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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > no sex = no dating?      Home login  
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 Okietokie88
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 25
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no sex = no dating?Page 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Date!I mean I'm in the same boat as you at this junction of my life and I'm ok with that and the people I date seem to be as well.One can gauge someones motives,that is if lots of time and conversations have been waged.Cudos to you my dear but I do have one little question;do you believe in heavy petting? I mean I don't really want to get anyone pregos or catch an STD but if I found someone I cared about I wouldn't be opposed to oral sex(And no not receiving I just mean giving,not wild about oral sex) to "Keep them around" so to speak.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 26
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/13/2009 10:51:10 AM
I do have to laugh that you say it is unnatural NOT to have sex.

Did not say that. Do not equate me with someone who says you -should- be having sex all the time. Again, equating something with a broad generalization. There's a difference between not having sex for a while due to kids, or other understandable reasons, and cutting yourself off from sex altogether out of fear and disdain toward it, notably when a relationship's involved. And in my quote: "It -can- be psychologically unhealthy". CAN. Depends on the person, how long, what's going down (no pun intended), etc.. "It" referring to being established in adulthood and living like a priest or nun due to fear of it. That specifically is not good, not a value, nothing to be prideful of.

My friend that is 33 would LOVE to be having sex, however he hasn't met anyone that wants to have sex with him... He's a great guy, and why he hasn't met anyone to even make things into a GF/bf relationship is beyond me.

Well, I don't know if you REALLY know that he'd love to be having sex (his commentary around you could be to protect his manhood). But if he really LOVES to be having sex, and hasn't developed a relationship, he doesn't really want one. Maybe over the years he's become sort of asexual. Maybe his glorious porn collection takes care of him just fine in his eyes. We don't know, but I wouldn't say it's the most healthy thing in the world if it extends past a temporary "phase" and more of a lifestyle.

But if one has real problems or not, it all weighs in on the WHY (and also oneself and how things affect you).

I don't know if the OP has an irrational fear, because if she is focused on getting through college, wants her grades to be top notch, the distraction can really mess a person's grades up FOR SOME PEOPLE...

I realize that you back those who strive for long-term abstinence in adulthood, due to your background, and we all tend to appreciate that sort of stuff more by default, especially in a day and age of wreckless sex out there. However, read her post -- it's due to an irrational fear, trying to say that it's not religious/traditional, but due to fear of pregnancy and health issues. That begs huge skepticism due to her reasoning. She's got issues.

If you hear that a woman gets pregnant, while having been on the pill (properly) WHILE the guy uses a condom (properly applied), then it's virtually guaranteed that it's a false story. Again, you can't argue the chances of a pregnancy occurring in that situation is even close to anything considered recognizable.

Again, the emphasis is the WHY. She has fear and disdain toward it. So sad, not healthy. Nobody's telling her to have sex while merely dating a guy -- but being stuck in fear about it and refusing to do so until after you signed a marriage contract? Yeah, huge red flag. Hey, some people can go 10 years in a marriage with no sex and claim "i have no issues. " I understand. I may not believe their statement of not being in a great situation, but hey, they've got their life settled already. But cutting oneself off like a priest or nun, out of irrational fear -- yeah, sorry, no value there. Abstaining until you're in an established relationship? Very Respectable! Cutting yourself and any potential partner off from any such idea, and demanding an eternal contract to be signed BEFORE, if you're going to partake? And claiming it's all due to fear of health and pregnancy issues, when it's an LTR and both pill & condom are options? Wow, call me crazy, but I think that's VERY different! And that person shouldn't expect to have healthy options in a finding partner!
 Neil29
Joined: 9/20/2008
Msg: 27
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/13/2009 11:09:01 AM
Yes, the vast majority of men have sex on the brain (maybe its social programming or natural...), but theres a good reason why you won't be marrying the vast majority of men, right?
Stick to your priorities and be patient. Be upfront, and if there uncomfortable pressure from him, get rid of him (no second chances) and if you are feeling the pressure yourself, then reassess your priorities.

All the best with your goals.
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/13/2009 11:28:37 AM
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 compleat_man
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 29
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/13/2009 11:34:24 AM

Yes, the vast majority of men have sex on the brain


so do the vast majority of women..at least some of the time.
 gravittr
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 30
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no sex = no dating?
Posted: 2/14/2009 8:30:17 AM
no i dont think i dress sexy,but that doesnt mean i dont feel sexy.sometimes being comfortable is more important.then how im dressed in the store or gym or where ever.but im a little different.most men complain becuase i always have sex on the mind and done mind doing it alot
 PerfectlyUnperfect
Joined: 5/6/2007
Msg: 31
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 2/15/2009 5:26:09 AM
The right man will respect you for wanting to wait and will. Personally, I say good for you.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 32
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 2/25/2009 12:45:39 PM
Alas,

I've seen this many times. The girl that doesn't have sex because she thinks is some horrible thing that will only lead to disease, pregnancy and all that. That all guys are bad and all they want is to get in her pants (she's right). Then one day, some guy swifts her off her feet and end up fvcking her brains out. Only to find out that he is a player and gets dumped. So she heads back to career and finds some nice guy that she marries only to realize two days after the wedding that she is not in love with him. But since all this little girl has done have been rational, she lives with the poor bloke for many years only to one day decide to divorce and she discovers her own sexual needs and desires, and that men, we are not monsters and we both want the same thing.

So don't be so rigid, but also no need to jump into it.
 lonelyman154
Joined: 12/30/2005
Msg: 33
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no sex = no dating?
Posted: 2/25/2009 2:29:34 PM
No dating = No sex...
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 34
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no sex = no dating?
Posted: 4/6/2009 8:20:17 PM
It's going to be harder to find prospects, OP; but there are doubtless a few guys who want abstinence like you do. There's no reason for you to give up your search. Be honest about it and keep looking until you find a match.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 35
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no sex = no dating?
Posted: 4/6/2009 9:35:51 PM

Square peg no hole.

Your peg is square? Seriously, dude, you should get that checked out...

I do have to agree with a lot of the posters -- I could not wait until marriage to have sex with someone. Physical touch, to me, is a very important part of a relationship. It would be torture to me to be in a relationship with someone but never get to have sex with her.
 Ender330
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 36
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no sex = no dating?
Posted: 4/7/2009 11:56:39 PM
Hmm I say start a website and auction off your virginity for a few MILLION!

So you waited until you are married. Ok then you find out he has been creeping with other girls the whole time....wait...and he catches an STD and passes it on to you on your wedding night....wow...that would SUK.

There is a religion where most of the men are virgins...i know...i was a virgin until I was almost 21! Was waiting for marriage and I thought the the women I lost it to I would marry...she is my sons mother also...

Soo go become a Jehovah's Witness. Most of the young men in the religion are virgins and have no problem waiting until marriage BUT minimum dating t0 marriage time is 1.5 years.
As the longer you date...the better the chances are that you will make a mistake and have sex and they practice NO SEX before marriage....
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 37
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 4/8/2009 5:13:44 AM
No no sex does not equal no dating and anyone who thinks they are mutually exclusive is immature.
However if you don't want to have sex until after college you might not want to date at all because sometimes you just lose control and it happens anyway, and those situations are not thought about until its over.

I speak from experience; the right woman came along and biology took over.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 38
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 4/8/2009 6:22:37 AM
"I'm still pretty young and busy with college and building a career etc. and I dont plan on have sex till I'm marriage since worrying about getting pregnant/getting diseases is the last thing I need right now, so I'm holding off for health, not religous reasons and I don't trust the pill/condom at being 100% effective since accidents do happen and I can't afford an accident right now. So it makes it hard to date, since as everyone says that guys are always thinking about it, so should I even bother trying to date, or would a man slowly go insane from waiting years to have sex?"
--------------
My take on this is as follows: first of all I wouldn't waste my time on a girl/woman who thinks about nothing than herself - school, her future career, job, etc. etc., since there's obviously no time for me. To date a woman for years and not once have sex? Forget it. No guy that I know would put up with that. Only a fool would. At 22 you'll change a hundred times within the next 10+ years anyway. What's important today will not mean so much later on. There's more to life than school and career thinking. I'd say that it's better to live one day at a time because there might not be a tomorrow.
 ron62449
Joined: 10/28/2008
Msg: 39
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 5/8/2009 10:34:45 AM
BE TRUE TO YOURSELF. If a man can't date you and respect your boundries, want to get to know you and have fun, tell him go. You have a lot more to offer than your body.

Ron
 ron62449
Joined: 10/28/2008
Msg: 40
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 5/8/2009 10:36:22 AM
BE TRUE TO YOURSELF. If a man can't date you and respect your boundries, want to get to know you and have fun, tell him go. You have a lot more to offer than your body. Tell him to control his rageing hormones or date Ruby Palmer.

Ron
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 41
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 5/8/2009 2:25:13 PM
Sure, date them, but while you play with a vibrator they will be playing with some other girl.
 lancewallach
Joined: 4/27/2009
Msg: 42
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 5/17/2009 6:09:25 PM
Maybe you should ask your priest or social worker, and not someone on this site????
 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 43
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 5/17/2009 6:25:20 PM

I'd be fine with no sex before marriage. Now, how do I find a woman who'd be okay with no sex DURING marriage?

Lol. I could give you my ex-wife's phone number perhaps?
 dallasdoer
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 44
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no sex = no dating?
Posted: 5/17/2009 7:13:36 PM
I have no idea what guys your age would think but intuition tell me that sex is almost meaningless for guys your age so instead of list dating list long term. If you just want a friend, a girl would probably make a better one. A pretty girl like you should be able to find a man who will marry her but, it might mean finding a guy who is more mature, more used to women being a little more particular and of course more interested in a women who is marriage material.
 somegood
Joined: 7/27/2005
Msg: 45
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no sex = no dating?
Posted: 5/17/2009 9:00:20 PM
Quite a Good Catch said.
i would certainly wait for you, your cute and unlike alot of men dont think with my balls


Sounds like you don't have any.
 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 46
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 5/18/2009 5:45:52 PM

Just because you and other men who think like you are cowardly little boys who can't control themselves, does not mean there aren't men who WILL respect and cherish her for her preference of waiting. The ones that don't want to wait are not the ones she wants to date. The ones that would do as you suggest never respected her in the first place. And, she knows this.

Why all the insults? You take a very judgmental and aggressive tone here, assuming the moral high-ground.


Now, I'm sorry we "weird" folks who want to wait until we're married (for whatever reason) make you feel insecure about your own choices in life. Because, that's what it is, isn't it? We rock your little boat by doing something that goes against what makes "sense" to you. Same thing happened about 30-40 years ago to conservative-minded people when some folks decided, "Hey, sex is fun, why should we wait for marriage?". "Why" is up to the OP; it's HER body, mind, and soul.

If you believe that, fine, but why the insults? I'm quite happy and secure with my beliefs and choices, they just don't happen to correspond with yours, yet you presume to call anybody who disagrees with your view of the world 'cowardly', 'insecure' and 'little boys'. Only a 'man' waits until marriage to have sex!

I'm twice your age, been a husband and lover, fathered and support 3 sons and delivered the second one myself. The definition of a 'man' takes many forms and many others on this forum, I would think, might take you to task on the narrowness of yours.


I'm 24, and a virgin who's waiting for marriage for non-religious reasons. I have to deal with a culture that won't care if I crumble beneath its faceless will, and give up an honourable dream.

Being a little over-dramatic here, aren't we? There are plenty of places to find people who share your values, what you are talking about here is expecting the wider community to embrace your view.


Every day. I have to deal with uncouth, shamelss jerks like you laughing at me or calling me a "p*ssy" for wanting to wait... or saying they support me while they actually think to themsevles that it'll just make stealing my girlfriend easier. But I wait, because it's what's right to me, in my heart. I wait because a girl like OP is worth it, and deserves it.

'Stealing your girlfriend'? Now you're just being downright paranoid? You have a lot of anger here, pity the poor girl you place on that pedestal, only to fail to live up to your lofty expectations.
 slybandit
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 47
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 5/18/2009 8:09:23 PM
Well, dontlosehope, sign one more man up for "slowly go insane from waiting years".

I made it exactly three months in the best relationship I ever had, and the previous GF to that one laughed at me quite openly when she learned that fact. Snickered, even, and made verbal jabs at both my manhood and my sanity for putting up with the whole scenario.

But look, in all seriousness, you're young, slim, blonde, scalding hot and quite clearly know all of the above, despite less than credible claims to the contrary.

Pretty much the whole laundry list of what our cultural script deems officially attractive in a woman. So you'll probably not have an impossible task in finding some young squire who is willing to put up with it.

Let me apologize in advance for my flippant commentary (I probably do not share your religious convictions, so please excuse my idolatrous lack of reverence) but have you considered telling the guys that they can tell their buddies fraudulent tales about how great you are in bed, so long as you both agree that their fraudulent character will remain your little secret? That way, he can have puerile ego gratification, and you get to remain virgo intacta until twenty minutes after you finish your spotlight dance with Daddy at the chapel.

In the alternative, I'd recommend VD screening for him (yes, they DO offer that service now), and a wild amazing **freaky** new concept sweeping the nation, yes, you guessed it, **oral** with a love glove. If you can get pregnant or sick like that, trust me, you're doing it wrong. I recommend the Internet. They have plenty of instructional videos to edify (or horrify) you.
 Dontlosehope
Joined: 7/18/2008
Msg: 48
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no sex = no dating?
Posted: 5/19/2009 5:44:53 AM
um.....ok.... I've had a bunch of random comments, and I'm not stupid, I know about four play, making out ect. I shouldnt have to explain what intercourse is. Maybe I am old fashioned, about that subject, is that a crime? I'm not trying to grab attention, I was never the popular girl, or cheerleader or slut growing up, I only tease guys if they tease me first, so its not one sided. I can still be physical with a guy without having intercourse, its called being creative... many of my high school friends are sill virgins, and have been in long relationships without having sex. Dont judge me based on my photos, I didnt start looking that way till now, I've never fit in with most, and I like being differnt than what society thinks I should be or do, thats my form of rebellion. Most guys I know are like wolfes, that just follow that pack and do whatever their friends or society says they should do, unable to make up their own moral values or code. My last boyfriend we dated almost 2 years who was a virgin, but he couldnt stand the long distance with college, so we ended it, but are still friends. I know about testing obviously, but as cheezy as it sounds I rather be safe than sorry. I was raised lutheran which has nothing to with my sexual choices, and sex was never talked about ever during confirmation classes, church or sunday school, and doesnt reflect my sexual choices, its just that with the way sex is thrown around so much on tv and everywhere, I'm not that eagerly curious about it as I was in grade school. And to divorce my husband for being bad in bed? that sounds so stupid. with all the new medicines, toys, sex doctors, books, etc. to help with that matter, and a marriage based on sex? you'd be better off marrying a hooker I'm not saying that its 100% that I wont have sex till marriage, but in the next couple years most likely I wont be having sex as I'd have to be in a long, loving, relationship for that to occur......
 NoQuarterGiven
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 49
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 5/19/2009 1:59:37 PM
Lets all lay off the girl for having principles. I think it's a little unreasonable to not have sex because there's a tiny possibility you might get pregnant even after using protection. In that care, better not drive in a car because the chances of being in a car accident are probably around the same.

But that's my take on it. The question wasn't whether she's making the right decision but whether there are guys out there that would go along with it.

Normally I'd say no, but she's really attractive so I'd say there are guys out there that will wait. I'd be one of them, as long as we can do other activities.
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