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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 10of6
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 8
Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!Page 5 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

I know men judge us if we don't look like Barbie dolls and super models.
How do you "know" this? It puzzles me where this assumption comes from. I can tell just from looking at my buddies' g/fs that men have preferences as diverse as the vegetable aisle in a supermarket. Having asked my dad about this, he is also stumped...and has suggested that if assumptions like this persist, I should consider divorcing Plenty Of Fish...but that's just dad.

While I think it's safe to say that a majority of men would prefer to have girlfriends who are in pretty good shape--just as women would like men who take care of themselves--that doesn't mean that men [all] prefer Barbie. Couldn't you also advance an obverse argument that since men [all] prefer Barbie then women prefer Ken?

Frankly, if WERE to prefer a Barbie, or a Ken I'd think I'd prefer that there would be certain appendages and apertures.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 9
Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!
Posted: 1/20/2009 9:56:48 AM

If your ass is bigger than your two hands put together fingertip to fingertip, you need to leave the feel good seminar and head for Planet Fitness.

Thank god I have large hands.

I think pretty much every human suffers through some times of feeling inadequate about his appearance. Because human are visual creatures. But we're not ONLY visual, which is the saving grace for the "less attractive".

I have been in situations where I think the guy would have stayed around longer or tried harder if *I* were HOTTER. And it's true, but I think ultimately that the relationship would have failed, anyway.
 Onceuponatime61
Joined: 10/10/2008
Msg: 10
Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!
Posted: 1/20/2009 1:52:17 PM
MSG#1; kbodley wrote ;Too old, too fat, too dumb, or too ugly - which one are you?"
I get older everyday. I'm not the chiseled 195 man I once was. I sometimes have to write things down to remember them unlike years ago when it seemed as if I had a photographic memory. I get uglier every year. Unlike some women. Some women just get better and better looking up into their 50's. As far as a woman I seek. I don't want a woman much younger than me or 20 years from now I'm going to most likely age more than a female since females aging process slows compaired to the males once in their 50's and up. As far as a womans weight. As long as she's in reasonably decent shape and can go walking an keep up good enough to hold my hand once in a while then it's all good. I certainly don't want a woman alot smarter than me. I've noticed people thats slightly smarter than me are boardline weird. I'm slightly weird but most people like my weirdness. As far as a womans ugliness. I don't want one thats much uglier than me or I'd not be physically attracted to her. I don't want one thats so good looking she's out of my league either or all the younger better looking guys will be trying to get on her !

MSG#62 suanam_90 wrote; At one time I used to look my self in the mirror and see my weight it used to depress me I had to learn with time to only see Susan and not how big is Susan.When I go out on a date I am me and dont worry about if the guy is going to like me physically or not I am me and thats it.
I find happy confidence attractive. I know some really attractive women in appearance that's self concious about "god only knows what" that makes them less appealing due to their paranoid skitzo thoughs. A woman that stands shoulders back and walks and smiles with a confident look on her face is very appealing to me. No mater if she's 130 pounds or 230 pounds. A woman's just hotter when she's got confidence and she's not a snob.
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 11
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Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!
Posted: 1/20/2009 8:37:55 PM
Allright! As the OP, I think I have the right to refer everyone to msg #63!

Kaylie got the point! The key is to realize your own self-worth!

When our own self talk tells us we are "too old" or "too fat" or too "ugly" or "too dumb" or "too .... you fill in the blank" to deserve the love and happiness, we won't look for it!

Point and counter point! Good for you Kaylie!
 sillious
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 12
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Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!
Posted: 1/21/2009 6:40:06 AM
Hmm, I don't think I was too anything, I think I'm not smooth or accessible enough. I'm an acquired taste.
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 13
Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!
Posted: 1/21/2009 5:16:36 PM

I know men judge us if we don't look like Barbie dolls and super models. I do not get top ratings or lots of mail cause men do not view me as pretty lots of times.

Yet we are willing to look at men who are older, obese, balding, etc. Men who are really heavy have all their size in their belly. It's like a sumo wrestler crushing us to death.


I can only go by what I have seen but I tend to agree with you. I have seen a lot more couples where the woman is by far better looking than the man.

I am not sure that a majority of men are looking for Barbie dolls or super models as there really aren't that many of them around.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 14
Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!
Posted: 1/21/2009 7:28:22 PM
I can only go by what I have seen but I tend to agree with you. I have seen a lot more couples where the woman is by far better looking than the man.


I don't think this is true. I don't see that many attractive women with below average looking men. But when you do see this combination, I think it is often because the man is rich or the man was much better looking when they first started dating.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 15
Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!
Posted: 1/21/2009 7:44:03 PM

One of the most attractive stereotypes of a heavy woman or an ugly woman that I can think of is the one where she is always bubbly, laughing and smileing. Somehow some of these women have been able to set their resentments aside or work through them. I know that you know the type I am talking about. They are always trying to be helpful and making everything brighter around them. They just seem to shine. Have you noticed that these women are almost always in happy relationships many times with men that are nice looking and good personalities themselves.


When I was fat, I still laughed a lot. I had those qualities that you list, but guess what? Now that I am not obese, I still smile a lot and still possess the positive qualities I had then. I am also healthier and much more self confident. Are you familiar with the stereotype of the clown who makes others laugh but is crying on the inside? It applies to a lot of fat people.


.We all need to love ourselves as we are.


There is a not so fine live between loving ourselves and giving in because we think we can't do anything about weight or other aspects of our lives. If loving ourselves means eating our way to an early grave . . . that is destructive love. If it means being happy with ourselves because we smoke, drink, or do anything destructive, that is like the woman or man who stays in an abusive relationship because they "love" their partners.

It isn't even about finding a partner--fat people have husbands and wives--it is about health and respect for one's body.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 16
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Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!
Posted: 1/23/2009 12:39:20 AM
my kids say anyone over 30 is old. by their standards, they rejoice that i am not dead. getting thinner and thinner as stress eliminates (thank G-d for hourglass figures). far from ugly, but a definite type. often too smart. often too "feeling". each one cancels the other out and it's hard to find a man who can handle it all! i guess i am a "handful". but i am also way too funny in real life, once i get started. guess, judging from the last failed SO, way too trusting and way too naive.

perfect match? around my age, not too thin and not too fat, depends on ugly (can usually find some redeeming grace "if" there is chemistry), smart! not an intellectual, but innately smart.

bottom line: in retrospect, who the he--ll knows at the time it is happening. just learn and grow. oh, make sure not too "drunk" while you are at it.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 17
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Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!
Posted: 1/23/2009 7:24:34 AM
Too much psychological baggage. I was sexually abused throughout my childhood, and carry the propensity for crossdressing as one of the long term effects. So, no matter how good I am in other ways, I'm pretty much screwed. Crossdressing is a turn off for >99% of women; makes it difficult to date, knowing that at some point the odds of it ending suddenly are 99% when I open up an tell her. It has stopped me dead in my tracks from contacting pretty much everyone at this point. You can be old, fat, ugly, and dumb, even be an alcoholic; but don't wear the wrong clothes, that's the kiss of death.
 Jumbie564
Joined: 5/20/2008
Msg: 18
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Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!
Posted: 1/23/2009 8:02:13 AM

True we should take care of ourselves better, but, thats an individuals choice to make and not for anyone to judge them for whatever path they take.


Er, not quite. While there is some movement toward basing health care insurance on lifestyle choices, by and large the people who work to maintain healthy bodies (and minds) are paying more than their fare share for those who live sedentary lives with poor eating habits.

Car insurance premiums are lower for safe drivers. Health care premiums should follow suit and reward people for maintaining healthy weights and other choices like not smoking. Until then, if an individual makes a choice to live an unhealthy lifestyle then they must accept that being judged by those who do live healthy lifestyles goes part and parcel with that choice.

If I haven't said it clearly enough, obesity and other unhealthy choices costs EVERYONE - not just the individuals who choose that unhealthy lifestyle.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 19
Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!
Posted: 1/28/2009 10:20:57 AM
^^^ come back and talk to us when you're 45
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 20
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Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!
Posted: 1/29/2009 9:50:47 AM

No one is too old, to fat, and too dumb to get churched, meaning married!

Thats because marriage is a depository of losers, of men and women who can't have what they want, so they take what they can get.

Being old, fat, ugly, and/or dumb would almost be a requisite qualification.
 funksoulbrutha
Joined: 1/3/2009
Msg: 21
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Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!
Posted: 1/29/2009 9:54:31 AM
>>Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!<<

This is actually my hunting ground.
Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!
Posted: 2/28/2009 6:30:27 AM
Being too old, too fat, too ugly, too dumb, or whatever... I'm from the premise you can't realistically look for much more than you can be, or give, of yourself. Some things you can change about yourself, but thinking someone else just has to accept it won't really get you too far in life. You really have to change those things about yourself first before you can attract what you are wanting.
 arcticdude
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 23
Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!
Posted: 2/28/2009 7:08:46 AM
My guess is that there are plenty of fish who have a faulty 'self perception' that is not serving them well in either direction...I think there are also as many out there, if not more, who think of themselves as too 'youthful', too fit, too beautiful, too intelligent...to settle for anyone! I'd be more likely to fall into that side of the self delusion spectrum than the negative side...
One extreme leaves you accepting anyone regardless, the other extreme leaves you hyper picky and single.
Ahhhh...to aim for mediocrity in self perception!
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 24
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Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!
Posted: 2/28/2009 9:38:02 AM

Too old, too fat, too ugly, etal. Why does anyone allow these personal insults to affect them?

The only reason the insults would bother anyone is if they have an internal belief (whether consciously admitted or not) that they are /have what was insulted. That's the tender spot... our internal beliefs.

I'm all of those things to some people out there. I'm also not enough of those things to other people out there.

In other words... I'm not smart enough for some... and too smart for others. Too fat for some... not fat enough for others.
Just as there are men who fit/don't fit my preferences in men.

Compatibility is finding someone who likes you for who you are.
A contented life is liking yourself for who you are. Doing what you can with the things you can change, and accepting the things you cannot.
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 25
Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!
Posted: 3/15/2009 9:06:24 PM
Mine is apparently TOO Iowan.
 Make it happen!
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 26
Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!
Posted: 3/24/2009 9:17:39 AM
If you don't love yourself how can you expect anyone else to love you. If you have a bad imagine of yourself how do you expect anything different from anyone else. You are who you are at any point in time. You can never change anyone else but you can change yourself. Most important.....love your self.....

IN an emergency you are required to take care of yourself first so you can assist others. Always remember that. Make sure you are okay first.......then move on to that relationship. I love every inch of me and all the imperfections. NO one is perfect.... and that is all from who's point of view?

My Ex kept saying how beautiful his ex was, this girl was, that girl was..... when I met them and saw some photos...........I said what..........???????? It is all in the eye of the beholder.

Love who you are. It is who you are.
 Make it happen!
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 27
Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!
Posted: 3/24/2009 9:21:27 AM
Kenny, Kenny, Kenny, all you lack is a smile. I would not date you becaue you look so unhappy. Life is to short for that............ Just smile and I bet you will not be dateless.............

 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 28
Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!
Posted: 3/25/2009 11:23:36 PM
Yeah but .....

Why oh why did you have to put too old .......... FIRST .....

Here let me fix it for you OP .......

Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb, Too Old!

Now ....... that looks better
 singlebookgeek
Joined: 4/19/2006
Msg: 29
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Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!
Posted: 3/29/2009 12:47:00 AM
I've worked as a singles coordinator, and I have to say....

Lots of people that have come to the events fit into the category......
 fort white wizard
Joined: 8/17/2008
Msg: 30
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Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!
Posted: 4/3/2009 2:08:16 AM
But alas.... discontent is the father of improvement. If you are happy with the situation you will present no effort to change.... So you think you are dumb? investigate the possibility. Join descussion groups and listen. Find a gauge with which to judge yourself. Think you are fat.... look around and find a gauge to judge. If you reach the decision that you ARE FAT... discontent is the father of imporvement. If being fat, and knowing that you are fat distresses you enough - only then will you make adequate effort to improve.

On the other side of the coin.... I have seen many ladies that over-do the makeup. I guess that they feel they are ugly and have to cover things up.

Understand that not all people use the same gauge go judge. The people that sell the makeup want you to think you are ugly and MUST HAVE their product to hide this uglyness.
 mcbobly
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 31
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Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!
Posted: 5/22/2009 5:45:25 PM

Too old,

Beginning to think applies to me now.

too fat,too ugly

Can possibly applied to me.

too dumb

Thankfully doesn't apply, or so I like to think. Ot maybe I am to dumb to realize it does, hmmmm.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 32
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Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!
Posted: 5/23/2009 4:27:55 AM

Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!

I think lots of us at one time or another feel like all of those apply to us. At least, I have. Then you add the crossdressing to it, and that's just the final nail in the coffin and I don't think anyone could ever be interested in me. Then there are other days when I feel just fine. Good days, bad days. Life has some of each.
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