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Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 2
Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first.Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
The way I see it- life is short.

I have a busy life- and no time to waste on indecisiveness.

15 years and it still didn't work for you? Gonna try for 20 next time?

I dont know- maybe I just live life to the fullest- if I don't like you after the first date then I am not going to waste anymore time getting to know you.... Why prolong the inevitable??
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 18
Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first.
Posted: 1/8/2009 7:39:38 AM
I talked to the first man whom I met on a dating site for two weeks before I met him; that experience convinced me that meeting right away is the best option. There are simply things that one cannot detect in emails or on the phone--or in pictures. For example, I saw this same man's picture on a site recently and it is the SAME picture he had posted over three years ago. It was an old picture then, and didn't accurately portray how he looks at present.

He was boring as hell. A fussbudget whose voice had the edge of a whine not evident in his phone voice.

Other things besides appearance: You can't tell if he sprays spit when he talks until you meet him; he might not tell you boring stories about Celine Dion until he meets you in person; you won't see him be rude to the young man making the hot fudge sundaes until you are in the restaurant; the "occasional" cigarette will make his car smell like the inside of a cigarette pack; it comes out that the "legal" profession listed on his profile isn't a lawyer, judge, or paralegal, but a bailbondsman and a bounty hunter who says, "See that guy over there? I got him outta jail, told him if he wanted to keep his eyes, he'll pay me back."

Yeah, some things come out in person but not on edited emails or not in general convos on the phone. My policy is that if someone can survive the email and phone litmus, let's meet ASAP.
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 27
Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first.
Posted: 1/8/2009 11:53:23 AM
The sooner you meet the better. You could spend a lot of time with e mails, phone calls, to physically see the person and have it be NOT what you thought it would be. Believe me. You can at least meet in person THEN decide if you want to get to know one another in person. A lot on this site (and other sites) play major games. Some of the shit I have been thru on here alone, makes me pretty much insist on meeting VERY soon. I do not see any sense in taking forever. Unless you are just looking for e mail tag, hell with it.
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 30
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Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first.
Posted: 1/8/2009 1:12:14 PM
I don't meet people right away, if they don't like that, then we never meet. It's no loss for either of us since we obviously see things differently.
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 32
Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first.
Posted: 1/8/2009 1:31:21 PM
My guess? That needing to meet early. . . . or not, is just another one of those sorters we have available to us in the cyber world, lol! The *only* disasters I've had in the world of meeting peeps from the internets have been submitting to the *we gotta meet right now* crowd. Because I'm isolated, meeting is never that casual or easy (my three best meets have involved a four hour drive, a 12 hour drive, and a 16 hour drive). My guess also is that extroverts who get very far in their lives with sheer personality energy like early meets, because that's what works for them. Charm, looks, upbeatness are pretty far down on my list of what matters much, so it doesn't really win any points with me.

My first internet contact, from a political blog, involved a year of blogging together and four months of increasingly vivid email. He was a two finger typist, so I was even more impressed. . . . But we didn't "waste" time -- at all, lol! We ended up living together till his death. The other two who were *willing* to take the time are now a very good friend, and my current love. The "pushers" pushed in and bounded out (with some help from me), and, were basically a BIG waste of the little time I had invested in them, and vice versa. As *I* see it, those who are unable to sit still are not going to be a good match for me.

For the rest of you, who are helpless against your chemicals, carry on. . . .

Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 35
Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first.
Posted: 1/8/2009 2:31:09 PM
Personally, I like to have the indepth IMs and phone calls first (not Emails - they're too easy to edit over a longer period of time). I've found the reason is that people are much more willing to bare their soul when they don't have to look you in the eye. As far as wasting my time, I'd find it more of a waste to get ready to meet someone and then try to gracefully bow out of the date after having spent too little time digging things out of them through IMs. Maybe I'm a lil more intuitive than most with the written word or maybe I go for the gusto with my questionning...I dunno. All I know is I've never gone through a line up of guys by meeting them quickly. Everyone I've eventually met remains my friend today, even if it didn't remain a romantic relationship for whatever reason. As far as their pictures being three years old, I never meet anyone that I haven't been on a web-cam with for that very reason. To each their own - whatever works for ya.
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 42
Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first.
Posted: 1/8/2009 6:48:03 PM
I don't see the point in a lot of chatting online, you can only learn so much about a person from an email or an online chat. Not to mention, does anyone remember the time before computers? If you met a person then, did you look at them and say, I don't want to talk to you right now, lets talk on the phone and exhange letters for a few weeks before we talk in person? Probably not.

It doesn't take me 15 minutes on the phone to tell if there could be a connection between me and another person. It doesn't take longer than 5 minutes.

I don't have time to waste chatting on the computer or the phone. If one doesn't want to meet you in person, there will be another that will. So when it gets to the point they want to chat for weeks, I just fade away. Not getting any younger. In fact I have spent far too much time writing this.
 Bleecker St.
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 56
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Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first.
Posted: 1/10/2009 9:14:45 AM
I think the way it should go is this. 1. A few emails or some IMing to get know each other and see
if there is some commonality. 2. A series of phone calls next and if there is still a mutual interest...then
3. You meet.
Sometimes meeting someone and seeing how their body language is can also be an indication
of wether the two of you will be right for each other. There also has to be a physical attraction.
You like what you
like for your own reasons.
Good Luck everyone.
Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 67
Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first.
Posted: 1/10/2009 2:36:33 PM
In my humble opinion, why sit in front of a computer screen? A couple of emails are ok, but after that if the person does not want to meet face to face, then what is the point?

I for one am not a hermit, I like to interact with people. Coffee or drinks in a public place are fine. Even showing up with your kids or a friend is fine. But a few hours really talking beats emails or phone calls in my book. If it does not work out, that is fine too.

Maybe it is because I am a man or maybe because I have traveled through out the US, Europe, Russia and Asia or in general because I observe what is going on, there is no reason you can not be safe as some have posted. Meet in a public place and see how things go. I personally do not see the big thrill of sending emails back and forth. Never feel like I know anyone until I meet them in person.
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 75
view profile
Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first.
Posted: 1/12/2009 8:11:44 AM
I find it hilarious that people keep saying 'what did people do before the Internet?'. That's like saying 'what did people do before you could buy soap in stores?'. Spent a lot of time and effort on something that can be handled much more easily these days, is what.

The point, people, is that, as Ameerra and LakeCountryGal have said, you can avoid time wasted with someone who has zero ability to communicate, has no values in common with you, hates all your interests (or vice versa), or has some bizarre ideas by communicating with them for a while before meeting them. You can find all these things out first and then, if they don't pass muster, eliminate them from your list of 'possibles' easily and quickly.

Not only that, but you keep your chemisty in check. How many people do you know ended up in disastrous relationships because they got the hots for someone and didn't bother getting to know the person? Exactly. IMHO that's a much bigger waste of time.
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 83
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Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first.
Posted: 1/23/2009 11:34:16 PM
I've had the experience of chatting with someone for a long time before having a phone conversation. When I finally heard the phrasing and tone of his voice, it entirely turned me off. It amazed me! I was surprised that the same words could be given a totally different meaning with intonation alone. So, I would suggest at least having a phone conversation fairly early on. Other than that, if he's meant for you, then he won't mind if you want to take things slowly.
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 84
Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first.
Posted: 1/23/2009 11:41:07 PM
I feel the same way. But the ones who want to run out and meet right away probably are just looking for nooky or have alot of red flags.

I'm ok with meeting, as long as it's nice and neutral. I was hoping to meet a guy where it was appropriate and neutral. He wanted to come to my place and just rent a movie and order a pizza. I suggested something else, haven't heard from him in 2 days. My thought is that if someone just wants to come over and order out at this point has other intentions. I am not ready to jump in the sack. The bedroom would be too tempting for a guy.
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 90
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Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first.
Posted: 1/24/2009 3:08:59 PM
I prefer to meet right away......I have been in a situation before where things clicked on the phone and through emails.....but when we were side by side it just wasnt there......jmo.. and my experience.
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 92
view profile
Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first.
Posted: 1/24/2009 6:15:00 PM
I think it is a balance. If you met someone outside of the Internet this discussion would not be happening. Guys tend to be impatient and women tend to be careful > find the balance.

Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 94
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Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first.
Posted: 1/24/2009 6:49:22 PM
I tend to think meeting sooner is best; and what I mean is a meet-up in about a week or so. That's roughly the amount of time for about 4 - 6 interchanges by email and phone.

I don't like IM because I don't want to respond to choppy ridiculous texts asking "how r u?" and the like. I need to understand if you can string some sentences together and how you think---for me how you come across in writing is important. It's also important that I hear how you speak...the cadence of your speech...the quality of your voice--both are aspects that play into my overall attraction to a prospective mate. Further, talking on the phone helps me to understand if we’re 'getting each other'. When this part works and all other aspects are good--meaning I liked your profile and picture; then for me it's time to meet.

I really have no problem meeting anyone at anytime in a public space--but since we're talking about meeting someone for the expressed purpose to see if they can be a part of my private life---I will always, always take the time I need on this to feel comfortable.
Joined: 4/2/2006
Msg: 99
Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first.
Posted: 1/25/2009 3:33:06 AM
I'm all for getting to know someone first... by any means.

The only concern I have is that we get too comfortable with texting or emailing or IMing and we kind of lose the ability to speak to others in person.
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 109
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Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first.
Posted: 1/25/2009 9:32:23 AM
It takes all kinds of people to make the world go around and we shouldn't be so quick to judge things because someone is different then ourselves. Those who date fast need to look for fast daters and those who want to get aquainted first need to look for get aquainted firsters.
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 113
Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first.
Posted: 1/26/2009 9:57:40 AM
I don't think anybody can dictate to anyone else what is "best" as far as the time frame from first contact to meeting in person. There are good points on both sides of the question. Yes if you respond to what seems to be a big rush, you could find yourself in a situation where either there was lack of honorable intent, or someone who is so needy that they are going to try and "make it happen" with creating a relationship. Postponing that first in person meeting can result in a number of hours of your life you'll never get back, because of a deliberate deception, or just simply that the cyber chemistry didn't translate to real time chemistry.

Another point I need to bring up because again I think the definition is getting blurred;

one does not DATE online, nor have a "relationship" online. You can connect via email/IM, telephone, text message, jungle drums, smoke signals, play "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" via webcam. NONE OF THIS IS "DATING".
There is no "right" or "wrong" timeline for in person meeting, that's something that needs to be decided on a case by case basis,guided by your individual situation and comfort level.

I don't like this "meet quickly, because if there's no 'chemistry', it's just wasted time. Excuse me? You interacted with another human being. Maybe you learned something you didn't know. Granted, if no further interaction comes of the in person meeting,it would be something of a disappointment, but to call it a "waste of time" marginalizes another human being. I've had numerous "first meets" that failed to be the next love of my life,but I wouldn't call those meetings a waste of time.
Of course, the other issue( and probably the more valid) is spending too much time in cyber and phone interaction, is the chance that your dreams will write a check that reality can't cash.
There is no "right" or "wrong", but if the timing of the in person meeting becomes a bone of contention in it's own right, I don't guess that's a good sign.
Cindy O
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 114
Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first.
Posted: 1/26/2009 10:46:23 AM
I note that you have no picture up...and state:
quote] because I feel most people judge others on the way they look. If you would like a picture of me ASK me and I will be more then happy to send one to you.
Well, newsflash...If someone asks, and you send one, there will still be an evaluation (or 'judgement' if you like) anyway. Nothing is avoided by the delay...

My 'on topic' point on remarking on the above is that you like to seem to get to know someone better before showing your face AND meeting in person. It's who you seem to be...not wrong by any standards, but neither is wanting a picture up front and being enthusiastic about meeting someone who seems interesting...They are just different preferences.

I personally like to take my time, because I have custody of my 8yr old child and she doesn't need to see her dad going out on date after date...
That said, I am absolutely interested in knowing whether or not 'we' find each other physically attractive according to 'our' subjective standards before bothering to meet...As most of my meetings will involve someone buying an airplane ticket.
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 115
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Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first.
Posted: 1/26/2009 11:21:03 AM
I think what the OP is trying to say, or rather what I gathered, is that, there are people out there who are psychos and like to hurt people for FUN!

I agree with this statement completely. Although I've always considered myself to be relatively intelligent and used caution when dealing with people on the internet - you just never know. About a year ago, I made friends with a man on-line from another state. We talked online and on the phone daily. We exchanged dozens of photos and became very close friends. And yes, I have discovered that you can indeed form a close emotional bond with someone before you even meet them. I even became close to some of this man's family members. Long story short - I discovered to my complete horror about 8 months after we became close friends that "he" was actually a woman. All the photos that were sent to me were fake. She had about 12 different screen names and was actually portraying her own family members on-line. In other words, when I was chatting with my friend's dad or brother on-line, I was actually talking to "her" the entire time. Pretty darn creepy, wouldn't you say? And the voice on the phone that I had talked to so many times? Sounded just like a man. Yeppers, she was very, very good and was able to dupe several women on-line, including me. So yes, Cheeky, there are some people out there who are psychos and enjoy hurting others just for fun.
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 121
Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first.
Posted: 1/26/2009 10:56:28 PM
I like to meet someone within a week or two because if not then it's just a waste of time, I don't want a pen-pal, I want a date.

My 2cents,

Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 125
Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first.
Posted: 1/27/2009 8:58:57 AM
[Talking on the phone and chatting through emails is a good way to find out a lot about a person. If there is a connection I do not believe it is gonna happen within the first 15 minutes of talking on line.]

Spending too much time before a meet gives way for expectations to cloud reality... I prefer to get a feel for the person, and that usually happens quickly, and then meet. Have done it both ways and think sooner is better. Does seem to weed out those who really never intend to meet as well.

Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 126
Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first.
Posted: 1/27/2009 4:24:56 PM
Guess I'd have to say that I'm somewhat bemused and amused by how many simply have to meet quickly to avoid letting their illusions get the better of them. . . . My own illusions are firmly under *my* thumb. They're not something that comes like a thief in the night. . . . Therefore I don't think that the peeps who ARE under the control of their own fantasies are going to any better (or necessarily) any worse by meeting quickly or not.

My personal preference is to wait longer rather than not. Partly because my living situation always makes any meeting a big deal, and partly because a lot of men will wash *themselves* out of my matrix prior to meeting, thus saving me from having to do anything about ending whatever stage we've gotten to. I've always hated being the "meanie" lol! The one guy I let push me into a very early meeting was just as big a dud as I'd expected, certainly not worth the free hoagie and the afternoon. Live. Learn.

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