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 Aligirl21
Joined: 2/18/2008
Msg: 101
Do you guys think this is fair?Page 5 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I have partied, lived life to the fullest...i am actually ready to settle down with one man and start a family and my career. Oh and let me say i slept with 45 guys 2 and half years ago not recently!!!!!!! Im not needy i just need a lot of support and love!!!! Due to my past and present!! (the counselor said this not me!) I have been in counseling just myself since i was 12 years old.
 UrsulaMajor
Joined: 6/21/2008
Msg: 102
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/23/2009 6:07:23 PM
I think it's great that you got all your partying out of your system and feel ready to settle down with one man.

Just, please, not this man.
 poker_fan_in_nyc
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 103
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/23/2009 7:02:54 PM

...i am actually ready to settle down with one man and start a family and my career...


SO LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES FROM YOUR PAST (INCLUDING THIS PAST RELATIONSHIP) AND WORK ON FINDING A MAN WHO IS THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE...22 IS STILL YOUNG TO START A FAMILY...THERE IS NO RUSH ESPECIALLY WHEN THE RED FLAGS ARE SLAMMING YOU IN THE FACE...
 anthonyalan
Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 104
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/23/2009 7:44:46 PM
Someone said a ways back that he probably can't get over the fact you did 45 guys, I agree with that. I mean all the signs are there, he doesn't want to look at you during sex, says you smell, and just doesn't care what you think. I mean I probably would feel the same way to be honest (although I just wouldn't date you instead of having impersonal sex with you), some people can't get over a woman being that promiscuous, I think maybe you should find someone that doesn't have a problem with that. I think that's where all of this stems from.
 denim_daze
Joined: 1/17/2009
Msg: 105
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Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/23/2009 9:00:14 PM
in the thread "do guys like the smell of a woman's natural vagina?" weren't you the one who said that you had to wash yourself 3 times a day to NOT have a smelly vajajay? That your bf is smelly too? Maybe sex would last longer if you did it in the shower.
 Lil Brooker
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 106
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Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/23/2009 9:29:25 PM

He wont let me use a toy though so i suffer.....

Op, I wonder if there isn't a little bit of you that gets something from being a martyr. You give and give, even when it is unpleasant for you, to someone who doesn't give back.
Google "martyr complex".
Here is an excerpt from Wikipedia:

... martyr complexes involve willful suffering in the name of love or duty.
 mysweetalibi
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 107
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/23/2009 10:05:28 PM
this is very very very selfish, sounds like my one experience actually *SIGH* I should have waited for love
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 108
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Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/23/2009 10:34:09 PM

I have partied, lived life to the fullest...

No, you're 22 years old...
You haven't even begun to enjoy life... let alone live it to the fullest...

Im not needy i just need a lot of support and love!!!!

Ummm THAT is being needy....
 missygyal
Joined: 10/7/2004
Msg: 109
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/23/2009 10:50:00 PM
thats not fair at all...dump the selfish dude
or just get into your "cumming" position right from the get go so you definately get to cum first thats what I do when I know they won't last long...just give me 5 minutes :P hahaha
 64 Classic
Joined: 7/5/2006
Msg: 110
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Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 12:11:52 AM

let me say this again I LOVE HIM and i cant just leave because of bad sex.


Then WHY are you asking for advise? You've already made up your mind so there's nothing any of us can say that will help.
 lelathecat
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 111
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 3:04:46 AM
What is there to love about this guy?

Have you thought about counseling for yourself? It seems that you have been through a lot in your short life.

Is it very loving to have a guy not care if you ever get off or one who tells you that you stink when he doesn't have good hygiene himself?
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 112
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Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 5:37:44 AM
I left a boyfriend that I had been with for more than 7 years because of the sex. I would warn your BF, very bluntly, that if he doesn't change, you will leave.

In the meantime, you will have to suck it up and restrain yourself from indulging your desire to pleasure him. When he tries to have sex with you, you tell him it isn't worth the effort for you anymore. When he gets desperate enough, he will try to please you or he will get mad and abuse you emotionally. If he abuses you, you will be given some cold hard reality that this relationship isn't for you. You will have to put your feelings aside.

In the end, he will either change or you will have to leave. I would only give this little exercise about 3 months, and mentally prepare yourself to leave in the mean time. I gave my ex 6 months to change. When I told him it was over, he tried mentally abusing me by belittleing my needs. When he did, I laughed and said, "You have got to be kidding, right?"

I am now with someone who is very attentative to my needs and I am very happy.
 Aligirl21
Joined: 2/18/2008
Msg: 113
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 7:12:55 AM
I really dont understand how im a slut....sleeping with 45 guys in my life makes me a slut i dont understand........its my past nothing i can do to change that........i USED to be a sex addict to the point i "needed" sex 5-8 times a day but i went COUNSELING for that i now only have sex and get off when my man can go that long....Oh and when i use a toy i can get off in 2 minutes...Oh and i know i love him because when we touch i feel the tingling warming sensation throughout my body, i physically feel pain in my chest when i think about not being with him for the rest of my life, I miss him 2 seconds after he leaves, i think about him all day and all night, sex CAN be amazing and loving, if you have a conversation with me face to face i mention him prolly 30 times in 10 minutes and i know him better than his mom and same goes for him knowing me.
I have done alot in my life so far partied until i balcked out, drank until decided never to touch alcohol again, smoked some crazy stuff, snorted some crazy stuff, and sold that same crazy stuff. Had amazing sex, had really really bad sex, i have traveled all over the U.S. , i have seen 2 of my friends give birth, i saw many friends get married, i have also seen my one of my friends get shot in the head right in front of me. I live life to the fullest everyday because of the life i have lived and seen. I have helped raise a child from birth she said her first word to me and it was mama and she isnt my blood daughter but it feels like it.
I am ready for a husband and children and our own house and my career now.
 poker_fan_in_nyc
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 114
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 9:05:00 AM
I really dont understand how im a slut....sleeping with 45 guys in my life makes me a slut i dont understand........its my past nothing i can do to change that........i USED to be a sex addict to the point i "needed" sex 5-8 times a day but i went COUNSELING for that i now only have sex and get off when my man can go that long....Oh and when i use a toy i can get off in 2 minutes...Oh and i know i love him because when we touch i feel the tingling warming sensation throughout my body, i physically feel pain in my chest when i think about not being with him for the rest of my life, I miss him 2 seconds after he leaves, i think about him all day and all night, sex CAN be amazing and loving, if you have a conversation with me face to face i mention him prolly 30 times in 10 minutes and i know him better than his mom and same goes for him knowing me.
I have done alot in my life so far partied until i balcked out, drank until decided never to touch alcohol again, smoked some crazy stuff, snorted some crazy stuff, and sold that same crazy stuff. Had amazing sex, had really really bad sex, i have traveled all over the U.S. , i have seen 2 of my friends give birth, i saw many friends get married, i have also seen my one of my friends get shot in the head right in front of me. I live life to the fullest everyday because of the life i have lived and seen. I have helped raise a child from birth she said her first word to me and it was mama and she isnt my blood daughter but it feels like it.
I am ready for a husband and children and our own house and my career now.



WTF!?! I MEAN HONESTLY...WHY EVEN BOTHER ASKING THIS QUESTION IF YOU'RE GONNA BE SO BLINDED AND ALREADY HAVE YOU MIND MADE UP...IT IS CLEAR AS DAY THAT HE IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU...I AM DONE TRYING TO HELP AFTER YOUR LAST COMMENT...GO MARRY HIM...EVEN HAVE A KID OR TWO TO REALLY BE TRAPPED IN THE MARRIAGE...HAVE THE SEX BE BAD AND MISERABLE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE...LET ME SEND YOU NOW AN EARLY CONGRATS ON YOUR WEDDING


Oh and i know i love him because when we touch i feel the tingling warming sensation throughout my body


THAT IS NOT LOVE...



I DON'T WANT TO PICK APART EVERYTHING YOU WROTE BECAUSE IT WOULD BE A WASTE OF TIME...

BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IS...IF YOU ARE HAPPY AND CAN SEE YOURSELF MARRIED TO THIS GUY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE...THAN GO FOR IT...WHO ARE WE TO SAY ANYTHING...YOU SEEM TO KNOW BEST IN YOUR LONG 22 YEARS OF LIVING...
 HairballX
Joined: 1/2/2009
Msg: 115
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Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 9:18:40 AM
You also dont know we have been through a lot together, child custody issues with his ex, me getting diagnosed with being bipolar and etc. We have only been in counseling for 6 months.
You say you were diagnosed as suffering from bi-polar disease. Have you talked to your doctor about your sexual difficulties?

Both your relationship with your BF and your sexual problems might have something to do with your medical condition. I'd suggest that you tell your doctor about it. Many women with bi-polar disease can have very satisfying personal relationships and sex lives if the condition is treated properly.

 poker_fan_in_nyc
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 116
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 9:27:08 AM

Oh and i know i love him because when we touch i feel the tingling warming sensation throughout my body, i physically feel pain in my chest when i think about not being with him for the rest of my life, I miss him 2 seconds after he leaves, i think about him all day and all night, sex CAN be amazing and loving, if you have a conversation with me face to face i mention him prolly 30 times in 10 minutes and i know him better than his mom and same goes for him knowing me.


HairballX: What sexual difficulties...she's made it clear that sex "can" be amazing and loving...
(LOL....hard to be sarcastic on here)...

also her comment "that she probably mentions in 30 times in 10 minutes" is a little disturbing to me...

Well there's a lot more about her comments that are disturbing but the girl is so blind that it's really becoming a waste of time to try and help her...she's really gonna just screw up her life if she decides to marry and start a family with him...oh well...at least we know we tried to help her...
 Schrodingers__Cat
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 117
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Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 9:37:43 AM
I am ready for a husband and children and our own house and my career now.

Sorry, but from what you've written throughout this thread, it doesn't sound to me like you're ready for ANY of that. You may think you are, but that doesn't make it so. Just because you want it doesn't mean you're ready for it. You can't be ready for any of it until you are in tune with yourself, which it doesn't sound like you are....yet.

I would encourage you to work on yourself and your career. You're only 22, for crying out loud....no matter how much you have been through, there's a lot more you'll go through to grow as a human being. When you're truly ready for a husband, I'm betting you will realize it's not this particular man. But please, for the sake of everyone, do not even CONSIDER having children for another 5-10 years. I fear that it would be doing both yourself and (more importantly) them a disservice to bring any children into your life at this point. You're not emotionally there yet, based on the things you've said here and your responses to some really sound advice.

There's no rush....you've got plenty of time. I would recommend a serious amount of time apart from this man so you can focus on working on yourself for now. Being addicted to someone is not the same thing as love. If you approach this as an addiction, I'm betting you'll have a much better outcome....even if it takes a lot of time to get there.

You asked for opinions. That's merely mine. I hope you give it some thought.

I wish you the best of luck with whatever path you choose. :)

(And it IS a choice. YOUR choice. No one else's.)

~~Bunny
 MY OH MY
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 118
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 10:25:00 AM
Gosh OP, it seems like you are the only one that is bringing up your issues. I don't know if you are for real or a troll, your stories sound pretty incredible to be telling the whole world about. If they are, I hope that you are getting individual counseling and listen to their advice.
 yepimstilllonely
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 119
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Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 11:03:36 AM
Man, that sucks. He is very selfish not to want to please you. WON'T LET YOU USE A TOY!!!!?????- aww c'mon, I'd like to see him grab it off of me...
 Aligirl21
Joined: 2/18/2008
Msg: 120
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 12:03:09 PM
i am in individual counseling and i have been since i was 12!
His issues are bad too but everyone has a life before you meet them....before i met him i lived either at my parents house or i lived with friends on their couch....I didnt do anything but drugs.....and sleep alll day.....i have a life and have independence NOW after i met him. I know there is something wrong and unhealthy about my relationship or i wouldnt be trying to fix it.
I am a recovering drug addict and sex addict this is true, but that doesnt make me a bad person because i am getting better. I JUST RECENTLY got diagnosed with being bipolar. I have had a ****ed up past and i am taking the right steps to change that....Counseling and medication helps A LOT, but its up to me to fix the rest. I am proud of my accomplishments of getting sober/clean and getting past my PAST life.
I started this thread to try and get some info on what other people think about my situation not about people trying to "fix" me. Oh and you people really dont know so can how can u know im not ready for a family....I have a time line for having kids according to my DOCTOR i have pre-menopause so my chances of having kids is really low and the older i get the lower my chances get.
i am not a bot or whatever so think what you want.
 Schrodingers__Cat
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 121
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Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 12:26:34 PM
Sorry, sweetie but I don't think this is a good enough reason to bring a child into the world/your life:

I have a time line for having kids according to my DOCTOR i have pre-menopause so my chances of having kids is really low and the older i get the lower my chances get.


I think it's an enormously selfish reason, in fact. I feel for you on that....and this is just my opinion....but I think it's often better to not procreate at all than to have a baby for the wrong reasons or before one is emotionally and psychologically stable enough to have and care for them. Lord knows that already happens all too frequently these days, often to the detriment of the children.

You keep talking about your bipolar diagnosis. Have you sought genetic counseling to see if it's even medically responsible for you to have a natural child? (Not accusing or judging or trying to "fix" you. Like I said in my earlier post, only YOU can do that. I'm just wanting to make sure you've thought it through with the help of people....professionals....who DO know you and your situation firsthand.)

Congrats on what you've accomplished so far....you SHOULD be proud!!!! But that doesn't mean you don't have a lot further to go. That's what *I* (only one person) think of your situation.

Instead of being so defensive and argumentative when people offer their thoughts in response to your posts, maybe you could give pause to think about the insights they have provided....and maybe even thank them for their input, since it gives you more to think about that you may not have thought about on your own??? After all, that is the mark of a psychologically stable and emotionally mature person.
 poker_fan_in_nyc
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 122
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 12:37:14 PM
I started this thread to try and get some info on what other people think about my situation not about people trying to "fix" me


Your situation sucks...


Oh and you people really dont know so can how can u know im not ready for a family...


You're not ready for a family based on YOUR OWN COMMENTS here...you still have a lot of work to do to FIX YOURSELF FIRST...


...I have a time line for having kids according to my DOCTOR i have pre-menopause so my chances of having kids is really low and the older i get the lower my chances get...


Maybe that is g-d's way of telling you, you shouldn't have kids...
that is also not a reason to rush into a marriage with a man you describe...

P.S. Congrats on being a recovering drug addict and sex addict...that is a positive start...but you have a long way to go...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am not trying to bash either....

my brother is bi-polar...I am very familiar with this (plus I have a degree in psychology)...


 MY OH MY
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 123
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 12:38:12 PM
Bi-polar is hereditary and it isn't fixed with a magic pill. You can actually get worse. I am NOT saying all bi-polar parents are not good parents or that they should not have had children or have, what I am saying is that someone recently diagnosed obviously from reading your responses and the short time frame of being sober, you are not ready and may not ever be ready to bring a child into the world. You aren't 100% with your partner and when anyone suggests that you shouldn't be together etc., you defend him. I can not imagine that your doctor would recommend you have children soon based on your medical history let alone your psychological history. You probably can not see how extreme your posts are, and I have doubts to the truth, but if they are the truth, you sure need to let your doctor know about what you have written here. I can not imagine them supporting your relationship with your bf or having children until you are stable and sober.

My intention is not to bash you OP, I am being serious. I was married to someone that is bi-polar and I know about his past, present, and future. I also know that had I know about his mother having it, I do not think I would have married him...
 vaxplant
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 124
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 12:45:17 PM
Couples counseling isn't like individual counseling.

Both have to be willing to change for it to work, and there should be dramatic improvements within a month or so.

I see no evidence of either being true here. You need to move on, you need to get your own head straight, and your life in order before you even think about having a child.

This man has made it very clear that HIS wants and needs are what's important - not yours (either individually or collectively.)
 Aligirl21
Joined: 2/18/2008
Msg: 125
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 12:58:49 PM
im not going to not have children just because im bipolar my dad is bipolar and so is my grandmother they both had children or i wouldn't be here...both have IGNORED their issues have worked on none of them they have good jobs family and everything..... they never got counseling or anything no medication. I take what people give me but when they attack it hurts my feeling and i have a want to explain myself. i know i have a lot more work to do but i will have work to do on my emotional state until i die because bipolar never goes away and medication may not work. I cannot be on medications while im pregnant and nursing. I have accepted what God and my family have given me and what life has given me.
Oh and how do you know im not ready for children....you dont know me and im going to school to work with kids for the rest of my life.....i love children i know what it takes to take care of a child...no one is fully prepared for a child but i have helped raise one from birth, she had colic and allergies she has taught me how to be a good mother....im not a teenager i am an adult. I have raised animals from birth to death not the same as children but I always did everything needed to care for the animal or my man's child. I ready to bring a child into the world so i can love them,teach them,nurture them and them love me. They may get older and say they hate me, mess up, slow me down, drive me crazy but i will always make sure their needs(food,shelter,love, and stuff they want) are met even if i have to sacrifice a little or even a lot. I have a ton of family support, financially and emotionally(if and when i need it). i will never be emotionally "stable" it will be apart of me forever ! I am not saying i want to have a child with this current man! I want a stable healthy relationship before i have children.
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