Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Fear of dating single mothers      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Disneylover27
Joined: 2/17/2009
Msg: 326
Fear of dating single mothersPage 14 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
Sorry, my post above was meant to target this post which was originally from m_church.

"I'm not going to blame the women who's husband died... or in some cases, really unforseen issues did arise...
But in a lot of cases, the problem is partly the women...
As was just pointed out, a lot of women tend to choose unwisely... They often pick the wrong guys to have kids with, then after the guy splits, they can't understand why some other schmuck doesn't want to raise the other guys kids...
But NO, it wasn't YOUR fault that you married a guy who cheats, beats or does drugs, Nope... You didn't see it coming?
Divorce not your fault? Yes it is, he couldn't divorce you if you didn't marry him in the first place....?
Sorry, if you know the guy well enough to have sex with him, and have a kid with him, then don't come crying to the world about how you didn't expect this... you either didn't know him well enough to have kids with him, or you were too stupid to see the truth...
Oh, yes, and I DO throw this onto the mothers... you are the ones raising and nurturing the kids... you should know better than to try to raise kids in a bad environment....
Single mom... yes, and where is the father...? He took off, didn't want to be bothered or is out screwing some other naive woman and probably getting her pregnant and he will move on...
And don't give me the birth contol didn't work argument. "Oh the condom broke" when you're pregnant... but "Condoms don't break" when we're talking STD's...
You got pregnant because you either wanted to or you weren't very bright... End of story....
So now, a guy who isn't "nice" or is too "immature" to not want to raise the other guy's kids gets looked down upon. Too bad, he probably would have been a much better source of genetic material than the guy who fathered your kids... "
 Larkheart
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 327
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 3/15/2009 8:50:09 AM
I guess it's a personal choice whether or not you want to date a woman with children. Unfortuntatly there is a bit of responsiblity that comes with it and that is although you don't have to be their father, you do have to be a role model. Those children are innocent and will look up to you, especially when their fathers are not active in their lives. This can be very rewarding to you, or not... I know for me, I have two children and we have lots of fun together. I don't let the fact that I'm a single mom hold me back from obtaining my goals and bettering myself. I think I actually twice as hard as most which makes me appreciate the little things that much more. I'm not high maintenance and I don't need a man to do everything for me. I think if I found the right guy to be a part of our lives, we be just as much of a blessing to him as he is to us.
 gninew64
Joined: 12/14/2008
Msg: 328
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 3/15/2009 12:43:04 PM
I agree with that completely. As a single mother, I have had a lot of guys "pass" on me simply because they don't want to deal with the kid issue. I'm a great catch though and alot of men are missing out because of that. It will only be your loss...so my advise is to find a nice woman you have a lot in common with and when it comes to the kids, just don't close any doors. Some of the closest relationships are "Step" relationships...go for it!
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 329
view profile
History
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 7/20/2009 7:32:57 PM

In my case I made a bad decision when I was 17. I married someone who promised me the moon. Stupid? Yes. Naive? Yes


Did you learn from it...?



I take care of four boys by myself everyday of my life with little to not help from their fathers


Nope, apparently not.... (How many fathers?)



To everyone else, if you think that all single moms are just looking for someone to take care of them, don't want more children in the future
And your profile says "Do you want children: Prefer not to say"
So it's probably a "No", or it will be one more father...
 akkitty
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 330
view profile
History
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 7/20/2009 8:42:33 PM
"I'm not going to blame the women who's husband died... or in some cases, really unforseen issues did arise...
But in a lot of cases, the problem is partly the women...
As was just pointed out, a lot of women tend to choose unwisely... They often pick the wrong guys to have kids with, then after the guy splits, they can't understand why some other schmuck doesn't want to raise the other guys kids...
But NO, it wasn't YOUR fault that you married a guy who cheats, beats or does drugs, Nope... You didn't see it coming?
Divorce not your fault? Yes it is, he couldn't divorce you if you didn't marry him in the first place....?
Sorry, if you know the guy well enough to have sex with him, and have a kid with him, then don't come crying to the world about how you didn't expect this... you either didn't know him well enough to have kids with him, or you were too stupid to see the truth...
Oh, yes, and I DO throw this onto the mothers... you are the ones raising and nurturing the kids... you should know better than to try to raise kids in a bad environment....
Single mom... yes, and where is the father...? He took off, didn't want to be bothered or is out screwing some other naive woman and probably getting her pregnant and he will move on...
And don't give me the birth contol didn't work argument. "Oh the condom broke" when you're pregnant... but "Condoms don't break" when we're talking STD's...
You got pregnant because you either wanted to or you weren't very bright... End of story....
So now, a guy who isn't "nice" or is too "immature" to not want to raise the other guy's kids gets looked down upon. Too bad, he probably would have been a much better source of genetic material than the guy who fathered your kids... "



What an unbelievably hateful post. 'Women tend to choose unwisely'...last time I checked we don't live in a perfect world. I could live with someone for 20 years and still never really know a person. Falling in love with someone is a leap of faith all the way. The idea of being with someone who is abusive, or unsuitable in other ways is unappealing. We don't CHOOSE to get into those situations knowing how it is upfront. Most people wear masks, and take a long time taking them off. It's no one's fault that they think they've married one person, but really married another.

'Too stupid to see the truth' Really? Women are stupid becuase some people are capable of fooling us? Of masking their true colors effectively for indefinate periods of time? I'm reminded of Ted Bundy....

'Know better than to raise the kids in a bad environment' I didn't realize some women had a choice. The women who were raised with no education, in that abusive home, who fall for the wrong the guy who says he loves her, gets her pregnant, and then leaves her. What are her options again? We are a product of our environments. Statiscially proven fact.

'Where is the father' Well for most women who are single with kids, the father is still in the picture in some capacity. Not all men are scum just because the relationship that produced the child didn't work out.

It's a choice for anyone to make not to date a woman who has children. For whatever reason. But don't make it out like we're stupid, or in some way lacking because we have an opinion about the negative responses we get from small minded, bigoted fools who have nothing nice to say about single mothers dating.
 missbrandi28
Joined: 5/12/2009
Msg: 331
view profile
History
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 7/21/2009 1:08:32 AM
I think you answered your own question. But if it really bothers you, don't test it out to see how it goes. Hearts can get broken that way, tiny ones too.
 ajpenguin
Joined: 6/13/2009
Msg: 332
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 7/21/2009 5:50:05 AM
I'm a young single mom, and while I enjoy talking to single guys who only have work and/or school to dedicate themselves to, I find that non-parents are not as....understanding, I guess, of the priority system of a single parent. I've had wonderful ongoing "friendships" with single dads who are able to brag about their kids, relate to the struggles, and for the most part, have their priorities straight. On the other hand, of course, it means that there's less time to spend together. That's just something that comes with the territory of kids; it's the same within a marriage. I've had good times with guys that don't have kids, and while it would be retarded to hold the fact that they have no offspring against them, the fact is that without that little person responsibility in their life, they can't fully comprehend it. I don't get much time to spend with my daughter because I'm back at school and I work two jobs, so for the times I do get, I spend them with her. Non-parents don't seem to understand why I wouldn't want to spend that time with them.

Don't fear us though; we're humans just like you. I do understand it; we each have our own dramas, some more than others, and not all of us are as responsible and mature as we should be.

As far as advantages, the only thing I'd be able to say, without a doubt, is that if you look at a single mom's life, you can see the real her very clearly. Do we leave the kids somewhere to go shopping, or is our wardrobe worn out and the kids' is looking nice? Selfish versus caring. Do the kids throw constant hissy fits in public, or are they well behaved? Careless versus disciplinary. My mom was a single mom for 8 years and she worked her butt off to support me. I like to think I was a well-behaved kid. Then she married someone and we moved, and that man is the closest thing to a daddy I've ever had; I call him so. He thinks of me as his own, he cried with me when I went through my legal fits. He was on the phone with me WHILE I was being served, trying to comfort me and advise me.

But if you don't think you can handle it, good. At least you're mature enough to recognize that before trying and getting into a bad situation.
 2009WhyNot
Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 333
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 7/21/2009 6:02:35 AM
Ok ill be honest and i havnt read all the 14 pages prior to posting this.

But just wanted to add my 2 cents and say man, i havnt been successful on this hehe.
Maybe its my profile or pics or just me lol, but all i want is to go to the movies, have a drink, meet new friends. I have a feeling my 'single dad' status scares most away, its a shame. I do understand though. Dating to me is going out having a great night. Doesnt mean you have to have sex, or get serious or get married etc.

Come on girls gimme me a bell, im new to this so i might be jumping the gun alittle, but all i want is great company.

Do i sound desperate hehe?
 Crunchy Tacos
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 334
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 7/22/2009 1:17:02 AM
Don't subject yourself to "ifs" about a possible relationship. You are not obligated to anyone with or without kids. But if having a relationship kid free is what you seek, then don't compromise and go for someone who does have kids.
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 335
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 7/22/2009 9:55:52 AM
2009WhyNot, you only recently joined POF, do not become so discouraged so early into the experience of POF...lol. I checked out your profile. You are to me anyway an attractive man who seems to have his life on track. You shouldn't have too much trouble meeting women who will date you....patience is a virtue. Do you sound desperate? Yeah, a little bit..... good luck in the pond.
 Keepburning
Joined: 12/25/2011
Msg: 336
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 2/5/2012 4:48:25 PM
I can't date a single mom. I can't stomach the thought of being 2nd place for some other guy's money shot. Why the hell should I suffer? I'm not very fond of kids anyways.
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 337
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 2/13/2012 9:03:36 AM

some other guy's money shot


classy. then again, this is comming from a 24 year old.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 338
view profile
History
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 2/13/2012 9:14:37 AM

I can't stomach the thought of being 2nd place for some other guy's money shot.


Better find a virgin then!


Why the hell should I suffer? I'm not very fond of kids anyways.


Then please do everyone a favour and get fixed.
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 339
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 2/13/2012 9:16:25 AM

Better find a virgin then!


 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 340
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 2/13/2012 9:24:43 AM
@ msg 350 .........If that's how you feel; You'll meet your dream date at a grade school in Iran. Keep up the bad attitude. You'll be humpin your right hand when your my age.
 VTECturbo
Joined: 3/11/2009
Msg: 341
view profile
History
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 2/13/2012 9:32:29 AM
^ Not necessarily.

I bang single mothers, just dont date or meet the kids.

Best thing I was ever told by a single mother "We need to hurry because my kids get out of school early today, and they are not seeing a man with mommy."

Right on.

You know, if I become a single father, then I'll date a single mother. That'll change if I get old and desperate, maybe. But eh, I'll 'import' a wife before I get to that point.
 Siks6
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 342
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 2/13/2012 9:34:23 AM

You'll be humpin your right hand when your my age.


That'll probably be me
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 343
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 2/13/2012 10:09:39 AM
^^^^^Hey, Brute:.....You're such a good DAD; some lucky woman is gonna pick up on that and really knock your sox off. Other than that man, some of these guys are real azzholes. Oh well, they'll have to live and learn.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 344
view profile
History
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 2/13/2012 10:26:34 AM

Hey, Brute:.....You're such a good DAD; some lucky woman is gonna pick up on that and really knock your sox off.


Agreed. I prefer single fathers.


Other than that man, some of these guys are real azzholes. Oh well, they'll have to live and learn.


True. It's rather frustrating but at least there are still lots of good guys out there.
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 345
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 2/13/2012 11:42:17 AM

I bang single mothers, just dont date or meet the kids.


another upstanding citizen!

rock out with your c.ock out, dude.
 Rescuediver08
Joined: 1/21/2012
Msg: 346
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 2/13/2012 11:46:19 AM
I've dated 2 women with children. Neither went really anywhere...But I find that most women my age that have children are far more mature and have had to grow up much faster than other women our age.

I have NO problem dating women with chldren. They are just as human as I am. The only difference is that they have someone that is going to be #1 in their life forever. I respect that, and to be honest I wouldnt have it any other way.

There should be no fear, if you dont want to date women without kids then dont, if it doesnt bother you then date them!

Every woman you look past is an opportunity that you may miss out on!
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 347
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 2/13/2012 11:48:58 AM
sigh. a fireman and in agreement. (dammit those men in uniform...)
 Rescuediver08
Joined: 1/21/2012
Msg: 348
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 2/13/2012 11:53:23 AM
Not all firefighters, and 24 year old guys are bad, or stupid for that manner
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 349
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 2/13/2012 11:54:37 AM
^^not saying they are...dating one now, but he's older than 24..lol
 Rescuediver08
Joined: 1/21/2012
Msg: 350
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 2/13/2012 11:58:46 AM
Part of the reason I am so ok with it, is I grew up living with a single parent (my mom), and I saw how much of a douche guys could be. How hard working she was. I applaud my mom.

Too many guys see single moms as easy lays because they were not married, or that they just want to get laid because they are young and divorced. Too many bad guys out there give us good guys a bad name!
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Fear of dating single mothers