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Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 28
She went into Menopause and never it too late?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

and for the record...I ended the marriage...not because of her going through menopause....Because of her new lover....I didnt like the mullet

I have to agree with wild heart on this one--what is your issue?

In your original post, you made it sound as if she had left you because she had found a lesbian lover.

Now I doubt everything you say. If you weren't honest in how you presented the story at first, what else weren't you honest about?

And if YOU ended it, then what's this about waiting 30 years to see if she will come back.

I don't get it.
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 32
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She went into Menopause and never it too late?
Posted: 1/30/2009 1:06:40 PM

However, I do believe that if she is in an open relationship with another woman at this stage of her life and after having kids, it is very selfish on her part.

I don't know how you made the leap from lesbian to "open relationship" - but ok... and I suppose it would be much better for her mental health to continue to live in the closet for the sake of the egos of her children and spouse, than to finally take control of her own life and live the way she wants to live (ie. with a woman)

I'm thinking that your viewpoint is exactly how this woman ended up in a 30 year marriage and raising 3 children when all along she was a lesbian (or possibly bi, but it seems that never came up in the marriage, so I'm suspecting that it isn't the case)

And to the OP - you just have to accept it for what it is, and remember that there will be someone out there to share your life with... but getting yourself together first is the most important step you could take

And for what its worth... it wasn't menopause, mental illness or anything else that made her decide she'd prefer to have a woman for a partner... its the fact that she finds women sexually appealing. It wasn't a change, she's just finally getting around to admitting it.
She might "bat for both teams" - but I wouldn't stake my future on that.

Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 33
She went into Menopause and never it too late?
Posted: 1/30/2009 2:47:44 PM

or maybe she did what was societys idea of the the right thing and married a man, had children and tried to make it all work, but when her responsibilities to all this faded, she wanted out and wanted to be herself, finally.

I think this happens WAY more than men want to realize...women who are now entering the menopause became adults at a time when the social pressure for a woman was to get married and have a family. I suspect that many women were responding to that social pressure, their friends were all getting married, probably more than we'll ever know basically married in order to get out from under parental rule.
And they stick it out until the kids are grown and gone, until they've established some sort of financial stability in their own right, and then they are done pretending to be happily married. Of course menopause issues might factor in, but all too often I think that the woman is just done with trying to stay married to a man she just doesn't feel much of anything for anymore.
I am not saying that the husbands are at fault in any way, if you want to blame anything, blame the social pressure on women to marry,that existed back in the late sixties and the seventies.
OP, did your wife actually claim menopausal issues as the reason for her behavior, or is this something YOU'VE dreamed up as a defense because someone or something must be BLAMED for the collapse of your marriage?
Cindy O
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 35
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She went into Menopause and never it too late?
Posted: 2/2/2009 1:01:38 PM

As their are only, I believe, two states that recognize gay marriages, what do you call them?

um... its a relationship. The concept of "open relationship" usually applies to a non-monogamous marriage or committed relationship.

And, yes, I'm thinking at this point in her life, she was in a 30 year marriage, and has raised 3 children, that if she wants to have a relationship with a woman, then yes, she should "stay in the closet" with it.

Her children are adults. They will, in fact, adjust.
Marriages end for all sorts of reasons. The crux of it is that no reason is better than any other, but when one wants out, the marriage needs to end.

Maybe the OP should look at it from the perspective of "thanks! i don't want to be with someone who very obviously doesn't want to be with me".
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