equate her to the normal woman in the world is certainly unfair. They may have a thing for men in gaol that they cant have a committed full time relationship with or they are just plain psycho. Plenty of men doing the same thing after all.
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