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 hellsapopin
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 13
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need advicePage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

I wouldn't see anything wrong with that either Mr. Scott. However, it is not the OP'S intent. He wants sex with her, having viewed her "assets" unbeknownst to her probably. :roll Just wants a boink and then dance on to the next filly! I think he thinks it is a public service!!!


I did not say I wanted sex with her but just that she's sexually attractive. My intention is to be very careful around her so as not to cause her any more pain. My hope is to just remain friends and avoid all minefields. I know she caught me viewing her "assets" I will be much more careful in the future.
 hellsapopin
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 14
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Posted: 1/9/2009 5:54:25 PM

My take is that you need to think about boundaries. It is not a good idea to get involved intimately with people who live in such close proximity to you. Good fences make good neighbours!


I couldn't agree more.

I ran into her today and I accepted her dinner invitation and will make sure it stays "just friends". I already found a friend to possibly introduce. He has some health problems but is a wonderful guy that is just her type. I feel it will all work out as they are two great people. Thanks to those who gave me some excellent advice which I am taking to heart and to the nasty replies...well have a great day.
 *MiniMe*
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 15
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Posted: 1/10/2009 4:03:34 AM
Be up front with her and tell the truth. It hurts even more to feel as you have been lead on
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 16
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Posted: 1/10/2009 5:18:17 AM
I don't know what to say...

Are you a real JAMES BOND?(by your meaningless sex affairs and probably one night stands).
I wonder...are you always honest with every" one night stand"?

She must be blind...or you are very talented actor...
 hellsapopin
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 17
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Posted: 1/11/2009 9:55:39 PM
Well I am the original poster in this thread ( is that the origin of OP?) and for those who gave me some excellent advice and who might be interested how it all worked out please read on.

I have just returned home from the dinner with my lady neighbor and I am still trying to figure out what happened. Let me start from when she opened the door. This "conventional, conservative former suburban housewife had changed into a gorgeous sexy woman. I was stunned. She was dressed in a black****ail dress with spaghetti straps and plunging neckline. Her pale white alabaster skin appeared luminous against the black of her dress and she wore a simple strand of pearls around her neck. I couldn't believe how beautiful she looked. Soon we were seated having a drink and I could not keep my eyes off her as she kept crossing and uncrossing her legs. Was this the same woman? Meanwhile, my face felt flushed, I started to sweat, and found myself stammering and stuttering as I had when I was a teenager. We soon sat down for dinner which was amazingly good with a wonderful Salmon main course. I have very little recollection of most of what happened as I was still in some sort of daze. I only hope I did not make a absolute complete fool of myself.

At the end we were sitting having coffee and I thanked her such a wonderful evening. Then she leaned forward, took my hands between hers, thanked me for all my "kindness and help in her transition to her new life, and how much she treasured our friendship". Then there was a pause..and she then said she was "aware of attraction between us but as we were such close neighbors, it would be best if we remained just friends". It was so ironic that she completely turned the tables on me and that she was deflecting me rather than the other way around.

As I ponder the events of the evening and reflect on what transpired I have a few thoughts.

1. I believe that I have received a well deserved comeuppance for a clear case of hubris. Having being so humbled, I hope I will have learned this lesson well.
2. How could that a**hole former husband of hers have dumped her for another woman no matter how much younger?
3. Forget about introducing her to any of my friends. If a relationship developed, I would slit my wrists.
4. Perhaps if I moved she would relent????
5. As I can still detect the fragrance of her perfume, I am going to take a cold shower and a stiff drink.
6. My final words of those of Scarlett O'Hara in "Gone with the Wind".."after all, tomorrow is another day"
 hellsapopin
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 18
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Posted: 1/11/2009 10:24:57 PM
She does have my number. I'm only a guy what do you expect.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 19
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Posted: 1/11/2009 10:27:36 PM
Well I'd be kind of confused about that last encounter. Talk about mixed signals. Good luck. You both sound like you're flirting with fire. If it were me, I'd be backing off completely for awhile.
 reverand
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 20
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Posted: 1/11/2009 10:30:58 PM
why don't you just tell her what you told everyone else? Honesty shouldn't be reserved for the times when it won't hurt anyone's feelings. Honesty, to me, shows that you respect the person you're talking to. It really has nothing to do with ethics, or socially acceptable/ correct. It is as simple as you respect them enough to come straight and you are confident in yourself and your decisions and you are a secure person who has no reason to hide anything from anyone. Give her the straight dope.
 hellsapopin
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 21
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Posted: 1/11/2009 10:39:17 PM

why don't you just tell her what you told everyone else? Honesty shouldn't be reserved for the times when it won't hurt anyone's feelings. Honesty, to me, shows that you respect the person you're talking to. It really has nothing to do with ethics, or socially acceptable/ correct. It is as simple as you respect them enough to come straight and you are confident in yourself and your decisions and you are a secure person who has no reason to hide anything from anyone. Give her the straight dope.


I think I need to re-screw my head on again before I do anything else.
 hellsapopin
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 22
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Posted: 1/11/2009 10:56:58 PM

Perhaps she is a POF member and saw your post before she completed the final dinner preparations. Irony!


I've thought of that myself. Talk about poetic justice. I think I would crawl into a hole if that were true. I wonder if it's possible to delete the whole thread?

As for the dancing, I would have to wait a while. She had some sort of surgery on her foot a few weeks ago and she still has a limp. Right now I think I will stay low for a while. Now I have to tell my dancing partner/friend who had volunteered to be my fake girlfriend. She is going to have great fun with this. I can hear her laughing already. I think I need another drink.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 23
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Posted: 1/11/2009 11:01:53 PM
Got to love public service.......

We do not know the intent of either of them......showing or viewing.......

I say let nature take its course, and if nothing else, she will get her computer fixed, or he will get his........

Just my opinion......
 hellsapopin
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 24
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Posted: 1/12/2009 9:19:19 AM
Well, when I woke up this morning ( with a bit of a hangover) my first thought was did this really happen? Was this some late night movie?

I must admit life sometimes is stranger than fiction. A dear friend once told me "life is about learning" and boy did I have an educational experience. Wonder what I'm going to learn about today?


looked at me as though I were sexy which made me feel beautiful again,


That sounds about right. Perhaps she needed to feel beautiful and sexy again rather than a discarded wife and she was very beautiful and incredibly sexy. Oops, better stop thinking about her or I'll have to go back to those cold showers again.
 hellsapopin
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 25
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Posted: 1/12/2009 9:31:18 AM
check back some 14 or 15 posts and see what actually happened at the dinner.
 hellsapopin
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 26
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need advice, Alien Phlosophical Update 1-12-2009
Posted: 1/12/2009 10:44:10 AM

Was the nick you had before? Who said this?


The nick comes from the 1941 movie Hellzapoppin. (I changed the Z to S because there are so many Hellzapoppins online). it features "Whitey's Lindyhoppers' in one of the greatest lindy/jitterbug dances ever put on film.

And how did you know my Alien status?
 hellsapopin
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 27
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need advice, Alien Phlosophical Update 1-12-2009
Posted: 1/12/2009 11:39:12 AM
Hi Sarl,

They are doing a eight count step rather than the six count usually found in the East Coast swing. Starting from the rock step it's quick quick. triple step, slow slow, triple step. If you are counting it's 1,2 3 and 4, 5,6, 7 and 8. The triple steps are like cha cha steps. East coast starting from the rock step is quick quick, Slow slow (or sometimes triple step, triple step or sometimes tap step, tap step depending on the music.) Got that ????

I suggest sticking with the easier East Coast swing.
 hellsapopin
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 28
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need advice, Alien Phlosophical Update 1-12-2009
Posted: 1/12/2009 11:54:21 AM
You might try West Coast swing as that is usually danced to R & B music and is slower. It's also a more funkier dance with a mix of 6 and 8 count steps.
 hellsapopin
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 29
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Posted: 1/14/2009 12:17:22 PM
Hi Bananapuddin,

Well I did have that dinner with her and you can see what happened some 20 or so posts before this. Right now I think I'd better low low for awhile. It's freezing cold here right now and I'm thinking how nice it would be to be on a beach on a tropical island.
 smhrgs3000
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 30
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Posted: 1/14/2009 12:51:50 PM
OK, so paint me a hopeless romantic, unrealistic, or just a softie, but this seems to me like a case where a little white lie might make everyone live happily as friendly neighbors.
Maybe try feigning some excitement on day, and tell her about the new ladyfriend you met, ... somewhere else, and are seeing now!
If she's as conservative as you think, just knowing that you're pursuing another lady should put her at bay, hopefully anyway.
I always try to find a way to avoid openly just "rejecting" anyone if I can. Some people handle it well, but to others it's far to difficult to muster the nerve to make the attempt in the attempt in the first place, and rejection can be quite devastating to these folks. I'd hate to discourage her from trying with other men in the future.
 smhrgs3000
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 31
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Posted: 1/14/2009 1:08:16 PM
Well, just maybe there was another aganda at play during this "grand dinner".
First, when you were fixing things, and you found she "accidentally" positioning her ample assets directly in your line of sight, are you sure it was all that "accidental"?
My experience is that mast ladies keep their assets under tight control, and only "accidentally" flash em when & where they want to.
Confidence and the need to be, and feel, attractive and desirable are incredibly important to all ladies, am I right girls?
You say she'd been dumped by her husband of 30 years for a younger woman. Had she dated any since? Was she just now starting to feel that she could still be desirable, and was testing her "bait" by trolling it past you just to gauge your reaction?
If you reacted to her spagetti straps & pearls like most men with testicles would, lol, then I suspect you truly made her feel attractive. Perhaps that was just the confidence boost she'd been needing, and didn't even realize what assistance you truly did provide.
I suspect that you fixed more than just the cabinets, lol. Good on ya guy.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 32
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Posted: 1/14/2009 4:29:29 PM
OP - ok, so you find her sexually attracting, but you don't want to "date her". Fine. If you go over for dinner at her place, it doesn't mean you need to sleep with her. I say have dinner with her (if you enjoy her company). YOU do have the means and control of your emotions as to whether you want to have sex with her. It sounds to me, like you have a little bit of the ol cake & eat it too syndrome. What ever you decide to do, DO NOT introduce your dance friend as your girlfriend. That's bullshitting BOTH your dance friend and your friend in the apartment complex. NEITHER women deserve that. You can be friends with the apartment lady, have dinner from time to time, and help her fix things. Have you given it any thought that perhaps, her fixing dinner is showing you gratitude for making your life easier? It doesn't mean she wants to bed you, much less wed you!!! Quit the crap of making it more than what it really seems.
 karmicfilly
Joined: 7/8/2007
Msg: 33
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Posted: 1/14/2009 5:46:42 PM
Ok Geez. What ever happened to the truth. Why is it you are so afraid to tell the truth.
You could say, I so appreciate our friendship and would like to remain just that, friends.
It is my feeling that we are not compatible in the ways that I need. It's ok to have needs
that don't match up with others. Just because they chose us doesn't mean we have to
be chosen. Understand? Stand up and be the man, be honest, have integrity.
 hellsapopin
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 34
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Posted: 1/14/2009 8:55:42 PM

Well, just maybe there was another aganda at play during this "grand dinner".
First, when you were fixing things, and you found she "accidentally" positioning her ample assets directly in your line of sight, are you sure it was all that "accidental"?
My experience is that mast ladies keep their assets under tight control, and only "accidentally" flash em when & where they want to.
Confidence and the need to be, and feel, attractive and desirable are incredibly important to all ladies, am I right girls?
You say she'd been dumped by her husband of 30 years for a younger woman. Had she dated any since? Was she just now starting to feel that she could still be desirable, and was testing her "bait" by trolling it past you just to gauge your reaction?
If you reacted to her spagetti straps & pearls like most men with testicles would, lol, then I suspect you truly made her feel attractive. Perhaps that was just the confidence boost she'd been needing, and didn't even realize what assistance you truly did provide.
I suspect that you fixed more than just the cabinets, lol. Good on ya guy.


It was actually accidental viewing the "assets". She was seated and I was standing behind her looking at the keyboard.

As for your other points I mostly agree. I think she was testing to see if she was still attractive and could turn a man's head and not have to actually date him. As for if she has dated, I truly don't know. I haven't seen anybody but that doesn't prove anything.
That dress she wore to the dinner was really something. I still think about it.
 hellsapopin
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 35
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Posted: 1/15/2009 9:00:28 AM

Since there has been no discussion between you of the dinner invite, and the why she asked. Pretty much everything is your assumptions, have you considered that she might not be looking for anything long term either and she just wants a fwb too.


Read post #43 as it describes the actual dinner. She is clearly not looking for a fwb. I believe she is still trying to recover from the trauma of being replaced by her husband of almost 30 years with a younger replacement.
 hellsapopin
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 36
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Posted: 1/15/2009 4:13:23 PM
I actually think now it was pretty funny the way it all turned out. Perhaps we all need a dose of humility now and then.
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 37
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Posted: 1/17/2009 4:49:39 PM
She may have invited you to dinner as a thank you for doing all the odd jobs. There may be no more to it than that. I would go to the dinner and just chat with her. If the conversation gets round to relationships, just be honest and tell her you're into casual relationships which you suspect isn't her style. That will probably put her off, if she's at all interested.
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