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 AUTHOR
 complete_moron
Joined: 6/4/2011
Msg: 223
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?Page 4 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
addiction to multiple and a "large dose of" attentions. It can be a problem.
 dreamsofu2
Joined: 10/29/2010
Msg: 224
view profile
History
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/14/2011 8:34:47 PM
I just today experienced the same problem. For me, I knew he was staying on here for what he called a little while. But, noone deemed what a little while meant. Non communication I think, thus RED Flag???

Anyways, to make my long heart breaking story shorter, I was upset because he was still on here and chatting with "Friends". My own insecurities, but I realize that if he does not feel enough for me to hide his profile, then I will join in, and honestly wait and see what happens.

The thought has occurred to me that even though he makes the statement that he has caught his fish on his heading, it could be meant for the others he is talking to on here. So, if you can not win at his game, Join him. You have nothing to lose.

 CaptivateMyMind
Joined: 4/2/2011
Msg: 225
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/14/2011 9:09:54 PM
I feel like this: Internet dating is like a mall. In the first store you go in, you find a pair of jeans you like, try them on, they fit very well, they're the right price, and they're what you've been looking for. However, you think, hmmmm, I wonder if the 50 other stores have any jeans that fit me better. So, you go to the other stores, trying on this pair, and that pair, only to realize that the pair you tried on in the first store, were the perfect jeans for you. So you go back to the first store, and to your dismay, the pair you liked so much are gone.

I say to those men, go shop, do whatever. I don't waste my time or energy on them. People do exactly what they want to do, and if you're more interested in surfing the net, going to the POF dances, etc. than you are spending time with someone you're supposedly interested in, so be it. Go for it. I am the type that buys the jeans in the first store, because I really like them, and if they fit right, I see no need to shop further. If a guy is the "shopper" type, I won't be around when he decides he liked the first pair the best. And yes, that has happened, on more than one occasion.
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 226
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/14/2011 9:13:39 PM

If you have friends or just like the atmosphere....

^^That opens a whole can of worms.
What "atmosphere" are you talking about?
If you are truly friends, why aren't you on facebook or hotmail, instead?

....suppose to stop trying.....

Well... try telling a child standing in the middle of a candy store, they shouldn't desire any of the candy in that store.... if ya know what I mean?

When a person argues you should trust them (emotional pleas) as opposed to that person behaving in a way that would enhance trust (respectful behaviour towards the relatinship), I'll stick with the old saying, "Actions speak louder than words."

As I pointed out in one of my last posts, there is a poster who is in a relationship and claims she can be trusted and her b/f trusts her, that's all good and fine. However, when I checked her last 25 posts, she is on here a lot - more than a lot of single people are on here.

With that said, I would wonder more about the overall health of that relationship and of the overall mindset and emotional state of mind these people are in - him and her. Maybe they're swingers, who knows?

YOu can only get back what you put in. And spending 7 out of the last ten days (roughly) online, on a dating site, is part of their relationship I don't think they should shed tears if things fail between them..... they should see the writing on the wall unless they are one of the very small minority who can function in this way.

Overall, I'll play the odds.
 ArtistAZ
Joined: 9/29/2010
Msg: 227
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/14/2011 10:00:47 PM
A woman can hop on POF and get a date that same night. For me I have to cultivate dates over the course of several months. It gradually builds and builds until momentum is up enough for me to actually land a date once every other week or so. Understanding that for guys this is strictly a numbers game and nothing more should help you understand why we have to keep putting in the effort. I would say if some one sticks around for 6 months then it is time to get off the dating site.
 capturewiz
Joined: 10/24/2009
Msg: 228
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/15/2011 3:36:16 AM
U said it! U hit the hammer right on the head. "THEY ARE ADDICTED! This is what some men have told me. Also, as u said, the two of you were NOT "EXCLUSIVELY DATING", even though, the 2 of you were seeing each other on a regular basis. Nevertheless, LHELEFT HIS DOOR WIDE OPEN", while you shut yours, completely. Well, just allow your experience be a life lesson learned. The next time he says, we are NoT EXCLUSIVELY DATiNG", he's telling u, even if he sees you REGULARLY, he's still Going to "TEST THE WATERS TO SEE WHO IS STILL OUT THERE, IN CASE HE MISSES SOMEYHING". That's what he is telling u, even if he DOESN'T tell u I'm those exact words. Again, like u said, tthey think, they r missing out on something. A word of warning! Take in consideration, this is on ALL SITES! Don't give up! Just be CAUTIOUS! Like myself, M on here looking for just ONE MAN and to GET OFF OF POF! "C"
 angel-baby69
Joined: 4/13/2010
Msg: 229
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/15/2011 5:19:54 AM
its an addiction !lol
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 230
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/15/2011 10:31:00 AM
Well aside from not having completed my harem, there's the forums.
 dreamsofu2
Joined: 10/29/2010
Msg: 231
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why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/15/2011 1:51:56 PM
I like what you said Jan, but what about when you have discussed it, and had had an argument about it and then still yet, later that night, poof, he was on again? Not Heealthy??
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 233
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/15/2011 6:11:47 PM

But I'm only in here when I don't have other things to do....


Yanno....If I had one other thing to do...like a committed relationship...I'd drop this internet BS like a bad case of clap.

And I'd chat with my forum buddies on my personal addy or FB.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 234
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/15/2011 6:48:04 PM
I do understand the entertainment value of the threads and realize that this is a somewhat unique place-the forum...still, I never came here (to on-line-dating ...hereafter, called OLD) with the intention of being here this long or staying after I'd found someone.

Alas, I fear that I'm too old...too long here...and too jaded to find anyone anymore...my antennae is too finely tuned and all I hear is chaffe and static. So, I guess ya'll have to put up with me for some time to come.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 235
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/15/2011 7:04:51 PM
I'm with Irish on this one, if I was in a relationship the last place I'd be is on these forums.

Entertainment value for now - yes. Helps beat the boredom factor - yes. But educational - haven't found that at all, more the opposite.
 4asongkc
Joined: 5/13/2011
Msg: 237
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why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/15/2011 10:21:38 PM
I think the reasons are as varied as the people who give them. I think you have to decide for yourselves "Is this the very last person in this life who I ever want to go out on a date with?" Wonderful as a budding romance may be, neither of you necessarily knows the answer to that yet. And that's no crime if you don't know the answer to that question yet. It's certainly no crime if you're still on the site, regardless of the reasons. Especially with these sorts of forums. It doesn't have to be about checking out another guy or gal on the site. There's a lot of information here in these forums, that could serve to benefit both parties in a relationship. Again, everyone is different.
 Flipgirl24
Joined: 7/20/2010
Msg: 238
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why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/16/2011 12:28:46 AM
While I agree that there's nothing wrong with staying on pof for i.noc.et reasons, it becomes a problem when my partner stays active but gets mad when I stay active. By staying active i mean checking emails and not hiding your profile. His excuse is he likes to check his email. Well then so why cant i? Makes me eonderfif he's just waiting for someone better to come along. He says he isn't but why not hide it? And why get mad that I check my emails if he can? Double standards are everywhere but this is such a stupid one, there's no reason for it. I don't understand it.
 4asongkc
Joined: 5/13/2011
Msg: 240
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why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/16/2011 5:32:23 AM
To Flipgirl24: you are right, that is BS, the double standard he's wielding is embarrassing. He can dish it out, but he can't take it. Take heart, real men don't react that way. Just sayin'...

To Melannie1: Very good point about there being no such thing as an ideal partner. Very true. We all are who we are. I don't know if you've experienced this yet, but one thing that completely took me by surprise is the various tests that they offer. I've found out more about MYSELF that I didn't notice or realize until I took these tests.
Kind of important, re picking out a significant other! If you haven't taken the tests yet, I urge you to do so. Very telling.
 capturewiz
Joined: 10/24/2009
Msg: 246
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/17/2011 8:02:55 AM
Thank You Much!!! I Completely, Totally, Whole-heardtly, 100 perment agree with you. But as you said,to each its own,". Again, I'm with you all the way! I'm on POF to meet that one and only special one man, to get me OFF of POF! I fully agree with you, all the way! 100 percent. "Capturewiz"
 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 247
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why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/17/2011 11:42:59 AM
I love the Forums. This would be the only reason I stay on POF after finding my better half.
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 249
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/18/2011 3:56:50 AM
I just read a profile of a woman in a relationship who is on here for the forums. However, in her profile, she states that she enjoys making new friends and enjoy the city together. On the surface, I guess you can argue either way. But then, I noticed her mailing restrictions:
"You must be between the ages of 30 -50"

She's 47........
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 250
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/18/2011 5:11:15 AM
Back when....seeming like years ago...when I was in a "something" (it wasn't a relationship-it was something)...I kept my profile here...hidden...with disclaimers...

And the reason I kept it was to post....of course...it did make a nice fall-back when the something ended....all I had to do was change a couple of lines and un-hide the darn thing.

So, in addition to the entertaiinment value of the forums....having a profile is a nice safe thing....it has a fuzzy feeling...in that one can always open it up and continue like there was no relationship inbetween last usage.
 Penpal46
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 252
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/19/2011 8:53:08 PM
Shouldn't the question be why would you stop being on POF? Many of us have been on, gone and back again so we realise that relationships are just as hard when we meet here as anywhere else.
If your new love wants you to give up your old friends that speaks of insecurity does it not? That shoe fits your foot as well!
When we are busy with "the one" we have little time for this site and if we are actually still fishing then that person is not right for us anyway so accept that and relax. Just be honest with them and yourself about your reasons and then understand the street runs both ways.
 laaly44
Joined: 6/10/2011
Msg: 254
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/20/2011 2:37:29 AM
It really depends on what you use the site for. I can imagine some people staying on here because they have made friends and others who simply are looking to keep their options open. But unless you are official and have discussed it, it's not a huge slap in the face to stay on this site. I plan on meeting new people everywhere I go regardless of my relationship status. That's ok as long as you respect your relationship.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 255
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/20/2011 4:45:29 AM

But unless you are official and have discussed it


Now, isn't this how relationships thrive and survive....communication!

Though, having been around the block a time or two, I'd say, that until there is a committed relationship (not just exclusive) then there is every likelyhood that one will be back to the dating site sooner rather than later.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 256
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History
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/20/2011 11:09:46 AM
CarpeOmnia
Well, it's good that we are all entitled to our own reasons for being here....it certainly does NOT mean that I am still looking or keeping my options open.

I hid my profile 6 months ago and put a note on it about not looking. Since that time I haven't received a single message from guys looking, neither have I checked out the profiles of, or messaged any of my matches. I have messaged back a forth with a few folks from these forums....but they have been light-hearted and not date-seeking, including both men and women.

I find these forums, and those in another site(Sparkpeople) to be educational, fun and sometimes highly entertaining. But I'm only in here when I don't have other things to do....like spending time with my Sweetheart, taking classes, working etc, etc...
Like tonight...I'm killing time until my shift starts.


^^^Exactly!


People can use the forums without still looking for a better option on the dating site. I just spent a wonderful 7 day vacation with my man and never even thought of logging in to this site. When I post he is usually at his home 2 hours away or working. And no My I, we are definitely not swingers.lol
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 258
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/20/2011 11:44:05 AM

Though, having been around the block a time or two, I'd say, that until there is a committed relationship (not just exclusive) then there is every likelyhood that one will be back to the dating site sooner rather than later.

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by committed. Everyone is committed to a relationship for as long as it lasts, including marriages. It seems like the word committment is rather meaningless. My fiancee was married for 12 years but walked out on her ex after he cheated on her. I'm engaged to her, but I really don't see how that differs from any other relationship I've been in except that this one has gone further than the ones with women to whom I didn't get engaged. I don't really feel like the committment to those other relationships was different though.
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