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 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 28
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Another question to single parents (being brutal here)Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
What do you do sweetness, when you have an X that at 54 is realllyyy that retarded and will always act as if he has some say in anything? My X has calmed down a bit since he threatened to kill my friend a half a dozen times four years ago, and also literally got into his face when he was trying to hang a door (probably why it isn't hung entirely right, lol), I mean two inches apart screaming at him. I don't see that happening again but I also cannot discount that he will do something ridiculous and stupid at some point or that he will try to torture me through my children. So, am I to allow him to continue to control our lives for the next 10 years? It is a difficult situation to be in when the "probem" is not just going to go totally away.

Kuro, that's because you have not listened to this woman's pontificating crap for wayyyy too long because apparently there are no men in Florida.

Do you think if you are married you do not have a multitude of issues going on while you are parenting your child?

You whine about not being able to find a decent guy, well maybe if you walk around your entire life injecting your opinion when you don't know what the fuk you are talking about, no one wants to be around you?

You really have this attitude of superiority that is irritating as hell because half the time you do not remotely sound like someone with any post graduate education let alone an ability to teach at a university.

But yeah, we'll keep coming to you for parenting advice.
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 31
Another question to single parents (being brutal here)
Posted: 1/28/2009 3:46:25 PM
Hi OP,

I understand that you are not asking about the normal day-to-day things that parents have to deal with, but the extreme cases of hatred between them.

Unfortunately, some of this can NOT be resolved, ever. My case doesn't fit this as the father is not in the picture, but many people are linked with an ex by the unbreakable bond of children. You may have your life together--good job, bills paid, good nutrition, valued friends and family, dog and white picket fence. The problem is that you can't control the other person's behaviour, so you can't necessarily resolve the drama--there are people who constantly make harassing phone calls or are continuously nasty about children's issues or any other stupid thing/

Therefore, if the drama cannot be resolved, waiting for resolution could mean that you NEVER have love in your life. Do you think it's acceptable for another person to ruin your opportunity to have meaningful and loving relationships?

Not everyone sets aside their problems to seek love. Some people seek love because they can't stand to be alone, some because they move from bill-payer to bill-payer, and a variety of other reasons. But this can be said of every person, not just the people with drama in their lives.

Nutt
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 39
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History
Another question to single parents (being brutal here)
Posted: 1/28/2009 6:41:22 PM
The OP has a new profile. She has been here a couple of years and used to post under the name of Bradenton Cutie or some such. She as an extremely long history of posting like someone who is arrogant because they have no children so their theories are just that, never been put into practice. She is while possibly unintentional, very negative about her views of the very narrow activities that are acceptable for people that have found themselves to be single parents and also really about people that chose poorly and divorced. It is easy for some people to be perfect. More difficult to actually live in an imperfect world.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 43
Another question to single parents (being brutal here)
Posted: 1/28/2009 7:37:12 PM

To Capitano:
Having a child is ABSOLUTLY a gift!!!! AND miracle!!!!! If you were the one that had to carry and grow a baby for 9 months then ,give birth... maybe you would understand!!!! Your right...some cannot have children of their own...hence why those of us who have ...KNOW it IS a GIFT!!!!!! Didnt look at your profile sir...but to say what you did..you either dont have children of your own...or just dont appreciate the miracle of life...... sorry for you. :(


Blaugh, blaugh, blaugh...

I have kids. I was there for the births of both of my bio-kids. It was pretty cool. It was very moving. It changed my life.

If having kids were a rare event, it would be a miracle. I'm not sure you're aware of it, but people have been having kids for quite a while. It has to do with biology, not divine guidance.

Childbirth not a gift. It's one of the most selfish things anyone can engage in. It's very self-centred. If it's a gift, it's a gift to yourself.

Carrying a fetus is nothing more than what women are biologically designed to do. Stop expecting special consideration for what your primary biological function is... which is to participate in the perpetuation of the human race.

Sorry, OP... didn't want to hijack the thread... didn't mean it the first time I commented on the facts of birth....

chrissy... feel free to email me to continue the discussion.

Cheers.
 Alabamamam
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 44
Another question to single parents (being brutal here)
Posted: 1/28/2009 7:39:23 PM
My 2 c. I personally find this post interesting and the question is valid. I do not think all the posts have to be only about personal stuff, otherwise they can look like attention seeking. I am on a military girlfriends website now because my sweetie is deployed and there are also many general interesting posts. I am not picking up any negativity or ill wishing in the post related to parents or kids. It is definitely an interesting subject and I have some friends who were in a similar position. It is not always fun to read only about someone's personal expriences.
Not sure I agree with Captain because I feel that having a kid or kids is at least a miracle.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 45
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Another question to single parents (being brutal here)
Posted: 1/28/2009 10:46:16 PM
I have to admit I got distracted by Capitano the first time I posted...

However now that I have gotten past his second round of birthing is no more special than taking a daily dump, I will address what you have posted as the orgiinal question.

It takes a bit to understand exactly what it is you are trying to get out, HOWEVER, people date, have kids from hell, exes from hell, parents from hell, jobs from hell, illnesses from hell, and I can go on all day about this.

Why just people, and you did add single, married, attached.. Why would married or attached in some way be an issue, unless of course you are also addressing the cheaters who are out trolling for some side fling to f**k up their life...

My question is why limit it to JUST single parents??? Some of us single parents didn't have other parents to deal with, so it was just me and my daughters... With my ex, we learned to work things out, so he is of little issue. My son is headed on 13 going on 25, BUT all in all should I stop dating just because my life is NOT the most ideal in the entire world of dating???

I don't know if you have noticed, but a lot of threads from men have complaints about not getting any when ever they want... In other words they just want to get uncomplicated human contact, and carry on their marry way...

Now we also see men complaining that women are starting to act that way as well, and it surprises them, because they find it rather insulting to be seen just as a body part, and no someone worth really knowing...

It may not be the most ideal situation to try and date while life is already in the shitter, BUT it is this ODD human drive, that seems to drive a LOT of fairly normal people nuts...

If you want to pick at a group of people, how about those with really serious issues, because then it would make more sense. Some how people DO manage to have relationships, and shitty ex relationships, and have so for years... However the ones that have substance abuse problems seem to be the ones that really need to get help before inflicting their lifes issues on someone else.

Think about it for a few minutes... IT would be wonderful if all people were really pulled together, and DID the world a favor by having all of their shit together, before attempting to get involved with others. However that is like saying wouldn't it be nice if tomorrow we woke up and all the economical problems we have going on resolved over nite.. NOT happening any time soon... People are NOT going to get smart, and think of their kids before they inflict more damage to the situation either... IT just is...

Capitano... I hope you come back in your next life as a woman .... Then and only then will you be able to see the actual miracle and amazement of how something that big came from 2 microscopic cells that manage to find it each in a 14 day cycle, with a 48 to 72 hr time frame of actually creating a baby, with multiple path ways to chose from, and spermazo that are in a race and don't ask for directions..

You will be amazed that your vagina has passed something that big, and does manage to go back down to a usable size... As well, you may even be surprised at how amazing every day you watch that little bundle become more and more like you every day...

Here is the kicker... This bundle of joy will be YOU from this life, with what seems like little appreciation for all the 40 weeks of hoping for something good, and nothing bad.. The pacing during fevers as high as 106. marbles up the nose, broken collar bones from a cart wheel that went bad. Late nights where you worried they were hurt in some horrible way.



OP, There are a LOT of things people can do to mess their lives up, rushing into a relationship to soon... Not good... However I have seen kids who's parents didn't date, and it didn't help them to well either...

Life IS about balance, and knowing when to not date and to heal... Knowing how to bring someone into your families life, and knowing when something isn't going to work.

It isn't just about single parents, it is about all things that have a good or bad affect, life IS about balance, and just because a person is a single parent doesn't mean they aren't dateable... At least not all of them...
 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 48
Another question to single parents (being brutal here)
Posted: 1/29/2009 4:57:38 PM
Dating isn't about unresolved issues. It's about meeting someone, going out and having a good time..or not. It's about getting to know each other. Most people who have those things going on are fairly up front about it. Maybe not first second or third date conversations, but soon thereafter. I mean if I was fighing for my son, i'm fairly ceratin it would be on mind mind alot and I wouldn't be abe to NOT say anything. What people think is baggage is different too. I look at my life and see virtually zero drama and zero baggage. I look at one of my child-free friends life and see nothing but drama and baggage and have actually watched men run from her. Everyone, single parent or not, has some kind of drama or baggage in thier life simply because we all have a past. It's ridiclous to say, well you have kids, you don't get child support, you shouldn't date. Should there be an application? If so what should go on it? Medical issues? Past relationship issues? Possible ex drama? The potential to become jealous? Family?

How's this? Feel free to copy it..

1. Do you have kids?
2. Do you have any ongoing court battle regarding said kids?
3. Any major health issues?
4. Are you mentally stable?
5. Have you had any major life altering expirence in the recent or distant past that may hinder our ability to have a drama free life?
6. Do you have an exs that might reappear and try to win you back?
7. Do you receive attention from the opposite sex when you are out?
8. Is your family sane?
9. have you ever been married?

You may add more if you like..

Do that and delete your entire dating pool!
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 53
Another question to single parents (being brutal here)
Posted: 1/30/2009 4:23:38 PM
only1daywalker :


That Captain guy is always tryin' to get people's goats, bwhahahahaha! I kinda like that, and although he irritates the crap outa me... I think he meant it's selfish because you know, this world is HORRIBLE and life is hard.


Welp, yeah, I have to admit that I DO enjoy getting people's goats. Sometimes, I get their goats by telling the truth, no matter how stark or blunt it is.

I think the world is a pretty fascinating place though, like you, I DO have some second thoughts about the world I'm sending my kids off into.

But, no, I meant exactly what I said. Having kids is a selfish act, no two ways about it.

We have kids who will carry our genetic stuff. It may be that once kids are born, we act selflessly, but the choice to pass our genetic stuff into the future has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with altruism or love of fellow human beings. We have kids for US. We DO NOT have kids for anyone else. Yes, yes, we sometimes choose to have kids with someone we love and see it as an expression of our mutual love, but it is still FOR US.

If being a parent was truly a selfless act, we would adopt children who do not have parents, rather than put so much energy into conceiving and producing our own. There are plenty of parentless children out there.

We LIKE and CHOOSE to make carbon copies of ourselves for OURSELVES.

jaxi:


Most women walk around with feet the size of inflated balloons, and breasts and a belly that look like DE-flated balloons for quite some time after!


I love the hyperbole, but it is, mostly, hyperbole....


You are correct in that I do see my children as a "gift" (to me), but "primary biological function" or not, if you survived it well, you have "my" "special consideration"!


I did survive the infancy of my two sons. Though I didn't breast feed them, of course, I was there for every other thing. I changed as many diapers as my ex and washed them (we use cloth). I bathed them as often. I have spent MANY days and nights with sick kids and STILL do. I spend as much time with my kids as my ex does, some years more. I pay CS. I love my kids and tell them so often.

But, I am MUCH MORE than a father. I am not defined by my kids alone. They were not a gift to me. I CHOSE them. I did it FOR ME. I wanted to see my genetic stuff manifest and walking around.

nexthyme:


Capitano... I hope you come back in your next life as a woman ....


Why would you curse the rest of mankind with ME as a woman, for Gawd's Sake??

I'd be a frickin' nightmare..... though I'd be one fvcking rich gold-digger.... (provided I had the nice ass and rack to go with the attitude.....)


Then and only then will you be able to see the actual miracle and amazement of how something that big came from 2 microscopic cells that manage to find it each in a 14 day cycle, with a 48 to 72 hr time frame of actually creating a baby, with multiple path ways to chose from, and spermazo that are in a race and don't ask for directions..

You will be amazed that your vagina has passed something that big, and does manage to go back down to a usable size... As well, you may even be surprised at how amazing every day you watch that little bundle become more and more like you every day...


Ok, for all the little ladies out there who want to stamp their icke feetsies:

I am in NO WAY knocking what women go through during pregnancy.

I AM amazed that some creature milliions of years ago figured out how to divide cells in order to create a copy of itself. I'm amazed, even stupified, by the fact that DNA is a program that makes us humans, male or female, and another create who shares over 98% of our DNA program turns out to be a perfect chimpanzee, male or female.

FANFVCKINGTASTIC!

I AM sick and tired of hearing women who expect special treatment for what they CHOOSE to go through to have kids.

Females KNOW from a very young age that pregnancy and childbirth is NOT EASY because most are included in the Sacred Sorority and hear the stories. Mothers, aunts, cousins, girlfriends, female acquaintances, Cosmo ALL lay it out in minute detail.

Why CHOOSE something that will cause your feet, boobs and butt to swell? Why CHOOSE to pass a football through your vagina?

Why CHOOSE those things and other physiological consequences of pregnancy KNOWING what it will be like? And, why the hell choose it MORE THAN ONCE if it's such a horrible experience?

Anyway.... I know that my diatribe may be a bit off-topic, but I think it applies to what the OP is saying in a loose fashion, if nothing else.

Women, more often than men, state here that "My kids are my life". THAT attitude, as true, selfless and exemplary as it is, is a limiting factor when it comes to dating. It really IS stuff that needs to be dealt with before an honest, committed relationship between two adults can happen, no?

Done.

Cheers.
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 54
Another question to single parents (being brutal here)
Posted: 1/30/2009 4:55:04 PM
ahh capitano: I so enjoy you.

You have many good points in a lot of the threads we both visit. I wish you would phrase your opinions in a more diplomatic fashion so that more people would give credit to them rather than being insulted.

Nutt
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 55
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Another question to single parents (being brutal here)
Posted: 1/30/2009 5:17:45 PM

t really IS stuff that needs to be dealt with before an honest, committed relationship between two adults can happen, no?
Yees, I agree... However it doesn't always work out that way... You have this talk, all the dreams and expectations of the trauma, drama, and delight only to find out life with that person sucks worse than having your nails pulled out by a pair of pliers.

Ohhh and yes I do wish you to come back as a woman, so that you will be able to inflict all that gold digging horror on a man, OR at least try, lol, you may come back as a woman, but lets face it not all women get to be gold diggers... Some are just lucky to be the last pic at the end of the night at the bar...

Either way you would play the part well, AND get the choice of do I pass a foot ball through y vagina, or not... Hmmmm battle of those damn breeding hormones, would love to see you or them winning in the end.. Then again maybe by that time men will learn the control of the PENIS, and have penis control, where women have to go begging for it...

You know I enjoy the fact you like to poke people in the eye, whether it is with truth, or your idea of the truth...

Oh by the way how old are your kids???

I am always amazed at how one can be such an angel and delight of all delights, and then before your eyes they turn into this hellian that seemed to have been abducted by aliens. or demons.

No matter what people say about how well a person parents, there is this change that comes along, and all the sudden you are look at this miniature adult, with a negative mouth on them, waiting for their head to spin and vomit all at the same time..

Then the next hour they come along, and say hi mom, watcha doin??? Wanna watch a movie???

We think of precious gift until they reach this point of omg will we actual survive these next 5 yrs... LOL But there is the real magic of the mothers curse, where she wishes upon her child a kid ten times worse than them, and it does work...

 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 57
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History
Another question to single parents (being brutal here)
Posted: 1/30/2009 6:38:26 PM
nowserving, aren't you a bundle of BUDDHIST joy....

Ok, here is the skinny some of us fora posters have been at it a while, and we get the inside joke between each other... I have NO ILL WILL towards the Cap, and frankly he doesn't have it against me...

It is all in joking, as in ya ha ha you really are gonna come back as a woman and then face the joys of womanhood... His laugh was ya ha ha and he'd inflict gold digging biotchiness on them.. Ha ha ha

That is a mini ha ha between TWO posters who actually have mutual respect for the other, because after a while, and personal conversations we get each others points.

You have some real venom when it comes to the WHOAS of a pregnant woman and Budda forbid IF you ever create a child of your own with someone you love.

The Cap, has in his own words spoke of his own desire to have HIS genetic material and the actual pride he feels about it walking around being his legacy. He may very well have went through the whole process himself if he had the equipment.

I think the point you miss is that IT IS about TWO PEOPLE wanting to bring this child into the world, and from what I read you have some anger and bitter attitude that women should have any feelings of discomfort while pregnant. Apparently empathy for others is NOT one of your stronger point of your personality....

So with my empathy for your lacking of it, let me tell you there are hormones, a reality, baby growing inside the mum and squashing her insides out, this does cause uncomfortable..

WOMEN do this, I would say be thankful someone was willing to go through it with you, and then be willing to raise you as well... Unless you bitterness is because your parents walked out and left you, then I am sorry you are so hurt by the experience.

Me I gave birth to three kids, and raised a step child, the three older are grown out of the house. In fact the former step son has yr old bundles of his own joy, and he was a really sweet husband to his pregger wife... They may NOT have did the right thing at the time, getting preggers before 20 and married, but they are doing their best.

I never complained about my situation, nor did I complain about how hard pregnancy was, it was life.

My comment to Capitano about hormones is the fact that women have hormones that kick in that make them want to breed, just like the other breeding critters on the earth... It is how the world continues to be populated...

For some of us single parent, or with a partner it can be a good thing... For some it isn't...

The OP's point is why create a bigger mess when a person is already in a big mess. Valid point...
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 58
Another question to single parents (being brutal here)
Posted: 1/30/2009 8:53:45 PM

You have many good points in a lot of the threads we both visit. I wish you would phrase your opinions in a more diplomatic fashion so that more people would give credit to them rather than being insulted.


"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. "

George Bernard Shaw
------
"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you. "

"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth. "

Oscar Wilde
-------




 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 59
Another question to single parents (being brutal here)
Posted: 1/30/2009 9:21:26 PM
nextthyme: I often enjoy your posts, but I think it's inappropriate to bring someone's religion into them
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 60
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History
Another question to single parents (being brutal here)
Posted: 1/30/2009 10:42:41 PM
Thanks chocolatenutt,

Actually my bf is Buddhist, and he pointed out that this guys thinking is not that of a joyous Buddhist, which Buddhism is a philosophy more than a religion.

That is why I referenced this guys unhappy attitude, especially since it would seem with that belief system, he would have more empathy as well as joy towards life.

However I see it says prefer not to answer about children it is possible as to why he has some issue in that area of his life....

It is no attempt to offend, but to remind the joy and balance in all peoples lives, as well as why his tone doesn't match his belief.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 62
Another question to single parents (being brutal here)
Posted: 1/31/2009 7:48:37 AM
Geez.... not sure how I did it, but I double posted..... sorry about that folks...

... or not....

... weird. I saw my long post on both pages 3 and 4....

.... not enough coffee, methinks...

... ok, gone. Gotta get a kid to hockey...
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 63
Another question to single parents (being brutal here)
Posted: 1/31/2009 8:10:58 AM
You know what now serving. Wahh wahh wahh.

There are good people and bad people in the world, and the two are not divided by gender. For every woman who wrongs you, there is a man who wrongs a woman somewhere. And most people don't get to be 30 without having had one major heartbreak that was undeserved, but every single person suffering the heartbreak has cried over it--check out all the posts by men complaining about their experience.

So far as I'm concerned there's nothing wrong with it in either gender. Relating the experience and receiving compassion (or otherwise) are just part of the healing process. Forums on the internet give the sufferers a wider scope to share their experience than in the old days when we only had our personal friends to talk with, and give the other people on the forums the opportunity to also share their personal experiences. Definitely not worth getting underwear up the crotch over.

Nutt
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 67
Another question to single parents (being brutal here)
Posted: 1/31/2009 10:17:58 AM

am not saying that women are bad and men are good but the trend is there


You think the trend is there that women are bad and men are good?


and you like others are still in the belief that you are the only divorced person with kids out there.


Actually I've never been married or divorced, so I'm not sure how I it would be possible for me to believe I'm the only divorced person with kids.


You know when you see the statistics about the potential harm not being raised in a two parent household can do to a child only to say that will never happen to my little one is living in a pollyanna existense. More single moms become friends not parents and if he was my son you'd be damm sure I be kicking his ass for not stepping up and doing what is neccesary.


Actually the statistics about two-parent homes being more valuable for child-raising have little to do with the division of chores and more to do with the stability of the relationships between members in the family, individual emotions, finances, activities and life in general.

In most of the two-parent homes I've actually seen in person (currently and while growing up), most of the children have not been required to do the laundry--Mom has been. In fact, from what I've seen in actual real life, the parents have performed the majority of the chores, and the children often not expected to take on responsibilities. The homes where the children have been assigned chores and the rules enforced are much fewer.

Yes, I tell my child to do a load of laundry or some other chore for me while I'm at work. Yes, sometimes she's left the chore undone or done poorly. In our home, that means that she has to do it or re-do it when I get home and see that I'm disappointed in her poor choice and that she's lost time to do some other more appealing activity because now she's had to do the same chore twice instead of once properly. No ass-kicking necessary, just instructions.

I went on a couple dates with a man who has custody of his three sons--they are discouraged to do any chores or activities that he feels are not masculine enough. That's just as neglectful and irresponsible as the women who do not enforce their expectations.

I've got no patience with generalizations--particularly when I see them proved wrong all around me. The person who worships generalizations as his religion is in denial, not the people who actually live life to the best of their ability, accepting their flaws and mistakes along with their positive characteristics and choices

Some parents are good parents and some are not--again it has nothing to do with gender.

Nutt

P.S. I want to apologize for the opening statement in my first post. That was disrespectful and unnecessary.
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 68
Another question to single parents (being brutal here)
Posted: 1/31/2009 10:34:33 AM

Men who are professional could accept a woman who is just a woman.
Can you say the same for your gender? you could try but I doubt you could.


Well I work in a professional office where there's a dress code and behaviour code, etc. I dated a man just last year who's life is in a complete mess. When we went to counselling to try to work out our problems in the relationship, my comment was that I don't care what he does for a living or how much money he earns, but that every young, capable individual needs to have a job and be able to schedule time and prioritize life commitments.

In most of the families I know now and growing up, Mom worked outside the home. In fact many women work outside the home in Saskatchewan just to be able to keep the family farms running--my Mom worked for as long as I can remember and my Dad didn't. Some of the men also have jobs off the farm, but many farm only while their wives have other employment added to their farm life and house/childrearing duties.

I don't know too many men who don't expect the same of the women they date. Why should they? It's ridiculous for a man to be required to support a woman or vice versa--we should support each other.

Nutt
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 72
Another question to single parents (being brutal here)
Posted: 1/31/2009 12:59:38 PM
now serving: you directed that post specifically to me and I replied with my personally. If you think Captain is posting to impress the ladies, I think you may be misreading. His posts, while containing valid points, are often designed to be offensive to the masses. I've been on the forums for quite some time and often watch him debate with some woman on different topics (often enough it seems to be Lizbeth)

Very few women would be worth your time? Because we suggest you analyze or judge each situation and person on it's own merits rather than deciding women want men to support them or that we are inept parent because we're all lenient?

Nutt
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 73
Another question to single parents (being brutal here)
Posted: 1/31/2009 1:16:06 PM

OMG...so kids are all a mistake are they???

NOT all single parents are such because they accidently got pregnant....


Please quote the post where I said anything about kids being mistakes or about accidental pregnancy.

I'd be happy to comment on accidental pregnancy, because I think that the actual number of 'accidental' pregnancies that women claim is WAY inflated and an excuse for wanting to get pregnant but preferring to say it's divine intervention, BUT, that's not what this thread is about.

I'll wait until you find a post in any thread I've ever posted to where I say that kids are a mistake.

.... waiting.... waiting.... waiting....


 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 76
view profile
History
Another question to single parents (being brutal here)
Posted: 1/31/2009 5:31:18 PM
Now serving, now that explains who has peed in your wheaties..

Yep, got to say I DO recognize the tale about the guy who takes over two hours to get something a 1/4 a mile a way. I also know all to well how no matter what it was that needed to be done he did manage to screw it up one way or another...

As I say he is MY ex, how ever there is no baby daddy, except from complaining BF, because I divorced what I knew was the way he was... Yeah had a child with him, he is pretty well balanced as kids go... He probably is NOT going to turn out like his dad, and as a Dragon momma, I have to much push for my kids to be shits as partners..

I am NOT so sure women or MOST think they are out to change a guy... MAYBE, I sure didn't, because up until the day I got married, he acted like the perfect guy. He was raising his son, and do what all us silly women would do is awwwww how great he was doing despite the fact it didn't add up to some real parenting.

Now glad you can understand TRUTH, because I do expect it out of someone's profile, and figure if a person is going to BS their profile, then they can deal with explaining the lacking in truth.

Yeah, this gal will be a single married mom, until she becomes a divorced married mom.... Hopefully she will be less permissive then her husbands mother.

Victim??? Nah not me, survivor of my own stupidity and over empathetic nature...

What I will say is this... I gave dating a break when I need to raise my oldest two and go to school. I also gave it a break when I got out of a nightmare relationship...

I did learn that no body wants to bring on more drama, unless they love the challenge, and these are usually the type that see the drama as a project...

You are ok, glad you can at least speak up and mention bleach and pregnancy does NOT mix. Doesn't sound like her husband and marriage mixes all that well either.. To bad...

She chuckles after reading the fray, N S it is like this, men point the finger at women, and women point the finger at men... How either gender gets together has to do with this desire to be with someone that loves us, and has sex with us on a regular basis... GENERAL TERMS....

Now as for your statistics, yeah, those usually come out of the air at the moment someone needs them... True story... There are more single parent homes today then 30 yrs ago... The question I would like to know is WHY? what went wrong? What has made it to where people find it so easy to breed, then go off in some other direction not paying attention to whether their kids are being raised or not?

At the same time I remember wishing my parents had divorced... It would have been a hell of a lot better of a chance for me as a person than those crazy people staying married, hating their life, and their middle child.

There are good single parents out there, there are good divorced co parents out there, and then there is the OTHER...

Here's a side note, the gal that just gave birth to 8 babies, has 6 prior, AND is not married, and as I can tell never has been... Talk about single parent night mare....
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 83
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History
Another question to single parents (being brutal here)LOL u don't know brutal!
Posted: 2/1/2009 2:09:26 PM
See There ya go Now serving.... That is what I was asking... I knew the question before I asked, but I wondered if you, or others did...

It is a hard twist in life that fewer and fewer people no longer value a commitment, and are more willing to put them selves ahead of all else. As a mum many many many times my life came behind everything else. That had been the traditional thinking of things, yet getting into the I can take care of myself has not been all that bad... I managed to care for my two older younglings pretty well, even though it took all I had in life energy to do so.

It was the same way in my marriage, I was in it for life, and making sure that the kids were at the for front of personal pleasures, while the family in my exes eyes came some where between if he had to take time to pay attention to something other than himself, and his full persuit of his own happiness.

He still struggles with that, because on the weeks that our son is with me, he does NOT want to be bothered about issues involving out son... OK, I get he's been that way his whole life, but ya know sometimes a person divorced or not has to put their foot down and say.... I don't give a rats ass what week it is, our son comes before our own person free time, our son is headed into the rotten teens, and has a teen attitude that really can grate on the most sane persons nerves...

However our son was a joint venture, and since my ex didn't opt out on being a parent like my daughters father did, he dang well will pay attention needs to be paid.

I have to ask, would you reallly want to go back to the way things were now serving???

Your niece in law being on her hands and knees bleaching the bathroom and cleaning out the house is NOTHING new. In fact if you have read any of the past literature about how a wife IS SUPPOSED to be have, she is to do that with a smile on her face... Of course she wouldn't be working, and it would be her husbands job to financially provide for the entire family... I guess that is where the real rub is, she is also working, and having to do double duty as a wife, and a pregnant mum...

I doubt she thought this was how things were going to be, and I am sure in her heart of hearts she felt that she WAS that special person, that one that he would value above his own good times... I also would bet she figured a baby would turn his head around, after all what an amazing thing it is to go through the growing process of creating a being....

Sadly it isn't understood that the amazing and aweful things at the same time are ONLY going to be felt by her, and NO matter how vicarious of an experience she MAY try to show her husband, he simply will NOT feel the same things she does.

YES, this is where the magic of hormones come in small amounts of oxytosine (sic?) drip into her system creating that deep feeling of absolute blissfull unconditional love.

Her only misunderstood hope is that her husband MAY feel these hormones after their child is born, and he too will want to put his lifes pleasures aside for his child...

You say he has two others??? I wouldn't hold much hope out for that happening then...

Reason I bring up hormones, is because oxytosine is the same hormone that is released between two people that are falling in love... However some people manage to lose it, generally out of their own self interest, but it is what kept a lot of families back when glued together...


I would have to say neither gender for the most part make for good long term life partners.


That really is a sad statement... That is why when people embark on the love boat, they should be looking at all the things it takes for them to BE a good partner... It isn't easy, especially when you do have children.

Yesterday my So found out that my son got into some M&M's my SO had bought. It has been my son and I for a very long time (almost 8 yrs, and unless it was something really special, he could take some, and make sure not to make a pig of himself.) This annoyed my SO a great deal, I apologized, and reminded him that it does take a bit for everyone to get used to the idea of things changing.

I refuse to apologize that I didn't hide candy, or what have you from my son, simply because my son GENERALLY knows the limits to take some, and leaving some for others.

Building relationships that can withstand the small assaults of life is tough...

However having a willingness to talk with each other, and to let each other know that they are willing to work on these things goes miles I believe...
 Alabamamam
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 88
Another question to single parents (being brutal here)
Posted: 2/2/2009 9:35:20 AM
Let me join this discussin. First, I believe it was an interesting and well-thought question to post. I do not see that the original question has anything to do with should people have kids or not, should they do it only if they are married or choose to do it while single.
The difference between sinlgle parents and individuals who do not have kids (and it is my opinion) that single parents has to stay in touch and communicate with another parent at least for years to come. I guess when there is no communication or another parent is not in the picture, or sees the kid twice a year it is different. The post has to do with another parenet who creates major problems.
Sure, people may have problems at work, crazy boss, career transition, even a difficult divorce. In this case people can take a temporary break from dating before the issues will be solved. But another parent has to be in the picture for years ahead.
In addition, when it comes to kids of course most people take things very serious and I believe it is the right thing to do. That of course brings us to the point that people will get even more emotionally involved with such serious issues. Of course such stage of mind and major bad things that you have with another parent that are very frustrating to a large degree doesn't work in your behalf when you start dating or go into relationship.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 91
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Another question to single parents (being brutal here)
Posted: 2/2/2009 2:15:42 PM

I am not sure why my OP has produced so much bashing among different respondents on a pretty personal level. It clearly was not an intention on my part.


Oh hun, this is the sad nature of the fora... I have to admit, I have been in pissing matches with people myself... It is silly, and some how we get involved in personal sparring I guess out of boredom...

Try and look at those that focus on WHAT YOU asked... You point was well taken, and thought of.

I have to say I had to look at my own life, and remember the times I took my own breaks to raise kids, and get my life where I needed to to go. When I had let my life fall apart, because sometimes we do that, I took nearly a two year break to pull it back together.

Whether a person has kids, or their life is just a mess of self induced drama, it shouldn't be dropped into someone elses life, because that simply doesn't work real well.
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 92
Another question to single parents (being brutal here)
Posted: 2/2/2009 2:39:29 PM
I just think it's not fair to expect Joe Blow to put his whole life on hold because his ex-wife Jane Blow is a crackpot whose behaviour he has no control over and may never change in his lifetime. I don't think anyone expects another person's behaviour to be held against them.

Nutt
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