Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ohio07
Joined: 12/27/2008
Msg: 167
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?Page 3 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
Forums and giving my friends the chance to IM if they can't call. But I'm still trying to find somebody who can get me off the dating aspect of this site... Not there yet... (Shrug!)
 BrooklynTree
Joined: 9/15/2008
Msg: 168
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/25/2009 9:23:26 AM
I really like the honesty of Diros in his description of his feelings. I have found that the people who are more shy and reserved, even disinterested in the whole romantic thing are sometimes the truest people of all. For the simple reason that romance by itself is very rare and almost impossible to find for real, and those who come on strong all at once and profess all sorts of passionate intent when they haven't even met you or spoken to you yet are a little strange. They just seem strange to me, anyhow. I can't identify with this approach, and therefore it wards me off. It sounds almost like they are "in" the relationship all on their own already, even without you being there yet. I like Diros' attitude and calm nature. A Friend is someone you can believe. All the other "over-the-top" stuff is too goofy for me.
 robin cognito
Joined: 10/22/2005
Msg: 171
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/28/2009 11:12:28 PM
Not sure how you can actually get to know someone if you are both looking over your shoulder to see if the other is doing something....maybe I am the odd one here but to me the biggest piece is trust...if I feel I have to check up on someone then obviously there is no trust and I am not interested.

Sort of sounds to me like you shit in your own nest on this one...
 BrickCharm City
Joined: 6/13/2009
Msg: 179
view profile
History
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 7/19/2009 3:40:45 PM
I've met someone but I'm still here for the forums. Honestly, I stopped looking for dates on POF a while before I actually met him. I met him on another social networking site. I haven't ran a search here in a long time, I come straight to the forums. If me and him decide that this is definitely going to be us and we decide together that we don't want internet profiles anymore then I will take it down. That discussion needs to be had before I do that though. And just because you're dating someone doesn't mean it's going to last a long time so I'd rather leave mine up for now just in case things don't work out.

The topic of whether to remove profiles is definitely something that needs to be discussed the next time you feel like a relationship you found through here is turning serious.
 sweet_n_heart
Joined: 1/31/2007
Msg: 182
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 7/19/2009 9:24:34 PM
I sometimes come on here just for the forums. If my man trusts me, then it's all good.
 Sherlock101
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 183
view profile
History
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 7/19/2009 9:30:42 PM
I think Innovation2009 said it very well especially:
"* Keeping an eye on the attention that you are getting!"
Seems that there are a ton of attention seekers here...
 That Girl 24
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 184
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 8/25/2009 4:09:53 PM
Funny I was just going to post a forum on this exact subject. I met a man on here in person, and he stayed at my house for the weekend. I asked him if we were " dating" and he stated "ofcourse". So I then deleted my profile. Yesterday a girlfriend of mine let me know that he was still on here. I was really confused by this. We seemed like we clicked and I had even asked. I just don't know what to think, I really like him but don't want to get hurt either........
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 185
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 8/25/2009 4:33:17 PM

So I then deleted my profile.

I think you mean you hid it, don't you? Your profile was created in February.

So you stayed on here, too.
 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 194
view profile
History
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 3/1/2011 7:23:49 AM

I SAW THE LIGHT and kissed pof goodbye.


I would be happy to do the same. I have read many profiles and heard it right from the horses mouth that phrase that many have come to hate "I won't settle". I'm pretty sure people who say that openly really mean "I'm going to stay in dating site he11 for eternity to make sure I'm here when reality catches up to my imagination."
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 195
view profile
History
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 3/1/2011 11:57:19 AM

Its the Forums for me.



^^^^I agree with most of message 28, ideoform


When I first met my SO on another dating site we both had profiles on more than one dating site. He had told me he had a profile here but that it was hidden. During our initial getting to know stages he deleted his profile on the site where we met before I did. I deleted all the others but kept the one site for awhile longer, I believe even after I asked my boyfriend if we were exclusive. I updated it with I was in a relationship and so far things were going great. Eventually I closed it completely. I wasn't a member of this site until he came back to it to ask a question about me. Until that time I thought he had deleted it but after a brief discussion about the forums I was ok with him still being here. I only joined to participate on the forums as I wanted to add information to his thread. I didn't even know they existed before so it's my boyfriend's fault I became addicted.lol I kept my profile here after the issue was resolved because I like using the forums and occasionally receiving a friendly email about forum topics. He still has his profile here as well but doesn't participate in the forums as often as I do. He goes on mostly to read mine. We trust one another and are not checking up to see what the other is doing. We both have stated not single/not looking on our profiles and only here for the forums. We live separately but trust each other completely.

If the OP was signing in just to see if he was on he could of been on doing the same thing. It makes no sense, trust is extremely important for a relationship to work.

I've been a member of non dating site forums but I like these better. Since the link has been removed I don't even think of this as a dating site. I keep up my profile as said in message 28 kind of like another social networking site with pictures of me and my boyfriend. I have my profile hidden from searches. I never receive inappropriate messages, only those commenting on something from the forums.
 Hands of gold
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 197
view profile
History
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 3/3/2011 3:23:51 PM
Besides the forums, this site is like porn to me. I get to peer into people's lives, and get a glimpse of society and its players. I look at profiles, enjoy the pretty ones and even put them in my favourites. I like to see if people's opinions match their posts. I keep atop of the new users in my area to see if there is anyone I know. I even like to see when people reappear and wonder what the story of their last relationship was.

I never contact people for dating and get very few people emailing or even viewing my profile
 CompuG8r
Joined: 10/4/2010
Msg: 198
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 3/7/2011 1:52:06 PM
OP Maybe you thought you were moving toward "exclusivity" but he didn't. Since you were still on POF too, I wonder what the problem was. Once things get serious I agree that you no longer need to be on POF, but it doesn't seem that you and the guy you were dating had reached that point yet. If you have a problem with someone you're dating being on the site, you should let him know.
 CompuG8r
Joined: 10/4/2010
Msg: 199
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 3/7/2011 1:57:29 PM

When have a b/f.. i just hide my profile.


This, seems to me, is the sensible way to handle the situation.
 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 201
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 5/25/2011 2:31:36 AM
OMG! Meeting someone? You mean there really is a way out of here?
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 202
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 5/25/2011 5:11:43 AM

if i find a guy that im dating on a reg basis i delete my profile i dont have to be exclusive because i have respect for someone i like.

^^^^^^^^^^^
Yet you say you created it to make a BF jealous in a thread you created..

I have forum friends, mostly women and we enjoy the forums..

If I was exclusively dating and we had the "TALK" I would hide it and put not looking..
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 203
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 5/25/2011 11:21:54 PM
Curls 22 said : "You can "hide" your profile from the main dating pages and still be visible on the forum and by those on your favorite's list. Anything else would seem to me that they are browsing in case something "better" comes along.

Yes, but you can not receive messages from people who want to coment further on what you have said in a forum, or from new people who want to coment or talk about what you have said, if your profile is hidden."

I look at people's profiles sometimes before I answer a forum, it helps me to relate to the person better.
I personally believe that putting looking for freinds and introducing yourself as a person who is here on the forums should be good enough, for all the snoops who have the inability to trust.


No amount of snooping, checking up or whining about what other people are doing, will keep them from cheating if they want to.

The insecurity runs rampant in here.
This I do not understand because, either someone is ready or they aren't, questioning someones ability to self disapline themselves or be loyal is an insult. YOu better have a huge reason to do so, or you will be thought of as a person who cannot be soothed and that needs constant reasurance, this I do not have time for.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 204
view profile
History
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 5/26/2011 7:39:30 AM
karma1160
Yes, but you can not receive messages from people who want to coment further on what you have said in a forum, or from new people who want to coment or talk about what you have said, if your profile is hidden."

I look at people's profiles sometimes before I answer a forum, it helps me to relate to the person better.
I personally believe that putting looking for freinds and introducing yourself as a person who is here on the forums should be good enough, for all the snoops who have the inability to trust.



I think stating in your profile that you are not single/not looking and only here for the forums should be enough too. Both my SO and I still have profiles on POF to use the forums. It's the only reason I started one in the first place. I check out profiles when answering questions and you can receive messages from people even though your profile is hidden. I have received messages about forum threads before.


karma1160
No amount of snooping, checking up or whining about what other people are doing, will keep them from cheating if they want to.

 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 209
view profile
History
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/12/2011 10:02:39 AM

Because you can't delete your profile!

Sure you can. Or do you mean you "can't let go of the possibilities"?

I was on the dating side for awhile, and it got just too weird, so I went into stealth mode and no one could see that I’d looked at their profile. When I decided to keep to the forums only, I hid my profile as well.

Now that I’m in a relationship, I frequently check the profiles of other posters, some of which I have to log in to do (no idea why that is). Occasionally I log in and change my gender for a quick search just to see who or what’s out there, because an email pal will ask about it. I’ve done that regularly since I joined POF. None of that means anything whatsoever, beyond my own curiosity anyway.

Just as a comment on some of the profiles I’ve seen, both men and women, I think they’d be better off putting an ad on craigslist for a house cleaning service or hiring a ranch manager, anyway. Or paying an escort service.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 210
view profile
History
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/12/2011 11:15:28 AM

If you stay on here after meeting someone either your addicted to this site , you dont trust /love the person your with or your still looking for something better...if your not willing to take the risk with that person and give it a chance then you have no respect and its never going to be longterm .

Your POV is rather limited. I started with the dating/match sites as research for a project I have underway. Speaking only for myself, I take part in a lot of forums, some of the social networking sites, and some blogs. I communicate online with some of my favorite writers, some creative artists I’ve known since before they became successful, some people I’ve admired for many years, some people I’d lost touch with decades ago.

Computers and the internet are a way to connect with others, especially when one has disabling limitations. I’m legally blind and can’t drive, so the web plays a major role in my social life. It has absolutely nothing to do with my ability to trust or commit. I was online quite a bit the last year before my husband died - and I was his sole caretaker 24/7. It was escapism, support, diversion, and not bugging him when he wanted to be left alone. Now one of the major benefits is that I can keep track of my offspring and their families. It’s extremely unlikely that I’ll ever have enough $$ to visit them in person, not unless I win that $10 mil sweepstakes, anyway.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 212
view profile
History
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/12/2011 5:58:22 PM
blueskiess

If you stay on here after meeting someone either your addicted to this site , you dont trust /love the person your with or your still looking for something better...if your not willing to take the risk with that person and give it a chance then you have no respect and its never going to be longterm .



I am addicted to the forums on this site. My SO knows I am here, in fact I joined just to post on a thread by him. We deleted our profiles on the dating site where we met but keep POF hidden for the forums. If you can't trust your partner then the relationship will fail.
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 213
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/12/2011 7:53:39 PM

We deleted our profiles on the dating site where we met but keep POF hidden for the forums. If you can't trust your partner then the relationship will fail.

Maybe your mate is OK with it. But for me, I would wonder why my girlfriend's profile reads:

I'm not on here looking for a first date, I already found my man. Here for the forums only......However, if you want to send me a message feel free. Nothing wrong with meeting new people and having a friendly chat.

I'm jus' sayin'...... there are enough players on this site and you're inviting them to contact you. Why?

You earn trust - it's not an entitlement just because he fell in love with you.

It's not that I'm picking on you but, in truth, you do seem to spend a lot of time on this site for being in a relationship. As you say, your man is OK with that. But then I would wonder why he is ok with that? And, what is he doing while you're on this site?
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 216
view profile
History
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/13/2011 10:03:19 AM
My I

I'm jus' sayin'...... there are enough players on this site and you're inviting them to contact you. Why?

You earn trust - it's not an entitlement just because he fell in love with you.

It's not that I'm picking on you but, in truth, you do seem to spend a lot of time on this site for being in a relationship. As you say, your man is OK with that. But then I would wonder why he is ok with that? And, what is he doing while you're on this site?



I've never been contacted by a player. I think my username and photos help with that. The closet thing to that was a guy who asked if the bald guy was really my boyfriend. When I replied he was, the man disappeared. He never contacted me again. His profile was deleted soon after that. I told my SO and he thought it was funny.

I have had both men and women write to me regarding forum posts but that's it. My SO knows why I am here and I usually only post when he is away. We live 2 hours apart.


My SO sees nothing wrong with me chatting with others as he trusts me. I'm not so addicted I have to post everyday.lol We are off on a 7 day trip together so I won't be here all week.



TTFN
 treasured
Joined: 9/24/2007
Msg: 219
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/13/2011 8:28:42 PM
I love talking with others from all over the world. It's interesting and a different way to "experience" cultural diversity. I have meet some friends on this site, some from years ago. Still chat with them, we encourage each other and who doesn't like the forums?

As long as you are up front with your new someone, don't see why you can't be on the site. If I did meet the man who is for me, I would hide my site. You can still chat with those you are in email contact with, do the forums... all the things acceptable while dating someone exclusively.
 AlreadyTakenBootboy
Joined: 11/5/2009
Msg: 220
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/14/2011 10:50:01 AM
I would make it clear tat I'm in a relationship, and I would make it clear taht just friends. reading the posts to the different subjects are intrsting....
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 221
view profile
History
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/14/2011 1:41:04 PM
Staying on POF reminds me how many people I'm incompatible with, so I value my relationship more, and work harder to let him know how important he is to me.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >