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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Men givers vs. Women givers      Home login  
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 19
Men givers vs. Women giversPage 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Consider yourself fortunate. You could end up with takers or women like those here who think you have an ulterior motive.
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 20
Men givers vs. Women givers
Posted: 2/4/2009 12:05:07 PM
I've found that most givers find it hard to receive. Usually its because subconsciously they give to 1) show you how important you are to them and how much they care for you and 2) because giving defines who they are.

If you meet someone and both of you are givers, you clash like two bull moose. meeses??? Anyway, you can't easily give to a giver. But having said that, the giver will start to feel used and abused after a period of time if NO rewards such as appreciation, affection or devotion are returned to them.

Every giver has their limit and you just have to know them well enough to know where their boundaries lie.

Believe me, trust me on this one........there are plenty of people out there who would love nothing more than to find a relentless giver and bleed them dry!

I'm a giver who has learned how to receive, ironically, when a giver learns to give for the right reasons and realizes its "ok" to receive then they label you a golddigger....sheesh

Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 21
Men givers vs. Women givers
Posted: 2/4/2009 1:46:22 PM
I was always a giver, helper, etc. Not anymore. Men do not appreciate it. They walk all over you like a doormat.
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 22
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Men givers vs. Women givers
Posted: 2/4/2009 1:54:14 PM
It's very simplistic and so is the response.

You cannot change another person........only accept them the way they are.

You CAN say the following, or something similar;

"Part of my person feels the need to be an equal giver. If you cannot accept my kindness, help, and generosity? Then I think that we should pursue happiness elsewhere."
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 23
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Men givers vs. Women givers
Posted: 2/4/2009 3:22:07 PM

Ah yes.........reverse psychology. Making them feel guilty.

We should all learn from Jewish people on how to manipulate women!

BTW, have you called your mother lately?
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 24
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Men givers vs. Women givers
Posted: 2/4/2009 9:13:04 PM
I have two dear friends who are both givers and I am torn as to who to proceed with...
The perfect relationship is one with both givers understanding that each must allow the other to give and each must also receive graciously.
But what you described... her not wanting you to fetch her in your own car preferring instead to borrow her family's...
That's strange...

Good luck!
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 25
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Men givers vs. Women givers
Posted: 2/22/2009 12:50:17 PM

I had no idea how 'wrong' I was. My intentions were good, I just wasn't seeing the big picture. .. until .. a friend took me aside one day, after witnessing me 'politely' refusing a gift. He said: "You know how good it makes you feel to do or give something to someone, specially when it helps them or is something they really need?" I said "Yup." .. he said: "So .. why wouldn't you want other people to have that good feeling?" we talked. I got it. I was not balanced - it isn't about just giving and it isn't about just taking - it is about a healthy balance of both. Since then, I've gotten much better at 'allowing' those around me to have that good feeling too.

Excellent outline of the lesson I have learned in life

Well, I'm still learning it. Sometime in the distant past, I had mentioned to my sweetie that I loved the story in 'Dr Zhivago' (not necessarily the movie, but the triangles and power manipulations between the characters - part of my on-going interest in 'what is being a human being'). He gave me the dvd for Christmas - and I was thrilled with it, showed how carefully he pays attention to my ramblings. At Valentines, he suggested we watch it together. I felt he would hate the movie and, as it is a very long movie, wanted to watch something we'd both enjoy rather than have him endure something for my sake. He said "knock it off and let me love you" so we watched the movie. Well, about half way through, until I found a way to distract him. The next day, he said, "gosh, I can't believe how clueless I am sometimes... you did that on purpose so I wouldn't have to watch the movie." OK, guilty as charged. I feebly tried to explain (again) how I know he'll hate the movie... and we got into a discussion about what it was I liked about the story and the complexities of the interactions. He's hit me over the head with a virtual 2x4 (again) about how I am denying him the opportunity to love me and share something through my eyes. Sometimes I'm a slow leaner.
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