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 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 259
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?Page 5 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
A committed relationship is an interpersonal relationship based upon a mutually agreed-upon commitment to one another involving exclusivity, honesty, openness, or some other agreed-upon behavior. Forms of committed relationships are: close friendship, courtship, long-term relationships (LTR), engagement, marriage, and civil unions. The term is most commonly used with informal relationships, such as "going steady," but may encompass any relationship where an expressed commitment is involved.

Terms related to committed relationship include:

monogamy: having a single long-term sexual partner
marriage: a socially binding commitment to a partner
sexual infidelity: having a sexual relationship outside of a relationship that includes a commitment to have no other sexual partners
sexual fidelity: not having other sexual partners other than one's committed partner, even temporarily
serial monogamy: having a series of monogamous relationships, one after the other
polygamy: having multiple long-term sexual partners
polyandry: having multiple long-term male sexual partners
polygyny: having multiple long-term female sexual partners
polyamory: encompasses a wide range of relationships, including those above: polyamorous relationships may include both committed and casual relationships
relationship anarchy: a theory that questions the idea of love as a special, limited feeling that is only real if it is restricted to two people only, at any given moment.
sexual promiscuity: having casual sexual partners at will (compare with chastity)


But, since we're gonna play semantics...let's just say that perhaps a committed relationship of longer that 15 dates....8 sleep-overs...meeting the parents...introduced to the friends.
 georgygirl54
Joined: 1/23/2010
Msg: 260
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why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/20/2011 3:06:42 PM
You know I was dating somebody on this site also too. He and I was both on this POF site every single day too as well. Then I noticed he didnt want to see me anymore and wasnt getting on the site as much. Or if he was it was to talk to other women besides me. Thats fine. I talked to other guys as well. Now I think we just get on it to see when they were on it last. Its a silly stupid game though. Feels weird seeing somebody that still gets on this site when you are dating them though. Kinda of hurtful now that the relationship is over now. But LIFE goes on. Dont compare it to the next one. Lol!
 Penpal46
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 261
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/20/2011 3:18:05 PM
Well said Abelian!
I start every relationship committed to it whether it is as friends or mates. My level of committment does not change until the other person goes into the deal breaker zone or continually performs actions that I cannot tolerate and have previously mentioned. Is that committment? I don't know but I do know I no longer believe in "for better or for worse". Too many people think that means they can willingly act in a deplorable fashion and you just have to put up with it.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 262
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/20/2011 3:19:20 PM

A committed relationship is an interpersonal relationship based upon a mutually agreed-upon commitment to one another involving exclusivity, honesty, openness, or some other agreed-upon behavior.

Then, I guess I have never had an ``uncommitted'' relationship (unless acquaintences count).

But, since we're gonna play semantics...let's just say that perhaps a committed relationship of longer that 15 dates....8 sleep-overs...meeting the parents...introduced to the friends.

I'm serious. It's not a semantics issue. I have certain things I expect from women I date, friends, etc., in how those people deal with me if they want to date me, be a friend, etc. I don't start something without expecting to follow through, so I don't really get the idea of not being committed in a relationship, to my friends, etc.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 264
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/21/2011 5:01:15 AM
Hey, my guess is by some definitions committed could be like 3 or 4 committed relationships a year for say 30 years or so...and then could boast to have had 120-160 committed exclusive (at the time) relationships...thus, being the master of committment. Or maybe one could have had one committed exclusive relationship per year for 30 years...again being able to boast of the ability to master committment 30 times over.

I'm thinking that perhaps some want a quantitative property of committment that cannot be given...committment comes from the heart with a whole bunch of other stuff attached...respect, admiration, compromise, communication, affection, dedication...and lots more...given over a period of time that is hard to measure in nano-seconds....apart from that I can't quantify the term committment...I know what it is...but, I can't splain it to ya Lucy.

Anyway, give me a committed relationship N I'm outta here in a NY second (which can be quantified)
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 265
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/21/2011 7:13:26 PM

Ive been datin a guy on here for 6months and have met his kids and he is on here everyday 2 and 3 times a day. by the way I just found this forum great stuff

Given the fact that your age preference is to date guys up to 15 years younger than yourself, the writing is on the wall anyway.

If he's on here that much and you're still dating him six months later, it's not what I would call stable.
 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 267
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why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/22/2011 12:25:35 PM

Well i can only say from experience that people who stay on POF when in a supposed relationship like to have their cake and eat it too and are almost certainly going to cheat given the right opportunity.


I hope you include women, as well as men in this statement. It takes two. I make a lot of friends on POF (female and male), and I am able to handle myself in a proper manner. Can women, and men be friends? I can definitely say from past experience it can happen. I've been friends with women my whole life. And that was all it was.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 268
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why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/22/2011 1:36:17 PM

and are almost certainly going to cheat given the right opportunity.

That could be true for a lot of people, off or online.
 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 271
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why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/22/2011 6:21:39 PM

I have been dating someone for 2 months and it is nice going out with him, but not even the sparks are there, so I keep my profile up until I see stars..........LOL

It's called the old BBD. Bigger Better Deal. This is what the women complain the guys do. See.... Women can play the same games, so don't get upset anymore about it when the guys do it.
 Sportsfreak89
Joined: 12/28/2010
Msg: 273
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/22/2011 11:30:03 PM
I'm in a relationship myself but I'm on here still looking for friends. So far though it's been disappointing because the last two people I talked to about being friends agreed, but then deleted their accounts. Okay yes maybe I do still look at the women that are on here but I can promise anyone and everyone that I am not on the market and will not pursue any woman for dating. I am a taken man and plan to use this only looking for friends.
 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 278
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why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/23/2011 3:57:53 PM

It's insecuity!.....\people have to learn to trust..PERIOD!



Trust? What's that?
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 280
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why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/24/2011 11:26:13 AM
I, for one, am a prime example of still staying on PoF even though I have met a wonderful man on here and living reality is much better than virtual functioning. Ole!
Why do I log in now & then on here? Well, I check my mail at least once a week but how my friends on PoF doing - I find via their responses on forums. It gives me an insight in to their stage of life and if I have time on hands and find some topic interesting, I do join debate.

P.S.
Staying on here has nothing to do with insecurity.
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 281
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/24/2011 12:17:02 PM
Because staying doesn't necessarily have any thing to do with "meeting" someone.
If you're in a relationship maybe it would be different (for some) but you will see that a lot of us are here just for the forums or have formed friendships... and it's FREE.
It has nothing to do with insecurity!
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 282
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/24/2011 12:23:41 PM

Why do I log in now & then on here? Well, I check my mail at least once a week

How many e-mails a week do you get in response to your photo of your legs in fishnet stockings?

Staying on here has nothing to do with insecurity

It depends - some people do not want to acknowledge that needing attention from others is part of being insecure - hence the reason I ask why you need to post a photo of your legs in fishnet stockings, if you're in a relationship?

I think credibility lacks for those who use "friends" as their reason for being here. Participating in the forums has nothing to do with your friends - unless you strictly respond to their threads and their posts, only.

I understand that the forums can be intriguing - but you do not post in these forums to communicate with your friends - that's a bit of a contradiction.
 bigmama23
Joined: 6/13/2011
Msg: 283
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why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/24/2011 4:23:41 PM
My first forum comment & I will probably tick some people off...but I had one thought while reading. A lot of the comments posted made me think of these words, "I only buy it for the articles, I don't look at the pictures. Just a thought!
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 285
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/25/2011 5:39:49 PM

there is a point when you need to close your account. if you have met someone that you are into then why keep looking? i think we miss out on a lot by keeping our options open and thinking that we might miss something. two things can not occupy the same space at the same time, so if someone is dating lots of other people he or she will never get to know anyone on a genuine level. in the end, such a person will end up dying alone because he or she could never commit to someone.


OK..for some of us...if we find someone...our "goal" would be to leave...for other's being in a relationship and being here is not an issue...hey, to each their own...it ain't no contest yanno..

G
 Imsofly45
Joined: 5/5/2011
Msg: 286
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/25/2011 5:55:04 PM
yes... if you stay on here once exclusive there is only one word.... cheater...
 Exjrsygrl
Joined: 4/11/2010
Msg: 287
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why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/26/2011 8:15:07 AM
My I...I totally agree with you! Being on this site and seriously dating is like going out to a bar an openly looking for someone better then the one that you're with! You can disable your account (which is what I do when I'm seeing someone) and still go on the forums. Most people stay on because they like the idea that other people are attracted to them.
 Exjrsygrl
Joined: 4/11/2010
Msg: 288
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why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/26/2011 8:17:10 AM
Partner2011, How do you trust someone that is openly looking for someone better?? There a saying that goes "A person is only as faithful as their options." Too many options on here, I would say.
 lifeisgrand2011
Joined: 10/14/2009
Msg: 289
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why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/26/2011 9:21:19 AM
great post.. I didnt inhale officer!!!!! and what did a president say bout his mistress
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 291
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/26/2011 12:14:13 PM

if you stay on here once exclusive there is only one word.... cheater...

This is so closed minded!
Do you really have no trust for your SO?
How the hell is being on the forums cheating? I'd really like to know.
So even if your SO participates on the forums you consider that cheating too?
No wonder there are a lot of single people, if that's someones idea of cheating.
Do you really think everyone has to be here specifically for 'dating'? Because not all of us are FYI.
Some people have a lot to learn it looks like.
 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 292
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why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/26/2011 4:51:11 PM

However when I come back again, I find the same people on here, the same info on their profiles, and some even send me messages to meet, even though we have already met!!


You know what they say about the second time around.
 1bellanella
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 294
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why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/27/2011 7:15:23 AM
I agree with you. I want someone who's willing to leave the site. It's a DATING site, come on! They stay on because they are still looking. It's as simple as that. If they weren't still looking they would state it on their profiles (if they were only here for the forums) or they would hide their profiles all together. But if their profile says they are "actively looking for a relationship" and doesn't say that they are dating someone you can bet they're not just reading the profiles for fun.
I do think that the forums are different. I wouldn't mind if my guy stayed on for them, but I wouldn't be ok with him having a full profile listed.
 herwil
Joined: 4/14/2010
Msg: 296
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why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/28/2011 7:12:41 AM
Sometimes it is not about staying. You meet someone and the relationship is getting on and everything is alright. Both of you should have discuss your reason for staying.Some person come off after they are married. that would been the only reason for me. Maybe he was still hopeing, you could be the one but lack of trust is sometime s the problem. If you have spend time to get to know the person and he believing you are the one, he would eventuallly off POF.you proof him wrong and now he might be thinking he was glad he stayed.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 297
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/28/2011 7:55:58 AM
I've always went with the perspective that you treat the relationship the way you want to be treated.

Well, I do. If my fiancee asked me to close my account and not post here, I would, but she doesn't seem to be the least upset about it. If anything, she'll tell me to go post if she wants to do something without being interrupted. The nly time she cares, is if I'm at her place and she needs to use her laptop.

So, in respects to those who are here while being in a relationship, you have no right to complain if your mate is hanging out in a singles bar and/or in a place where it is known for promiscuity - it's a two way street no matter what kind of spin you put on it

Sure I do. Since it is a two way street, each of us can complain about anything we want. All that matters is who is comfortable with what and we respect that.

What do you do if one of your friends you can only contact via this site (sarcasm, again), left the site because they are in a relationship?

Several have. Many haven't. My fiancee and I plan to meet several of my forum penpals in the not too distant future, one of them, hopefully in time for her wedding.

I try to only worry about things that seem suspicious, not because those thing are what they are, but because the way a person acts makes ther actions seems suspicious. My fiancee rents the upstairs of a house from a (male) friend she's known for 20 years, well before she met her ex husband to whom she was married for 12. That doesn't bother me in the least. I'm quite sure my chances of being struck by a meteor are higher than her engaging in any extracurricular activities at home when I'm not around. If it were the same situation, but a different person, I might think differently if she behaved differently.
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