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 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 26
Fear of dating single mothersPage 2 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)

As a single mother I would say there is no reason to avoid us!! I guess you have to consider what you want from a relationship. With a single mum you'll have a caring person who will probably be quite independant


LOL...being that your 23...and still a student??? why not sit back and take stock of where you are and where you want to go in life...and decide what you want in a mate both today and also tomorrow..

And perhaps evaluate the pros and cons about dating a single mother your age or a year or two younger.

So if she is 23...and a mother...and already looking for another meal ticket....then if you are willing...then all the power to you...just make sure you know the reality of second relationships.

Now I am sure...there will be a few single mothers who will sing the value of how much more caring and loving they are...as single mothers...but they will also talk about how the child or children come first...

and at 23...with children ...already looking ...I would suggest you be very aware of the finacial liabilities and trade it off against to potential contributions this single mother is or may be able to provide.

So I would question how a 23 yr old single parent could be independent as I doubt a single parent at 23 has done anything to establish or start a career. 23 less 9 months less I would hope 6 months to get over the last relationship.....puts her at 20 or 21 when she was pregnant....yes i am sure she is very established and independent!

Custodial parents bring obligations and responsibilities to the table...we place the needs of our children above and in front of a relationship. And those of us who are custodial parents are needed or required to be home basically every night. At 23 I would suggest you would want a little more freedom!

Now as the pool of eligible and quality woman decrease then perhaps they also start to have more redeeming qualities...or perhaps the reality is why after 30 are they still single and available...

LOL...I wonder if I have pissed off enough woman yet?
 Twilightslove
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 27
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Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 1/9/2009 6:25:28 PM

I don't know you at all and I'm not bustin' on you, but my ex said the same thing and still nailed me for support of a kid who was not my bio-kid.


How is this possible unless you legally adopted the child?
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 28
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Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 1/9/2009 6:28:39 PM
You are 23, leave your options open. At your age I would not think it necessary to screen women for offspring.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 29
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 1/9/2009 6:43:18 PM

How is this possible unless you legally adopted the child?




I live in Canada, that land of common-law marriage and in loco parentis legal obligation....

 Twilightslove
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 30
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History
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 1/9/2009 6:59:40 PM

I live in Canada, that land of common-law marriage and in loco parentis legal obligation....


O.K. So if you agree to a common law marriage in Canada then you are also agreeing to be legal guardian to a child that is in said arrangement. Interesting.
 Katietxgirl
Joined: 11/19/2007
Msg: 31
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 1/9/2009 7:19:47 PM
At your age, OP, I would suggest you date girls without children. Nothing against women with children. I have friends who are single moms and are great people. A few were even single moms and remarried. But those men had to really take on a lot for my friends. At your age, OP, have fun, travel, get your career and life on track. No reason to worry about getting serious yet. Dating someone with kids definitely changes things. I think at 23 you shouldn't get yourself into that.

Before any single moms get mad at me, nothing against anyone. I can understand both the points made by you and the men who say don't date single moms. Just because you have kids and love them and think they are great doesn't mean that every man out there wants to date you. And like I said in another thread, it doesn't make the guy immature, a loser, etc. Some people have other goals.

I, for one, don't date men with children. I did in the past, but after facing all the issues that a father with primary custody faces, just don't want to do that again. Are there some great men with children out there that I'm missing out on? I am sure there are. But I just have other goals and other interests in my life right now. And dating him was extremely difficult. Not because I'm selfish or anything, but the baby momma drama, the kids needing a large amount of attention due to a recent divorce (I understand that), the canceling of dates, etc....I just don't want to do that again.
 littledixie5
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 32
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 1/9/2009 8:11:33 PM
Heather, you say that your child is your responsibility and you ask no one to support him/her. Did you say on another thread that you are a stay at home mom and are on public assistance. How did that come about? Who, then, is supporting your child?
 littledixie5
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 33
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 1/9/2009 8:25:32 PM
I am not attempting to be discouraging but relationships that do not work well are painful on so many levels. Not only do the adults get hurt, attachments with the children and the other adult come in to play and it can be very painful to adults and kids alike. It is also confusing to a child when the a man that came into their life is no longer a part of it and often they feel responsible for it.
The reason I said what I did about you being a stay at home mom is that you said that you were on public assistance in an earlier thread. That money comes from somewhere. If the government can't get it from the childs father, it comes from us working people. Also what they do get from a father doesn't cover all of the benefits that a stay at home mother recieves. So I really do not think that you are taking total responsibility for your child. You get money from us. Often times a single mother wants to trade one meal ticket for another.
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 34
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 1/9/2009 8:33:25 PM
cleansed et al....if you re-read what I wrote, I was not gender specific in my post at all.....lol....funny how you seem to have missed that and assumed that I was talking about single moms...lol. See how your filters are at work?

When any relationship fails, there is usually enough blame for each to carry some. As much as it bothers you as a man to hear women rant about being wronged by men, it bothers me to hear men blame women for the being a single parent. It seems that the blame is being placed all on women here and that is truly not fair to either of the sexes. By blaming women for their choices, you are absolving the men they were involved with of their responsibility.

You seem to think that women should be able to see into the future and know that the man they are with, who is so nice to them will never change into a cheating piece of garbage, or develop a drinking problem, or one day hit them, or abandon their children. Did any of you men see the women you married turning into the money-sucking greedy whores you describe them to be? No, you didn't or you would not have married them, right? So then why are you not in your eyes just as guilty of bad judgement as the women you bash? Why do you feel the need to paint us all with the same brush...if we are so rotten, then why on earth do you want to be with us in any capacity at all?

There's something wrong here, something terribly wrong....I could not agree with you more on this. We have sex too soon and since the only 100% effective means of birth control is to abstain or to have surgery, unplanned pregnancies do happen out of marriage.

Marriages/relationships fail everyday...it is really sad and completely unacceptable to me. Who suffers? We all do...the adults and the children! The fault doesn't lie with one gender or the other...the blame can be spread among the sexes equally.

The laws in Canada,in particular with respect to being on the hook for non-bio children
sucks the big banana and I do not support it.

I asked my grandfather once what the secret to a long marriage was...he told me "Marriage is a committment you make everyday, not only once on the wedding day".

Humans are by nature positive beings who don't want to believe that love cannot last, each time we love, we believe it will not end until we become so jaded with life to realize that love doesn't always lead to happily ever after. So what is the solution?????? I can't fix what is wrong with society anymore than you can. I can only be me and I like/love who I am. All I can do is love my children and provide them with a stable, peaceful home filled with support. All I can do is treat everyone as an individual and not believe in sweeping generalizations...to see them as damaging.

I am comfortable with my beliefs and I have faith in myself and my ability to love, to deal with my baggage and not let the mistakes of the past dictate my future. I will not allow myself to make the next man I love pay for the disappointment I felt in another man. I don't want to pay for the mistakes of the women in his past either.
 Mr. Blblblbl
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 35
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 1/9/2009 8:39:53 PM

Humans are by nature positive beings who don't want to believe that love cannot last, each time we love, we believe it will not end until we become so jaded with life to realize that love doesn't always lead to happily ever after. So what is the solution??????

The solution is to load all the family law lawyers into a space shuttle and aim it at the sun. They create more problems than they solve.
 littledixie5
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 36
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 1/9/2009 8:40:31 PM
I have also been a single mother, a single working mother. I did recieve child support from my children's father, as it should be. But I also worked and made a salary and when I married again I continued to help support my kids. The next men in their lives did not have to pay for college, food, clothing ect. They did live in his house. And when that relationship was over and the arguement that did occur before hand, they felt responsible,even though they weren't. Their step dad always was a bit jealous of them and the fact that I was no longer to bear children and he had none. It is a very difficult thing to go through and bears a lot of consideration. But I did take responsibility for providing for my kids, along with their father, and ask nothing of anyone else. They also lost grandparents, but they still had to go to daycare so Mom could go to work. No free rides here.
 littledixie5
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 37
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 1/9/2009 8:49:14 PM
Heather, Heather, Heather..... Don't twist your shoulder out of place patting yourself on the back. I had had all 3 of my children by the time I was 25 and still worked my way through college and worked full time. I also did not become pregnant and single in my twenties. Take responsibility for your self and your child and go to work. Then you won't have so much time on your hands to be trying to rope another one in.
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 38
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 1/9/2009 8:55:35 PM
Mr. B..... I agree with you 100%!!!!! Family law lawyers are the worst of all blood-suckers....I spent thousands to get my daughter's father to even agree to a legal agreement for custody....we have joint physical custody. If the court system was more user-friendly, we could dispense with the lawyers. At least in Canada, the courts try to make the parents work together and make decisions as parents instead of letting judges make the decisions...still though the lawyers get their fortune from our pockets...money better spent on our children in my opinion.
 Sebastian_in_902
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 39
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 1/10/2009 6:09:08 AM
Assuming you are pursuing a permanent relationship, I wouldn't bother dating a woman with dependent children. In all likelihood, you and the woman's existing children will resent each other's existence, and, in the end, you'll be portrayed as the "wicked stepfather".

Leaving the mother out of the equation, any GOOD that the existing children amount to will systematically be attributed to heredity (the biological father), and any BAD will be attributed to culture and environment (you, the stepfather).

Once a woman becomes a mother, her prime responsibility should ALWAYS be towards her children, which justly leaves any new men as a distant second or third priority. At the risk of being trampled by a dinosaur, I happen to believe that single mothers should, in most cases, not even DATE again until the children are independent.

With all the decent, kind, caring and attractive women that have not yet bred with another man, why take such a needless chance?

Now, if you're just looking to sleep around, then all bets are off.
 Mr. Blblblbl
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 40
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 1/10/2009 6:49:21 AM

If the court system was more user-friendly, we could dispense with the lawyers.

Yes... but that's why the system isn't user friendly. The laws are created by lawyers and former lawyers for lawyers to ensure they continue to get rich. If the courts made child custody less of a lottery and approached it more from a social aspect, there'd be no way for anybody but children to win. As long as lawyers are the biggest winners, they're not going to tell you what you can do to stop the paycheque they're receiving from you.

Until that happens, I can't blame anyone for being leary about getting involved with someone with kids. I know I'm a little leary about it myself, and I have abolutely ruled out having any more children of my own to potentially be dragged through that shit again.

Gee, I guess somtimes laws can work as deterrents after all. Prior to going through it, I'd have never thought wanting to be a good parent is a crime punishable by having your children taken away from you for no valid reason other than, "That's just how we handle custody issues around here to make it fair for everyone."
 vanililly
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 41
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 1/10/2009 7:21:57 AM
OP, if you "fear" dating single moms, the DON'T. There is no advantage or disadvantage.

Maybe a single mom won't wake up thinking her clock is ticking one day, that's about it. At your age, highly irrelevant point.

The rest of it (personal responsibility, loyalty, individuality, tolerance) varies from person to person, regardless of whether they've plopped out some kids or not.
 tlm92
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 42
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 1/10/2009 8:23:07 AM
At your wonderful and young age i'd say stay away from all women with children. Why should you want to get involved in any way what so ever???
Be young, have fun and keep your money in your own pocket unless you want to end up paying for whatever whatever the father isn't paying for. It's way too much of a hassle or to even think about. I have a son that is 24 yrs. old and separated from his wife with no children headed for divorce court and there's no way he would get involved with someone with kids. It's just too bad that young teenagers and young adult women have to have kids at such a young age. RED FLAG, keep fishin.
 Browngreeneyes
Joined: 12/21/2008
Msg: 43
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 1/10/2009 6:15:30 PM

, I happen to believe that single mothers should, in most cases, not even DATE again until the children are independent.


That's your opinion and you're entitled to it.

My opinion is that based on the fact that you're not a single person with a child, that the quote above is the most ignorant, mind numbingly silly post that's present in this thread.
 tlm92
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 44
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 1/10/2009 7:19:01 PM
You should fear dating single mothers. Run for the hills......

I have a daughter age 30 and this is what I call success, happiness and one day to be a great parent that will have a whole lot to offer her kid(s) when she does have them versus single moms that have virtually nothing or depend on the state to help them with housing, food, day care costs, transportation, medical, dental and God knows how much more that we pay out of our pockets to support them and their kids because they had kids way too early (some being kids themselves).

Well, I told my daughter to go to school when she was ready to graduate high school and she did. She graduated with a degree in Psychology with minors in Biology and English.
While in university she met some guy that attended the same university but after he graduated he went onto a school in the Philadelphia area where he got a second degree.
Both work with her taking a job at a major Insurance Co. just to bring the money in so she can pay down on student loans and one day return to school again.
The guy that graduated from the Phila. Uni. became a Scientist and now works in medical research.
They got married, they're happy, make fantastic money and bought a modestly priced house, each have new cars and then they have a older spare car they kept. My daughter is now after 5 years of marriage is continuing her education on-line and should have a new degree in 15-18 months.
The moral here is that I as her mother I advised her to not have kids as a teenager or while she was in her 20's and in the beginning of her marriage. I told her to spend time doing things she really wants to do and get some education and spend a lot of time messing around and enjoying her husband because once the kids start to come, she will have a lot established, a lot to offer and be ready to be a real committed parent. Looks like she listened. This is a lot of what YOUNG single moms will never have...........
 Annonimiss
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 45
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 1/10/2009 8:49:49 PM
Ask yourself these questions if you meet a single mom you want to date:

-Do you want to be a "dad"?
-Can you love another man's child ... completely?
-Do you want to have to deal with the biological father?
-Do you understand that the girl can't be "spontaneous" and always available for you?
-Do you realize a child may be quick to become attached to you ...and if you leave you are not only leaving the girl?

Base your decision on the individual single mom you may meet ... If she is "the one", it may not bother you that she has a child. Just understand that things will be a little or a lot more complicated that dating a childless young woman...
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 46
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 1/10/2009 10:18:55 PM

You should fear dating single mothers. Run for the hills......

I have a daughter age 30 and this is what I call success, happiness and one day to be a great parent that will have a whole lot to offer her kid(s) when she does have them versus single moms that have virtually nothing or depend on the state to help them with housing, food, day care costs, transportation, medical, dental and God knows how much more that we pay out of our pockets to support them and their kids because they had kids way too early (some being kids themselves).


Whoah lady, slow dowon on that train of thought, i was and am a young single mother, had both my kids by 25, and am in no way shape or form poor or depending on "you" to support me. If your only reason for advising a man not to date a single mother is because you presume they must be poor, you are way wrong. Many many any young mothers are succesful and can afford to care for their children. Maybe you were a poor young mother at one time, but dont speak for everyone.

Housing: Just bought a waterfront home on the gulf of mexico.
Food: We can afford it and eat very well.
Medical and Dental: Covered, And out of myown pocket.
Transportation: Both my "soccer mom" minivan and my mercedes are paid in full.
Daycare: I pay my sitter when i need one, out of my own pocket.



versus single moms


Oh hell no. Please go play in traffic.
 littledixie5
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 47
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 1/10/2009 10:24:09 PM
I too was a young and single mom at one time, had 3 kid by 25 and worked my way through college and held a full time job, but I did not rely on public assistance. Lots of single moms do though. Just wanted to stick up for the ones that are not looking for a mealticket.
 littledixie5
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 48
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 1/10/2009 10:26:11 PM
Heather, for goodness sake, if you didn't choose to become a parent when you were single, who decided that for you?
 mscastro
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 49
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 1/10/2009 10:58:09 PM
Why is it you avoid us single mother? question for you my friend does look matters to you? majority of us single mother are insecure of showing our bodies, u know what i mean... also we are looking for someone who is willing to accept us (kids & moi).. not most single mother wants to commit because we all got hurt and we wanted to make sure the next guy who step in our lives that he may not hurt us again.. i think u should give it a try.. besides if its not for u im sure u have no problems being friends with them, right? there are alot of hot single moms out there..
 cutesmile30
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 50
Fear of dating single mothers
Posted: 1/11/2009 12:36:00 AM
Ok Take this in mind I have four children single yes by choice. I am in school full time once again working on a second major. As a single mother by the way my oldest is now 14 I brought a house on my own at the age of 22 I had only the two children then working full time no child support from dad I brought my car and so on. (as a single mother) I have dated men as young as 25 and they did not have one problem with it I did because they were getting to close to my children.

There wasn't a thing any of them wouldn't do for them then and now, it's not a matter of us having children because more and more men are just now stepping into our shoes.

It is the mind set of the person one has to make the choice of what he or she likes and is willing to except. It seems as if you are not sure of what you want, at your age yes you have alot to explore and so on but do not by all means walk in the same foot steps as so many other men and ladies do by putting all single mothers into one basket.

Because truth be told most of us are the Bomb! we do it all while keeping our heads up and taking the trash that comes out of the mouth of others who would more than likely jump cause they just can't hang. By the way I have been asked twice to marry while having four children and the men "MEN" see US my children and I for what we are and what we will bring into his world.

You take your time and just get to know a couple ladies with children and men as well you will see it is the same old stuff we all go through as single parents. For any person to make jokes about this well it say's alot of how mature they really are, there is nothing funny about it. It is life and it is real
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