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 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 233
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Paying child support for kids that are not yoursPage 6 of 30    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30)

To assume "If you can't see it, it does not exist." is about as foolish as one can be.


More foolish than to liken my posts to your above statement, even?

btw, whether the statistics come from the government or not, it can be ascertained in under 20 secs., by several source, that approx. 47% of non custodial mothers default on cs payments.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 235
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Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 12/11/2010 7:28:40 PM

Your own Centers For Disease Control issues stats on STDs.


Yes, we have freedom of information.
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 236
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 12/12/2010 6:42:23 AM

More foolish than to liken my posts to your above statement, even?

No. You've proven over and over again that you're always right.
Judging on your posts, you have this insatiable desire to prove nothing more than contradict yourself. You ask for stats yet, because the sources aren't posted, you claim it can't be true therefore, through your own arrogance, conclude it's isolated cases.... which, by the way, you haven't proven other than the fact you can't find it.... women's issues are usually blathered all over the net because women like you need those stats online to prove your case - lol. Men just shrug their shoulders and forgoe the need to use the internet to live life.... ignoring the problem sems to be better than broadcasting the problem.

I think your behaviour is exactly what people are concerned about when speaking in terms of unrealistic single moms.

Either way, it's not isolated and it's very, very common for non-bio-dads in canada to pay child support. But then again, just like DNA testing - you can't see the numbers so paternity fraud is also a minor issue.

For some reason I imagine you sitting in front of your computer wearing a plaid shirt, ball cap and work boots, while drinking from a bottle of moonshine.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 237
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Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 12/12/2010 7:09:47 PM
Let's be real here. Certainly, STD's are a serous matter, and an epidemic here in the US. The real truth is that you fail to disclose that the disease which most affects those statistics, chlamydia, is not likely tested in many other countries. You are entitled to your feelings, but don't try to fool anyone in to thinking that the citizens of any country, as a whole, are any better or worse than the rest of mankind.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 238
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Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 12/12/2010 7:23:55 PM

You ask for stats yet, because the sources aren't posted, you claim it can't be true therefore, through your own arrogance, conclude it's isolated cases.... which, by the way, you haven't proven other than the fact you can't find it.... women's issues are usually blathered all over the net because women like you need those stats online to prove your case - lol.


That's your problem, perception. I didn't claim that no one unfairly pays cs for children not their own, I never even claimed that anyone should have to do so. I have only been presented with evidence of isolated cases, that is why I point it out. There is a difference between denying that issue exists, and trying to get at the heart of how big an issue it actually is. There are many isolated cases of women who were lied to & defrauded, but, despite what you assert, I am not "blathering" about any thing at all. I accept that I am responsible for my children, I have never attempted to defraud, use, "take" or other wise intentionally hurt anyone. I am no better than most. Many of us do not live our lives that way. Just as many of us accept that we are to take responsibility for our mistakes, misconceptions, misfortunes, etc., and despite them, rather than to argue against an entire gender, or continually pick at complete strangers on the internet.


I think your behaviour is exactly what people are concerned about when speaking in terms of unrealistic single moms.


My "behavior? What do you know of my behavior?
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 241
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 12/12/2010 9:59:52 PM

I think it is sick that one poster is basically promoting prostitution

I sort of agree with you but it depends on your outlook. As far as I am concerned, if he has such a low opinion of women, prostitution for him should be supported - keep him away from the decent women who want a decent man in their life.

Yes we should want young girls growing up thinking the only way to get ahead in life is by using their bodies

Keep in mind Jenn, it wasn't prostitutes who were being referred to as golddiggers. Nor, was it prostititues who instituted the term "sugar daddy".... not all pole dancers and strippers are prostitutes. In those cases it was women who acted like prostitutes for personal gain..... so what's the difference you ask? They wear nicer jewellery - that's all

They are exploited

Ummm.... in many cases, some of these women have habits that require thenm to do whatever is needed in order to satisfy that habit/addiction. Some are also responsible for making poor decisions in life and turn to prostitution as a means to survive.

Don't pretend they are all exploited because that's not the truth. Addicts, criminal repeat offenders and emotionally weak people use "exploitation of themselves" to get what they want and/or to compensate for poor life decisions.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 244
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Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 12/19/2010 10:03:22 PM

then maybe get to know them well before you co habitate

Or just not date them when they have children already. Sure, it's all about love when the relationship starts, but it's all about money when the relationship ends. Getting to know them can only go but so far. You don't know what someone is going to be like 3, 5, 10 years down the road. The -smart- thing to not put the noose around your neck in the first place, instead of putting the noose around your neck and hoping that she won't kick the chair out from under your feet.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 245
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Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 12/20/2010 9:53:58 AM

In other words, if you live with or marry a single mother and play house there will be financial consequences whether that money is needed or not.


Bingo!! We have a winner here!! This is EXACTLY what will happen if you take the risk!!


then maybe get to know them well before you co habitate


No, no, no........there is no way around this....and I'm going to say it again until I'm blue in the face....DO NOT co-habitate with a single mom. The answer to this is quite simple. If we all took these precautions, this kind of nonsense simply would not happen.........

Why put yourself in this position? The only fathomable reason I can see for anyone to move in with a single mom would be to consolidate resources for financial reasons (i.e. one house, one set of utilities, etc....). While this looks good up front, just THINK of the consequences if things go sideways....you'll be on the hook for MUCH more than you saved by moving in with her.

Stay separate. You'll still get laid, you'll still get time with her and her kids, you can still carry on "family time" without having to risk your financial well being........

I'm not the only one thats adjusted my life this way....I have several other divorced friends that are dating single moms this way........they are aware of the laws as well and are adjusting accordingly. It IS catching on.........albeit slowly.......

 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 246
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 12/20/2010 11:52:42 AM
While I understand where men are coming from that living with a single mother MAY have consequences later on, I think they are dismissing the single mom's point of view too easily. I am a single mother, and personally, I won't get into a relationship with someone that sees our relationship as having a limit. I don't want to just date someone indefinately, I want to build a relationship and a life with someone, which would mean that EVENTUALLY, I'd want to live with that person and possibly marry that person. I simply don't want to be just someone that the person dates and sleeps with, but sees no future with.

My suggestion, if you're so afraid that a single mother will take you to the cleaners (oh, and btw, any person can do that...ever heard of alimony?), is to not date single moms, period. I have no problem with a man who doesn't want to date me because I have a child, because there are some men who DO.

Furthermore, not all single moms would go after you for cs should the relationship go south. I know I certainly wouldn't. I was with my ex for 4 years (not my child's father) and when we broke up, he went his way, I went mine. In no way, shape, or form, would I ever have considered going after him for support. I don't even receive support from her biological father (despite having a CS agreement). I see my child as MY responsibility. I have provided her with everything she needs her entire life, BY MYSELF, and don't see her as anyone's responsibility but my own. Maybe some men should actually get to know the INDIVIDUAL's beliefs before they paint everyone with the same brush, because a lot of us don't fit the stereotypes some of you subscribe to.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 247
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 12/20/2010 12:29:45 PM

Furthermore, not all single moms would go after you for cs should the relationship go south. I know I certainly wouldn't. I was with my ex for 4 years (not my child's father) and when we broke up, he went his way, I went mine. In no way, shape, or form, would I ever have considered going after him for support. I don't even receive support from her biological father (despite having a CS agreement). I see my child as MY responsibility. I have provided her with everything she needs her entire life, BY MYSELF, and don't see her as anyone's responsibility but my own. Maybe some men should actually get to know the INDIVIDUAL's beliefs before they paint everyone with the same brush, because a lot of us don't fit the stereotypes some of you subscribe to.


While you are correct that some MAY and some may NOT, it's really a great big crap-shoot. There is absolutely NO WAY you will know how someone will act when things go south.

When my ex left, ALL of her friends and family told me that they couldn't believe she could ever do what she did. NONE of them could believe that she had no problem with hitting me with CS for a kid who she was already collecting money for. They thought it was out of character for her to make sure she got every penny she could because she'd always been so much an anti-materialistic woman.

So, it wasn't just me who was surprised that she left and how she left or how she dealt with things once she was gone.

It's a crap-shoot at the best of times. With single mothers, the stakes are even higher.

 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 248
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 12/20/2010 4:23:41 PM
capitano, I'm so sorry you had such a bad experience with your ex.

I think you're right that you can't always predict what someone else will do, and people do change, so it is important not to be too naive about things, but I would hope in this experience that you don't become cynical either. For all the bad things that happen in the world, there's a lot of good too. It saddens me to see so many good men who have been so hurt by women that they become jaded for the rest of us.

Personally, I think life's kinda like Vegas....if you don't gamble sometime, you can't win.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 249
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Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 12/20/2010 4:25:20 PM

I am a single mother, and personally, I won't get into a relationship with someone that sees our relationship as having a limit.


Yep - thats just fine.......I had many dates with ladies that had that type of reaction when I bridged this topic with them. However, I stood my ground and found that there were ladies out there that were ok with it (including my current GF). To each their own for sure.

Unfortunately Capitano is a prime example (Sorry Cap - hate to bring more attention to your situation) of how this little law can bite big......


It's a crap-shoot at the best of times. With single mothers, the stakes are even higher.


It is indeed. Lower the stakes, reduce the risk, and don't co-habitate if you date a single mom. If she balks at this, move on.....there are plenty that are ok with this arrangement once you explain it.......

Maybe the laws will change at some point and provide more "equilibrium" but I'm not holding my breath. In the meantime, I'll govern myself accordingly........:)
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 250
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Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 12/20/2010 4:43:23 PM

I think life's kinda like Vegas....if you don't gamble sometime, you can't win.


I don't see it that way. I'd rather take the money I had for Vegas, invest it wisely, and guarantee a return on my money. That way I'm assured a win and never have to lose.........thats just how I roll.....lol..........
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 251
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 12/20/2010 8:17:57 PM

I think you're right that you can't always predict what someone else will do, and people do change, so it is important not to be too naive about things, but I would hope in this experience that you don't become cynical either. For all the bad things that happen in the world, there's a lot of good too. It saddens me to see so many good men who have been so hurt by women that they become jaded for the rest of us.


Well, geez, thanks for the warm-fuzzy....

... but my ex (this one) was really just the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back....

.. if I have time, and you have enough tolerance, I'd give you the whole history that has led to me being the cynical, jaded and blunt shithead that I am, but mostly that would sound like whining....

.. and, NONE of it has to do with horrible women but only ultimately a really shitty, fvcked up picker.

Cheers.

 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 254
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Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 12/21/2010 8:10:44 AM

Silverhawk, are you dating welfare mothers or something? Do you really think they need your money if you leave them?


No......I have been successful with my career and have made some sound investments, despite my divorce. There are not many that will match me in terms of financial income, and the income disparity between me and the ladies I've dated so far has been wide. I refuse to date anyone that is not self sufficient financially and they must at a minimum own their own home, have a car, provide for their kids, etc....

Even with this "criteria" met, the disparity is wide, and given a situation where a relationship would go sour again, this disparity would ENTITLE my partner to my success. Its not the NEED for the money, its the ENTITLEMENT to it, and given the opportunity, I don't think most (NOTE I SAID MOST) women would turn it down. Therefore I simply can't put myself and my son at this risk. And by the way, its usually the woman that leaves when this kind of setup exists, not the man. She knows she's got a ticket to ride anytime she's ready to pull the plug and she won't have to worry about a cent for the rest of her life......

I've been setup with some successful business women that have come close to me financially, but I find these types t0 be simply too busy to have a close relationship (I hate the "I don't need a man" attitude that comes with these ladies - read my profile....lol...) , so it leaves me with picking a lady that has more time for me, but less financial income potential. With these preferences and the laws the way that they are, I have to take necessary precautions to ensure I don't get burned.

Don't get me wrong, I'll be the first one to say that money doesn't buy happiness, and I have NO problem spending money on my GF or her kids - this Christmas will be very, very merry....but I do have to ensure my long term financial well being and I would NOT be able to afford another big hit like I did when I got divorced........
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 255
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 12/21/2010 2:05:31 PM

Why wouldn't the custodial parent or the bio parent already have this in place.

Most likely because one, or boith, parents feel they earned the right to work part time.... only to find someone else (non-bio-dad) working full time to provide her children with medical benefits. As she stated in her post - "She earned it!" In other words the kids best interests are not first and foremost - hers is.

Only losers rely on others to take care of their children's medical and health benefits....... but then again, it's one of those self-righteous, entitled to everything, canadian moms making such claims - go figure.

Some people should shut up as opposed to exposing how much of a leech they are.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 256
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Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 12/21/2010 3:10:20 PM

one of those self-righteous, entitled to everything, canadian moms making such claims


She scares the hell out of me.........I couldn't even imagine how she would take me to the cleaners if I were unlucky enough to get mixed up with her........she definitely validates my reasons for dating the way that I do, though. Proves my point with an exclamation mark (!!!).......lol........I guess I should be thankful......
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 259
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 12/21/2010 4:06:03 PM

Interesting, here I thought at one point the majority of Canadians supported a universal health system. Wow talk about entitlment to think that every citizen deserves the right to health care.

Ummm.... Jenn? We were referring to medical benefits that are covered under employer benefits that universal health care does not cover. Maybe, some parents should have been looking at careers where Green Shield coverage was part of the trrms of employment as opposed to dwelling on others to subsidise their life.

Or is it just single moms that have this sense of entitlement. Entitlement or right?

*sigh*
Here is what izzy posted:

We are not talking about children who are or were well taken care of by the bio-parent........Consider the various types of benefits (drug/dental benefits) that could drastically improve a child's life....

The other poster asked why the bio-parents don't have such coverage. Izzy said she's earned the right to a part time job - which means the kids haven't earned the right to gain drug/medical benefits not covered under a universal plan because, as she so eloquently stated - she's working part time - let the non-bio-dad work full time to get her children those benefits.
For some it appears as though "entitlement" and "rights" are of the same definition.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 260
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Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 12/21/2010 4:07:33 PM
Jenn....My I is referring to dental and health benefits not covered by Provincial health care plans but are covered through an employer benefit plan. These are typically expensive to pay for yourself if you don't have a plan and yea, I would consider this to be a financial benefit just like anthing else a typical spouse or partner would bring to a relationship if you were to marry or live common-law. In the event you break up, this is often negotiated as an asset, so same "rules of entitlement" would apply here as well......
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 262
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Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 12/21/2010 5:45:44 PM

good thing im not a lesbian and have to worry about dating single moms! Though if i were i would want to help her out some with her kids


Hey Sweetness, don't let us stop you from helping out those single moms if you feel obliged......I'm sure Liz would love it if you paid for her kids medical and dental costs......just think of how you could drastically improve her kids life........try it!! Better still, how about doing that until they are 18? or maybe 22 if they go to post secondary ed? What do ya say? You willing to "man up" like the rest of us?


we can just focus on the love and companionship and great sex.


I do too....I just don't live with her.........
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 266
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 12/22/2010 2:22:15 PM

I know but its so much fun to stir up these posts..

Well then, I guess you perpetuate the perception that many single moms are drama queens and need to stir the pot in order to feel superior. Don't bother justifying your behaviour, something tells me you're good at it - no wonder you enjoy being a radical - it's just another reputation supported about those who need to feel important in order to circumvent their lack of confidence in life.


I;m honestly trying to seek out good reasons for getting involved with a woman but that's getting more discouraging.... especially when reading posts from candian women...... I honestly hope some of you represent the mindset of a very small percentage of single canadian moms.

Non-bio-dads certainly need to be cautious.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 269
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 12/22/2010 7:00:11 PM
. Live the low-key, non-material life that I like, and get to do yoga on a beach. Because to be honest I'm tired of the selfish north american attitudes where people are only concerned about themselves rather than a collective good.


Well, we'd all like to live in paradise, no doubt about it, but the sad fact is that SOMEONE has to produce and generate something in order for rest of everyone else to enjoy the paradise you pine for.

In order for all the queen bees to exist to raise all those marvelous wonder bees, SOMEONE has to work, to produce something.

Fvck.... I'd LOVE to have someone else work for me, to produce a whole bunch of something so I'd feel better about all the shit I have to do to provide for everyone else, but life just ain't like that.

The trouble with Marx and the perverted versions of his philosophy was that he, and all of the boneheads who ran with his ideas, conveniently pretended that basic human nature doesn't exist.

I've found that, yes, it may take a village to raise a child, but it only takes one of ME to pay for it.....

.... something that too many of the far left seem to bank on.

I'd like to move to Cuba too, 'cause of the rum and sailing. Pirates do well in that area, so I've heard.

 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 270
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 12/23/2010 7:34:29 AM
For anyone who actually thinks socialism would make a nice place for you to live, check out this book:
[u]Red China Blues: My Long March From Mao to Now[/u] by Jan Wong.
Jan was born in Toronto, of Chinese descent, and was a full blown Maoist during the 1970s.
She went to live and study in China that was under Mao, then Deng Xiopeng (Deng ordered the Tianemen Massacre in 1989).
She dreamed of this non-materialistic, class welfare society.
She found a very divided class society (government officials lived lavish lives while everyone else was dirt poor), very unexpectedly.
She also found out that most people, upon hearing she was from Canada, wanted her help to get out of China ASAP.

So, if you really think living in Cuba will be good for you and your baby, think again. You'll be treated like crap by the government, and face it, you're still a spoiled Caucasian from Canada. If you actually do have the stones to move to Cuba, I'll take bets that you'll be trying to get back in less than six months.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 271
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Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 12/23/2010 7:43:41 AM

my decision to not return to my job full-time.



Hey do ya all think I'll have to claim the retro child support windfall on my taxes?....hmmmm.....perhas I should put more into my RRSP's?
You guys better strart catching up...and standing up to your obligations



and if I do finally get the arrears from my EX and the court case against the arsewipe step-father pans out....The whole family is goin on a cruise!!


Holy cow.........pure scary! Our weak arguments? Liz, you prove beyond a shadow of a doubt how single Canadian moms can be chok full of entitlement........

There's a saying one of my uncles used to say...."The bigger the nipple, the harder they suck"..........that pretty much sums it up for ya, Liz.......enjoy that cruise - your "entitled" to it......while you're at it, better put lots of sunscreen on those big lips....those babies will be nice and plump from all that sucking......wouldn't want YOU to get burned....lol.....

Gentlemen........please.......BEWARE!!
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 272
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 12/23/2010 11:15:12 AM

I can be**** enough and blunt enough to cut through the whining BS I hear on these forums because I am making hard choices and living by them.
So, being lazy and leeching off of others is a "hard choice?"
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