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Joined: 12/20/2008
Msg: 51
Married Men -To date or not to date? Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
To shreddr,
Ok, let me just say that I agree with you. Before the women reading grab large sticks or metal objects to attack me with, here's what I mean. I agree and understand the reason behind the cheating. It makes sense that a man who is used to getting a certain kind of attention and affection from his wife would feel neglected or even unloved. And any woman who is not willing to give her husband what he needs or desires anymore, for whatever reason, should see it coming. HOWEVER, this doesn't excuse the man's unwillingness to communicate his feelings to his wife before he goes out and handles business elsewhere. Men are quick to do that. It sounds like you tried but if you love your wife and are serious about the marriage, you will do whatever it takes including counseling to try and make that happen. After that, if it's still not working, you make a decision to stay and deal or to walk away. You don't cheat so you can have your cake and eat it too. You're not doing her any favors by sticking around if you're not really happy. It's that simple. It's not EASY, but it is simple.
Joined: 10/18/2008
Msg: 52
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/12/2009 3:31:09 PM
Don't talk to married men. Waste of your time!
Joined: 2/26/2008
Msg: 53
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/12/2009 3:37:32 PM
ugh.. why settle for someone else's sloppy seconds?
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 54
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/12/2009 5:11:30 PM
As far as marrieds go... you have to figure, if the person they swore vows to won't put out...there must be something wrong... of course it's NEVER on the part of the person looking to's ALWAYS on the other person's behalf.. Seriously though, if their own spouse won't put out..why would you want to?
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 55
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/12/2009 5:22:19 PM
The longer I am on this planet, the more I understand why someone would have an affair. The cost of a divorce (in Ontario, at least) can literally wipe out both coffers. Children are forced to take sides. Families and friendships are shattered. Please don't misunderstand me- I am not condoning it. But I know of husbands who have been sleeping in the bathtub for years and wives suffering just as much. It's a lose-lose situation because if they stay married, you're a third wheel, and if they break up, you are a home wrecker. So - NEXT.

What I find reprehensible is the narcissism of men who work hard on lovelies, take what they want, and then leave them humiliated. I speak from first hand experience, and it's what I would NOT do with a dozen eggs at the right time.....!

 Argentum Crinis Philogus
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 56
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/12/2009 7:21:44 PM
I've always wondered ...

Why can't you have your cake and eat it too? Who wants cake if you can't eat it?

Who made that rule?

Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 57
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/12/2009 7:31:18 PM
Of Course would.. but? If your cake that you have to offer was on par... There should be no reason for you to be wanting to disburse of it elsewhere... something is lacking..surely it couldn't be your wisely self? It surely must be an ill that just doesn't care about your needs... some damn thing? And please..don't play the cancer card..I'm a twice over survivor...
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 58
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/12/2009 7:42:08 PM
I used to get contacted or hit on by married guys all the time too. Maybe I came across as too "nice" or something? I'd recommend not "falling" for a guy's words so soon once you start dating. Look at their actions, not their words. Do their words match their actions over time?

There had to be signs early on that he was married that you were missing. Did he cancel dates at the last minute sometimes? Did he have to cut dates short sometimes? Was he not really as available as someone should be after dating for four months? Could he only meet you in certain places at certain times? Or was he always meeting you at your place and never bringing you back to his? Was he "over-complimenting" you, like you're the best thing he's dated since ever! (I'm sure you're wonderful, but when guys start to overcompensate, sometimes that means they're using it to cover something else up) Is he spending lots of money on you, buying you things all the time, taking you out to dinners all the time, trying "too hard" to impress you all the time? (in other words, is he too good to be true?) Does he have sex like he's been "starving" for too long? (in other words, the wife isn't putting out anymore so now you're his new toy) Did he mention that he's started working out recently? (sometimes married guys start working out, start dressing better suddenly, etc, to get into better shape for the new women. This is also a good sign for the wife, that he might be cheating)

Married men, always give themselves away eventually. You just have to learn to look for the signs sooner, instead of four months down the road.

If you meet a guy who's evasive about answering certain things, there's a good chance he might be married. Don't date the married ones. Waste of time. You'll never get what you need out of the relationship. There's nothing wrong with being friendly, but keep your guard up, just a little bit. Trust your "gut" in the future. You were ignoring it, while dating this recent one for four months.
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 59
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/12/2009 9:54:20 PM
What i don't get about reading the comments on this topic is that most of the women are not complaining and saying what she is doing is 100 % wrong. If this was a guy talking about wanting to have a affair with a married woman then he would be getting cussed at. Nobody, men nor women should ever come between a married couple nobody want to be cheated on. You could be breaking up a marriage, family or give someone a possible std because they cheated with you. I have never cheated on anyone and i never will. I could see a teenager possibly making that mistake but not a adult.
Joined: 2/7/2009
Msg: 60
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/12/2009 10:27:00 PM
He only wants to bang you. If you are ok with that then by all means toss a leg for him!!!

Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 61
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/13/2009 1:19:27 AM

I read too much into your post i thought you were still seeing him, my fault. I have attracted alot of wives and past girlfriends moms but i have never and never will act on it. And i hope you wont get involved with a married person as well.
Joined: 10/31/2008
Msg: 62
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/13/2009 2:40:30 AM
This actually happened to a girlfriend of mine. She met someone from POF, dated him for awhile. But started getting really suspicious because he could only see her during the day, and would never answer his cell phone at night if she called. She finally got fed up one day, called his cell, and HIS WIFE answered. Turns out the guy was married and had four kids.

Where I was going with my earlier post, if an open relationship where all parties are aware of where their spouses are sleeping and consent to it... then that's okay. A married man cheating on his wife is not just cheating on his wife.. but is also cheating on his family ... that is not okay in my books. I've been on the receiving end of being cheated on before...let's just say it wasn't the best time of my life. I wouldn't wish that upon anyone. The kids get hurt in the long run. People who stay married because they aren't happy or need to cheat to get what they want just wind up hurting their kids more.
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 63
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/15/2009 8:50:15 AM
I say to everyone who is in a bad marriage:


And it is not advice that I haven't taken myself!
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 64
view profile
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/15/2009 9:57:09 AM
From a permanently sparated man's point of view let me throw my 2 cents in. My wife and I are sparated and are only married on paper so I can use her insurance. She has a profile on this site, mispace and one other one. I do too. I would not take my wife bak and she would not have me. But, it does mean I am married and I list myself as separated and explain it in my profile.

Does that mean I shouldn't date? She has, I have.
Joined: 12/17/2008
Msg: 65
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/15/2009 10:16:09 AM
What would you guess? They are unhappy in their marriage and want something to replace it or to make up for what they do not get at home.
Joined: 2/10/2009
Msg: 66
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/15/2009 10:36:48 AM
I'll throw in my two cents with this. FIRST of all no you SHOULD NOT consider this at all. NO matter how screwed up life can be this is definitely not the way to go. I was just reading this and felt i had to tell you why and hopefully this does not turn anyone away from me but here goes. I met a girl that was a little older than me ( early 30s) from school and we were talking and hung out a bunch and we did some of our studying together. After a few months we had sex and then she tells me after that she is married and felt bad for not telling me. For the first time in my life I wanted to hit a woman. Then she went on the spill about how all this crap has happened and how their marriage is bad and her religion and morals are why she won't get divorced, which I told her she had no morals and she is full of shit. I'm very blunt and up front and was not happy, I mean this woman never had a ring on. I mean i'm sure i'm not the only guy she has done this with. But long story short, I thought about If I was that guy ( madly in love with her or not) how shitty I would feel to know my wife did that. That she couldn't say hey i'm not satisfied lets try this or talk about how to make our sexual relationship better. On top of this I still feel terrible even though really there was no fault with me, but it sure does not feel that way. I hope this helps you out some. Just make the mature decision I managed to do it at 23.
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 67
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/15/2009 12:29:02 PM
I can see why every man would hit on you, married or not.
Men love to play with womens emotions just to reach one goal. Once they have recieved what they are looking for, you would find them quickly back peddling to get out of the relationship. I'm sure he would have told you he was married right after being intimate with you. Don't tell me this has never happen to anyone.
As for married person and a single person hooking up, we are all adults now and we don't need to play these games anymore. Lets try to be honest to each other and get along. These relationships can work but everyone must realizse there is no future besides friendship.
First I apoligize for the man that played you, second for men that will play you in the future, for all men that do this.
I hope I don't recieve hate mail for this, for telling it like it is.

PS: I'm married and honest about it. Would welcome any frienship that is offered.

Love Dave
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 68
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/15/2009 12:55:39 PM
Hi butterflygal,

I personally believe in polygamy, and i know its not for everyone. Its not ok for a man or woman to cheat on a spouse i do agree with that.

My husband and i are looking for a sisterwife to join our family and not for sex but to have a big loving family and till death do us part.

It isn't for fun and games its serious. I 'm not asking you for a date, i was just replying to your quote about how you woudn't share your man with another woman. My husband is a wonderful man and for me to see another woman as happy in marriage as i am would make me feel great.

I felt the same way as you do a few years back but when i took a look at all the advantages of having more than one wife, it changed my opinion.

Do you think that the man in the young womans story would be prown to cheeting if he would be aloud to have more than one wife, he would probably to tired and satisfied at home to start fooling around.

Hope you have a nice day, Julia
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 69
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/15/2009 1:02:47 PM
Hi Diva77,

I don't think its ok for married people to go around sleeping with other people with their spouses approval. Thats sick.

Its ok for a man to have more than one wife that plan on being together till they die.

Those are not my laws but the laws of God, i didn't make them up. Sex should only be performed with a spouse not just anybody.

Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 70
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/15/2009 1:15:56 PM
For once, just once, I'd like to see a polygamous situation where the WOMAN is the center of the universe. My cult would include a personal trainer, a contractor, a vet, and a plastic surgeon. narf narf narf
Joined: 10/31/2008
Msg: 71
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/15/2009 1:45:28 PM
julia -what I am talking about is polyamorous - not polygamy. There's a big difference. Between consenting adults, it's fine. It may not be fine for you, and please don't bring God into this discussion, this isn't about religion. This is about personal choice. Everyone is different, and everyone works differently.
 Wild DNA
Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 72
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/15/2009 3:43:39 PM
Is your question why do married men do this? Or should I date a married man?

Why do married men lie you mean? I don’t know why, but if you ask them, they all say the same thing, I don’t want to leave her, I still love her, but she’s just not doing it for me anymore. You know the saying. Marriage is grand, divorce is hundred grand. Why don’t they just come out and say I’m married but I want mistress! There are plenty of woman that would love to fall into that category of “Being the mistress”

But married men looking to cheat are not honest men. As you just found out. Most likely because they know full well if the wife found out he has “other interest” she would divorce Him. So as long as he can get away with it, he will. So they keep both women in the dark, and have their fun at the expense of someone else.

As for your question about dating a married man? Again that is a preference only your moral standards can answer for you. You either have them...or you don’t!
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 73
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/26/2009 6:04:38 PM
My ex husband was married when I met him ... I accepted it because he said he was not in love with her. I believed him even after I found condom wrappers at his house and he told me he had to to keep her not suspecting anything I still stayed with it! He always promised to leave her and did .. after 7 months .. then we got married shortly after and he basically did the same thing to me!

I dont know why they do this.. just unhappy and have too much to lose maybe?
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 74
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/26/2009 6:36:36 PM
Oh. My. God.

I have a news for you it is wonderful. Sex feels great and you are constantly horny when you are cheating. I don't know why?

Damn! Gotta give you credit, it's the forums, and you're supposed to be honest, and that you are. On Discover channel they said a woman's is more fertile when she's cheating, because it's easier to orgasm when she's cheating (orgasm = increased chance of fertilization). Personally, I can't see that... I think the concept of potential drama, wrong-doing and all that would get in the way for me.
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 75
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/26/2009 9:55:36 PM
Well an interesting topic. Well i'm a bloke and agree absolutley that we mere males should be honest in our profiles and state we are married. So its morally wrong to be looking as well for that bit on the side, but it is just how some feel, have feelings the need to explore. sad part is not too many women out there who feel the same but no doubt there are a few. Guess piint is if we are honest you ladies get to make a choice and that all we all want to be able to do, make an informed decision! Take care all and please judge me gently.
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