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 Mrjohnson0827
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 144
What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?Page 8 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Nothing, as long as you don't bring it to the able with someone else.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 145
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What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 7/19/2013 11:55:09 PM
Re Mr Johnson's post above:


I'd love to hear people's comments on this one:

Last night I was chatting to a 49-year-old guy online (another site, with a chat facility) and the conversation went like this..

He: Are you divorced?
Me: No, single.
He: Cos I don't date divorced women.
Me: (perplexed) Why's that?
He: They are bitter, you know, been hurt and all that.
Me: LOL - most people of our age have been hurt - haven't you?
He: Yeah, loads of times, and that is why I don't want a woman who's been spoiled, and is cynical about men. I want one who is still sweet and nice.
Me: You've been hurt lots of times, but you don't want a woman who has had the same experiences as you? I find that a bit illogical, TBH.
He: You sound cynical, just like the rest. Bye...

And he disconnected!
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 146
What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 7/20/2013 4:52:58 AM
^^^he wasn't asking you to question his wants.... he was asking you to appease them.

you didn't hear what he was really asking when he said "I want one who is still sweet and nice"

that was your cue to prove how sweet and nice you could be, but you called him illogical instead.
 jpwrnglrwmn_forumsonly
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 147
What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 7/27/2013 5:21:14 PM
I'd say there's nothing wrong with being jaded, as long as it doesn't close your heart off to meeting new people. .or new potential dates. I believe I've already reached that point. . Yes, the common denominator is me . .but I just don't believe I'm meant to be in a relationship. A lot less stress and worry, that's for sure. I see my friends from time to time, but it would be nice to have someone to come home to. Unfortunately, that's just not in the cards for me. I have a certain set age group I'm attracted to. (closer to my age, and not interested in much older)
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 148
What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 7/27/2013 5:46:21 PM

I'd say there's nothing wrong with being jaded, as long as it doesn't close your heart off to meeting new people. .or new potential dates. I believe I've already reached that point. . Yes, the common denominator is me . .but I just don't believe I'm meant to be in a relationship. A lot less stress and worry, that's for sure. I see my friends from time to time, but it would be nice to have someone to come home to. Unfortunately, that's just not in the cards for me.


Sometimes you just need a break, just cuz u feel like tht now doesn't mean it will be forever!
 lostsoultoo
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 149
What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 7/27/2013 6:53:06 PM
When I read the posts from bitter/jaded people, I feel an intense pity that their hurt and pain has not subsided. We all have baggage at our age. It's something called life. And while our hurts can side track us, we should find ways to overcome the pain. It will get better, but if we hold onto the pain and try to keep safe from having it happen again, we are missing life, maybe the best days of our lives. Being jaded/bitter are normal due to certain aspects of our lives. It doesn't mean we have to stop living or feel everyone we run into is going to hurt us again.
 house_full_of_bullets
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 150
What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 7/28/2013 4:36:03 PM
I'd say there's nothing wrong with being jaded, as long as it doesn't close your heart off to meeting new people. .or new potential dates. I believe I've already reached that point. . Yes, the common denominator is me . .but I just don't believe I'm meant to be in a relationship. A lot less stress and worry, that's for sure. I see my friends from time to time, but it would be nice to have someone to come home to. Unfortunately, that's just not in the cards for me. I have a certain set age group I'm attracted to. (closer to my age, and not interested in much older)

Tough one. It seems there are more singles to choose from once you hit mid forties - but that might just be me. Just hang tight, you have a pretty good profile and you're pretty - you're just going through a dry spell I guess.
 Jerilyn
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 151
What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 7/28/2013 5:22:28 PM
The trouble with being bitter/jaded which I do think is the same thing... is that it's antidote is success where people normally find failure. Only once they've reached that depth of emotion finding success is nearly impossible... it's like a cancer that spreads until it eventually blinds them to everything in life. If they've become jaded because they can't find a good man/woman, for example, after a time they couldn't see a good man/woman if one was standing right in front of them.

But the word is overused. The mere mention of someone who had a setback... say their relationship went sour... people drag out that word IMMEDIATELY to describe the person who might have been dumped or burned when they are just going through the normal slough of emotions. That's not "bitter" or "jaded", which is a deeply entrenched, hardened state of being that no is longer simply a response to something that has happened.

Trust me, when you meet a truly bitter person, you'll know it and look out... it's not pretty. But it doesn't always appear the way you expect. In many cases a truly bitter person is someone who is walking around with a smile on their face trying to mask it...they might even claim their lives are wonderful... only to turn on you at the drop of a hat... maybe literally try to take you down if you achieve or have something in your life that they secretly desire... they are deeply jealous and spiteful... and many times downright destructive.

That's what's wrong with it.
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 152
What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 7/28/2013 5:29:29 PM
Bitter turns into Bittersweet.. (in retrospect).. and jaded.. im not sure you can swing out of that..

I skipped dating for a long time.. and celibacy has reset my dating 'tude...

Life is good if you choose it to be
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 153
What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 7/28/2013 9:45:11 PM
Jaded to me is something where a person has expectations of failure, being let down or assumption of lying or spinning. It is cynicism rather than learned caution. Cautious is hopeful with an assumption of hopeful positive but knowledge it COULD go south; jaded assumes it definitely will go south.

But bitter? Bitter is something that is focused on, fed and grows... the more it grows the more it permeates every core of a person's perception, interaction, their very manner. They are angry, they are distrustful... they are enraged... and it twists their emotions and their outlook to the point every single person they see they use that perception on; and they want to make them pay.

Bitterness to some people I think feels empowering... but the people I know who are literally lost in it? Are not empowered... they are imprisoned... there is no quality of life, success or happiness when a person is buried alive in bitterness.

They can't see the light, the good, the hope, the magic. They only see their constantly fed perception of pain.

And it is repellant as an aura to people. It feels dark; it feels angry and it feels hostile. People who feel that way will maybe find someone who they want to share their twisted pain with; but to people co feeding their own demons i odn't think make for a real healthy relationship... and the bitter tend to shy away from the happy; because they resent the other person's peace of mind; not understanding quite often peace of mind is not becaus eof a lack of painful experiences; it is a making peace iwth them and not letting themselves be victimized. Happiness is a choice; not a condition based on lack of obstacles and a perfect life.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 154
What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 7/29/2013 4:17:28 AM

And it is repellant as an aura to people. It feels dark; it feels angry and it feels hostile. People who feel that way will maybe find someone who they want to share their twisted pain with; but to people co feeding their own demons i odn't think make for a real healthy relationship... and the bitter tend to shy away from the happy; because they resent the other person's peace of mind; not understanding quite often peace of mind is not becaus eof a lack of painful experiences; it is a making peace iwth them and not letting themselves be victimized. Happiness is a choice; not a condition based on lack of obstacles and a perfect life.


what a great post, I should print it up & hang it up on the wall & try to stay positive as much as possible! TY. I quite agree about happiness as a choice, I think some are optimistic & make lemonade out of lemons & some don't. It's up to us to decide which one we want.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 155
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What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 8/11/2013 9:11:02 AM
Motown

^^^he wasn't asking you to question his wants.... he was asking you to appease them.

you didn't hear what he was really asking when he said "I want one who is still sweet and nice"

that was your cue to prove how sweet and nice you could be, but you called him illogical instead.
=======================================================================

But there would be no point in misrepresenting myself to him because if we starting dating I would find it too much of a strain to continuously act the part of someone I am not.

The aim here ISN'T just to get a date at all costs, even if it means suppressing our true personalities! It is to find someone compatible, AND to find someone who accepts us as we are, as ourselves, not someone play-acting.

Conversely, I would not want to be in a relationship with a man who has ridiculous expectations, like the one under advisement -- i.e. HE is allowed to have baggage and I am not.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 156
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What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 9/17/2014 9:33:24 PM
Nothing.

I do NOT find anything attractive about "angry" women however, I kinda' like a slightly sarcastic, cynical broad.

I am annoyed by those, happy-go-lucky, "the sun will come out tomorrow" types.

Life ain't all sunshine, rainbows, and lollipops...................express your frustrations..............but be funny about it.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 157
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What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 9/18/2014 1:31:34 PM
OP, I think there is a big difference between being jaded and being bitter. I think you become bitter, but as you pointed out, it doesn't last. After bitter, one usually becomes jaded. Personally, I know the stages. I was bitter for a while, but now I'm jaded. I'll believe in love only after it comes and bites me in the a$$. Other than that, I don't believe in it. To me tht's jaded. Just a general "ho-hum" disbelief in something or another.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 158
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What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 9/19/2014 9:46:41 PM
Sounds like another in the many seemingly elegant patchwork repairs people effect on themselves. Call it bitterness when it's immediate and visceral; call it Jaded when it seems more relaxed and comforting.

Life seems to be a long sequence of temporary fixes and substitute dreams and alternate visions, sometimes.

What gets scary sometimes, is that I might do such a good job on my patchwork and self-comforting, that I walk right past real love when it finally shows up in whatever form it chances to take.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 159
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What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 9/19/2014 10:00:25 PM
I personally find "jaded" to be boring, myself...It's a feeling that isolates and prevents any real connection with others.When I've felt that way,I removed myself from the dating scene until I'm able to see people as INDIVIDUALS and not as "all the same".
It's MY problem and NOBODY else should have to pay the price for that...certainly NOT someone who is hoping to build any kind of relationship with me.
I also don't want to have to "prove" how different I am than every other woman on the planet, so that somebody will love me...

The beauty of having experienced the feeling myself, is that I can spot it in someone else very quickly, which gives me a RUNNING head start, in the opposite direction!!! lol
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 160
What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 9/19/2014 11:27:55 PM
"Conversely, I would not want to be in a relationship with a man who has ridiculous expectations, like the one under advisement -- i.e. HE is allowed to have baggage and I am not."

Exactly. That conversation was just so typical of online dating..everyone runs away within five seconds of reality hitting..which is that NO ONE comes without issues and a past life at this age. You can't dial up the instant perfect person.

Anyway-I know I am jaded. I am jaded and I no longer trust the process. I dont know if I am bitter. I dont feel anger necessarily-but I do feel disappointment, and just this settled in feeling that life is different now, connecting with someone has been literally impossible. And after years of struggling with dating and hashing thru all the slog of endless lies, misrepresentations and surprises like finding out people have STD's or were alcoholics etc..,I lost my will to continue with it, because I knew I didn't just trust people anymore.

And because I know this about myself, I feel it is my obligation to NOT date, and not drag someone into this dynamic.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 161
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What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 9/20/2014 7:02:42 AM
I am jaded personally.
There is a point in everyone's life were you have to say enough is enough, even in the dating world.
For me jaded comes when the negative risks of vulnerability outweighs the positive potential.
Like Volkano said, everyone has issues, and for some reason they think they can have someone without any themselves. No one wants to do any work in a relationship at all. I just found that I am just tired of it all. Having a companion in life would be great, but it isn't neccessary.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 162
What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 9/20/2014 10:03:21 AM
The whole problem with being jaded is ............. aw screw it, it's not worth the effort.
 rftv1020
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 163
What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 9/21/2014 5:22:18 AM
I don't understand why anyone would want to be jaded. To me it seems like an unhealthy/unhappy way to view the world. You surrender your life to another person or situation. We all have had our knees knocked from under us. Bad relationships/bad women or men depending on your gender. Each time we go on that first date signals a fresh start. I refuse to pay for the sins of another man and I do not expect someone new in my life to assume responsibility for a bad relationship I had with another woman. I have had my share of bad women and fully admit there have been times I was not a stellar boyfriend. That was yesterday. I run from EOR people. I like to laugh and be happy. This is my life and I refuse to let someone else control my happiness.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 164
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What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 9/21/2014 7:08:18 AM
rftv, you are missing the point. No one wants to be jaded. It is something you become through continual disappointment and fustration. Neither Volkano or I or any of the other jaded people on these forums woke up one day to say, "You know what, from now on I will be jaded and it will be lovely". It is something you realize after it already happened to you.
 rftv1020
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 165
What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 9/21/2014 7:19:50 AM
But you hold on to it, you allow it to control your life and your happiness.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 166
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What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 9/21/2014 7:54:30 AM
It is nice to be optimistic and all, to believe that mr./mrs. Right is just beyond the corner, but that isn't for everyone. This world is not fair, love is not fair, people are not fair. For some people, like myself, living is hard enough as it is, without throwing things like love and dating into it. I count myself lucky everyday that I didn't buy a gun and blow my brains out all over my apartment walls the previous night. I have to keep myself from drinking, even though most days I really want to get slurry stupid drunk, because if I made my family cry, I would be a complete and total failure in truth, not just in my head. So as you can see, being jaded is the least of my worries.

Do you actually think someone is out there for a person like me? I laugh at that very notion. While I do have a very decent positive side, I have compassion and intelligence, and love for all things and people. The darker side of me I described above prevents all healthy relationships from ever taking place. "Jaded" is just the sign I post at the front gate to tell everyone to keep walking.
 rftv1020
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 167
What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 9/21/2014 8:18:11 AM
Yes I do believe there is someone for you and everyone else in the world. But first you need some meds/counseling for the negative thoughts. Which usually occur from a chemical imbalance. Humans by nature are happy. It is not until a chemical is missing or something triggers an imbalance. My question is: if you know you have suicidal thoughts, are unhappy, why are you not taking actions to correct the issue? Especially when in many cases it can be corrected by a perscription. If you are not doing everything possible to correct your life then subconsciously you want your life to stay the same. Other people are not going to do it for you. You have to be the one that makes the choice. Everyone will suffer anxiety and depression at some point in life. just life. It is usually temporary. When depression and negative thoughts become a way of life an beyond ones control other options need to be explored.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 5/3/2014
Msg: 168
What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 9/21/2014 8:55:14 AM
I think what rftv is saying is not that there is not a REASON for becoming jaded... but what is not good is wallowing in it.

Mindset is literally a choice. Pretending NOT to think things is delusion; it doesn't work. When a person is hurt, angry or unhappy, those feelings need to be owned. But they don't need to be swum in, surrounded with, fed, nurtured and self fulfilled prophecied.

When dealing with those things, doing things that are positive producing (music, dancing, hiking in nature;) things that fulfil and nurture the soul. It wont do awaya with the pain, but it will put it in perspective.

When a person knows that they can hurt AND have joy, when a person knows that they can have friends even though one significant other let them down, when a person knows that there IS hope and that everyone out there is not a user, cheater, game player or parasite, but there are a TON of other people out there who have gone through exactly the same things, it shifts something in the brain and the jadedness turns to cautious wisdom with hope.

The one? Works with dating. The other? Repels.
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