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 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 5
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who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I have not read the other replies but to put this down to gender seems incredibly foolish to me. I have seen both men and women absolutely gutted by break-ups.

Generally speaking... the one who is LEFT takes the longer to recover. The one who still was invested in the relationship takes the longer to recover simply because they have more to process.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 6
who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/13/2009 2:44:06 PM
Men get over faster!!! No wait, it's women, they are the ones!! Six puppies. Wait, no, it's the puppies, with their tongue sticking out. No wait. It's the chipmunks. No, wait, I got it, it's the lawyers. They get over the day after they get your last check or your house.

I think there's no right answer to this one. It depends on the person, the relationship, who cheated, who wanted out and who didn't, who feels got the short end of the stick, or a stick at all. So rather than gender bash here, let's realize that we all get over in different ways and leave at that.
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 8
who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/13/2009 3:41:58 PM
Here's the straight scoop and men, listen up.

It takes women much longer to end a bad relationship,
but - when a woman IS done?

She's stone cold done and NOT going back.

It takes men very little to end a relationship they feel is getting bad for them,
however they will continue to think about that woman for a much longer period of time than a woman would think about him.

There's statistical evidence to correlate what I've stated but it will take me a bit of research to find it.

For now?
Strictly speaking as my own experience and opinion

If I am done? I am beyond done. Stone cold done.
 Cogie36
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 9
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who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/13/2009 3:46:09 PM
Heck alot of people these days ........( men and women for that matter)......move on way before the break up ever happened......
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 10
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who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/13/2009 4:03:24 PM
You could cite a study but that doesn't mean it's accurate. Who participated in the study, were the questions biased, how big was the sample, how diverse was the sample, who did the study, who wrote the results, where did you find the results....just because someone says....this is the result of....doesn't make it true.
 singleagain66
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 11
who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/13/2009 4:45:26 PM
Well that depends on how the relationship was and how bad the break up is because in my case my ex mess up badly and I was able to get over it and move on which I did. She was the one who tried to come back later but I have moved on with my life and I think she has been bitter every since. So if things end good on both sides then yes both sides can move on with no problem but if one side was the then the other party can move on and the will be the one having a had time moving on. . . . . . J.M.O.
 dcamnc
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 13
who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/13/2009 5:52:47 PM
I don't think one recovers faster than the other. I do it's easier for a woman to break it off with a man than vice versa. Women always seem to change themselves after a breakup (at least mine have), any one else noticed this? They go and get a totally different hair style, maybe a different clothing style, and so on...
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 14
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who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/13/2009 6:06:51 PM
So not true Gonesailinbabe...haven't we all had the friend (or been there ourselves) and gone back and forth for the guy you NOW know wasn't the right one for you? Of course there is the final (i'm done) but...are you saying every single time you said you were done with a guy, you never went back to him to try "one more time'?


I dont think so jamie1968, when gonesailinbabe said she was DONE-


when a woman IS done?

She's stone cold done and NOT going back.


-I swear a *stone cold* breeze went through here and blew out the blazing fire in my air tight woodstove.

When she`s done, she is DONE.

You must learn her kung-fu.
 Go Rin No Sho
Joined: 1/9/2009
Msg: 16
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who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/24/2009 9:41:27 PM
[I feel that men and women feel the hurt on the same level, but in my experience, it seems that men internalize it more. Is it because women have more of a support system to discuss their feelings of hurt/disappointment/anger, in the form of gal pals ready with pints of Ben and Jerry's, and men view it as a sign of weakness to admit their suffering?]

I don't think it's so much a viewing it as a sign of weakness as the effects of a particularly crushing socialization system. The best way to point out the difference between society's behavioral expectations between men and women is to take a typical female behavior (such as gathering a group of close friends after a breakup), change the gender, and does it "seem" right?

Men have much more rigid roles and expectations of them than women do - can I list the more popular?
1. The successful corporate shark who would sell his own soul to leverage a buyout;
2. The successful attorney who uses every dirty trick to win a case;
3. The hardworking blue collar guy who drinks beer and watches every sports game on cable;
4. The bad frat boy who never grew up;
5. The hardworking husband who puts his family first and goes into debt and gets a heart attack.

When you think about it, what is the only ritual that men have to act as a support group? Well, if you have a group of really supportive friends, they will take you out on the town, get you puking drunk, and maybe buy you lap dances at the strip joint or perhaps (if you are really lucky) a hotel room with a hooker. Assuming that happens Friday or Saturday night, by Monday you are supposed to be "normal" again!

Speaking from my own experience, the two significant relationships in my life (16 years and 18 years, respectively) changed me dramatically. "Getting over it" implies going back to a pre-relationship state. I prefer to think that I am working through it, knowing that I don't know exactly what kind of person I will be on the other side.

If you truly let someone into your life, heart, and soul, you will be changed forever. To assume that you can revert to some previous state of mind and emotion is naive.

Just my (inflation adjusted) 0.02 -
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 17
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who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/24/2009 10:45:41 PM
it took me five years to get over my first husband. three years before my second marriage ended, i was over it, but we both stayed for our kids. two different situations. i don't see this as being gender related.
 LukeMM23
Joined: 4/2/2006
Msg: 18
who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/25/2009 3:09:02 AM
My ex seemed to have moved on very fast after our break-up. She didn't even give me a proper "goodbye". It doesn't really change anything. There are men and women who will take longer.
 androgynousvon
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 19
who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/26/2009 8:22:49 PM
I agree with things posted:
(1) the dumper gets over it faster
(2) I'm the type who'll waver for a while (trying to figure out what actually is the real situation) when I'm not sure what's going on with the other person...waver, that is, until I eventually have an epiphany, and when I do, it's like a light bulb going off...I lose respect for and interest in that person instantaneously and permanently.
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 22
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who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 8:23:47 AM
I think women recover a lot faster than men. They seem to have a colder view of relationships in my opinion. Feeling sorry for yourself after a break up accomplishes nothing but a little revenge can make you feel a lot better.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 23
who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 9:27:45 AM
~OT~ Mandrake gets the POF Golden Answer of the Week Award. It is definitely who loved the least or not at all. I thought I was very resilient thoughout most of my life ~ when it was over, you hugged and moved on wishing each other well. That was until the proverbial "didn't EVEN see it coming" event. WOW does that change things. Oh well, it's still a live and learn and although it wasn't pretty, it taught me one thing: "Eyes Wide Shut" can really screw with your head. He did me a favor to be honest, but it still wasn't pretty. JMO
 catkin2007
Joined: 12/18/2007
Msg: 25
who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 10:33:10 AM
Wow, lots of interesting comments. Personally, I don't believe any one gender has it easier than others. I think people often make assumptions about how a person is handling things on the outside, but don't see the things going on inside. Sometimes, jobs, family and circumstances force you to continue on whether you are really ready or not...

It really is different for everyone and how they handle situations. Me personally, it took me two years to accept my marriage was over. My Ex was moving on before our marriage ended.... so obviously gender based comments are not true.... and totally BS... because it boils down to the individuals.
 FortyFine44122
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 26
who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 12:38:27 PM

Women. This is proven beyond doubt. The suicide rate amongst men in breakups is MUCH higher than women. The reason is because of support groups. Women have much MUCH better ones than men do.
and men don't cry
if he only could call to his best friend and cry why he was so stupid to start this relationship in the first place...and his friend would say: honey, you are the best...she's gonna regret the rest of her life that she lost you


ohhh, men would recover ASAP...got another chick...and everyone would live happily ever after

seriously, I think most women don't recover too long because they tend to dwell on the past feelings, trying to figure out what she did wrong, and how it might be if she wouldn't
At least men can get themselves together sooner than women...
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 27
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who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 2:22:28 PM

Between what I have experienced and what I have heard and read it seems to me that after a breakup the woman tends to move on and start dating - even if just chat or coffee, before men do and that a larger percentage of men get really disturbed, threaten to hurt themselves or someone, end up drinking or depressed .
I'd agree with this. Most times I've seen, women were dating soon after, long before men did. But by and large, once the men moved on, they didn't look back, and only looked to the future, while as women seemed to date new guys, but still want their old boyfriends back.
 Chaz Brown
Joined: 10/6/2008
Msg: 28
who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 2:25:16 PM

I'd venture to say the one who initiated the break up. It was probably something they had thought about for a while and already had it reconciled to some degree.


What he said...

Chaz
 jm0405
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 29
who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 2/7/2009 1:28:26 AM
I think guys hurt as a bad a woman, but he moves on faster. She moves on until she realizes her ex has someone else so shows back up in his life and won't let go until she destroys his new relationship. Women get depressed and disturbed as well - woofin' down the ice cream, drinking, going to the mall and spending money they don't out of depression and desperation, etc. Women will continue to listen and will tell the dumped woman how awful the man is so this drama will carry on for a lengthy period of time. Men? A guy's friends are more inclined to say in a bar over a game of pool, "Dude! Get over it! Have another beer!! Check out that honey at the bar in that black skirt!!" End of discussion.
 parklabrea
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 30
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who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 2/20/2009 8:52:20 PM
The person who recovers quickest is the one who got the house.
 hilltop70
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 32
who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 8/5/2009 1:45:14 PM
i have no problem moving on regradless of how i felt about you but then again i have also been called a an emotionless robot anyway
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 33
who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 8/5/2009 8:05:36 PM
I think women take longer to get over it because we need the time to process our grief, talk it out, examine what went wrong, etc. Men don't take as long because they are more likely just bury their feelings and forget about it. I think that women are much more resilient to going back to being on their own, but men don't handle being alone as well.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 36
who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/31/2010 5:04:57 PM
I think men find it more difficult to get acclamated to being alone and on their own again, especially if he had gotten complacent and the woman was putting in more.

No one left to make him a sandwich or bring him a beer.
 jcharles01
Joined: 1/25/2010
Msg: 37
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who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/31/2010 6:50:56 PM
Obviously, women would recover faster because they lack souls.
 Bluemoonman
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 42
who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/31/2010 9:40:40 PM
Many valid points. I agree with the dumper/ dumpee arguement and yet what is the intention of breaking things off- another person? not a good fit? cheating?

In the end, it's also how long you might have been together as well as maybe your desire to put it behind you and move on to the next person that you will hopefully have a better connection with. I think men tend to start dating sooner than a woman after a breakup but don't know that it means they're not thinking about things still, we just don't want you on our minds. I've done it.
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