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 AUTHOR
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 432
Paying child support for kids that are not yoursPage 10 of 30    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30)

And yes, I pity your kids. You talk like my ex father in law, whose female children grew up to have really low self esteem and all the problems coming from that, and whose male children grew into wife abusers.



Personally, I have a father who likes to "tease". To be honest, he has upset me so many times that, through the counselling, I had to work through issues that have arisen from his "teasing". I recently confronted him about this, and said to him that there was nothing good about putting me down every single time and about everything I do (for instance, my parents have never praised me as a mother)


And should we remember the posts where all the problems were of your ex husbands doing...and nothing ever seemed to fall in your lap as perhaps some involvement?
Based on your "opinion" it always seems to be that the problem is the male?




You know what's pathetic about this?

Your hatred and judgement against all women who choose to divorce their husbands becomes evident, because you are making an opinion and stating facts when you don't have the first clue about the reality.


So perhaps after we look at your posting history and the manner that you find fault in all the men.....perhaps the truth is you also lack any clue as to the reality of many of the situations?

But then anyone who threatens to throw out a barbie doll given to her daughter by the ex in laws....????????????
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 433
view profile
History
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/21/2011 5:52:38 PM

I should have said "some" women because we know women like pitufina will jump all over the man's position but then ignore izzy's comment about men.

Don't bother with pittying my kids - if I were female and making such a comment about men you'd be supporting my comment 100%..


Perhaps you should have, however, I rather like it when you say what you mean. I even allow for that fact that it is your personal position, rather than "the man's". What "izzy" said, btw, was:


It is the men who are cowards or slimballs who haven't changed...


THE men, and, yes, it makes a world of difference. As does your complete disregard of the fact that the clear (and stated) intention of her post was relative to morality as opposed to legality. You speak of women as if they all abuse the system. They don't. Neither do all men, but certainly some do. Certainly this issue as well as nearly all of the other gender discussions that erupt into gender war, would best be resolved were we all to simply do the right thing, and the reality is that many do, men & women alike. Is that clear enough?
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 434
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/21/2011 7:20:29 PM
You speak of women as if they all abuse the system.

Only an idiot would believe that. All women aren't using the system because the smart women are getting on with their life as opposed to dwelling on the past and dwelling on gender........ like you dwell on gender:

Certainly this issue as well as nearly all of the other gender discussions that erupt into gender war

It's amazing how you keep focussing on "gender wars". Actually, it's manipulative on your part..... you inceasantly bring up "gender wars" as if you're trying to discourage it. But anyone with brains knows if you're truly trying to stop gender bashing you simply cease bringing it up as a topic in threads..... I'm jus' sayin':

Is that clear enough?

*sigh*

THE men, and, yes, it makes a world of difference. As does your complete disregard of the fact that the clear (and stated) intention of her post was relative to morality as opposed to legality

Moral?
Is it moral to tell a child to go without things because mommy chooses not to pursue child support from the bio-dad while insisting others pay child support?

The fact that you're supporting a woman with izzy's mindset speaks volumes about your real (psuedo) concern over gender wars. The thing is, I don't respect women who have no respect for themself - I'm not going to be held accountable for something they don't do for themselves..... that's kinda stupid, don't ya think?

Perhaps you should have, however, I rather like it when you say what you mean

Whenever you post about one of my posts, I can't help but think of "Rose" on "Two and a Half Men".
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 435
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/23/2011 8:09:33 AM

Whoa back the truck up there big guy!!..Did you not "read" the part where I have mentioned I do not get support...well from any Dad!

Yes, you did.
But you also commented in message #181:

As for step parents and child support. I have been on both sides of this fence.
If your accepting of the title than you need to accept the obligations. Really what more is there to say?

You're teaching your daughter to let men walk out on her yet make other people responsible for the financial aspect of raising the children..... how truly canadian of you.
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 436
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/23/2011 9:52:40 AM
It's not a Canadian belief at all that one should take a non-bio parent for support. I am Canadian and would NEVER do such a thing. My child's care is the sole responsibility of me and her bio-father. He chooses to not live up to his end of the responsibility, but I don't see it as my right to hoist that responsibility onto someone else, it just means I have to do 100% of the job myself, as I have done every day of her life and will continue to do until she becomes a self-supporting adult.
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 438
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/23/2011 10:37:24 AM
Anyway, not all Canadians hold that belief, many do, some do not.

Fortunately, there are more women like you and BFK as opposed to people who boast about not working and how wonderful their life is....... while b!tching about men and about lost opportunities for women/girls as if it's an epidemic.

The concern is that it's an option always available to those who have a change of heart and/or become vindictive and vengeful resulting from a failed relationship in the future. It certainly has made men consider more than just the "love" in a relationship.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 439
view profile
History
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/23/2011 12:52:37 PM

The concern is that it's an option always available to those who have a change of heart and/or become vindictive and vengeful resulting from a failed relationship in the future. It certainly has made men consider more than just the "love" in a relationship.


.....Absolutely! Anyone that does NOT consider this a factor in a relationship is a complete fool. Well said, My I.....
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 441
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/24/2011 6:33:38 PM

PUHLEASE...I am the perfect person to teach the 5 kids I care for how to defend themselves in this brutal world

PUHLEASE...... you aren't teaching the children nothing except this:

I am taking advantage (legally) of the programs by working part-time

You shouldn't take any pride in teaching kids how to be dependant on government give outs..... that's not parenting nor is it defending themselves. Defending themselves means they can take care of themselves - living on tax dollars is nothing more than putting your hand out like Oliver (the movie about the orphan) and saying, "I want more....".

As far as I am concerned it takes more balls to make the choice I have made..than it does to work-full-time,

^^^ You certainly are full of yourself - stereotypical of those "on the system"

Okay...let's focus on the NEGATIVE shall we? My daughters "bio" father is an ***hole...As far has her "real" father goes.......

Let's focus on the positive.
You've clearly stated he does not live with you.... how can you justify calling him a "real" father when he's nothing more than a frequent visitor?
Answer: You don't want to do anything that requires effort.

I wonder how much $$$I could get to foster parent after the two oldest go off to collage next year?...any thoughts?

^^^^You already have that angle covered.
What's sad about your attitude is that you claimed in earlier posts (forget which thread) that you worked hard in order to be allowed to work part time. In truth, all you did was get pregnant and play the system...... It probably works out better for you to let the deadbeat dad vanish - until the kids are gone and then you'll chase him down for retro-active child support - while sponging off your S.O. - I'm guessing that's your pension plan.


which is probably why the FRO just got more money and the CTCB was increased

^^^You're right on top of things - aren't you?
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 449
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/25/2011 12:17:36 PM

I'm saying that we should see motherhood/caregiving as a profession. And I'm talking about a real wage

So you're not mothers, you're employees until the chldren are old enough to live on their own... and then you want a pension plan , right?
Oooops! My bad! Alimony is your pension plan.
Then we should scrap mothers day and recognize your tour of duty on Labor Day weekends instead.
*sigh*

We do not see being a mother as a profession

And you shouldn't!!
Being a parent is a choice - in case you forgot.
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 450
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/25/2011 1:21:33 PM

Yes, and many women will forego career choices (see other thread about it) in order to raise a family, which does take time

Yes.... and many women choose to work and raise their kids. As I said, it's a choice.

As well, some women like to suggest they gave up a career for the sake of family. However, when searching fact vs fiction, it's more than likely man y women had no career path.... it's just an excuse.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 451
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/25/2011 4:17:18 PM

(sweetnessinflorida) I am totally going to teach my daughter to be a golddigger. Like a hooker, only smarter, and they have better jewelry. My dirty hooker golddigging baby-poppin legacy will live on for generations!!!!!! My fine ass gonna be legendary. My Great GreatGreat-Grandbabies will be wearing Coco Chanel diapers.


Well, I'll be teaching my kids how to pass off cubic zirconium as diamonds...

Arlo...
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 452
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/25/2011 4:20:22 PM

(jenn8131) And I didn't say marriage was legalized prostitution, Karl Marx did. Didn't say what I thought about marriage.


C'mon, jenn, don't get all cutesy on us. It's on your profile...

Arlo...

(why do so many people think they can get away with peeing on your shoe and telling y0u that it's raining?)
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 453
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/25/2011 4:24:58 PM

(pitufina77) Yes, and many women will forego career choices (see other thread about it) in order to raise a family, which does take time.


Goodness gracious: This is the only situation (i.e. motherhood), where I've seen someone argue that ALL alternatives are bad, and suggest that there are NO good choices...

Arlo...
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 454
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/25/2011 4:55:45 PM
Arlo...she is saying only those who are raised by the mother....all other alternatives are a lesser choice....suggesting that fathers would be a second or lesser choice?

But then we also have the studies of custodial mothers working ...and custodial mothers living in poverty...compared to custodial fathers...


I'm pretty certain that, among the women who have chosen to forego career to focus on the infant years of their children, there are many whom, like me, in the time "when it was all happy", made the decision based on the numerous studies which say that children do better as far as IQ and emotional intelligence if they spend the first three years of their lives with their mothers, against any other family member and, more so, than a caretaker.


But the arguement that they love to use for why they stepped out of the working world...as opposed to the potential reality they were not very good at it...or they had no real potential at it....




http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE64D0LT20100514
Study shows consistent benefit of early daycare
WASHINGTON | Fri May 14, 2010 9:11am EDT

The latest results from the long-running U.S. National Institutes of Health study show children in high-quality childcare scored slightly higher on measures of academic and cognitive achievement years later as teenagers.

They were also slightly less likely to act out than peers who were in lower-quality childcare, the researchers reported.

Deborah Lowe Vandell of the University of California, Irvine, and colleagues tracked 1,364 children who have been studied since they were 1 month old starting in 1991.

They measured the quality, hours and type of daycare, collected results of standardized tests and interviewed the teens, their families and their schools. The children were from diverse backgrounds.


But there will always be those who look for validation or support for their choices in not pursuing a career or why they are not working full time to provide for themself and their child....


Study: Children Raised at Home or in Day Care do Equally Well inSchool
A recent study that looked at academic achievement and behavioral issues of children whose mothers work versus those with moms who stay home found that the kids of working moms don't turn out to be much different than those with stay at home moms in terms of academic achievement and behavior issues.

An analysis of 50 years of research examined 69 studies conducted between 1960 and March 2010. It determined that overall, children whose mothers return to work early in their lives, before age three, are no more likely to have significant behavior or academic problems than kids whose moms stay at home.

For example, children from middle- and upper-class, two-parent families performed slightly worse on formal tests of achievement and showed a slight increase in behavior problems when their mothers worked full-time during the first three years of their lives.

On the other hand, children from low-income, single-parent families actually did better on achievement tests and had fewer behavior problems when their moms were employed.
Rachel Lucas-Thompson, assistant professor of psychology at Macalester College, and author of the study said that hopefully, these findings will reassure mothers "that they're not screwing up their kids by going back to work."

A possible explanation for the positive effects seen in some children is that, for low-income or welfare-dependent households, the extra income from a working mother may reduce family stress. And for single-parent households, an employed mother might be a better role-model for her children. These benefits could outweigh any potential negative consequences of maternal absence.
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 455
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/25/2011 5:40:43 PM
From Dr. Phil Show:


Making the decision to stay home with your kids or join the workforce can be a difficult process. There is no right answer. Dr. Phil encourages each woman to make the choice that brings her closest to fulfilling her hopes and dreams.

"It is damaging for parents to be away for more than a few hours a day," says Heidi Brennan, a stay-at-home mom, public policy advisor, and member of the Board of Directors for the Family and Home Network. "Research has demonstrated that the early relationship between infants and preschoolers is the foundation of all subsequent personality development."

"There is really no evidence to support that statement," Dr. Phil argues. "Children who are in quality day care have increases in cognitive skills, intellect, social skills and social comfort," he says.

Heidi is unfazed by Dr. Phil's comment. "Children do not do well with large separations of time," she says.

Joan K. Peters, a working mother and author of When Mothers Work, points to another issue. "One of the aspects of mothering that's terribly important is making sure that you can provide for your children financially," she says. She notes that many women work to be prepared for unforeseen circumstances like a husband's unemployment, a divorce, or illness.

Responding to stay-at-home moms who boast that they have never missed a milestone in their children's lives, Peters says: "If you don't see the first step, you'll see the second and the third. Nobody wants to be working 10 hours a day and missing your family life. The real problem is making sure that we have family friendly workplaces."

In support of mothers who choose to work, Dr. Phil says that many women hope to be a parent and pursue a career and they often become depressed when they are stuck solely in a parenting capacity. "If the child is mothered by a parent who is feeling frustrated and depressed and empty, that is not a good thing," he says.

"No it's not," says Brennan who thinks that there are enormous stereotypes about mothers. "Mothers who are at home are not 50s throwbacks," she says. "We tend to portray at home mothers as unmotivated, depressed, uneducated and all wealthy. It's not true."

"You can nurture your child and still work," says Sonja, a mom who also works full-time.

After listening to the discussion, Kasey, who is torn between a job she loves and the children she adores, says, "My husband and I have sat down and said, 'What do we want our kids to remember and tell their kids about us?'" Turning to her mom who accompanied her to the show, Kasey says, "I get to say that I got to watch my mom get her doctoral degree and I got to say, 'I'm so proud of you for what you've done.'"



From The Show
Mom vs. Mom


^^^That supports my position that stay-at-home moms are not doing what is best for the child when speaking long term. As I stated about another poster in this thread, she's teaching the children to be under achievers by playing the system. That is not productive for the children. And given her stance on other topics, she does have signs of depression/anger.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 457
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/26/2011 7:49:25 AM
Let me just mention a practical concern about mothers who work outside the home and those who stay home. Sometimes it's one HELL of a difficult choice. Yes, if you have a skilled or professional occupation, "quality daycare" might be accessible.
But for the average working mom, who works in a factory, runs a cash register at a store, serves the customers in a restaurant, handles paperwork or inputs data, when one totals up paying for child care which may be a patchwork of sources or depend on positively byzantine logistics,pays for transportation,clothing(especially in an office setting),convenience foods and those extras that many working mothers tend to use to make up to the children for not being as available as a stay-at-home mom, more than one family has sat down and come to the grim financial truth that it's actually COSTING for the woman to work...that her paycheck is pretty much going to pay for the "infrastructure" that permitted her to work outside the home, or even in some cases, biting into the fathers' paycheck as well. Now, no one is discounting the invisible benefits, like the boost to the womans' self worth, the feeling that she has some control/say in the family's financial course, and the unpleasant but unescapable fact that a working wife/mother has more opportunity to escape an abusive marriage if she is a wage-earner. I have had friends and family members where the working wife was the one who provided the medical insurance,and while there might not have been a lot of CASH coming into the budget, the insurance benefits made her job invaluable. However, often these situations arose in families where the husband/father was self employed, ran a small business, or farmed,and quite often his schedule was flexible enough to handle more of the child care and parental logistics.
Trust me, as a frequent 'ad hoc' parent for 4 younger siblings, because both of my parents worked full-time, taking care of children is WORK, and it can be stressful when you have toddlers or children who are ill or injured-or a colicky baby. I do not doubt a bit that for many women, working outside the home and leaving a lot of the day-t0-day grind of childrearing to a paid sitter or a relative,was the only way they saved their sanity.
But I also have been a close observer to situations where a family found themselves better served to have mom at home, and situations where a single mother looked at what kind of employment they could realistically get, and weighed income and benefits against what the state would provide, and they would indeed have been worse off to work full-time. I can't speak to what other states and provinces may or may not do, but with Michigan ya just never know, one year there may be some subsidization or incentives for a single parent to be in the work force, and the next year have all that incentive yanked away so that the children of a working single parent were worse off than children of a single parent receiving benefits.
The whole question of single parent-to work or not to work-can be very complex. So can issues of child support...I'm fairly certain that some young single mothers who "don't know" or "aren't sure" who their baby daddy is , have that particular memory block because they fear retaliation.
For all those who are indignant about paying taxes to help support unemployed single parents, imagine how much more you would have to pay out if your state or province automatically took custody of, and maintained institutions for the care of children of single parents or failed marriages where child support hassles or state contribution to meeting the childs basic needs were a factor.

Yes it would be absofreakin'lutely IDEAL if all women kept their legs crossed until they had enough education and training to command a salary that made quality child care affordable,and remained unmarried and childless until they were securely established in their occupation. Except then we'd have to legalize and regulate prostitution,to accomodate the men devastated by the difficulty of getting laid.
Cindy O
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 458
view profile
History
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/26/2011 9:11:59 AM
It's interesting how so many women are touting their desire to have a choice to eather work full time, mother full time, or some combination of the two. How many men out there have that luxury? As far as children are concerned, it's just more of the same. Perhaps he even has to find a second job. And considering many of these women are having children at a young age, chances are likely that the men that they procreated with are also young. These men may also be just as skill-less as the women. But that doesn't matter apparently. He just has to "get a job and live up to his responsibility."

Of course you don't really hear custodial fathers b!tching and moaning about how tough it is. Maybe men are better at coping with the single parent lifestyle (*gasp*). Or maybe men are supposed to "grit their teeth and bear it" and/or "take it like a man."
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 459
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/26/2011 10:42:58 AM
This thread didn't start out being about custodial parents of either gender b*tching about anything...it was a question of someone who had stood for quite some time as a father to a child, and somewhere in the course of a crumbling marriage, found out that he is not the biological father of this child,but since he was married to the childs' female parent at the time of birth,and has had the role of father in the childs' life,he is being required to pay child support. The OT asked for opinions about the fairness of this.
Actually, a couple of single mothers who've been active in this thread have NOT been "b*tching" about much of anything, it's the resentment bristling from other posters that has steered the thread onto this side track.

It is my understanding that a custodial single father who requires assistance can apply for it and get it, or receive child support payments from the noncustodial mother. I realize that this may vary between states and provinces, but basically the equality statutes would make it necessary for a single father to receive the same treatment as a single mother. If what is being complained about is expectations and judgement from ones'peer group being different for men and women, then that is not something that can be legislated. I realize that there is still a social construct in place that deems men to be providers and women to be nurturers of offspring, but if a single father is allowing himself to be browbeaten by social opinion into rejecting benefits available to him, or if he won't stand up to a wife and mother who overspends or manages money badly,choosing instead to work more, then those are things that can't be regulated by laws or statutes.
Cindy O
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 461
view profile
History
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/26/2011 6:47:58 PM
Cindy has, as is so often the case ( ), hit the nail on the head. This isn't so much about gender "war" as it is about social construct. Despite many of the posts here, there is still an ingrained "feeling" if you will, that the man provides, and the woman nurtures. Only when a breakup occurs does the attitude change, and, I might add, the desire for change in the practical day to day to day living.

The truth is that many more men would receive assistance, were they eligible. The truth is that the average man really does earn more, on average, than the average woman. The fat that some abuse & use a system set up, in reality, for those who really do need it, doesn't negate these facts.

Many of those who "stand in" as parent DO willingly provide, and do willingly, and with cooperation from their ex, participate in the lives of children they have no biological ties to. They are not, unfortunately, posting here., or we may would surely hear what is at the heart of the matter.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 462
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/26/2011 7:37:02 PM
This isn't so much about gender "war" as it is about social construct.


You know, I think you've nailed every single issue men have with the way thing are in this one post.

It IS a social construct that women believe they are better nuturers than men and that the law backs that belief. Women believe, and law agrees, that they ought to be financially compensated because they bear kids no matter what the circumstances are.

Only when a breakup occurs does the attitude change, and, I might add, the desire for change in the practical day to day to day living.


Women scream like banshees when they are expected to do as much financially as men are when the breakup occurs....

.. heaven forbid that they should bring something financially to the table.


The truth is that many more men would receive assistance, were they eligible


Yes, exactly. Most men will NEVER be eligible since they are men, first off, and secondly, that they more often than not have a trade or an education.


The truth is that the average man really does earn more, on average, than the average woman.


Yes, because men tend to get a trade or education before they have kids. Women think about having kids before they ever think about getting a career. Women choose personal fulfillment before they choose careers. Women make all sorts of choices that mean that they will make less in their lives than men do....

...it ain't rocket surgery...


The fat that some abuse & use a system set up, in reality, for those who really do need it, doesn't negate these facts.


... zactly..

... 'cause the NEED is there because many women make bad choices then NEED someone to pick up the slack.


Many of those who "stand in" as parent DO willingly provide, and do willingly, and with cooperation from their ex, participate in the lives of children they have no biological ties to.


Yes, they do.

I did.....

... because I didn't KNOW that I really believed what my ex told me, because I loved her and couldn't believe that money really WAS as important to her. She said money meant nothing until she left and then money became VERY important to her.

Admittedly, I was a fvcking idiot. I was in love. I didn't have a clue about what the laws were or know what I think that every guy needs to know what the law are when they get married or attached to a woman with or without kids. Far too many guys trust what women are like at the beginning of relationships like I did...

.. they don't realize that at the beginning of a relationship it's all about the LOOOoooove, and at the end it's all about the MOOOOoonnney.

Women are much more informed about this stuff than guys are and they benefit from it. Bravo! to the women, but things are changing and I go out of my way to let young guys know what they can expect if they're stupid enough to get married or live with a woman.

Anyway, good post. It sums it all up very nicely.

 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 463
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/26/2011 8:43:58 PM

.....or if he won't stand up to a wife and mother who overspends or manages money badly,choosing instead to work more, then those are things that can't be regulated by laws or statutes

^^^How can you tell a woman she is no longer able to spend money the way she is? You speak off the cuff and not very practical on that matter. It's easy to suggest you tell a woman to stop spending but then when it comes to "telling" the ex (bio-dad, or not) to pay support when he doesn't want to, some of you have a billion excuses to forgoe the financial security for your child because you're not comfortable confronting him.

I guess it's easier to talk tough than to be tough.... how fvckin' courageous of some of you. Once again, and again, and again... some of you women describe women behaving poorly and then place the onis on the man to change her behaviour. Just keep in mind how many of you admit to letting the bio-dad be a deadbeat dad.
*sigh*
The resounding message many of you women post in these threads is that women should be excused for being totally manipulative, irresponsible and unaccountable for everything except changing sh!tty diapers and feeding the kid(s).... which, by the way is an inherent responsibility (not a secular job) the moment you decide not to abort.

In regards to non-bio-dads - the man pays even if mom was a tramp and secretly gave birth to another man's child. That's the way it is and that seems to be the way many of you want it.

In turn.... don't b!tch about men becoming more educated about such behaviour - you're bringing it upon yourselves. You're not the victim in paternity fraud.,,, everyone else is
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 464
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/26/2011 9:36:45 PM
Well, if you want to talk about choices, don't father children and don't get involved with women that have children. That ain't rocket science either. At this point in time, men still do tend to be the higher earners, and women, if they do wish to have children, want to do it while they are fairly young and their health is good. I realize that guys may not really grasp how compelling that urge to have children is for a lot of women. In fact a woman over 30 who doesn't have children yet can get the raised eyebrow look from a lot of people, and a mature adult woman-unless she is wearing a nuns' habit or has a clear disability-will encounter surprise, sometimes outright shock!-if she is childless.
As far as uncomfortable about confronting the bio-dad...you do understand that sometimes things can get VERY ugly in those situations. If you as a step-dad resent supporting a deadbeat dad's kid, why don't YOU confront the guy??
Cindy O
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 466
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/26/2011 9:53:06 PM

If you as a step-dad resent supporting a deadbeat dad's kid, why don't YOU confront the guy??

As a stepdad, if the ex was going to hurt the child or woman, stepping in and protecting them is about the only right a stepdad has. But you're back to the same old, same old...... the woman is being excused from performing a responsibility that is hers. A stepdad isn't going to be listened to by the uncooperative deadbeat.... thats simply an act in futility. If anything you'll give the deadbeat a reason to laugh.... or punch stepdad in the face for being so stupid to think he has nay right interjecting
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 469
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/27/2011 7:31:55 AM

A stepdad isn't going to be listened to by the uncooperative deadbeat.... thats simply an act in futility. If anything you'll give the deadbeat a reason to laugh.... or punch stepdad in the face for being so stupid to think he has nay right interjecting


You say this, yet had previously stated:


Just keep in mind how many of you admit to letting the bio-dad be a deadbeat dad.


It's not a matter of women "letting" men be deadbeats, it's a matter of the men BEING deadbeats. I have a child support order (for a whole $100 per month, as awarded by a JUDGE). He did not pay this voluntarily, so I enrolled my case with FMEP (Family Maintenance Enforcement Program) which is SUPPOSED to be able to get CS from non-custodial parents when they aren't willingly paying. This is how well that worked:
~they garnished his wages, so he quit his job
~they put a lien on his car, so he sold it for scrap, rather than pay the money he owes to help raise HIS child
~they found him at his new job, so he told the boss to f off and got "fired"
~he was able to collect EI, and they started taking money off that (a whole $10 a week), which, btw, they didn't pass on to me, they kept that to pay for their costs
~he got someone else pregnant and sued for custody and won and is now sitting on welfare, so the government has told me there is nothing else they will do to pursue child support from a man on welfare who is raising a child.

If a GOVERNMENT-led agency can't get child support out of a person, wtf do you expect an individual person to do? I know in my case, everytime I found out his phone number/address to try to facilitate a relationship between him and his daughter, he would move and not tell me the new contact info. Sorry, after seven years of it, I gave up as it wasn't worth my time and energy trying to chase him down. I had more important things to do, such as raising our daughter ON MY OWN.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 470
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/27/2011 5:03:07 PM

(ladyc4) Well, if you want to talk about choices, don't father children and don't get involved with women that have children. That ain't rocket science either.


... OR, don't pick your partner by giving your genitals a vote...


(ladyc4) If you as a step-dad resent supporting a deadbeat dad's kid, why don't YOU confront the guy??


C'mon. You *CAN'T* be that naiive. The next bio-dad I see who DOESN'T react negatively to a step-father upbrading him, will be my first. Talk about turning an ugly situation, uglier.

Arlo...
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