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 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 2
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Seperated - How long is long enough?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Q: How long is long enough?

A: How ever long the other person thinks is long enough, it is not up to any one but that person. Might be an hour for some, might be a year for some, but it is up to them!

Get passed issues with you ex, move on. Not healthy for you, your ex or your kids.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 3
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Seperated - How long is long enough?
Posted: 1/15/2009 8:12:06 AM
How long depends on the individual. My ex moved on within 6 mo (probably sooner, but he won't admit it) and it took me over 2 yrs.

While it's not what YOU would do, it's what she's comfortable doing. My only concern is having a revolving door on the bedroom. If she is hosting a rotating contingent of men on a regular basis.. then you can speak up and say you don't think it's appropriate and not a good example for the kids. I personally don't like the idea of introducing someone new right away. I kept my guy away from the kids for 3 or 4 mo or longer... I don't remember exactly.

You are not going to get a definitive answer here as it's really a subjective topic.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 4
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Seperated - How long is long enough?
Posted: 1/15/2009 8:30:44 AM
It is a matter of how soon you are over your Ex. Once you seperate emotionally and physically you are a free agent. This does not mean anyone will date you but you are free to try.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 6
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Seperated - How long is long enough?
Posted: 1/15/2009 12:10:38 PM
You know, I understand the nature of many of the responses but the best favor you can do to yourself is stop thinking along the lines of how dare she?

You know, whether you are ready to move on or not, she is, and there is nothing you can do about that. Sometimes even grown people get excited when they first start spending time with someone and while it is totally inconsiderate of your feelings, she one may not like you and at this time and two, she is so wrapped up in the new guy that she is totally unaware that seeing hickies would hurt you.

You are being unreasonable if you expect her to give you any consideration in this area. The physical evidence is harsh but she can move on with her life which means having adult relationships.

You have the right to ask her to please not bring people around your children unless she is sure that the relationship is going somewhere but she can do whatever she wants.

Life is not fair. Divorce is very not fair. The more you allow yourself to think about the way things should be instead of how they are, the longer it will take you to move forward and you will also be a lesser parent because you will at best be unhappy longer.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 7
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Seperated - How long is long enough?
Posted: 1/15/2009 4:08:04 PM
The law is the law and no you do not.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 9
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Seperated - How long is long enough?
Posted: 1/15/2009 5:49:07 PM
She's over you. That's it. People move on at different paces, she was probably unhappy in the marriage for well beyond the 5 months you have been apart.
Had you broken up with her, you would probably not give her dating a second thought.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 10
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Seperated - How long is long enough?
Posted: 1/16/2009 7:49:40 AM
If you're going to post to the forums, ditch some of those e-mail restrictions so that people can send you a note off-thread.

You just need to stop thinking like her husband, which will take a while. What she does is not your business and even if it affected your child, i.e. guys coming around like a revolving door, there is not that much you can do about something until the behavior is so over the top that the damage to the child is already evident and even then, many courts still will not do anything unless you are like having sex in front of the kid.

This, however, does not sound like your X so while she may be having a moment of insanity, it will likely pass. If she never was the type to do anything wrong, a little wrong may be very attractive to her right now and honestly, you cannot protect her from herself so you hope for the best, be cordial, and ask her to please consider your children in terms of making sure that things are going to work out with a guy before they spend any real time around your children.

Take heart in the fact that she isn't having a second adolescence with the kids up in the middle of it and focus on your kids. This too shall pass and it will be a lot easier on you if you try to ignore things instead of allowing yourself to fixate. For example, if there is a way to get to your house without passing hers, even if it means going a couple of blocks out of the way, do it. Some people like to do themselves damage by driving by the X's house constantly, not a wise use of time.
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