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 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 10
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When a child's family member diesPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
With that additional information I would agree with you in terms of your not going being the best decision.

I would flat out ask him if he is anxious about it and if he is, to what degree? At 13, if it was one of mine I would probably say you know, it is a few hours of your life and it will mean something to your dad for you to be there.

When my dad died, between me and my brother, we had six young children, two of whom were infants. I am sure your son could probably help ride herd on the other kids which would also give him something to do if he is bored to death.

I really wish I had a child's perspective on this but I have only experienced funerals as an adult and with my kids, we have been to so many rosaries and funerals that it doesn't really phase them one way or the other although getting out of school is a perk, lol.

I would send a sympathy card. My grandfather died when my mother was in her early twenties. He had been gone more than 20 years by the time my grandmother was showing me the clippings from the wake and funeral and all of the sympathy cards. I think it is comforting to people and it is more tangible than an e-mail.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 17
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When a child's family member dies
Posted: 1/23/2009 5:18:48 PM
Let his father decide. If he wants to come and pick him up he can, but you are under no obligation to see that he gets there. A card for his Father as well as his Grandparents would be very appropriate.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 26
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When a child's family member dies
Posted: 1/24/2009 8:27:35 PM
Your X sounds like a d!ckhead.


OP, you said your son might regret not going if he chooses not to..... What is it he's supposed to regret???? Parents should never put a statement like that on a child.

She was not for a nanosecond trying to guilt trip her son into going but sometimes we do regret things when we are older. I for one wish I had appreciated my grandmother more and that I had paid more attention when she talked about family history. Might not have made a difference if someone had mentioned this to me but what if it had? I was unable to go to the funeral of my brother's friend when I was in high school. For some reason my mother was adamant about my not missing school, which was retarded, more than half the school went to the funeral. I always felt badly for not having said good-bye to him in that way.

To me telling a child he/she might regret something is really asking them to think about it and consider how they might feel good or bad if they don't attend a funeral or something else they choose to either do or not do.

Kudos to you for taking a moment to acknowledge her passing since your X made a poor decision about handling things. Your son could have stayed and been driven or picked up Monday evening, putz.
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