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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 47
Why do women put themselves in this position?Page 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
When a friend who's hurt comes to you to talk about it and basically tells you everything that's wrong about the someone they've been hurt by, it's extremely hard to watch them get over it, go back and get hurt in the exact same way.

Along with it goes the total badmouthing of the person in question while they are upset, and then the total defensive denial or unsolicited justification that occurs when they are finally ok with it and things are on the upswing and so they expect you to just be ok with it too. It's completely irrational, and I have a hard time going with the flow on that. Myself being someone that'd rather be single than put up with just about anything, really it's not my forte to continually comfort a friend over the same outcome repeatedly.

It's really something I have trouble with when it comes to my friends. I'll be there for you once, but then I expect you to either accept it or do something to change it. That thing where they go thru the same cycle over and over and seem surprised and hurt just really kills me. I'd rather not really hear about it more than once.

I don't always know why women do this, but I do know I can't identify with it, and I see men do the same thing...sometimes we're better off staying out of it and letting them learn whatever they need to for themselves. Wait for the final big breakup and THEN step in and comfort them.
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 48
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Why do women put themselves in this position?
Posted: 2/12/2009 12:09:30 PM
My best friend, who I love dearly,

You were her support when she needed you.

I told her that I didn't want anything to do with her

She just lost her support.

He treats her like shit

He may but she still loves him and typical of abuse the abused return/leave/return till they escape the pattern.

Op if she were my friend that I Love dearly...
I would never turn my back...even if I don't agree.
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 49
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Why do women put themselves in this position?
Posted: 2/21/2009 6:14:55 AM
If that was me I also would be LOOOOOOOOOOOONG gone!

I am in a very similar situation with my best friend. She is a very smart, beautiful woman who lets he husband get away with some sh*t that I would NEVER EVER put up with. I just don't understand it at all, I can't seem to get my head around it.

The man (I use that term very loosely as I don't see this person as a real man) in question has many faults such as:

1. Hasn't had a real job in approx. 6 years. Hasn't been looking for one either. He say he wants to work but only on "his" terms. What he really likes to do is stay home, sleep in to 3 in the afternoon, eat all the food in the house and play video games while she works a full time job and has even taken a second night job at one point to try to make ends meet. Because of this issue they have been evicted from at least 3 places that they have lived in. And to top it all off for the longest time she was still paying for their child to be in daycare while she worked (even though he was home every day) because he didn't want to watch their son.

2. He has gotten a pretty serious drug habit in the last two years (the hard stuff, coke, heroin, etc...), he has overdosed twice last year alone. Now my friend is stuck having to pay his medical bills for substance abuse which by far are not cheap (thousands of dollars). He has went as far as stealing the keys to their only car from under her pillow in the middle of the night to buy drugs. Of course he has also smashed up their car pretty good too. And yes he has stolen money out their bank account, taken the max on cash advances from their credit cards, and very likely pawned her wedding ring, all for drug money.

3. He puts pressure on her about having sex. She had some major medical issues after having their child about 5 years ago and had to undergo a hysterectomy two years ago and not to say that during that time they never had sex but they did have it much less frequently as it was very painful for her. Now even after all her health problems and what he's been doing he reminds her on a regular basis just how many days it's been since they had sex.

4. During the last approx. 2 years he has also tried to kill himself (not including the over dosing) by trying to shoot himself and hang himself. He has also gotten paranoid and from time to time thinks that she is cheating on him (which she is not).

It seems that no matter what happens, she simply goes on with life stating that she is still trying to make her marriage work. I'm sorry but doesn't it take two people to make an effort to make a marriage work.

For my own sanity I have been slowly distancing myself from her and her crazy drama filled life. I just can't listen to it anymore and I don't know what I can do to help her.

It's sad to say but I have come to the conclusion that you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.
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