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 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 10
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Child support issuePage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
You can't make her be a better parent whether that is seeing your child or paying support. You have the order in place, the amount that she is in arrears exists in perpetuity. I have many friends that never received a dime in support until their kids were grown and daddy got tired of dodging the system (no intentional flame just not personally familiar with a similar case when dad had custody).

Carolann is right, you can count on no one but yourself. There is a ton of information on television and the internet right now about cutting down costs, talking people into lowering bills, etc. Look to some of that to help you find some additional money every month.

Other than that, there is little you can do. You cannot go make her get a decent job, sh may be incapable of that or she may just be a useless excuse for human being. What you DO need to do is put your feelings aside and when she shows up to see your son, be as positive as possible so he sees it only as good.

I don't know how old your son is but something along the lines of mom is broken, that's why she doesn't always come to see you, it is not because she doesn't care about you. Substance abuse changes people and some people never really recover. It is what it is.
 gravelman
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 14
Child support issue
Posted: 1/24/2009 9:49:49 AM
raising a child should be 50-50. I for one would gladly take my kids full time with no support from the mom, may things would be rough but we would make do, do the best we could. There are dead beats but then there also some that just want to keep the children to get the support money and don't care about the kids. How does one deal with that issue. If one parent wishes not to be part of a childs life, it is that parent that loses and also the child loses too, but they do see the real parent.
 johnpic
Joined: 1/16/2009
Msg: 16
Child support issue
Posted: 1/24/2009 9:51:45 AM
Hey Kelly these people here are looking for good advice! Not some 19 yr old student who has No idea what she is talking about at all! These are people with real worries and hard times and you DONT know how it is because you are 19. I would hope for the sake of these people you could find something better to do with your time!
 casino man
Joined: 1/11/2005
Msg: 17
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Child support issue
Posted: 1/24/2009 12:10:30 PM
I hear ya when it comes to picking up extra work..Yet..ive tried that and i dont like leaving him much..traveld to work in atlantic city a 2 hour distance and it was tough on the both of us..
I was sleeping or at work..I agree with you a haircut..sneekers , a night out at Dinner SOMETHING!!!..Anyway i think im just gonna go it alone..the sad part is..Every few weeks she really pressures me to see him..and of course he wants to see her...But when he comes home he has the same clothing and stays in watching tv or playing vidio games
 casino man
Joined: 1/11/2005
Msg: 18
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Child support issue
Posted: 1/24/2009 12:23:10 PM
I wont whine anymore..I just want to thank you all for your advice...Thanks sooo much
 warmsunnyday
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 19
Child support issue
Posted: 1/24/2009 12:36:34 PM
You sound a lot like me. I have custody of a boy and girl 7 and 8. She works never visits and manipulates child support through temp services. She knows exactly what she is doing. How does she get welfare being a single able bodied person. I was just in court for mine and she must pay even if she goes on disability. They warned her of that cause she is even going as far as using work injury as an excuse. It is always a guessing game and you arre limited as to what you can do to remedy it. Don't count on her for anything and use all the resources at you disposal to help your situation. Apply for everything you need and don't have too much pride to do so. Keep working untikl you get ahead. It has been five yrs for me too and I am finally getting ahead on my own.. Find a better paying job ......You know what to do, keep working, the heck with her. But keep on her tail, she may start helping if you keep up the pressure....
 casino man
Joined: 1/11/2005
Msg: 20
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Child support issue
Posted: 1/24/2009 12:41:57 PM
i think you are right im gonna keep up the pressure and not let her off the hook,,she has another son that just turned 18 She is recieveing section 8 and i hope she is not using my son for her support ?? Is there anyway i can check out if she is using him for such benifits that i may not know of?
 MyownTerms
Joined: 12/14/2008
Msg: 22
Child support issue
Posted: 1/24/2009 1:18:10 PM
Child support...is it court ordered? If so, go back to family court and have her arrested. It is now a federal offence to not pay child support. Unless she can show the judge that she has a valid reason for not working, she has no option but to pay support.

As for the person who said he should be grateful he has support.....I am sure he thanks God everyday that he has his kids in a safe environment and not with their mother.
It still doesn't negate the fact that she is legally (as any man would be) to support her children financially. It is the law, period, and the law should apply to women as much as it does men.

Take her back to family court.
 casino man
Joined: 1/11/2005
Msg: 23
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Child support issue
Posted: 1/24/2009 1:22:40 PM
Thx Myown
Have taken her twice to family court ,just for her to show up with her welfare papers and just walk out.and giving me a grin..That sucks
 casino man
Joined: 1/11/2005
Msg: 24
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Child support issue
Posted: 1/24/2009 1:25:24 PM
Oh yea, and as far as her showing me her financial records..forget about it....
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 27
Child support issue
Posted: 1/24/2009 2:42:13 PM
I know it sucks, and i have no respect for a parent (of either gender) that does not contribute to their childrens lives.
But you may well have to resign yourself to the fact that you are going this alone.
If you "sit around waiting" for her to shape up, you could very well piddle your precious time away waiting.
If you already have an order in place, i dont see what good going in and out of court would do. The money spent on lawyers could go to your monthly budget, and the time spent in a courtroom could be better spent having quality time with your kids.
Drug addicts are losers, there really isnt anything anyone can do to change that.
As much as it is unfair, you chose her to procreate with, you have to buckle up and move on, and do what you have to do to get by.
In many places, public assistance is untouchable for support.
We cant change the fact that other people suck, at the end of the day the only person one can rely on is themself.
 BigGoat68
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 28
Child support issue
Posted: 1/24/2009 7:31:42 PM
I have read most of the post and there is alot of good advice on here.

You are right that she does not have to show you HER finacial records but she MUST declare her income tax return to the courts EVERY year. I know that I do. My support payments are based on this.

You need to find out where she is declaring this and have your lawyer get the papers. I know that my ex only finds out how much support she will get for the year an that my papers are not just handed to her.
 casino man
Joined: 1/11/2005
Msg: 29
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Child support issue
Posted: 1/24/2009 8:00:43 PM
she doesnt have to show anything..she works under the table and gets support
 Rustmouse2000
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 31
Child support issue
Posted: 1/25/2009 7:40:06 AM
The fact is that the system treats deadbeat fathers and mothers differently. I'm in a similar situation with my kids mom - except that I'm flush right now and don't care if she pays me or not.

I'm going to court with her (she's not paid child support voluntarily since the divorce) and I have no real expectation that anything will come of it (she claims to have no income and that she has to spend her time taking care of her other son from another father - one of many causes for the divorce - and therefore can't work)

You can hire an investigator and prove that she's working to the court (pretty damned expensive, actually), or the court can go for 'presumed income' - meaning that she, with her education and experience, should be able to earn a certain income, but chooses not to. They assign the amount of support based on that.

The fact is, however, that presumed income really only gets applied to deadbeat dads.

Your income has dropped, and therefore, she should be supporting a greater portion of the child care - but she's not going to willingly cough it up. The courts aren't very helpful in that either, so get used to that fact now.

Kelley has it right - there's nothing you can do about it - keep trying to go for the support, with the full expectation that nothing will ever come of it. You may get lucky and find the right judge who won't buy her bs.

In the end, though - you're going it alone. Like most single parents, you'll find out that you're up to the challenge.

- because you have no choice!
 casino man
Joined: 1/11/2005
Msg: 33
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Child support issue
Posted: 1/26/2009 5:36:04 PM
Brandi 60 whomever you are i think thats sound advise..Thank you and God bless you...
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 35
Child support issue
Posted: 1/27/2009 5:26:55 AM
Agrees with Mel. it IS that simple.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 39
Child support issue
Posted: 1/27/2009 11:06:31 AM
So you applied and did not get in. Are you then saying i tried my best so I cannot be held accountable for where I am or where I have not gotten in life?

Goals are changing and adapting to the realities of where you are and what you are unable to do.

and with that also is the realty is often many people have done nothing to improve or make things happen in their lives.

?After all it has always been easy to blame others for our own mediocrity!

I suggest you try opening the doors yourself and stop waiting for someone else to do it.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 41
Child support issue
Posted: 1/27/2009 11:30:16 AM

Then get a damn job and keep it. It's not easy for any of us to go to crap jobs every day and bring home little to nothing, but we do it, because we love our children.


i dare you to say that to some single custodial mother who stays at home suggesting her child needs her while she complains about not enough cs.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2008/10/07/single-parents-forced-back-to-work-115875-20780451/


Single parents forced back to work 7/10/2008

Works and Pensions Minister James Purnell sparked fury yesterday by pushing through new rules which force single parents back to work.

All lone parents with a child aged 12 to 16 will be made to look for a job from next month or risk having their benefits cut.

Fiona Weir, of the campaign group One Parent Families, said: "We are extremely disappointed. This will push lone parents into a difficult labour market, without giving them the support they need."


What support???support for the shock of being kicked off the gravy train?
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 42
Child support issue
Posted: 1/27/2009 1:16:39 PM

I guess sweetness if every single citizen owned a house they would need to rent from you then how would you make your hard earned money?

Probably get a real estate license and try to start selling, If that didnt pan out, marry Tealwood and sit on my butt eating bon bons while demanding he send me a fat check very month.

BTW my renters are hardly poor themselves, i would hamper a guess that they could own if they really wanted to, but arent sure if they will want to live in the Keys long term. The population down here can be pretty transient, so there would always be a market for rentals.
 gravelman
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 48
Child support issue
Posted: 1/27/2009 8:57:23 PM
oh so young she is only 19, bet she will be amazed as to how much the rest of us learn the the next three years or so,lol. we are all so stupid now,lol
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 49
Child support issue
Posted: 2/4/2012 2:21:20 PM
Unfortunately there isnt much you can do, she doesnt have a job where you can garnish her checks for child support. Be prepared your son might say someday he no longer wishes to see his mom, so dont force him to go. Whatever you do please dont put down his mom in front of him, not saying you are. Your son knows what kind of mother he has. Hopefully she cleans up her act, she is losing in alot of things.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 50
Child support issue
Posted: 2/8/2012 3:50:23 PM
casino man- I went to another site to get information to try to help.
If your ex gets SSI, that can not be garnished, but SSDI can be garnished.
Does she work? If she does, they can order her checks garnished and you would receive the payments automatically.
If she doesn't work and is on SSI, you are out of options as far as she is concerned.
Please consider going to your local food stamp office to see if your income is low enough to qualify for food stamps, you can get up to 300 a month for yourself and your son, that would help.
I'm sorry you are going through this. Your son is blessed to have you, give him all the love you can and even if tempted, don't talk about his mother to him.
There will come a time when he will be old enough to figure things out for himself and that is when karma will come calling for her as far as her relationship with your son.
Don't listen to anybody on here that has said you are whining.
It's not anymore ok for a woman to abandon a child than it is if it were a man, double standards are bs.
Keep your head up, things will get better.
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 51
Child support issue
Posted: 2/8/2012 6:11:52 PM

but, because she recieves public assistance there is nothing the courts can do.


I have never heard of this being an option to not have to pay support.
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 52
Child support issue
Posted: 2/8/2012 6:17:54 PM
If this was a woman complaining about wanting child support and help, whether she was working extra or not, this thread would be going an entirely different way. The OP would be told "you chose this life, yadda yadda" . Look around, so many threads end up going awry and the OP gets labled a winer. I count at least three 5+ pages on the main page under the SP forums.

In no way am I dissing you OP. My response will be the same if it was on the other foot. Concentrate on you and your child. Yes it is tough and your child deserves that child support. Just make sure you dont let it consume you so much that you let the good times pass you by.
 DiDi1114
Joined: 1/24/2012
Msg: 53
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Child support issue
Posted: 2/10/2012 10:22:52 PM
First I want to say that I am a divorce paralegal for over 20 years in the State of Florida, but I am in no way an attorney, nor am I attempting to give you any legal advice. Having said this, I viewed your profile, and you are in the State of Pennsylvania. If I were you I would call my State’s bar association and explain to whoever answers the telephone that I am financially unable to afford an attorney, I have custody of my children and need a "pro bono" family law attorney, meaning an attorney that will not charge me for his/her legal services.

In the State of Florida, there is a Program called "Put Something Back" wherein local attorneys accept cases on a "pro bono" basis. Through this project, clients are referred to volunteer attorneys experienced in a wide range of legal matters, including: family cases; children's matters requiring Guardians Ad Litem in juvenile dependency, domestic violence permanent injunction matters. It is the largest and most comprehensive pro bono project in Florida. Perhaps Pennsylvania has something similar. If I were you, I would call and find out.

From what you have written, it seems that you could use the assistance of an attorney to answer your questions inasmuch as you are basically alleging that the Mother will more than likely be a career welfare recipient. The attorney can advise you as to whether or not you can collect child support from a welfare recipient in your state and if not, if you can or if you should modify your existing child support Order, to reflect your decrease in your personal income, as well as whether the Court can imput income upon the Mother. Generally, imputted income is based upon whether or not it can be proven that the Parent's unemployment or underemployment is voluntary and it may be proven or disproven through evidence of income from available employment for which the Parent is suitably qualified by education, experience, current licensing or geographical location. Rules of Civil Procedure may vary from state to state, this is why it is s important to seek advice from an attorney in your area to find out if this would apply or if there are any remedies worth considering in your particular case.

Once again, I am not an attorney but can empathize with your situation and can tell you from personal experience that trends are changing and I have seen through the years more and more that the Florida Courts are placing what is in the best interests of the child(ren) at the forefront encouraging “shared parental responsibility” when possible, which is encouraging for me having seen both Mother(s), as well as Father(s) such as yourself go through your experience.

I hope that I was helpful to you, wish you nothing but the best and thank you for your taking on the responsibility of being a full time parent to your children. I would encourage all full time parents, whether Mom(s) or Dad(s), to encourage your child(ren) to see and visit the noncustodial parent (when possible in a healthy environment)and not use his/her lack of paying child support as a form of punishment and not allowing them to see their kids. It has been my experience that you will only be causing greater harm if the child(ren) are not allowed to see the noncustodial parent when nonpayment of child support is the only issue. What is most important is the child(ren), not the parent(s) or their pride, but the child(ren). In my opinion, both the Father and the Mother play as important a roll in their children's lives.
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