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 TOMic bomb
Joined: 10/5/2008
Msg: 8
Helping 16-18 year olds to study for their exams?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
if one is failing, i wonder how they would have done without mom' s help!
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 9
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Helping 16-18 year olds to study for their exams?
Posted: 1/21/2009 12:36:02 AM
Well from my point of view... at that age I can't really understand how mum/mom can actually help. Now I'm no intellectual slouch if you read my profile, but at 45 I find I can offer only very limited assisstance to my 17 year old entering her last year of high school. The extension 2 maths and physics are waaaaaaaay beyond me and even the extension 2 English... all I can do is proof read if asked or offer a critique!! I can only imagine your friend is studying the curriculum herself in order to help. In my opinion that's no help anyway... yes she needs to let them study alone or they will be well rooted if they get into uni/college and need to 'go it alone'. I can understand your frustration and can only suggest you try to avoid that area of your friend's life, tho that may be really hard.
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 15
Helping 16-18 year olds to study for their exams?
Posted: 1/21/2009 3:32:37 PM
I agree with you lansmom...

Even as adults, there are those who still have a hard time asking for help.

Anyways, there are a few things to think about here. The obvious is if she helps her teenager study, what does the teenager do when it comes to college/university? But what if the mother is helping her child study to ensure that they receive a good score /grade point average so that they can either get into a good school after graduation...or receive a scholarship? Of course we don't know what is going on in the mother's life...but it is something to take into consideration. Ultimately it is her child who is doing the exam and not her.

On the issue of "minding one's own business"'s one thing offering advice to parents on their parenting technique if asked, but some parents won't take too kindly to what your concerns are if they feel like you are criticizing them. The mother might be helping her teenager if she feels that her job has taken her away from being more actively involved in her teenagers studies...?? Who knows? But one thing for sure is that there is some sort of *need* and the mother has made a decision to lend her support. It is not within our rights as outsiders to question any parents decision unless a child is experiencing some form of abuse.

That's all, thanks!
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 17
Helping 16-18 year olds to study for their exams?
Posted: 1/21/2009 9:29:18 PM
I can see helping my kids that age study, then again I am a homeschooler so I am their teacher not just their mom. However, even at that age I can see studying with them, particularily if one of them was struggling. The one that is failing, do you know if at anytime he was disagnosed with a learning disability? It could be very possible that has happened and mom helping is the only way for the teen to process the information the right way to really understand the work. Or it could be as simple and doing drill with them, asking questions, or having a socratic discussion about the literature selection being read, or any number of things. All of which I can see continueing to do evenif my kids ever return to public school. Yes I intend on having my kids be very much independent of me, however, I do not think you need to wash your hands of involvement in their education just because they are teens in order to foster that independence..
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 18
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Helping 16-18 year olds to study for their exams?
Posted: 1/21/2009 9:38:56 PM
Op only you know how the environment/situation is between your friend and her teens. Are youa good friend for a few years, good relationship with her teens as well?

I would think that if the mom is up all ho urs to help them study,the teens should do well in school, but that's not the case so it leaves to either her kids could be careless about school so don't take effort to do anything so your friend tries to get on them and helps them study by being there with them to do so.


the teens are rebelling with her always having to control their study habits, so they rebel and will talk crap to her so she can back off. With her working full time and the teens going to school, how much time do they bond with each other. I'm sure they have some issues that they are dealing with, wh ich doesn't excuse their behavior but if they aren't resolved in someway, this will be a long lasting issue if it's not being dealt with.


they are bad test takers, which can happen, I happen to be one of them regardless of how much I study. and perhaps the way your friend shows them how to study is not the right approach. I personally didn't know how to study til taking a class that shows you how, but I took the class only due to getting a lot of withdrawals so it was required for me to know how to go about taking a class, taking notes, studying. After I took that course, I did better.

It may not be your business, but as a concerned friend that's commendable to want to reach out so you can see if you can help. It's a tough pill to swallow though if the person is in denial and won't accept advice or help.
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 21
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Helping 16-18 year olds to study for their exams?
Posted: 1/22/2009 9:49:39 AM
First of all OP, staying up and helping with homework at that age may mean more something along the lines of mom and kids in the same room doing their own things and she is there to answer any questions they might have and/or redirect their attention if one of the kids, for example is ADD.

My children learn a great deal when they do homework with me, including my eldest that is 17, because they will ask me questions that are generated by what they are doing and if I don't know the answer that's why God made Google.

Even some of the help that has been criticized, such as the man correcting his daughter's papers. That is the way one learns to write so that alone is not the problem it is whether he sits with her and shows her why he made certain corrections. One of my friends was at a loss our junior year of high school. She had never written a thesis and had no idea where to begin. I told her to do the best she could and I would help her with it. I corrected everything, explained all that I could although there were a couple of word choice issues that I couldn't really explain at 16, why it "sounded" better. We did that two or three times and she was comfortable working on her own.

Most colleges and universities have writing centers because kids graduate from high school with no clue how to write a college level paper. Once kids reach a certain age, the parent is less vigilant with homework because that is the way it should be. They may never read their chidrens' papers and consequently one could reach college with absolutely piss poor writing skills. Is it not still incumbent on the parent to provide assistance if that is possible if the kid is absolutely struggling because the parent didn't do his job earlier in his/her life? Rant over.

OP, you need to consider that even if your friend complains about this, she may get as much out of this as her kids do and while it is probably not good for them if it is the wrong kind of help, she may recognize that they will be gone in a couple of years and this is her last chance to mother them. I also agree with the post that wondered how poorly they would be doing without any help at all if one of the kids is failing. For the kid that is failing, while he lives under her roof, as a parent she doesn't really have a choice in the matter, she needs to put the time in with him to correct the problem whether it is figuring out if the child has a learning disability or should be in easier classes, etc. or just more disciplined in his work ethic.

You also have to wonder why kids that age would need any "real" help. By the time they reach 16, they should have established routines for dealing with classroom material and homework. Perhaps your friend should have paid closer attention to this a few years ago and is making up for it now?
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