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 Justme_J
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 32
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Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce BackPage 7 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Women GENERALLY (note I said generally, not ALWAYS) have a guy waiting in the wings. Especially if they are the ones breaking the relationship off.
 CSUGuy
Joined: 9/13/2004
Msg: 33
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 7:20:04 PM
People who leave only when they have found something else are weak. If they are unhappy they should be honest, and leave in a dignified manner.

I'd also like to see those stats. Something tells me they don't exist for what would be considered a decent sample population.
 Lucette325
Joined: 2/2/2005
Msg: 34
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Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 7:37:03 PM

People who leave only when they have found something else are weak. If they are unhappy they should be honest, and leave in a dignified manner.


There is a world of truth in this. Bravo :)
 SueCQ
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 35
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 7:41:26 PM
I must disagree with the statement that "Men have a harder time". Bouncing back is a personal issue as stated by Lucette. As a woman trying to get over a strange breakup with my fiance after 6 1/2 years (he married a new employee he only met 10 days prior before he broke up with me), its hell on women too, Its hell on anyone who has a heart, who loved someone so deeply. The title of this forum should be "People who have a heart have a harder time to bounce back".!!! CSU weak is an understatement for leaving when they find something else. We have all been hurt and it bites, but experiancing the love is worth it, I think! Hang in there... Make yourself happy and others will follow....
 CSUGuy
Joined: 9/13/2004
Msg: 36
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 7:52:21 PM
Would you prefer the term despicable to weak?

Do I seem sad to you or something? I will agree that I am a little negative and pessimistic. Do these traits actually cause the outright appearance of unhappiness?
 CSUGuy
Joined: 9/13/2004
Msg: 37
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 8:18:04 PM

Are you from Mars CSU? lmfao here


Please explain.
 CSUGuy
Joined: 9/13/2004
Msg: 38
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 8:25:31 PM
Somehow I don't think that would be too funny.
 CSUGuy
Joined: 9/13/2004
Msg: 39
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 8:38:11 PM
What exactly am I suppose to find so funny?
 SueCQ
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 40
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 9:07:54 PM
Dispicable works! Not sad just on a mission to put yourself out there... and the p*ssing contest with Dude... is funny!
 CSUGuy
Joined: 9/13/2004
Msg: 41
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 10:22:43 PM
Island,

No, I don't think I am over-qualified for that position. It's something I would be good at doing. Instead of psychiatry as a major, I chose something based heavily in the hard sciences like mathematics, chemistry, and physics. That does not mean that I am not a humanist, because I am. When designing systems, improving existing processes, or conducting research a variety of human implications must be considered. What better way is there to make a difference in people's life's than to improve their prospects through technology and achievement?

You are right about one thing; I don't want to delve any deeper into what motivates others. I see enough already, and sometimes it makes me sick. I would rather sit onto of a skyscraper thinking about mankind's possibilities, than look into the streets below and see the reality of the matter. That doesn't mean I ignore these things either. I just prefer to let the police and firemen act as society's garbage men. They can swim around in the human wreckage and let it rot their minds. That's not my fate. Does that mean I ignore people in need, and would not act if confronted with evil? No, I would and I have in every instance that I have faced it.

You suggest that I am so far removed from humanistic concerns that I can't possibly understand the emotional needs of other people. I would suggest to you, that I understand these needs far better than you realize. I am probably the most selfless and nurturing person that I know. You might be surprised, if you actually knew me and understood my driving force. I do admit that I have rather high expectations in people, including myself. To be sure, I am my own biggest critic. This critical nature does carry over to other people that I meet, as I can seem cold and callous to someone like yourself, who chooses to lie to themselves and deny their own negativity. Being in a position where you are faced with death, I can understand this mechanism. It's not one I choose to employ, but it is very understandable. Who wants to wallow in the disturbing and under-appreciate any aspect of life? That's not what I do either. To be honest, I think that people's continued template approach to dealing with others is failing. If the human condition is to improve maybe it requires people's honesty. Maybe I am brutally honest sometimes. Would you not agree that sometimes people need a push, otherwise they are prone to drowning in their own self-pity choking on the half-assed life lines people continually throw them. To me, the standard 'it'll be okay' and 'time heals all wounds' responses are more insulting, insincere, and efficient than what I offer. At least they know I took more than a picosecond to think about a response.

I think you misunderstand me. That is why I am telling you all of this. Perhaps now you will stop calling me names. Remember that it is you and that other guy who started attacking me. I simply responded to your attacks. If you don't feel that I deserve any respect because you disagree with what I say and how I say it, then go f*ck yourself. I am not here to cater to your wishes. If you can respectfully disagree, then perhaps we could have some mutually beneficial conversations. However, based on what I have seen, I seriously doubt it.

Tell me; what line of work are you in that you deal with death all of the time?


P.S. Sorry this personal argument ended up in this thread.
 CSUGuy
Joined: 9/13/2004
Msg: 42
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 10:46:17 PM

People who are not like you (thank god) can respond in a tactful way simply because they have the ability to understand that the topic at hand may be very personal to them.


Just as you have responded in the most tactful of ways to me. If what you are saying is true, then how do you justify sinking to the level I have reduced you to?
 Lucette325
Joined: 2/2/2005
Msg: 43
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Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 11:27:17 PM
quoting teggs:


What is missing is the effect of all this dis-harmony on children and the future direction of society !


That is where the *what you've learned about relationships growing up* part comes in. I've hit up so many websites, and read so many books on the subject, that I feel I can truly understand ~and empathize~ to those (young or older) children of divorce/separation whose families were torn apart... whose senses of security were ripped out from under their feet.

Before reading up on the subject, my thinking was that those ACODs would be, in the long run, more driven to make their own relationships work. While there are some that do... that want to succeed where their parents failed, and leave no stone unturned in [u]working on[/u] making their relationships work -for most, the opposite is true. Their worlds as they knew it were shattered. Gone, in seconds flat. There is a fear of commitment, and a fear of abandonment. They often cannot give themselves in a relationship, and instead, withdraw. Marriage or long-term relationships of any other kind are difficult to maintain because they will often leave when things get a little rough, so as not to be the one left behind. It saddens me that my children have a "good" chance of having problems maintaining their relationships in the future. Especially my oldest, whose father we had to leave because he was abusive -and then, after two years of just me 'n her, I meet this "great guy" and she sees me soooo happy... and she's happy too... and then, one day, he is her step dad, who has been in her life for years now... and who even included her in the wedding vows, ups and leaves and starts a new family somewhere else. She does have some good role models though, she sees my parents, who are still together after 36 years. She sees my sister, who has been married for 6 so far. I hope one day to set a better example myself, by finding a good, compatible man, and working with him to make the relationship work.


Men have a stronger social ethic and don't like to see the co-dependance which is so stifling to new life- replace a healthy frisson of struggling hurt adults trying to get it right, their 'time round'.


Again, I don't believe that it's a gender issue. There are many, many women out there, myself included, that fit that description.


Basically it's bad enough being alone- that men are driven to romanticize the family in order to face the daily grind and make it mean something.


If by romanticize, you mean focusing on the positive aspects, and simply brushing off the petty stuff... choosing your arguments so that only the important issues are addressed... planning fun family activities to maintain the family's bond and wipe out the "everyday" stress of the job, the home, etc... well then, women do that too.

At this point I think it's safe to say that in my opinion, the words "men" and "women" in these types of discussions should be replaced with LBS (left behind spouses) and WAS (walk away spouses).

...
This seems to be where the 'nesting & selfish' gene in the female of the species will have to wise up !
Nesting is good. It provides some stability to the children, whether the other parent is present or not. Selfishness is not. When there are children involved, THEY should be the most important person in the SNAFU.


Still, the lawyers are doing well in the meantime !


Haha, not always. I've represented myself. If you're interested in reading about it, it's under Show All Forums -Canada Forums -Manitoba -(a thread about family lawyers). That was for child support -and when I finally do get served divorce papers, I'll just read them over first, and sign.
 Lucette325
Joined: 2/2/2005
Msg: 47
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Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/30/2005 6:05:30 PM
quoting meekrob:


She left me (fiancee) years ago and I am still in mourning, even if I remember that perhaps I missed God and it is not His will, I still mourn the loss, it is like when the death of a spouse occurs. The death of a relationship.


Very well worded, but actually, I think that in some ways, it can be WORSE than the death of a spouse. You still go through the same five stages of grief (over and over again), but there's no closure.
 everywomanshero
Joined: 4/30/2005
Msg: 57
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 9/3/2005 8:36:36 PM
I think it depends on the man and the woman. Beautiful women have it easier than average guys. This is very, very true. For overweight or unattractive women, they have
it worse than the vast majority of men.
'
Tall, attractive men have women approaching them. No matter what they do women will be flirting with them and throwing up signs screaming, "Hey, Notice me!". Attractive women can get guys to do what they want with a snap of a finger.

The odd thing is that most truly hot women end up in the bed of a jerk because they are bored of guys doing exactly what they say. They need a challenge.


Just my insight, I could be wrong.
 SteelCity1981
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 58
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Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 9/3/2005 8:59:37 PM

From experience I find men have a harder time in divorce recovery or relationship recovery than women. For some reason women are stronger than men and get less emotionally devasted by breakups. They are able to go on while men are backet cases for a long time. Any opinions?


I think you got it backwards. A lot of men can rebound emotionally faster then a lot of women.
 Paradoxx
Joined: 7/2/2005
Msg: 63
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 10/8/2005 11:04:02 AM
I think men fall harder when they fall. If they don't fall, they are less likely to stay around, or get heavily emotionally invested in a woman.

Post break up, men mourn hard. Add to that the "culturally approved" way a man is supposed to deal with their emotions. Traditional stoic outward appearance is what is expected. In private, he is dealing with massive feelings of all kinds...and maybe feeings he is not used to admitting. Women can bawl their eyes out and everyone is so understanding about it...women are supposed to be emotional creatures, right?

Men get very attached when they love a woman, it's not easy for either sex, but in ways I think it is harder for men to lose love.
 dassumpcao
Joined: 7/31/2005
Msg: 64
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Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 10/8/2005 11:24:08 AM
Yes
 Princesstigger
Joined: 9/22/2005
Msg: 65
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Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 10/8/2005 12:14:29 PM
I don't know that I agree with this. I always seemed to have a harder time than my male counterpart in these situations. If women do have a tendancy to do better, it is probably because we have had more practice!
 trulyme
Joined: 2/4/2005
Msg: 67
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Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 10/14/2005 9:03:56 PM
really you must be kidding......I have seen so many men who play women like they are a
deck of cards....the more color the better.....I have been on my own for 5 years after being married 24 years and I am just now thinking about a relationship and still backing of because I need the assurance that I have not been able to find .....I might rephrase that honesty
I am seeking most
 Mr_CLEAN
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 71
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 10/28/2005 4:15:19 PM
I think the only time a man has a harder time to bounce back is if he somehow got thrown off track or never got on the track to see where it was actually headed.

Some of you guys and gals make very interesting points and I have to agree with some of you.


The reason we are wired different is to help each other, but I guess whatever it was that is responsible for the two sexes...The entire plan back fired. LOL. Now there are more unhappy and single people than happy and married people running around.

My conclusion is that women are emotionally stronger than men are. That is my own personal experience.

I realized this on my own, so it is never easy for me to bounce back anymore.
 bshackelford
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 74
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/17/2006 11:02:59 PM
I Don't Thinck That Is True Cause A X Girl Friend Of Mine Calls Me Daily And Wants Us To Get Back Together But I Have A Son That She Does Not Get Along With So That Is The Reason Why I Can't So It Is A Two Way Sreet We Both Hurt But She Can't Get Over It So That Is What I See So This Is False
 bshackelford
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 75
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/17/2006 11:04:34 PM
I Don't Thinck That Is True Cause A X Girl Friend Of Mine Calls Me Daily And Wants Us To Get Back Together But I Have A Son That She Does Not Get Along With So That Is The Reason Why I Can't So It Is A Two Way Sreet We Both Hurt But She Can't Get Over It So That Is What I See So This Is False
 Billbug
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 78
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/17/2006 11:17:01 PM
Yeah, I agree. Men do find it harder to bounce back. Usually when separation occurs the woman gets the kids, most of the assets and the man suddenly finds himself with the world as he knew it torn down from underneath him. The woman has a million friends she can talk to, support groups, govt support and even counselling, whereas the men have none of these things, and even if there was similar help for them most would be too ashamed or reluctant to admit their relationship failed, which the women have no problem with, especially if they can lay the blame on the men. The women have the kids as well whom they often turn against their fathers for whatever reasons and are also used to get sympathy. Not all, but quite a lot. The women have the kids to raise and are preoccupied, but at least they have part of their original family.

As for couples without kids, it is a lot easier for a female to find another partner. Just look at who has the choices on this site......I rest my case.

Yes, I know I will get a lot of complaints about my views, but what the hell. Can't please everyone.
 sillyatheart3
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 83
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/18/2006 12:18:42 AM
this is so true.. Men say too women get out of the past.. But it is not women.. All 9 men i have dated in my life since i was 14teenn all had issue with there exes.. or girlfriends. thy have all been cheeted on, that is said

After the kids father.. i have met 6 men now. in 5 yrs. and All of them all held on to there ex wifes.. there past teenage life, there problems with work, there problems with family and kids.

they refuse to let any of it go..

Well men ??? how do you expect to start a new relationship with a women if you will not let the past be in the past... it is ok to have the memories.. but damn man don't treat all the women the same..

when you move on with your life.. That means you get to be in a new chapter of your life. you do not have to be the same jerk they are calling you.. So you are supose to change that part of you to make yoursefl better.. you are to wear diffrent cloths, you should have a better job.. a better way of dealing with problems. you are supose to grow in the long run. lol.. Well, i am sorry to tell you..

but women change the cloths, hair, make up, we change are shoes, are living arangments, or we re decorate the house.. we change are color span. If needed are jobs or careers.. We change the foods we eat.. and were we eat and hang out.. so we dont bump in to your assss.. We do everything the oppisit of what we did with you..

MEN you just stay the same.. and never move on.. never think it just might have been your problem in the first place becuse you would not try something new, or do something new, or take us somewere new.. men dont like change.. they rebell against being the best they can be.

I HAVE FOUND ONE MAN ON THIS SITE WHO IS BEING THE BEST HE CAN BE.. HE LIVES HIS LIFE TO THE FULLEST.. AND I COULD NOT HAVE FOUND A NICER MAN IN MY LIFE.. MATTER OF FACT HE HAS THE LIFE I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED AND I AM SO BLESSED TO MEET A MAN THAT HAS THE ABILITY FOR A REAL CHANGE IN HIS LIFE TO MAKE HIM BE THE BEST HE CAN BE...... THAT PEOPLE IS A REAL MAN IN THE 20TH CENTRY.
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