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 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 5
Dating after a month...she wants a commitmentPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I guess I don't get it. You're ``dating'' her, so in effect, aren't you committed to dating her? If you continue to date her, at some point you'll either get married or decide to do something else. Unless she's asking you to get married in the next couple of months, I don't see that you aren't already as committed as you can be without an engagement ring. I just assume a relationship will continue unless it ends.
 BikeMike312
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 20
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Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 1/24/2009 6:25:03 PM
Sounds like she just liked you enough and wanted to know you weren't dating anyone else. If you liked her enough you probably wouldn't. No harm, no foul.

I'd get her back...
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 25
Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 1/24/2009 9:42:59 PM
Come on man.Just because someone wants to wait a bit to get super serious doesn't mean they are playing people.I like to take my time thats all.People rush into everything.

I'm still trying to figure out what the big pressure was or what you felt rushed about. If I were dating with the intention of finding a relationship, I'd expect exclusivity after the first date if she expected a second date. You were dating this girl for a month and weren't even having sex. What kind of commitment could you possibly have faced that could have been that much of life changing decision? I would expect more after the first date with a woman than it looks like she was asking of you.

Thats why the divorce rate is astronomical.

Well, let's see. I've lived with three women (one for more than 5 years), been engaged once (not to any of those three), and had a number of other relationships lasting anywhere from 3-18 months or so. Despite all of that, which included a fair number of those women bringing up the subject of marriage and me being willing to get married, I've never been married. Just talking about comitment and committing doesn't mean you're going to end up at the alter. My personal experience suggests that merely committing to be bf/gf after dating a month, without even having sex, will not cause you to land in divorce court.

If you like each other and either of you is interested in dating anyone else, why is it such a big deal to commit to seeing where it goes?
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 26
Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 1/24/2009 9:52:03 PM
OP you did the right thing; for some reason so many on the internet want to jump into something deep right away.

You then have others who sleep with someone then figure out if they like them. You did the right thing; healthy relationships occur when you think about what you are doing and take it slow
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 32
Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 1/25/2009 12:18:49 PM
I have some little benchmark moments in relationships, where I analyze and ask myself if I should continue with the thing.

At one month, I DO analyze the situation and say "Now is the time to decide, do I want to continue with this guy, or am I bored?" If you aren't exclusive after a month, I will dump you. If I am not compeltely happy with the relationship, I will dump you (it's still the honeymoon phase, so you should still be on your best behavior. If you are being wishy-washy, then you don't really like me, so why waste me time?). Maybe she's at this plateau? If I were she, I would dump you.
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 38
Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 1/25/2009 9:08:08 PM
it is a given as an adult that we know what we want. It is good that you aren't having sex with this woman and using her but by a month you should know if you like her enough to form a bond or a relationship. we are adults no children. we know what we like and don't like. if you are not going into any relationship and you are a player then be honest.
 alpine ns
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 45
Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 1/26/2009 3:49:34 AM
Of course a month is long enough to commit. Otherwise what were you on there for in the first place?
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 52
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Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 1/26/2009 8:30:55 AM
If it was just an exclusivity commitment, I don't see the problem with that - because really if it doesn't work out, you can break it off. I think a lot of people want that reassurance, because many people like to only date one person at a time - if you are putting all your eggs in one basket, you have a greater risk of getting hurt, or being rejected. Some folks' egos can't handle that. What's wrong with, in a month, saying I really like you, let's see where this goes - and needing a spoken - it's just you and me till we see what happens?

My last "exclusive" talk was 4 days in. I've also gone months without one. Depends on the person, the level of intimacy, and what you both, want, need to be comfortable, and how you are feeling.
 cfb62
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 53
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Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 1/26/2009 9:22:41 AM
You did nothing wrong.
As a matter of fact, you deserve a pat on the back for being upfront and honest.
Just because you said something she didn't want to hear... that doesn't make you a bad guy, and she should have appreciated your honesty.
 horses44
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 56
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Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 1/26/2009 11:12:01 AM
#58 - English Lass I agree 100% with

OP - you sound like an upstanding guy (and cute too!!!) seems she wanted "right now" and you were "not yet" - as English Lass said - different timetables.

If she is able to "slow down" and you "speed up" then it may work - but it sounds as though this is a constant topic of conversation for her, and tiresome for you.

Think it may be time for the hug goodbye and wish each other well
 cyndygail
Joined: 9/13/2008
Msg: 58
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Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 1/27/2009 7:07:10 PM
It all depends on if you liked her enough to commit obviously you didn't and in the end you did the right thing, for both of you. Trust me if you wanted it there would not have been any reservations or questions. For some people its a day and for others it takes years to know when a commitment is the right thing.
 Okietokie88
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 62
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Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 1/27/2009 7:41:35 PM
I think after 3 months then one needs to.....wait no,I mean why do you need comment?I mean two people who are into one another should kinda expect the other to be monogamous,I mean what the hell does the title of "Girl Friend" entail?I've never comprehended that,but hey I am a guy so what's that tell ya...but I think she was entitled to you at least telling her you would prowl around town,that should of been good enough.
 varinia
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 63
Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 1/27/2009 7:48:03 PM
well, op, I think it's better that it's over, as you both were on a different page. It's sad, though, if you both were really into each other.

I don't really understand though what the difference is between dating exclusively and having a relationship. To me it's the same thing. It's just semantics in my opinion.

I personally only date one-on-one . If both people enough into each other than that shouldn't be a problem. We'll just explore each other and see where it goes. No concentration on any destination, but enjoying the journey how ever long it goes. I feel that differenciating between 'dating' and 'having a relationship' is just making things too black or white. Where exactly is the line.

Are you sure that your disagreement isn't all about semantics? I don't think she was unreasonable to want an exclusive. As to 'pestering' maybe she really wanted to keep seeing you and kept giving you one more chance and one more chance to hopefully come her way before she'd leave you.

I think if you were really into her than giving her this commitment of exclusivity wouldn't have been a big deal. It's not like that's a longterm commitment. She obviously wasn't asking for anything that you weren't already doing. So, it just seems like stubbornness on your part.
 Agallah005
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 66
Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 12/17/2011 2:08:27 AM
as long as your honest and don't jump in becuase SHE wanted you to do so you're not an ***hole. I am in a relationship where we are taking it slow because we are both in agreement to do so, although she wants to have sex sooner than I would like to have sex with her since I'm developing feelings and sex with some you like alot is WAY better than a quick f**k
 bottleguy
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 68
Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 12/17/2011 7:08:53 AM
After a month you probably need to at least go exclusive. I'm not saying marriage or anything. If you don't know in a month, then you should probably let her go.
 joerudite
Joined: 4/9/2011
Msg: 69
Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 12/18/2011 4:38:22 PM
Ya I dated a woman a few years older than me who brought up marriage twice on our first date. Since I actually read profiles and remember how many woman on here put how its so NOT going to be about se, I brought up sex in a roundabout way. She took offense to that. I countered with the fact that I hadn't actually asked for sex, but she had made it clear she is looking for marriage and in marriage most men desire sex. Needless to say, I haven't asked her out again. I didn't know it would be so one-sided. realtionships should be a two-way street.
 Akizzej
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 72
Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 12/19/2011 2:27:23 AM
considering date of the original post... I wonder how the OP went, did he catch up to her or leave her?

anyway, just for the topic... I'm in with the 'too sooners'. Recently, I was dating someone for a couple of months... just once a week or two going out... I was aware he was in for a lifestyle change and was going away on a two month trip... and I was also coming up to summer vacation when I wouldn't be able to see him {child commitments}... but I still would have enjoyed continuing to 'date' without exclusivity as we enjoyed each other's company {at least it was the impression I got, since he kept asking for more dates} I knew he was still visiting this site, I had no issues... as we hadn't made any 'commitment' to anything further. It was only because I did like him, and that in case the ideas of something potential had crossed his mind, there was an issue I had to disclose... which would affect how our dating would go. Otherwise, unlike the OP's girl who rushed things, I was having a good time learning how to 'slow' down things as I hadn't had that opportunity before.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 74
Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 12/19/2011 11:13:20 AM
OP: You say your former girlfriend wanted a commitment, and that you were not able to make it. In order to answer your question, I would need to know what it is that she was asking you to commit to. Was she asking for exclusivity? Engagement? Marriage?

I don't think exclusivity is out of line at one month, although I can also understand some people being reluctant to make that commitment. Anything beyond that, I can say that I wouldn't be comfortable.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 75
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Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 12/19/2011 2:32:34 PM

After a month you probably need to at least go exclusive. I'm not saying marriage or anything. If you don't know in a month, then you should probably let her go.


That could only be 3-4 dates.

You go "exclusive" when both agree to it, not on time or a specific number of dates, in my opinion.
 Aries_328
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 76
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Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 12/19/2011 2:34:45 PM

OP: You say your former girlfriend wanted a commitment, and that you were not able to make it. In order to answer your question, I would need to know what it is that she was asking you to commit to. Was she asking for exclusivity? Engagement? Marriage?


Your going to be waiting a really long time for that answer. This post is from 2009
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 77
Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 12/19/2011 3:16:05 PM

Your going to be waiting a really long time for that answer. This post is from 2009.


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