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 AUTHOR
 Alabamamam
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 5
Boyfriend....Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Because you have clear physical evidence based on your post I would say that it is the dead end. He is a a'''' but denying it and based on your description I would sure kick him on a curb.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Boyfriend....
Posted: 1/27/2009 2:09:25 PM

So a couple days ago, my cousin, who knows this girl Sara sent me photos of the baby which was born about a month ago. (I only found out yesterday) And the baby looks exactly like him.
And here I thought all new babies looked like Winston Churchill .. go figure.

Trust and communication = Good
Rumours and jumping to conclusions = Bad


there is so much evidence that works against his favor
What "evidence?" A cell phone text conversation and a baby that looks like Winston Churchill? Evidence would be a request for child support payments and a father's name on a birth certificate...

 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 9
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History
Boyfriend....
Posted: 1/27/2009 2:46:45 PM
I dont understand why you would be "scared" to talk to your own boyfriend! It is something that you have to do to get the answers you want.
I dont think it was right that you snooped but since you did then why didnt you get the phone number as well and give this girl a call to ask her?
You know the truth is going to come out sooner or later. If he did get this girl pregnant then this is added baggage that isnt going to go away.
You have some major choices to make.
Would you want to stick with someone that could be possibly denying his own flesh and blood? Some who is lying to you? Someone who you are scared to talk to?
I know this wont be easy for you but you have to what will be right for YOU in the long run.
If in fact he did get this girl pregnant and then is denying it..He is capable of doing the same to you in the future.

Good luck with this!
 exiss
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 11
Boyfriend....
Posted: 1/27/2009 4:37:43 PM
First of all, I don't see evidence of anything, except his ex was texting him about a baby. That does not mean it's his. It would seem that from the time frame you mentioned that all this happened before you came along.
Why is your cousin being a sh*t disturber?
Why do you have to "do" anything? It would seem that sitting back and seeing how it all unfolds would be in your best interest.
What is the worst case here? your b/f has a child he didn't plan for?
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 12
Boyfriend....
Posted: 1/27/2009 4:42:42 PM
Ok. The first thing you need to do is find out if your boyfriend is the child's father.

If he is, that means that he is denying his own child and refusing to take responsibility. If he were accepting responsibility, he'd be discussing the situation with you or at least being honest.

1. Another poster pointed out, if he's done this to her, he could very well do it to you too.

2. If he is the father, are you not concerned by the fact that he's jumping through hoops to keep it a secret? What else is he hiding? What will he be willing to hide in the future: mistress? other children? large gambling debts?

3. If he is the father, then he is abdicating his responsibility? Do you want to be with someone who doesn't man up to his responsibilities and actions?

All this hinges on the veracity of his actually having a child with someone. If he doesn't, you owe him a big apology!

Nutt
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 15
Boyfriend....
Posted: 1/27/2009 5:07:22 PM

She said that he hasnt been around to see the baby, and wants no part of it.
She also mentioned that if he wanted no part in it, she wouldnt force him to, and wouldnt ask for support. (this seems shifty to me)


Hey nitty, just want to give you a different point of view for the comment you made. I get the impression that her choosing to not sue for child support may mean that the child isn't your boyfriends.

I didn't sue my daughter's father for child support, either. We were splitting up when I got pregnant and the pregnancy was not planned. My feelings were: I didn't have to keep my child, I could have given her up for adoption and abdicated MY responsibility for her or I could have had an abortion and pretended I was never pregnant at all. I CHOSE to be a mother, to get up at night, change dirty diapers, help with homework, breastfeed, worry about her welfare and choices, pay allowance, teach values, etc. I felt that the man should have the right to choose as well. Having said that, I certainly don't respect my daughter's father for the choices he made--he's not worth losing one wink of sleep over.

So her allowing him to choose his involvement in the child may be integrity on her part, not guilt.

Nutt
 FastReb
Joined: 1/3/2009
Msg: 17
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History
Boyfriend....
Posted: 1/27/2009 7:15:11 PM
I think you're going to need more information than you have to make an informed choice.

1. You say you've talked with "Sara." What did she tell you about their relationship, and in particular, about him? Anything ringing a bell? Anything like a birthmark or subconcious mannerism that convinces you that "Sara" does indeed know your b/f?

2. What did your b/f say about "Sara?" Did he say they dated or had a relationship? Or did he deny being anything more than just acquainted with her?

3. If he did say they had a relationship, what did he say was the reason they split? Did he suspect she was cheating? Did she suddenly come up pregnant, even though they were using protection?

There could be some good reason why he believes he's not the father of the child, even if your b/f and "Sara" had a relationship. As for the baby looking like him or not, or "Sara" going after him for child support or not, you can't read anything into those things.

I think the first thing you need to know is whether there was any type of relationship there or not, even if it was just a one-nighter. Talk to your b/f and tell him that the situation is bothering you, because it's calling his honesty into question. I think his reaction to that alone will tell you alot. If he understands your concerns and says he's willing to take a paternity test, that could tell you that he really does think he's not the father and doesn't believe he has anything to hide. On the other hand, if he blows up and tries to throw it back at you because you might have questions about how honest he's being, that might be a good indication that he thinks he's the father but he's just hoping the whole situation will go away.

As others have posted, if he knows he's the father but is denying the child, along with telling you lies, then you already know what to do...........RUN!
 KawikaFiola
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 20
Boyfriend....
Posted: 1/28/2009 10:58:45 AM

....moustache and everything? Beer belly?



I about died laughing when I read that
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 21
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History
Boyfriend....
Posted: 1/28/2009 11:10:03 AM
While this would not be the route I would take, he could very well have been waiting until the baby was born for a paternity test. In his mind, and realistically so, if this happened three months before he met you but he turned out not to be the father, the point of telling you would be what? He hasn't cheated on you. I assume that if he is the father at some point he would clue you in.

Unless his texts said I am baby daddy, how do you know he is not being a friend to a young woman who is having an unexpected pregnancy?

You may not want your bubble to burst but if this is bothering you, try asking him again because people keep putting little bugs in your ear that it IS his child. If he denies involvement again then you either have to decide to believe him or you should really break up with him. If you can't trust him, the baby really becomes a minor detail, you have nothing upon which to base a relationship no matter how well he treats you.
 haywiresue
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 22
Boyfriend....
Posted: 1/28/2009 2:15:14 PM
OP What to do you ask................how about starting with the math. You have been dating this man for about 6 months. About a month ago a baby was born which was presumed but not proven to be his. By doing the math, the dirty deed would have been done prior to you and him hooking up, so you need to stop and think about things. These are questions I would be asking myself:

1. What does he plan on doing about being implied or presumed to be the father of this baby?

2. Could it be possible that she is hounding him regardless if he is the father or not?

3. If you and he are intimate, did he willingly wear a condom? This will tell you a lot.

4. If he is proven to be the father, what will that do to your relationship?

I think before you get too crazy, stop and think about everything including this woman and the baby as they just might become part of your life if this man is the father, and you continue on with a relationship with him.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 25
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History
Boyfriend....
Posted: 1/28/2009 7:15:13 PM
So far we have Ed Asner, Winston Churchill, and some guy with a mustache and beer belly, this is starting to get a wee bit scary.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 27
view profile
History
Boyfriend....
Posted: 1/28/2009 8:14:17 PM

(sneaking down the stairs on Christmas morning to find) Damn it! Santa Claus is really mom and dad!!!
Thank God! All this time I thought Mom was high on eggnog and snoggin the guy in the red n' white pajamas... phew!


So far we have Ed Asner, Winston Churchill, and some guy with a mustache and beer belly, this is starting to get a wee bit scary.
LOL ... See Op: Ya can't tell who a parent is by lookin at a brand new baby.
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