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Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 48
Does wanting a relationship make you needy?Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I don't think wanting to be in a relationship is being needy if it is for the right reasons. I do fine on my own and have for quite some time now, but it would be nice to share my life with someone special. I am in no rush...I will take the time to get to know someone and determine if he is righ for me. I am, however, looking for a man who is looking for a long term relationship with one woman, not casual dating with multiple women at the same time or who would hang out on dating sites contacting other women while seeing me. I won't settle for less just to have someone in my life. That, in my opinion, would be considered being needy. If you try to change yourself to get approval from another person or fit in, then that is also what I would call needy. That does not include trying to improve yourself in a positive way when you see improvement is needed. It does mean trying to change yourself to fit in with what the other person wants you to be instead of being yourself. If the right person does not come along, then I will continue as I have been. If the right person comes along, then that will be great. I won't "settle" for just anyone. I think it is better to be alone than with the wrong person.
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 50
Does wanting a relationship make you needy?
Posted: 1/19/2009 11:32:43 AM

if you are perfectly okay alone, what is the point of being in a relationship

the point would be;

good relationship is GREATER than the sum of it's parts & therefore can contain two whole people who are both enriched by the union & are better for it.

Key phrase there is "good relationship". Knowing that you have been, and could be again, perfectly OK alone, will help you make good relationship choices,and also give you the strength to get out of one should it happen to go bad. There are few things sadder, to my mind, than a person staying in a relationship that has clearly turned sour, because they'd rather be miserable than alone. Some of the loneliest people I've ever known were those who stayed in a relationship where the love was gone,because of some kind of pride, social worries, or financial fear( OR A COMBINATION OF ALL 3)
Cindy O
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 52
Does wanting a relationship make you needy?
Posted: 1/19/2009 12:03:32 PM

they won't make enough effort to get into a relationship

Getting into A relationship doesn't require much effort at all. If I just wanted to be with somebody to "prove" to the rest of the world that I have a partner so I'm socially "OK", accomplishing that would be dirt easy. Let's see, should it be any one of several underemployed borderline alkies? The elderly men looking for a nurse or a purse? Or the guys that I just felt NO connection with, but he's breakin' his ass trying to get with me? If I'm gonna have sex with a guy on a regular basis, we are going to truly love one another. It will not be about solving some practical or financial problem( for either one of us) or to seem more "OK" because I've got a man walking beside me.
Look I know there are tons of women, and men, who can force themselves to be with someone based on that person being attracted to him or her, or base their decision of financial needs, practical matter, or a need to be socially "correct" by being in a relationship or marriage.
I don't happen to be one of them.
For me, it's all about a meeting of minds, souls and hearts. If refusing to accept less than that makes me "too picky", or "unrealistic", picky and unrealistic will be what I am.
Cindy O
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 54
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Does wanting a relationship make you needy?
Posted: 1/19/2009 12:44:29 PM
Mostly,or so it seems to me, it falls on a continuum. People who are overly independent have a NEED to maintain their autonomy, people who are overly dependent have a NEED to collapse themselves into another person. And the healthy state of independenceis an expression of a healthy NEED to be loved and to love.
Joined: 1/9/2009
Msg: 59
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Does wanting a relationship make you needy?
Posted: 1/20/2009 7:37:56 PM
I think too many people look for someone else to complete them. I see this in my friends. My second husband was a Klingon and tried to make me responsible for his happiness. He was so needy that it drove me in the opposite direction.

We can be happy in our own skins and content with our lives and still wish for companionship, intimacy, etc. I like to remind myself that I am as happy as I allow myself to be. It isn't another person's job to make me happy. By the same token, he shouldn't take away from my happiness. His presence in my life should add more dimension to my happiness and vice versa.
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