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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 175
Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?Page 5 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
If you aren't into bars or clubs (and if you're not now, then you were probably in them for the wrong reasons to begin with) then there's no reason to go to any.

That's a choice. It's not about what you do, it's about respecting those who choose to go to bars or clubs without labeling them because they don't live the way you do.

Say it's not my thing and then move on. Why the commentary on something you don't do anyway?
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 177
Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?
Posted: 5/14/2010 6:43:52 AM
I do know that there are different types of bars - cozy little pubs, neighborhood watering holes, trendy clubs, etc. The point that I was making is that it's just much more convenient for me to relax at home. Several people that I dated in my 20s and 30s I had met in a bar. More than a couple of them turned out to have a serious drinking problem. I'm not saying that everyone who goes to bars does, because I was there and I don't have a problem with alcohol. I also live in a pretty rural area and there is nothing around here. If I lived in the city it might be different.
The question was why is there no faith in bars or clubs, so I detailed my own reasons why I find trying to meet someone in that atmosphere so undesirable.
That doesn't mean that I think any less of those who do like them.
 E_Squared817
Joined: 11/8/2009
Msg: 180
view profile
History
Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?
Posted: 5/28/2010 10:45:37 AM
I never understood the whole appeal about going to a club or bar. How is one suppose to talk to a woman if the music is so loud. Plus, with alcohol involved, I am not even sure if someone is talking to the real person.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 182
Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?
Posted: 5/28/2010 12:45:37 PM

I never understood the whole appeal about going to a club or bar. How is one suppose to talk to a woman if the music is so loud.


The idea is to do the initial introduction with her group...gain interest then pull her to a more quiet ares to talk separately



Plus, with alcohol involved, I am not even sure if someone is talking to the real person.


With alcohol you ARE talking to the real person...trust me....money and alcohol don't change people....they reveal them!

As for the people saying bars/nightclubs are too expensive...here are some tips:

1 Go early...most have no cover before a certain time.
2 Use that time before it gets crowded to get to know, in a non-obtrusive way, the bartenders and doormen....they may hook you up later after they get to know you...but don't dominate their time.
3 never buy anyone a drink....at most return the favor AFTER they have bought you a drink.
4 Drink slowly...........you can go out for 5-6 hours milking out 3-4 drinks.
5 Start a tab, you tip once at the end instead of the expected $1 per drink
6 even when starting a tab tip at least $1 cash for the first drink...this sets in motion the notion that you're a tipper.
7 Don't spend too much time hitting on one person...mingle
8 If you're not really into the bar scene look for people who are in groups that appear to only be there for an event such as a work party, bachelor/bachelorette/birthday/divorce or graduation party.
9 Cola is often free especially after you've already had a few alcoholic drinks...and it looks like a mixed drink
10 Stick with one bartender or****ail waitress all night if possible
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 183
Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?
Posted: 5/28/2010 1:33:20 PM

I never understood the whole appeal about going to a club or bar. How is one suppose to talk to a woman if the music is so loud. Plus, with alcohol involved, I am not even sure if someone is talking to the real person.

People who go to bars/clubs to meet potential dates and have conversations with people primarily are going to wonder what the appeal is - since that's not what bars and clubs are for. Mostly they are for light socializing, drinking, dancing, laughing - if you want to have a decent conversation with someone you do meet - you get contact information and talk somewhere else, naturally.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 185
Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?
Posted: 5/28/2010 6:27:33 PM
Virtuosa,

You have to understand that some of us are at a different stage in life.

I do understand that. I honestly do. Nothing I was saying was discounting the different tastes, types, and ages of people. In fact, I was explicitly pointing out how bars hit different demographics, and in different ways.

We only want to relax with one person instead of a roomful of strangers.

I think it'd be bold to stand for your whole generation (I assume the 'we' refers to). Some folks like going to concerts, some don't -- of all age groups, with more than one person -- and yes, strangers around. At different stages of life, I would say the preference changes to different motifs. Those who chalk up "bar" = one description as "room full of strangers, pay to get in, loud music, can't hardly get a drink, too many young people" obviously haven't really given any bars an honest shot... are giving an blatant, blatant invalid description, whether they're 27 or 47.

We no longer want to be in an atmosphere where we have to compare ourselves to others or be compared by others.

I think you're missing the point. Not all bars are like that. I mean, technically ANY place with PEOPLE around for any social event, like a wine-tasting convention, an office party, etc., is going to have that, sure. But again, it boils down to the atmosphere. Are you going to feel that way so much going up to the bar in Applebees? It's a bar, and some people at different stages of their lives prefer those types moreso. Others have a bad taste in their mouth about any "bar" -- and that alone is fine -- however, when someone clearly mislabels them as all being the same when they're vastly diverse in their settings, many of which have nothing in common as far as tastes go besides being able to buy at least something with alcohol content, it's fair for them to be called out on that, right?

It's just not my idea of fun and relaxation anymore, and I seldom drink, so when I do it hits me hard.

Okay, that actually makes sense then. I'm not criticizing anyone in which places that focuses on serving alcohol over food is not their style since they don't (90%+ of the time) drink. My critique is about folks describing bars... as if they're all the same, have the same crowds, all crowded, all a hassle in this way or that way, etc.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 186
Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?
Posted: 5/28/2010 6:34:11 PM

1... Take a change of clothes...leave it in the car, a spilled drink or Chicken Wing Sauce on your shirt can ruin an evening... Otherwise stick to clear drinks, and eat efore you go...


OR you could learn not to be a messy eater or clumsy...


2... Take a pencil/pen paper... so you don't look like an idiot trying to find something to write a phone # on...


NEVER....it shows you're there to get numbers... fumbling for something to write on makes it impromtu and HUMAN....besides now a days everyone will just input the number directly into their cell...


3... Know the bar... go there a few times WITHOUT trying to pick anyone up... Get to know the layout, washroom locations...


Not necessary....you'll look like a regular and asking where something is give you something to start talking about without it seeming like you're hitting on them...


4... Get to know the staff. Women have been known to ask the bartender/bouncers or other staff "Who's that guy over there..." etc.... If the staff know you, they might say something positive about you..."Oh him, he's ok... never causes trouble....." or some such stuff.... Letting on to the staff over time that you're working/single etc... can't hurt....


Already covered by getting there early and getting to know the staff...you want them to like you but not KNOW you or you'll attract other barflies. Like attracts like


5... Don't get drunk...


Already covered....3-4 drinks in 5-6 hours won't get you drunk.


8... If you don't know how to dance, learn... have fun dancing...


In the case of the people who want to meet people that aren't partiers...this advice runs opposite of your goal....you'll attract another dancer who wants to go dancing every weekend... Even if you DO want the partier type....learning to dance is okay if it's something YOU want to do/learn...otherwise not necessary. Don't take lessons though...have an attractive person at the club teach you...conversation started!


10. In the event of trouble, let the staff handle it...


This should be obvious...but I know all too well it's not....interfere and the doorguys will throw you out too...often they don't see or care who started what....everyone involved goes!


Tip for GUYS....if a chick points at or introduces you to a doorguy and says he's her boyfriend, father, uncle, brother, husband etc. leave her alone...she' trying to get rid of you and probably has alerted the staff that you're creeping on her!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 188
Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?
Posted: 5/29/2010 9:29:49 AM

Most of the males I know go for some hopes that it will have hot women coming out of the rafters and basically tearing their clothes off on the way out the door. And their hopes are that the one they leave with will soon be the one they are dating.

True - and proof that men find bars and clubs frustrating based on their own expectations. It doesn't have to be that way, but I won't hold my breath waiting for them to all change their reasons for being there.

It should be about the place and the atmosphere, not meeting people or finding your next great love - basing your whole night on something that may not (and usually doesn't) happen is a good way to feel resentful of a place eventually and start thinking you're wasting your time. Going to a place to enjoy it with no expectations and simply enjoying it in the moment is better, but hey - what do I know.

P.S. People either like bars and clubs or they don't. Those who once liked it and then didn't anymore as they got older were probably in them for the wrong reason in the first place.
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 189
view profile
History
Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?
Posted: 5/31/2010 3:40:25 AM
I wouldn't say I don't have faith in finding people in bars or clubs but I don't usually go to bars or clubs for that matter. Whether I would meet someone in my local pub is just IMO another luck finding myself in the pub at the right time. Never say never ...
 ilovehistory
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 191
view profile
History
Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?
Posted: 6/1/2010 3:54:52 PM
I never, ever drink alcohol, and I dislike being around others who are drinking. I haven't set foot in a bar in years and have no intention of doing so again. I'd rather meet someone who doesn't drink.
 HarDayKnight
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 192
Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?
Posted: 6/1/2010 5:12:50 PM
When you're in your 20's, there is a larger variety of personality types going to bars, than when you're in your 40's.
It's easier to find someone of like mind. A lot of people my age, who go to bars looking to hook up or meet someone,
tend to have problems with being a grown-up. And most of them have no clue that they're a disruptive force in a
relationship.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 193
Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?
Posted: 6/1/2010 5:32:12 PM

I'd call that a prejudice against drinkers...

I think there's a good chance he has a prejudice... but for the record, the part of what he said in regard to not wanting to be around others who are drinking, in a drinking environment (when you're not), is understandable. As you pointed out, there are bars where not everyone's getting "their drink on", but I figure they'd opt elsewhere.

That's one honking big Cat you got there.....

I think his cat had one too many beers. Maybe THAT'S why he doesn't like the bar! His cat runs off at night, goes out to the bar, and refuses to drink Miller Light, and goes straight for the dark beer... (and doesn't do lines of cat nip to burn off the calories). That age in cat years allows them to hit 21 awfully quick...
 You_are_not_alone
Joined: 3/10/2010
Msg: 194
Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?
Posted: 6/2/2010 12:29:39 AM

I'd call that a prejudice against drinkers...

No, just sounds like a civil way of saying he's not intro drinking and he'd feel out of place/uncomfortable around others who do. I don't see any merit to going out drinking with your buds if you're not going to drink and you know full well your friends will be inebriated while you're sitting there wondering what you could have been doing instead. And all because you don't want to be a killjoy. Please.

There's tolerance and there's peer pressure; no need to push your way of life on others.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 195
Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?
Posted: 6/2/2010 11:13:15 AM

I don't see any merit to going out drinking with your buds if you're not going to drink and you know full well your friends will be inebriated while you're sitting there wondering what you could have been doing instead.

For many bars? Yes. When your friends are out to get smashed? Yes. I agree that one not being keen on the idea of hitting up typical bars when they're not going to drink -- especially if they DO drink, but not on that particular day.

BUT, "I dislike being around others who are [merely] drinking" is a bolder statement than disliking being around people getting sloshed. I agree that for someone who doesn't drink, most bars are not the best idea.

However, with that said, there are a few neighborhood bars with a pool table, tvs, some food -- could be enjoyed without drinking if drinking's not your style. In essence, some bars aren't much different than coffee shops. If someone doesn't care for say, openly-social coffee shops, then yeah, if they don't drink, no bars are going to be for them.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 198
Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?
Posted: 6/3/2010 7:31:31 AM
*Lmao* Yeah, that's the bar scene in a nutshell indeed!

So many people are in denial for some reason. Be it about age gaps, e.g., that age is just a number. Nope. It's not just a number; never has, isn't and never will be *just* a number. Then there's the friendship nonsense, that men and women can only be friends. Since when? Was it before or after the invention of sliced bread? And bars/pubs/clubs, etc. A lot of people go there because they're either desperate to get laid (most cases), escape from reality or drown their sorrows by getting smashed and stupid. Women say that they just LUVE dancing and that's the only reason they go there... Yup, that's why they spend 3 hours in the bathroom putting make-up on. And yup, that's why they appreciate the attention, the flirts, free drinks and possibly even cheat on their boyfriends/husbands.

No no no, it's time to wake up. Whoever you are, and if you're in denial, just cut the bullshi.t.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 199
Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?
Posted: 6/3/2010 8:18:38 AM

No no no, it's time to wake up. Whoever you are, and if you're in denial, just cut the bullshi.t.


...and just who are YOU to call BS on other people just because this is YOUR version of reality?

There are plenty of people who go out to bars meet friends and coworkers on occasion who never really hang out in bars otherwise...where else might you meet those people in a conducive atmosphere?

Bars provide the same thing online dating does...the chance to meet someone that otherwise would never cross your path! Sure there are people who go nightly or go to get laid just like here...it's a matter of perspective...you'll find what you're looking for!

To suggest that is all anyone goes there or here to do is insulting...and very shortsighted on your part....you must live in a very small world ...
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 201
Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?
Posted: 6/3/2010 8:54:56 AM
^^^^ I can hear the irony bell clanging from here.

But OT, I think it depends a lot on the bar or the club. I've gone to some for
drinks or dancing or the occasional football game and had nothing but a great
time...met lots of people. I did date a few that I met, nothing that lasted, but
I'm pretty sure it had nothing to do with the fact I met them in the bar or club.

I've also been to a few bars for drinks where no amount of goggles or bleach for
the eyes could rid myself of the visions that lay before me. I don't care where you
go, there are always going to be all types of people. It's not impossible to meet
someone anywhere...just depends on the situation.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 202
Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?
Posted: 6/3/2010 9:05:02 AM
The point is that meeting people is incidental and not a goal - if you make it the reason you leave the house - then there's a pretty good chance you'll be dissappointed, especially if you're not overly fluent socially, or real charismatic. If you go out just to go out - and all you're looking for is a good view of the place and some great music or a nice drink (alcoholic or not), then you WILL find what you're looking for. The trick is to look for realistic things...kind of a "duh" statement, but seems some need to hear it.

Going anywhere looking for a date, relationship, friendship, anything that involves a stranger volunteering to participate has a possibility of letdown, and it's not rocket science to realize this.

Again there's a big difference between being social and open to meeting people and going out with the expectation you should. Those who don't see it never will - but should realize that not everyone thinks or acts like they do.

Women who go anywhere as an event usually spend time in the mirror - why they do that is something only each one of them knows. To think you know why anyone you don't know does anything is arrogant, and comes across as such in a post.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 204
Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?
Posted: 6/3/2010 1:41:56 PM
Well, let's just say that it's a lot of trouble for just a sleazebag's attention and his prick in her back pocket.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 206
Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?
Posted: 6/3/2010 3:27:17 PM
Wow....you people are BITTER...no wonder your lives suck and you have no faith in anything......you have no love in your hearts for yourselves...let alone anyone else.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 208
Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?
Posted: 6/3/2010 4:22:30 PM
THisisfun35,

If that is true how come I have not found a beautiful, red head or brunette woman who, will pay all my bills, willing to have at least 9 children with me, but never gain weight, grow old, complain, or do as she is told to do?

So have you found said woman at the grocery store? Coffee shop? Bookstore? POF?

Wow you mean to tell me I will find this when I go to my local watering hole tonight?

No, not necessarily. There are plenty of bars in which it would not be a good use of time to find a gal. Many bars vary in their atmosphere & crowd. You may like a bar that isn't an effective watering hole in terms of finding a gal. There can be another bar which you may not like the greatest, but a more effective place in that regard.

Thus the reason why anyone goes to a bar or a club, to escape their daily lives.

To you, when you go out maybe, and sure, to some folks as well. But to everyone, I wouldn't say that's a fair statement (depends on how you'd define 'escape'). Depending on the bar -- I repeat, depending on the bar -- many people aren't 'escaping their daily lives' any more than say, the forums, or playing a video game, or going to a coffee shop, or going to the movies, or going to Cedar Point, etc.

Yeah they are few who go to meet their friends out for drinks, or to meet and converse with strangers, but yet I have never found what I have been looking for all these years when sipping on my scotch and flirting with drunk complaining attention seeking bar maid next to me....

Depending on the bar, it's not a few, but many. If you've never found what you're looking for, then maybe you should go outside your local watering hole. Additionally, with an attitude that all the gals are drunken skanks escaping issue-ridden lives, you really think you would be able to pick one up if there was an opportunity, with those blinders on? And just because someone has tried at say, the grocery store to pick up some cougars but has failed, doesn't mean they can apply some (result of being bitter) statement saying that all the cougars at grocery stores are lonely jobless housewives looking to bang the pool boy or the lawn boy. :)

I would also like to ad that the ironic thing is that I will never find what am looking for because what I am looking for does not exist

OKAY! Therefore, your argument that bars are not a place to meet girls because you haven't met one yet is invalid. If the type of gal you're looking for doesn't exist, NO place would be good for you to meet a non-existent woman of your dreams!
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 210
Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?
Posted: 6/3/2010 5:44:11 PM

LOL. My argument is one hundred percent valid..^^^^ I have lived my argument, and witnessed my argument time and time again.^^^ The issue at hand is when are those who go to bars to find love going to realize that dreams are not real and what the seek does not exist and will never exist, and the real reason why they are there is to drink. Sometimes you just have to face the facts, it is part of growing up


Preposterous!!! Just because what YOU want doesn't exist doesn't mean that other people going wherever to find whatever haven't grown up yet.....someone crying about NOT finding something they KNOW doesn't exist sounds a bit childish.....who's got the growing up to do?

Many people go to bars or wherever with REALISTIC expectations.....and probably will find what they are looking for...

 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 212
Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?
Posted: 6/4/2010 5:24:33 AM
"Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?"
------------
There are many reasons but one is that there are smashed and stupid people there.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 213
Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?
Posted: 6/4/2010 10:17:19 AM

I don't know...
At times I used to go to bars with the express purpose of meeting women.... can't say I was disappointed often. Even then, I just chalked it up to 'these things happen'
There was always another night....

That's why it worked for you - you didn't necessarily HAVE to meet someone, and you knew there would be other times. Everytime you went out you weren't expecting it to be the last time you had to because Ms. Right was there waiting. You probably also talked to women actively, rather than sitting in the corner afraid to yet hoping they noticed you and formed a line to get your phone number.
 Gangster Kitten
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 214
Why is there no faith in bars/clubs?
Posted: 6/7/2010 1:30:26 PM
This thread reminds me that I'm 25 years old, going on 26. man, in a few years, I wont be allowed to be in bars anymore without looking like a creepster.

Jesus. Man, I need to finds me a broad, and fast.
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