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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?      Home login  
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 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 52
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Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?Page 3 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Where did the Meyers-Briggs come from? I refuse to read the whole thread, especially because it seems to have turned ugly ... but M-B analysis is very useful. I am ENTJ ... Very odd personality, indeed ... For instance, the character Kosmo Kramer is an ENTJ personality. Great stuff!!!
 HB2
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 53
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:02:16 PM
Yam....I hated that test!

It said I was crazy! LOL

Real men don't run....boy/men do!
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 54
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Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:06:31 PM
LOL, HB, when I was in college I took all kinds of tests for the psychology department. I was a favorite among the guinea pigs. But I learned a lot about myself. For instance, I'm an ENTJ, my IQ is 136 ... one test even said my confidence level places me in the top 2% of the world's population when it comes to self confidence. ... All this for beer money
 HB2
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 55
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:09:51 PM
I had to take them for psychology class....what a pain!
And your self confidence may be higher hon but not your IQ!
See..I'm crazy! lol

I too am ENTJ....who would have figured to ever meet another one?!

Must be why you don't run from me! lmao
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 56
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Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:11:40 PM
Me and who? Writing Star? Perhaps we do. I don't necessarily think that would be such a bad thing. She seems like an intelligent person. But if she's the INTJ... it would never work. That personality and ENTJ is like oil and water.
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 57
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Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:14:24 PM
LOL, HB, ... I dunno, your self confidence level is awfully high, too.
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 58
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:25:15 PM
MikeJ

"I just did. And people generally try to be polite."

Yes, they do. And it gets me absolutely nowhere. People are so concerned that they are going to hurt my feelings or my ego or my pride or whatever else, that they don't come out and say things directly. I tend not to understand things that aren't direct.

So, here's a technique. When I want input on something, say it in a blunt way calculated to rile ego and generate comment. Somewhere, someone (hopefully more than one) will be perceptive and hit on the right thing. And somewhere, because people are upset, they will be direct and forget about trying to spare my feelings.

So, this afternoon, I learned a number of things. It's really being a progressive thing over the past few weeks.

I will not invest in men emotionally or connect to them emotionally until I've known them for quite a long while and got to know them as people. Only when I know for certain that there is a genuine connection (and that can take 6 months or 6 years or maybe 6 days, because it depends on the intensity of genuine connection and the situation), will I open emotionally.

I connect intellectually first. By this I mean that I could talk about anything but NOT emotions and not about my feelings and not about personal stuff. It could be anything on the news, or discussing a movie, or whatever, just so long as its impersonal. When I've learned more about the person and we have something in common, emotional connections will develop. That's why I prefer to meet people at dance classes, at school, at volunteer activities, etc. It means one sees somebody regularly over a period of time and sees how they interact with others and what they're like as people.

So, for me, the progression is from impersonal (intellectual) to personal (emotional) to sexual (physical) and it takes time.

These days I keep meeting men who want instant access - whether emotional or physical - pretty much immediately. Doesn't work for me.
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 59
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:29:07 PM
TO THOSE WHO MENTIONED THE COMPLIMENTS.

You're probably right. And I think after reading through all this, you're right. I did misinterpret. I guess I just never understood why someone would change the subject. I think some probably did want to move to something more personal and I wanted to keep things impersonal.

In retrospect, I think the terms impersonal and personal are better descriptions of what I'm trying to say.

There are probably many other reasons men pay compliments as well. I don't understand the purpose of compliments. They rarely make me feel good because the compliments are about things I don't particularly value.

Funny enough, there are compliments that touch me deeply, e.g. someone who tells me that I've done a good job, someone who tells me that I'm a nice person, someone who tells me I'm a good mother. It's values rather than appearance that does it for me.

And I guess, for some reason, these aren't the things that too many men tell me. It's women who do.

Thanks for the information, though. It has given me a better understanding.
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 60
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:31:22 PM
Precisely Hervie!

And I sorted all that out today. :)

Thanks.

Ironically, I bet you anything that if I tell men that I have a problem investing emotions pretty much upfront, I'd probably cause less hurt. And it wouldn't rebound on me so much.
 weird944
Joined: 5/5/2005
Msg: 61
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:36:27 PM
Top 1% Top 3% If someone was truely in a top percentage category shouldn't you realise that you are no better than anyone else? It's a lie some tool with a pen and paper told you. Everybody has their skills they exceed in and others they lack behind in. Just because your litterate doesn't make a person smart. Look at mathematical genious's with autism. Heh no normal person can even comprehend the math these people can do. Would you say that a person with autism is top 1% because they are a living breathing walking calculator? Yet strugle to survive everyday?

Smart people don't see themselves any better than anyone else.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 62
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:36:48 PM
oommaadoll Fry my burger? That's awesome, I'm rolling on the floor laughing!! Excellent, dear, excellent. Play dumb play sexy play whatever, we've all done that men and women. It's a part of life, living and learning. I never looked at myself as a percentage of anything, I loved taking all the tests done the Myers Brigg and Wisconsin whatever it is, voluntarily I enjoy taking the tests. Yeah just to see what someone else's version of a peek into my psyche of answering a sh!t load of questions produces. Does this alter my self perception heck no. It's just interesting to me. If I met someone that wanted to be somewhat seriously involved and for his sake I had to undergo a barrage of these tests, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Not for him exclusively but for me I find them interesting and mildly entertaining. Welcome to my world, being shown on cable in your area on channel 37.8742.
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 63
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Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:38:24 PM
I've never "played" anything for a woman You get me, nothing more, nothing less. If I don't impress you for being who I am ... oh well.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 64
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:39:21 PM
yam You have a special place in my mind and in my heart I hope you know that. Second beer's on me!
 Goddard
Joined: 2/17/2005
Msg: 65
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:40:23 PM
I will not invest in men emotionally or connect to them emotionally until I've known them for quite a long while and got to know them as people. Only when I know for certain that there is a genuine connection (and that can take 6 months or 6 years or maybe 6 days, because it depends on the intensity of genuine connection and the situation), will I open emotionally.

Well, good luck with that. Most men I know wouldn't wait 6 months to know if there is an emotional connection with a woman. The third date is enough.

There are probably many other reasons men pay compliments as well. I don't understand the purpose of compliments. They rarely make me feel good because the compliments are about things I don't particularly value.

Perhaps you should learn to take in account things that other people, particularly those you may want to connect emotionally with, value.
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 66
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Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:42:50 PM
Bucs

I may not be the most datable guy here, but I might be the most honest. Amazing how many "masks" are removed when you're not looking for a date

We'll work on your football fandom problem later
 jedbushel
Joined: 6/25/2005
Msg: 67
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:44:49 PM
I like how the thread started as a question about what is wrong with men, and ended up after an orgy of psychobabble concluding the problem is an INFTJNEP innability to experience orgasm. Where's Woody Allen? He should be here taking notes for his next movie.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 68
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:47:07 PM
tangoperu You have it down to numbers? Date No.3? Wow, I have to stop and reassess, just completed date No. 2, date No. 3 soon to follow, what is gonna happen?
You gotta be kidding! Three dates = investment? Sorry but to be fair, the post that you responded to in your eagerness said 6 months' 6 years or 6 days. Why did you arbitrarily pick 6 months. You have a lay away plan? In 6 months, no lay, you're away? Oh, sorry that's right your on the 3date plan. Whoohee. Talk about a rush.....
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 69
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Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:47:51 PM
Tango,
everyone's different. I'm very similar to writing star. Some people aren't quick to trust other or connect with them. If that drives people away, it's a good thing. They weren't people we would want in our lives anyway.

Also, why should she take into account what others value when coming in the form of compliments? For instance, people tell me all the time that I'm a gifted writer. Great. I say thanks, smile and move on. But that compliment means little to me.
 phenakerteiben
Joined: 10/21/2004
Msg: 70
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Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:48:21 PM
Because relationships are more about emotions than the mind. Men may like your intelligence, but that's just one fascinating facet. Intelligent conversation may eventually be involved in the relationship, but it's rarely where it starts.

Having dated some fairly intelligent women, I can generalize a little bit too. For instance, I know from experience that if you can't speak plainly, simply and from the heart, and all you're concerned with is what's spinning in your head at that particular second, most men (Hell, most everyone) will be bored.

Look, I like a nice conversation about the philisophical implications of genetic algorithms, and whether thoughts/memes resemble life enough to merit the label. It takes two to tango, however. You have to be willing to *listen* to the other person, even when they're spouting nonsense, or when you think "you already know that." You might. I hear people explain obvious things to me ever day, until they take some tangent I never expected, or I realize the obvious point they were making was designed to make me see something I'd been missing. Takes patience for that sort of thing. How's yours?
 ~Jim~
Joined: 11/10/2004
Msg: 71
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:51:31 PM
maybe you were just boring the shit out of him and he didn't want to let you actually comprehend just how intellectually superior he was over you.
 jedbushel
Joined: 6/25/2005
Msg: 72
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 73
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:53:40 PM
Dear Weird944.

Let me give you an example of DUMB. The number of people on this site that have accused me of being arrogant, thinking I'm better than anyone, whatever, is mind blowing. I don't think of myself as better than anyone.

That's your interpretation. Because you think that anyone who makes those statements must be saying so because they want to put others down. In fact, one might just mention them in order to give a broader perspective of what the real problem is. If one withholds information like that, then accurate information doesn't come in. It's important to see the big picture - so I mentioned the fact that I was considered bright.

Being intelligent has nothing to do with emotional intelligence. I'm well aware of that. Nor has it anything to do with ADD, being an INTJ, or being attractive. These are all aspects of the big picture. It was important to give the big picture in order to get balanced feedback.

For the record, the people most likely to accuse others of thinking that they are better than others, are the precise ones who are feeling inferior.
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 74
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:56:56 PM
RitzNB, maybe it's just something I don't want to hear about anymore?
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 75
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 8:02:12 PM
yam Problem? If it's Steelers and Bucs, that's a no win. If you're talking sacrificing my secure career to be a towel girl in the locker room...heck yeah! My soap, my towels... I'd even be willing to possibly shampoo someone's hair now and then, well just to help, I'm a good employee and willing to go beyond my job description. Was that it? If not, oh well....
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 76
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 8:07:21 PM
I'm curious why you and others think I don't listen. I'm a very good listener. I listen lots. I just don't want to get personal within hours or days of meeting. That's all.

I guess you're right about relationships being more about emotions. I guess I thought they were about commitment and raising children together and surviving together. In many cultures, it has stuff all to do with emotions. The marriage is arranged, and often the people become happy as they get to know each other. They know from the start that they have to respect each other. I've met people in marriages like that.

It's only in the last 100 years that there's been the big thing about relationships having to do with emotions.

Anyway, I do have to thank you. I've been wrong about the sex. It's been about the emotions. I understand that now. Bye.
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