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 behavewhat
Joined: 1/23/2009
Msg: 26
Married Men -To date or not to date? Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Men can be dog's, I feel that some of the threads were blaming you - no, they want hot passionate sex with a hot woman because they are cheaters Number 1 & they devise a plan to get what they want.. Just get all their info, play hard to get & you will find out soon enough if they are playa's. I am mean enough to make them cry when they think they can do it with me, but we have female playa's too, so for the record scum bags come in all shapes and sizes & if your a married one, well there is a special place in hell for you to rest your head when you leave this life.
 LonestarStar
Joined: 12/14/2008
Msg: 27
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/6/2009 9:54:30 PM
^but he says that he prefers me because i dont demand things of him, i dont try and control him or his money. so maybe thats what their all looking for


Of course you don't demand anything from him! Not only are you not his wife, but you know he can easily dump you if you DO set some expectations for him.
The way I see it, you either have no self-respect so you'll never do anything that might spook him or it's just a waiting game. You guys get married, you act like a wife, and he gives the same sob story to his new girlfriend. Or you realize he's never going to leave his wife.
There's no happy ending here...

Some women are controlling nags who drive their wives away. Some men are immature and turn into another child for their wives...and then throw a temper tantrum in true form.
When my ex and I were younger we lived in a one bedroom apartment on the third floor with our son and our dog...we were saving up money to buy our house. I was about 5 months pregnant with my daughter and having trouble getting up and down the stairs, especially to take the dog out, and my husband was out of town 5 days a week.
One day, he comes home with a German Shepherd/Chow mix and decides he wants to keep it.
We fought for days over it, and finally I told him I was taking it to the shelter because we had no room and I had no energy for another animal, so he called one of his female friends who loved dogs to take it. I overheard her talking about how controlling, ridiculous, and unfair I was being, but I brushed it off...
A year later, I found out they'd been screwing around for, well...a year.
 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 28
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/6/2009 10:37:54 PM

The majority of men that come on to me are married! Why do they do this?


are you that naive you have to ask?

It could be many factors but ...most married people Man OR Women go after easy targets.
 Diva77
Joined: 10/31/2008
Msg: 29
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/7/2009 2:50:43 AM
Because m_church, it is my choice, and it works for me for now. I do not need to explain myself or justify my choices further. Leave it be.
 Jeep24015mama
Joined: 7/20/2008
Msg: 30
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/7/2009 7:07:15 AM
The married men are missing something at home. They are looking for something. I pity the poor wife at home with the 4 kids. She proabably doesn't have the time to pamper herself and care for her man at the end of a long day. Thus, the man looks elsewhere. They would never divorce their wives, not when they can get what they need on the outside and maintain a semblance of a marriage.

I feel that being with a married man is emotionally empty. A road that has no end. At the end of the ride, he goes back home to his wife.
 brattangel
Joined: 1/26/2009
Msg: 31
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/7/2009 8:39:21 AM
easy target? I would say yes and no. I have a career that is dominated by men. i served four years in the military and several years now in law enforcement. most of my life i've infortunately had to roll with the rude remarks and comments and perverted personalities. So when someone who appears sincere and a gentleman and tells you everything you wants to hear, I turn into a big SUCKER. I pride myself in being a strong independent woman and mother, but when it comes to men- i am clueless. Thanks for all the replies. This forum thing is cool. This is my first dating website. I haven't dated anyone yet, but looking forward to meeting some neat people.
 brattangel
Joined: 1/26/2009
Msg: 32
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/7/2009 9:02:24 AM
Thanks for the supportive words. Good luck to you too.
 classyguy999
Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 33
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/7/2009 12:44:17 PM
Whatever happened to the good old days where people say what they mean and mean what they say? Integrity is shot. Too bad.

What to do? If I were you, the next time you get close to a special guy, express your anguished history of married men and how it ended. Just tell him that the truth ALWAYS has a way of coming out, no matter what. Hopefully, he will have some form of integrity and backs off, maybe even get a divorce and ends up with you...
 classyguy999
Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 34
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/7/2009 12:49:32 PM
I couldnt agree more with Ironangel13. Good post.
 classyguy999
Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 35
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/7/2009 12:54:43 PM
What are we ALL looking for? A connection, depth of character (in our significant other), adventure, excitement, fun, laughter, AND awesome love making. Whether I am married or not, if I stop living with these aspects in my life, I will try to find it else where - but I will end my current relationship first. Its really that simple.

It doesnt have to be complicated, does it?
 Bridge Jumper
Joined: 4/11/2007
Msg: 36
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/10/2009 10:41:12 PM
I guess it's up to the individual but remember Karma is a b*tch and it comes to get you back full force!
 MikeM1968
Joined: 11/3/2007
Msg: 37
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/10/2009 11:01:10 PM

Of course you don't demand anything from him! Not only are you not his wife, but you know he can easily dump you if you DO set some expectations for him.
The way I see it, you either have no self-respect so you'll never do anything that might spook him or it's just a waiting game. You guys get married, you act like a wife, and he gives the same sob story to his new girlfriend. Or you realize he's never going to leave his wife.
There's no happy ending here...


That's just from your own experience, obviously still bitter that the "fairy tale" ideal of marriage wasn't what it was all about, was it?


When my ex and I were younger


You're 24, there's an "ex" already? Holy crap. I dated my ex-wife for 5 yrs and we didn't even marry until I was 27 and she was 25 which only lasted 3 yrs, needless to say I learned that I was too young and naive even at 27 through 30. I never even lived on my own yet, yet I was dumb enough to shack right-up with someone else. Even through all that though, I don't hate women because of what one woman was like.

I had to move out because my mom died and the house was sold. I DIDN'T have to co-sign on an apartment with my ex, nor marry her one month later. What a fvcking mistake!! Lazy b_tch didn't get off her @$$ for 3 yrs, while I worked, cooked, cleaned, went to school full-time. Her goddamn mother was paying her half of the bills. Very, very sad. So when a woman "expects" more out of me, I tell them I already gave "my all" during my trial marriage (since I don't consider it a legitimate one) NEVER AGAIN! And that's not bitterness, that's just moving ahead with dignity.


A year later, I found out they'd been screwing around for, well...a year.


I'm sure there was a little more to it than him just liking animals and you not liking them. In any case, let it go and move on with your life. The next guy you meet isn't responsible for your past mistakes.

Mike
 sweetnsour44
Joined: 12/11/2008
Msg: 38
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/11/2009 8:39:40 AM
He wanted me for sex.
 7upguy
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 39
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/11/2009 12:09:14 PM
i have never dated a married man but i have taken a married girl out and she asked me out and i paid trying to be the gentle man but she was goin thru a long divorce....
 shreddr
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 40
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/12/2009 10:48:30 AM
You want to know why married men are here looking for sex? Because their wives decided it was ok to disregard their husband's needs for any number of reasons, but the reality is that something is missing, and the husband wants it back. Yes there are some guys that have to get laid by as many women as they can so they can keep their ego puffed up, even if Elizabeth Hurley is at home in a negligee anxiously awaiting his arrival. I had a VERY happy marriage up until my first child was born and then it was like going from being married to a porn star to living with a Nun, and no amount of protest changed anything. Its been almost 10 years of neglect, and yes I can wait another 10 and hope things change, which i doubt so instead I will find some passion and perhaps love in a willing participant. For you ladies who choose to give me a scathing "I Dont Do Married, get a divorce if you're unhappy!" response to my kind inquiries, perhaps you might walk a mile in someone elses shoes before you make such blanket black and white judgement statements. Married men will continue to seek sex from other women, because married women will continue to neglect them their basic human needs of emotional connection and sexual contact.

Let the beatings begin....
 goodlistener711
Joined: 1/24/2007
Msg: 41
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/12/2009 10:55:35 AM
No beatings from me Shreddr, I agree 100%!

Same goes for the married woman, who's husbands neglect them as well.
 UrsulaMajor
Joined: 6/21/2008
Msg: 42
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/12/2009 11:06:34 AM
While I agree it's not fair or right for people to neglect their partner's needs, sexually or otherwise, I don't agree that the answer is to go outside of that relationship to get needs met.

Work on the relationship, or if there's no hope, end it. Then feel free to pursue things with another person.

I don't think the whole, "my wife doesn't understand me" thing is working much any more.
 goodlistener711
Joined: 1/24/2007
Msg: 43
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/12/2009 11:21:12 AM
"needs" aren't always sexual.

I'm a social person, my wife is not. Doesn't make her a bad person, but over the years 25+ it's getting old. Not to mention the change in dressing habits, going out and having fun etc. Her idea of a fun night is at home, watching HGTV for hours on end.

The lack of conversation, and being physical(not just sex) can make anyone lonely.
 shreddr
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 44
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/12/2009 11:21:35 AM
thanks for the black and white answer. did you see the part about trying for 10 years. i am not prepared to disrupt my childrens emotional stability for my own pleasure. if it was as easy as divorce my neglectful wife and move on i would have done it years ago
 UrsulaMajor
Joined: 6/21/2008
Msg: 45
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/12/2009 11:24:18 AM
It doesn't make sense to subject children to an environment where the parents don't love each other. My own parents decided to stay together "for the sake of the kids," and all it did was make us ALL much more miserable for many more years.

I get that married guys have their own rationalizations for why they don't leave their marriages. I just don't happen to agree that it's a legitimate reason for screwing around. Just my opinion.

Let's agree to disagree on this one.
 zenarcade
Joined: 1/14/2009
Msg: 46
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/12/2009 11:25:37 AM

i am not prepared to disrupt my childrens emotional stability for my own pleasure.


You do realize that research and scholarship overwhelmingly finds that what you are doing is MORE harmful to your children? Of course not. You might do some research.
 **Tee**
Joined: 3/11/2008
Msg: 47
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/12/2009 11:27:52 AM
You want to know why married men are here looking for sex? Because their wives decided it was ok to disregard their husband's needs for any number of reasons, but the reality is that something is missing, and the husband wants it back


Really?
Funny,...I didn't think this way when I was neglected through most of my 15 year marriage. The last thing I thought about was having an affair. You know what I did instead? I put all of my energy into trying to make him understand we needed to work on "us". It didn't work, he still didn't seem to think we had a problem, so you know what I did then? No, I didn't go looking for another guy to meet my needs. I GOT OUT.

Yeah..so I know where you're coming from cowboy, cause I did walk a mile in your shoes..and I hate to break it to you, but..having affairs outside of your marriage doesn't help your childs emotional stability, it screws up their idea of what a healthy relationship should be like. They really aren't as stupid as you think...

Its funny how people can justify infidelity so easily.
 Argentum Crinis Philogus
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 48
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/12/2009 1:32:03 PM
You do realize that research and scholarship overwhelmingly finds that what you are doing is MORE harmful to your children? Of course not. You might do some research.


It depends on the relationship. If the couple is adversarial, being disrespectful, arguing, and triangulating or attempting to triangulate the children, then they are more likely to be at-risk for some harm. If the parents are friends or can parent together without creating conflict and triangulating the children, then they can certainly live together and live separate social lives without harm.

Or course, there's no guarantee that divorce and not cohabitating will not be harmful to children, especially when the conflict is ongoing and the children are being treated as confidants and used as tools to hurt and undermine the other parent.

The damage can be as great, if not more when parents divorce when they continue to place the children in the middle of their manipulative games.

Best,

ACP
 hunny1976
Joined: 12/20/2008
Msg: 49
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/12/2009 1:51:03 PM
Ok, so the question is, are you looking for advice or validation? If you're looking for validation, there is none. As much as you're hurting, I'm sure it would be much worse for his wife if she knew or knows because she may already. As far as advice goes, you should walk away. The saying goes, any man that would cheat with you, would cheat on you and I believe there is a whole lot of truth in that. You say that the majority of men that come on to you are married and as strange as it may sound, maybe there IS a vibe coming from you that attracts these men. Anytime I find that I'm attracting alot of a certain kind of male that isn't positive I have to take a step back and figure out what I might be doing to make it happen. I mean look at it this way, you say your rule is "no married men" yet you were dating one and are constantly attracting them? Be sure that you aren't quick to flirt with or give the sense of availability to the wrong kind of men, especially if you see signs that he may be spoken for. And trust me, there are always signs.
 Sunshyne276
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 50
view profile
History
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/12/2009 1:58:16 PM
A couple things to consider....

*He lied to you, and betrayed his wife. Is that the kind of man you want to be involved with?

*If he cheated on her, what would make him be loyal to you?

Also...... Put yourself in her situation. How would you feel if you made a life with a man, had his children - 4 children - and then someone else came along?

I'm sorry you are involved in this situation. I hope you make the best decision for yourself, and everyone involved. Take care. =)
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