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Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 8
just wondering what to doPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Hi nana, welcome to the forums.

Really it depends on the details of how he's "ill" with them. What do your adult children feel about the way he treats there children? Are they offended by his behaviour?

Maybe he's just not accustomed to children--that would explain why he's ok with the adults. My early memories of my grandfather was a big, burly, gruff man--he was a busy, workaholic (labour work, not office work) and had no time or patience for kids. Didn't mean he didn't love us, just another type of personality. I didn't become comfortable with him until I was in my 30s.

I don't think it's reasonable for him to expect the children to call him Grandpa--they might not ever call him Grandpa, it's up to them what they are comfortable with.

Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 10
just wondering what to do
Posted: 1/20/2009 8:25:00 PM
nana, just because he has granchildren doesn't mean he is comfortable with them. My Grandpa had grandchildren also, and was not a warm and cuddly person.

Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 15
just wondering what to do
Posted: 1/20/2009 9:08:50 PM
At the end of the day, nana, only you can decide what is best for you. If you are uncomfortable with the way this man treats you and your dear ones, then he's probably not the man for you. We all deserve someone we are comfortable with, and there are plenty of fish in the sea. :-)

Good luck to you.

Joined: 4/22/2008
Msg: 19
view profile
just wondering what to do
Posted: 1/21/2009 9:17:39 AM
proud nana, you need to get far away from this man. The way a man treats animals and children that are not his is a telling sign. It sounds to me like he is a controlling, potentially abusive man. If you chalk his "ill" behavior towards your grandchildren, who will ALWAYS be there long after any man is gone, and his screaming at your dog up to you being an overprotective grandmother you are taking the first steps towards an abusive and potentially violent relationship. You need to ditch him and not look back!
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 24
just wondering what to do
Posted: 1/22/2009 7:04:04 PM
trust your hunches... if he's mean to the most vulnerable then it's likely he's got a bullying streak happening, which will just become more apparent over time... something neither you, nor your grandbabies' deserve

best of luck
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 26
just wondering what to do
Posted: 1/24/2009 5:46:18 AM
Well Nana, I have two little grand daughters, and I love them so much it makes my knees go funny.

Protective or not, he has no right to question your authority or exercise his.

This imposter of a human being is totally out of line. He has no right what so ever in expecting your grandchildren to call him Grandpa. He is a guest in your home and should treat everyone there with kindness and respect, especially the little ones and your animals.

He sounds jealous of them. I know that sound ridiculous, but with what you've shared he seems to think he can just waltz into your life and take over and he should come first. Well he's the new comer and ought to exercise some graciousness and show appreciation for the love you share with these children, particularly since you've been recently widowed.

Another poster commented that he was a control freak. I see that too. Don't put up with that nonsense. Nip it in the bud, if he refuses to ease gracefully into all of your lives you must make him understand that he is not welcome in your home.

Which leads me to your other recent post, he's a tight wad too. Does he have funds to take you out ocassionally? Or is he a couch surfer? You're a young vibrant women Nana, and deserve to be cherished for the wonderful woman you are.

Give him the talk, and tell him it's retroactive and non negiotable. He either starts behaving with pure motives regarding you and yours or send him packing.

He's not the only option my dear, and he needs to know he's on very thin ice and will be on probation until he can prove that he is worthy of you and your loved ones.

All the very best, better to get this over with rather than drag it out. He;ll respect you for it if he cares for you. If not, no loss.
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 27
view profile
just wondering what to do
Posted: 1/24/2009 7:17:52 AM
He has no right to be rude to any member of your family whether they are a 3 year old or a dog. He is overstepping his boundries and as a loving mother and grandmother you deserve far more than this.
He wants them to call him Grandpa? He barely knows the group of you. That is ridiculous, did you expect your children's friends to call you Mom???
He sounds both lonely judging from his dependence on you and your family, and very jealous of your relationship with them. If he had a life of his own he would barely come in contact with your family. You have only been dating 3 months, you should be going out to dinner, movies and getting to know each other not getting involved with your family.
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