Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 PersiusOne
Joined: 8/20/2004
Msg: 104
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?Page 5 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
I can relate - it surprises me how much some women actually get lost in conversation I have with them. Granted sometimes I run off on a tangent - but I suppose there are good and bad things about any of these situations. It is not always about a singular rule or indication which defines our actions, moreso an overall analysis of the situation in whole..
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 105
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/26/2005 4:06:58 PM
Please, before you write this lady would you please take the time to look over her profile and google the letters she posted a couple of pages back? She has a rare physical condition, I don't know what to call it, other than condition. Scan over the first link after you google. It's very difficult to understand, but she made it clear that she doesn't have the emotional function that the rest of us do. She already said she doesn't like dating and hates sex. So your advice to get laid, to be more emotionally available or that the right man could fix whatever you think is wrong with her is totally inappropriate. She suffers from several different conditions, so please just either try to understand before you lash out at her. She relates to people and emotions differently than most of us do, and can't help it. This is a medical condition and I implore you to try to show some compassion and humanity. I can't thoroughly understand this, there is too much material to read and study, but I did scan it and read a good part of it just to have a bit of understanding. It's very complex, it's an organic condition like diabetes in that she can't help the way her brain processes, and I won't even attempt to explain, read it for yourself.
I can't relate to not wanting to be touched, not wanting or needing physical closeness, being emotionally removed not liking dating, or hating sex. I can't relate but I can try to understand and empathize. I'm just ask you to please do the same.
 phenakerteiben
Joined: 10/21/2004
Msg: 106
view profile
History
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/26/2005 4:46:38 PM
>I'm a very good listener.
Perhaps. The fact is, every woman I've ever met thinks she's a good listener. And you may be. Do you ever slow down enough to let the other person talk? I don't know. I'm just curious. Many women use conversation to distance themselves, rather than gain intimacy.

>It's only in the last 100 years that there's been the big thing about relationships having to do with emotions.
It was frequently a big thing. It just didn't get much press until populist governments started appearing.

>I've met people in marriages like that.
I have too and some work very well.

>It's been about the emotions. I understand that now.
No. I doubt it. It's not a fact you can process. If by age 30, you haven't intuited this, I'm not sure you're able to intuitively feel what emotions others are experiencing at all. I know a woman like this. She can push other people's buttons, metaphorically speaking, and read body language like a book. And that's how she does it. She doesn't experience others whole. She adds the behaviors all up and makes the most probable conclusion. By this time, she's right enough to get by. Sometimes she's absurdly wrong. In addition to this, her insight into her own behavior is um, poor, to put it nicely.

You may not be like this at all, but your posts seem to suggest it again and again. Perhaps I'm just viewing it through the lense of my own experiences.
 phenakerteiben
Joined: 10/21/2004
Msg: 107
view profile
History
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/26/2005 4:53:17 PM
I just read my last post and I sounded rather harsh and judgmental, so I apologize for that. In fact, after I read you profile and saw your picture, I knew that if I lived in SD, I'd want to date you and get to know you better regardless of outcome.
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 108
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 109
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/26/2005 6:05:10 PM
Thanks bucsgirl. You're a great lady!

I've got over it, though. I've already started the healing and readjustment phase and the fact that there are some out there who don't get it right, well I guess they aren't perfect either. I've forgiven them already.

I'm actually happy that I now understand what the problem was and I can now plan how to handle it the next time it happens. :)

Thanks.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 110
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/26/2005 6:07:37 PM
writing No problem, actually this is such a common reason for miscommunication and failure in relationships. Lack of understanding either intentional or unintentional and personal attacks without giving someone patience when they have a physical problem. I hate to see people derated for no reason, and I just thought some of the posts were outright mean and cruel, some just ignorant of your condition.
I think you're a great lady too.
 Anlachok
Joined: 4/24/2005
Msg: 111
view profile
History
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/26/2005 7:24:14 PM
The art of conversation has gone way of of the dodo....I look for intelligent conversation..mind you I don't look for the phds or masters degrees but for a general awareness or a woman that has something to say....anything that resembles an actual conversation.
 Tucsonted
Joined: 10/16/2004
Msg: 112
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/26/2005 9:50:02 PM
Did you USE a man to have your daughter?
 silivros
Joined: 3/19/2005
Msg: 113
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/26/2005 10:09:29 PM
Just when I think I'm the smartest S.O.B on the planet some little kid will say something profound and leave me pondering for days.
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 114
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/27/2005 2:38:23 AM
Thank you, Hervie1. You should have seen what he wrote me. I thought about responding and then decided he wasn't worth the effort.
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 115
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/27/2005 2:48:11 AM
No, nomo, this thread did not start with the assertion that 'Men do not like intelligent women'. It started with, "One of the things that really surprises me is the number of men who can't have a decent conversation."

It was your interpretation of it that led you to believe that I said men do not like intelligent women. I'm very aware that men do like intelligent women because I'm constantly asked out and many men comment on it. And it does not put them off. What I was commenting on was their desire to interrupt a conversation with trivia.

Also, the email you sent me gave me a big lecture about I will never find a man if I chose not to relate emotionally. Again, that was your interpretation of what I was asking. No where do I say in my post that I wanted to find a man. I wanted to understand their behavior, not find a man.

I wasn't upset about not being able to find a man. I've accepted for quite a while that I'm going to be single for the rest of my life. What I'm upset about is spending time with a man because he said he found me interesting (as opposed to sexy) and that I thought that this meant platonic, and then start getting signals this his interest is more than platonic.

I blocked you because the tone of your email to me was that of a lecture to a three year old who doesn't comprehend basics. I really don't need to be lectured to.

Apart from that, it might help if you understood what I was saying before you dispensed advice.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 116
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/27/2005 6:40:05 AM
Writing after taking a look at the man in question's profile (not hervie), I would say you're right on. For someone who's supposedly a teacher, doesn't show much understanding. I'm wondering how much reading was actually done, of your profile or about your conditon.
Anyway, good decision.
 oldsarge
Joined: 1/29/2005
Msg: 117
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/27/2005 6:44:07 AM
I have a great need to step in here and provide information on interpretation and use of the MBTI. (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator)

It is an instrument by which any person may learn more about his/her preferences in dealing with the environment in which he/she exists.

The first indicator shows preferences for 'looking' at that environment:

E (Extrovert) 10 - - - - - - - - - 0 - - - - - - - - - 10 I (Introvert)

The Extrovert prefers the environment of people and things.
The Introvert prefers the environment of concepts and ideas.

Whether you are an Extrovert or Introvert (by the answers given on the instrument) is reflected by a "point" on the "scale" indicated above. The "point" on the left or right of the '0' indicates the degree (1 through 10) of your Extroversion or Introversion Preference.

Extroverts are not necessarily "party animals" and Introverts are not necessarily "hermits".

The closer your "point" is to '0', the more a change in your environment will affect your preference. This will be true for the rest of the indicators as well.


The second indicator shows your preferred method of gathering information from your environment :

S (Senses) 10 - - - - - - - - - 0 - - - - - - - - - 10 N (Intuition)

The "sensing" person prefers to gather information through the physical senses (Sight, Hearing, Touch, Smell ...). To the 'degree' (1-10) this person will ignore all input that is not verified by the senses.

The "intuitive' person prefers to gather information in a more or less 'subjective' manner. To the 'degree' (1-10) this person will ignore input from the senses in favor of his/her own subjective criteria.
The closer your "point" is to '0', the more a specific 'situation' will affect your preference.


The third indicator shows your preferred method of processing the information gathered:

T (Thinking) 10 - - - - - - - - - 0 - - - - - - - - - 10 F (Feeling)

The "thinking" person prefers to use logic or generally accepted procedures (on the scale of 1-10) to processing the information. (Mr. Spock comes to mind ... for all you "trekkies.)

The "feeling" person prefers to use emotions to process the information. Common statements such as, "I don't like this." or " Just because I said so." come to mind.
The closer your "point" is to '0', the more a specific 'situation' will affect your preference.


The fourth indicator shows your preferred method of action, based on all of the above processes:

J (Judgement) 10 - - - - - - - - - 0 - - - - - - - - - 10 P (Perceptive)

The "judgement" person moves to reach a conclusion quickly and move on to the next agenda.
The "perceptive" person will want to gather more data for examination before coming to a conclusion.
The closer your "point" is to '0', the more a specific 'situation' will affect your preference.



The MBTI is NOT a 'compatability' instrument.
It was designed to provide the individual with an insight to his/her personality and (in a full analysis) guide the person to an appreciation of his/her uniqueness and give strategies for effective interpersonal relations and group development.
There is no "best" Type. Although, correlation studies have been done, I would rate them all with studies such as "the positive correlation of shoe size to intelligence".

It is, imo, the most effective instrument of its kind and has withstood over 50 years of validation.

Sarge... an "extreme" INTP

Addendum: There is only one MBTI and that one is 'approved' by the American Psychological Association and the persons administering the instrument must be approved by the APA to do so. I'm aware of the many "Internet" clones.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 118
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/27/2005 6:48:37 AM
sarge Thanks for the info! I may check out the internet clones, I'm trying to remember...I've had it done before I think I'm a ENTJ. Would be good to even do a clone again. Appreciate that!
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 120
Forgive me for saying it...
Posted: 6/27/2005 7:35:00 AM
Writingstar , I am a little late in these postings , well yes guys would run away if all you do is talk about intellectual things in a serious tone as if getting the news , that is if you do that , I have a friend and we play chess together , we can play for 6 hours , and she can talk about quantam physics and new discoveries but while we do that we make eachother laugh insessantly , somethings maybe extremely childish but moents are to be savored in enjoyment . Maybe guys just do not enjoy serious talk too long .

Men see women as possiblities for a certian types of relationships when they meet them , we try hard and fail alot in this so any women that is contact with us we try to see beyond the platonic friendship , women do not realize how easy it is for them to get to know men and initialize relationships with them , for guys it is a constant battle , too many females want to be friends .

That is just my thought , personally , i love conversations , long ones , but like to be funny too .

You live in San Diego , I live here also , maybe we can have a conversation and let you know where you stand on the answer to you initial question . e-mail me if you are interested.
 7times
Joined: 4/11/2005
Msg: 121
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/27/2005 12:37:00 PM
Okay, well at least the guy will know when to compliment since she will probably say its appropriate now..
 MikeJ
Joined: 1/30/2005
Msg: 122
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/29/2005 3:04:20 AM
I can't believe people are disputing that she's full of herself (or at least presenting herself that way). Although in hindsight, after she felt the need to PM me to explain how the problem I'm just too stupid to understand what she's saying I figure maybe she's just extremely insecure and hides behind intellecutal elitism.

Which is cool. But she's dishonest, which is not cool.
 Summer Dream
Joined: 7/3/2005
Msg: 123
view profile
History
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 7/3/2005 7:46:45 AM
Borrow the car? I have my own, and yes, it's a 5-speed. And a 4x4, with a Class IV hitch...
 x_soldat
Joined: 5/6/2004
Msg: 124
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 7/11/2005 11:33:51 PM
Dang!

This gal is at the bottom of the scrum and it ain't lookin very pretty. Poor thang.

I figger she's got a couple options.

1) See if Stephen Hawkings is available (and he won't reach for your booty, 'lessen he's developed some sort of clean room manipulating arm at the end of his wheel chair.)

She won't have to worry that icky, boy-germ infested, poke-poke-poking action of THINGY.

2) If ya can't beat the idiots, join them by dramatically killing off a lot of brain cells.

Again, you can pick yer poison:

- endless shots of Jack Daniels with an Old Granddad chaser - drink - puke - repeat;

- car fumes, oven cleaner, but be careful -- you just want to get dumb enough to hold the attention of that linebacker you'd been talking to, not end up pushing up daisies;

- ball peen hammer. You might need a trusted friend to do the phrenological makeover. Folks tend to chicken out after the first one or two pings.

3) Last I heard, international chess champion Bobby Fischer is cooling his heels in Iceland after his catch-and-release adventure in Japan. Smart? International? Captive audience?

Perfect!
 artlover88
Joined: 7/3/2005
Msg: 125
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 7/11/2005 11:55:14 PM
I love smart women! In fact, intelligence is one of the must haves on my list of things I look for in a woman. Recently I dated a woman who looked awesome. Men couldn't take their eyes off her. But it was a short time before I realized that I couldn't live without great intelligent conversation. Oh, and about men who interject a "you have beautiful eye's" comment just as the conversation is getting interesting.... well you may have wow-ed them so much with your smarts as well as your beauty that the compulsion to kiss you took them over. Try not to judge us simple guys too harshly.
 txboy46
Joined: 6/30/2005
Msg: 126
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 7/12/2005 1:41:48 AM
lol, so that's why I've been afraid of b****es all of my life. Well then all I can hope for is that a woman will not give into her arachnoid impulses and actually appreciate me as a male, and not kill me!
 faithfulntrue2u
Joined: 7/8/2005
Msg: 127
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 7/12/2005 2:16:31 AM
Not me! I skip the beach and head straight to the Mensa convertion to check out the hotties with the black horn-rimmed power glasses....lol...I'm kidding of course.

I'm completely attracted to intelligent women. I cringe when I'm talking to a woman who uses the word "LIKE" before every adverb. I would never try to be a "Mr. Know-It-All", but I love stimulating conversation with a woman with a crisp mind and a witty sense of humor. I'm confident enough to be fully in touch with my inner-geek and comfortable enough to be a man's man on the outside.

It's 5 in the AM, I'm tired, and I'm probably rambling, but I'd much prefer the woman who relies on her beautiful mind than the woman who must depend on her beautiful body.

Substance is much more attractive than silicone.
 enduring
Joined: 2/24/2004
Msg: 128
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 7/12/2005 7:32:16 AM
Maybe it's not the fact that it is intelligent conversation you are seeking, but the topics. Although I may not have the same level of education, genetic manipulation does nothing for me. If you want to discuss longevity modifications to a Ford 5R100 transmission, or maybe General Motors latest introduction to the Diesel/Electric locomotive market, you would have my attention. People sometimes confuse the desire for what is considered intelligent conversation with the mindless banter that so many people engage in. You can have an intelligent conversation about swimsuit models, but it is never looked at that way.
 HB2
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 129
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 7/12/2005 7:39:38 AM
Real men don't, they appreciate it!
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?