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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?      Home login  
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 felldownstairs
Joined: 10/2/2004
Msg: 27
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?Page 2 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Maybe it's the ADD you suffer from that prevents you from understanding that a random compliment does not necessarily imply a lack of interest in whatever pedantic rant you are on.

Being interested in whatever issues are under discussion, and taking a moment to pay a compliment to someone (be it useless flattery, or pure sincerity) are not mutually exclusive.

Similarly, your bland generalization that people will not interrupt conversations with trivial comments if they are truly 'passionate' about the subject matter can only be based on some ignorant notion that everyone is so single mindedly obtuse as you. Sorry dear, but we are all different. I can tell you've never been to an academic conference - tangents abound, sidestream notions and inconsequential matters are the pepper on the main dish - and you will probably never find people more passionate about a 'subject' than at such conferences.

Of course, it could be that your conversation partner has simply said to himself: "Oh my god, does this supercilious b.itch ever shut up? She doesn't even know what she's talking about."

Case in point:Your profile states that ADD is a result of:

the neurotransmitters in the parietal lobe fire more slowly than for a normal person


First off, neurotransmitters do not fire. They are chemicals, that's all. Neurotransmitters activate certain receptors, and through a whole convoluted process, the axon itself may fire (an action potential). So what were you trying to say? 1) that neurotransmitters are released more slowly into the synaptic gap? or 2) that the axons fire more slowly? Either way you are grossly incorrect.

Secondly,neuro-imaging (SPECT to be exact) has led to the general categorization of 6 different types of ADD/ADHD. The parietal lobe is involved in all matters of attention at the root level, but in terms of ADD, there is only one categorization in which anomalous activity in the parietal lobe is indicated. And in this case, it is actually increased axonal activity in the parietal.

I would have thought that someone who claims to fall far above the second standard deviation in IQ distribution would actually check her facts to make sure what she is talking about (and for the record, those online IQ tests are not standardized nor are they valid measures of intellectual aptitude).

Since you are so passionate about such topics, if you wish I can send you far more information about ADD; discussing the cultural, social and neurological basis of the disorder. But don't worry, if I interrupt it won't be to compliment your eyes, more likely to tell you to pay attention.
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 28
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:20:32 PM
bucsgirl. All very true. The thing is that I have no romantic interest in the men.
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 29
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:25:46 PM
Bucsgirl. Well, I didn't realize until this last week that I've always felt very guilty that I don't have a partner. It's as if I don't quite fit in because I don't have a partner and at some level I have felt compelled to get one. So I've been on and off internet dating sites for about ten years. The truth is also that if I wanted a date, I could go out most nights as I get more invitations than I can possibly cope with.

I've been kidding myself that it's the type of man. It's not. It's me. I've just not that interested in anything but cerebral connections. It's part of the ADD that I have. The learning specialist at school was explaining to me that most people's cerebral and emotional brains are connected. Mine isn't, and I have to learn to find ways of 'connecting' them. This came up in connection with my career choices by the way - but it applies to the relationship thing as well.

Anyway, it started with wanting a partner; then I realized I really didn't want one, but I enjoyed chatting over here.

I think I now also realize that when men tell me I'm an interesting person and ask me out, they're not asking me out because I'm an interesting person, but because they are attracted to me romantically. Stupid as that may sound, because of the particular way my brain works, I never realized that.

It always hurt me a lot that when men realized I wasn't interested in them romantically, that they 'dumped' me. In the future, I will be quite clear and tell them upfront that I enjoy the cerebral connection, but it will not progress any further.

So, there. Your question is answered.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 30
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:25:57 PM
writing I hate to say this, but it's true, I cannot understand nor relate to that. I wish you happiness in whatever you choose to pursue.
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 31
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:28:05 PM
bunomatic, I think it's fair to say that I don't hog conversations or try to be intellectually superior. IF you read the rest of the threads, it's more to do that the other wants an emotional connection whereas I don't...
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 32
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:30:23 PM
bucsgirl, google INTJ, you will find that 1% of the population are like me. We don't like being touched; we don't like emotional connections except with a very few people. That's the way we are. I think it's the way our brains are wired.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 33
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:33:17 PM
writingstar I will admit to complete ignorance on my part of ADD. I'm glad that you realized what the root problem was and didn't give into any societal pressure for a mate. We have to do what makes us truly happy and as long as you're doing that, you're doing the right thing. GOod luck to you.
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 34
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:34:24 PM
fellowdownstairs, education and intelligence aren't the same thing. I don't have a university education. I've only been in the States 18 months and am now getting one. I only found out I was ADD 9 months ago. I used the term 'fire' loosely as I'm a creative writer and it's not necessary for people to know the jargon.

No, I've never been in an academic conference in my life. And no, I'm not dry at all. That's your assumption.

If a man asks me out because he find me interesting, and then asks me questions and I keep answering them, and we discuss something or other, and suddenly he changes direction and wants to establish emotional closeness, he's the one who was dishonest about why he wanted to be in my company. If he had told me he was interested in me, i would have said no.
 Nickel1
Joined: 12/23/2004
Msg: 35
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:40:11 PM
If a man asks me out because he find me interesting, and then asks me questions and I keep answering them, and we discuss something or other, and suddenly he changes direction and wants to establish emotional closeness, he's the one who was dishonest about why he wanted to be in my company. If he had told me he was interested in me, i would have said no.


Isn't the whole idea of a man asking a woman out usually because he'd like to persue a relationship involving sex or emotional closeness in the form of love or friendship? I hardly think he would be considered to be dishonest about something which definantly is common knowledge.

Nick
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 36
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:40:48 PM
Many women don't like sex. Read the statistics. Read the research. Over and over again, something like 30 or 40% of women don't like sex. I'm not that unusual. Just a helluve lot more honest.

And it's perfectly possible to be happy without sex. In fact, many women who are desperately seeking a partner and can't find one are on prozac and are so depressed, it's sad.
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 37
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:43:44 PM
Nick, believe it or not, I never realized until I was 45 years old that men asked me out because they were interested in me and were attracted to my looks. I genuinely thought they were being brotherly or chivalrous, or courteous or something.

Blame it on the ADD. There have been entire gaps in my lack of comprehension.

I do understand that now. And as I read all your comments and responses to me, it lifts a greater and greater burden off my shoulders. The learning specialist at school says that the growth in my happiness quotient has been remarkable. And so it has.

You have no idea how freeing it is to finally understand why I'm different, why I didn't understand, and why I don't connect to men in the same way that other women do.
 Nickel1
Joined: 12/23/2004
Msg: 38
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:45:32 PM

And it's perfectly possible to be happy without sex.


I'm not entirely sure thats true, but I definantly know it's not possible to be happy without 'emotional closeness' - it's a basic human need, and our psyche's are built around receiving it.


Over and over again, something like 30 or 40% of women don't like sex.


I don't buy that for one second - hell most women I've met love sex even more than men! Please post a link to your reference for that.
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 39
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:48:34 PM
THANKS EVERYBODY. I WILL REMOVE MY PROFILE LATER TODAY. IN A WAY, I'M DONE. I FINALLY REALIZE THAT I HAVE BEEN LOATHE TO CONFRONT THE EMOTIONAL COMPONENT THOUGH AT SOME LEVEL I WAS AWARE OF IT. THE ADD HAS MADE IT VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME TO THINK IN CERTAIN WAYS.

THANK YOU FOR BEING MY TEACHERS.

GOD BLESS.
 Nickel1
Joined: 12/23/2004
Msg: 40
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:52:37 PM

Blame it on the ADD. There have been entire gaps in my lack of comprehension.


What you are describing sounds less and less like ADD. Lack of interest in sex and human contact as well as ADD and disassociation can all be symptoms of Major Depression. Additionally, keep in mind that ADD is one of the most misdiagnosed psychological maladies around and is usually a symptom of some larger affliction. I myself was diagnosed with ADD years ago, which eventually turned out to be a symptom of hypothyroidism!

> You have no idea how freeing it is to finally understand why I'm different, why I didn't \
> understand, and why I don't connect to men in the same way that other women do.

I'm happy that you've found something to grab on to, but you have to be careful when using a crutch that it doesn't become permanant.

Nick
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 41
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:54:09 PM
nickel Google what she said, I did and it's a very perplexing and complex situation. Something I don't understand and can't relate to.
 tyme_gypsy
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 42
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Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 4:21:08 PM
(jrguitar23 wrote) Since you're obviously looking for a mental connection, perhaps it would benefit you to do some research on male psychology. On the other hand, if you've been talking to "pretty boys" instead of men who might have an equivalent intellect, then you only have yourself to blame. Rest assured, there's a nerd out there who can joust with you mentally till you become bored, but he MAY not offer the physical stimulation you'd get from a hunky guy. By the way, I love talking to smart girls; the only problem is, smart isn't sexy; SEXY is sexy.

I like most of your thoughts but on the last, I disagree.
I think smart is VERY sexy.
It has been my observation that a woman who has it going on between the ears is much easier to deal with than one running on hormones and emotion. Furthermore, since the greatest sex organ is actually the one located between the ears, "smart" and "sexy" can be virtually synonymous.
 Nickel1
Joined: 12/23/2004
Msg: 43
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 4:23:29 PM
I don't think the point was that being smart can't be sexy, just that being smart alone isn't sexy in and of itself. Gotta know how to use those brains for that :^)

I love a smart woman more than anything, but if she's a cold fish, it isn't enough.
 tyme_gypsy
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 44
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Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 4:29:12 PM
Nickel, you could be right but since jrguitar23 specifically wrote "smart isn't sexy"
it probably means that he felt "smart isn't sexy"
I could be wrong however...
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 45
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 4:39:42 PM
tyme <----understands women.
 Nickel1
Joined: 12/23/2004
Msg: 46
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 5:02:43 PM


Nickel, you could be right but since jrguitar23 specifically wrote "smart isn't sexy"
it probably means that he felt "smart isn't sexy"


Thyme,

I disagree in a very geeky way. B)

I felt the statement was meant to say that smart doesn't imply sexy but isn't mutually exclusive with it. Just because you are smart doesn't make you sexy, but you can be sexy and smart simeltaneously.

Nick
 MikeJ
Joined: 1/30/2005
Msg: 47
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 5:18:35 PM

Mikej - I'm not intellectually arrogant. Nobody has ever called me that.


I just did. And people generally try to be polite.

When I read your first post, this is how it looks to me:


One of the things that really surprises me is the number of men who can't have a decent conversation.


Condescending opening statement.


I'm aware that I'm in the top 1% (brainswise), but still.


Absolutely no reason to ever mention something like this, except to make your perceived intellectual superiority known.


I can't tell you the number of times that I've found myself in an interesting discussion with a guy (be it international administration, genetic manipulation, or the color of money), and all of a sudden the guy will take my hand and say something like, "You've got beautiful eyes" or "You've got a lovely smile" or something...


Clumsy attempt at flattering yourself without looking conceited.

And it goes on ad nauseum.

Maybe it's not arrogance I see here. Perhaps rampant insecurity?


My feeling is that they weren't interested in the conversation in the first place, talked about it in order to establish a connection, then when the connection was established, they thought they 'had me', and now they could switch direction to what they were really interested in...

Unfortunately, if the content of the conversation was what I was interested in (and not them), the ploy isn't going to work, is it?


For a genius you seem to be missing the big picture. If I'm someone looking for long-term, that doesn't exclude having short-term relationships or just a good old one night stand.

I've slept with plenty of women that I would never, ever consider for a relationship.
 dreaminuvya
Joined: 2/16/2005
Msg: 48
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 5:48:26 PM
How much Yen are we talking here?
 Offmyrocker
Joined: 6/23/2005
Msg: 49
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 6:09:23 PM
Star, you scare me. I'm too stupid to have a conversation with you. I can't have sex either. Hell, I'm a useless, expendable old **stard. Even my wife wants me dead. I can't convert yen to other currency either.
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 50
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 6:40:55 PM
"If I'm someone looking for long-term, that doesn't exclude having short-term relationships or just a good old one night stand.

I've slept with plenty of women that I would never, ever consider for a relationship."

And that's the crux of it, isn't it? Why would I want to sleep with someone when it wasn't going to be a long term relationship. For many women, the only way they can enjoy sex is to commit emotionally, mentally, and in every respect. So, either the sex isn't enjoyable on a one night stand because it's a one night stand, or a six week stand, or they invest emotionally/intellectually, whatever, and the guy is just sleeping with her because 'the sex is good'.

I can't tell you the number of broken women I've sat and listened to for hours while they cried on my shoulder trying to understand why someone they were sleeping with for years ran off the moment marriage was mentioned.... i.e. the male wouldn't consider marriage, but was around for the emotional investment, the sex, etc. Very often, the women gave these things because they understood it was going to lead to marriage.
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 51
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Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 6:56:53 PM
@writing star,
I can't tell you how many times I have turned down a second date with a woman who is physically beautiful because she doesn't excite my mind. I can get bored by people very quickly. If I get bored on the first date, when she should have plenty of material, I know it's no longer worthy of pursuit. If she and I talk until day break about everything from historical theory and philosophy to theology, politics and even current events ... she'll have my interest.
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