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 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 6
Just friends Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
well, she is making you the dumping ground for her issues. these are her issues. you will be there for her. she is building a red flag or a black cloud. let her change it if she wants to appreciate you. if not, she is not worth it. i have just been through something similar myself.
i won't own another man's issues, mistakes or problems and definately not lies. he can't point my direction when he is to blame for his own life.

if she wants to say goodbye......then good riddens and see ya
 jm0405
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 9
Just friends
Posted: 2/7/2009 1:10:15 AM

Your in Dramaqueenville and it's time to skip town.


I am a skeptic obviously...and I agree 100% with the aforementioned statement. You see, you never know with this online thing how much of what people say is the truth. You don't know if she REALLY has family in Arizona or not. Avoid what double expenses? It costs to move, relocate - and if she has a job - then she quit a job to relocate and avoid expenses? The move would create expenses, not reduce them.

Past dating experiences...living in yesterday and rehashing old wounds is not really healthy. She is using them as an excuse instead of applying knowledge from yesterday to avoid making the same mistakes today and tomorrow.

Again, you don't know for certainty if she has been without a relationship. The relationship in AZ could have soured and he dumped her so the trip/move was canceled. If her family is where she is - why weren't ALL of them approached with the move to Tucson? Only the singled out drama queen? If her family is where she is, why move to Tucson??? Her parents could have easily sold their business or real estate using Remax or Century 21!!!

Just be careful. Stay friends and look for healthier, more stable and accepting companionship. This one's dangerous and playing games IMHO.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Just friends
Posted: 2/7/2009 7:54:46 AM
Six weeks is very early to assume it will go any further. I would suggest concentrating on finding work and letting nature take its course. If she is saying she is not ready for a real relationship so soon after her divorce then listen to what she is telling you. Relationships fail because people do not communicate or fail to hear what their partner is telling them. You cannot make someone else want to love you or the timing to always be perfect.
Good luck.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 12
Just friends
Posted: 2/7/2009 8:07:04 AM
I agree with carolann on this one. Six weeks is too early to assume anything. Perhaps you are giving off clingy/needy vibes which, in most cases, can be a real turn off to women. She's apparently already a care giver in a huge way and likely doesn't feel the need or desire to be someone's "everything" at this stage. She warned you she doesn't want to get into anything "deep" right now. Heed her words or you risk scaring her away permanently.
 arcticdude
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 13
Just friends
Posted: 2/7/2009 8:11:28 AM

I have told her that I am willing to go onward at her pace *but* it seems that the pace has slowed when it should be going forward.


The 'but' there proves that you didn't exactly tell the truth when you said you were willing to go onward at her pace. I'm sure if she has noticed your impatience (which is very likely) things will slow to an eventual stop. You can't just 'say' supportive stuff...you have to mean it and show it with behavior. Words are cheap and easy.
Just be her friend if that's all she can handle at the moment...Until something 'happens' or until you can't wait anymore...but communicate what's really going on in your head...not just what you think she wants to hear.
 jm0405
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 14
Just friends
Posted: 2/7/2009 11:26:55 AM
Uncle Grumpy is obviously just that - he seems to think he knows everything about this woman, her whole family, her whole life...so why ask questions in a post here if he knows it all? One would think the crystal ball told him everything she feels about him already, at which point, this thread is not necessary. Or is it we stay tuned and read the one in 2 days where she dumped him because she moved on and isn't interested in him? She seems to be making a life for herself while Uncle is hanging on to nothing but shallow theories and excuses.
 Landra
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 15
Just friends
Posted: 2/7/2009 11:31:37 AM

I think she is afraid of giving again and getting hurt. She is a giving person to a fault and was taken advantage of.
I'm sorry but boo hoo. Come on-- who hasn't been hurt? Who likes to be hurt? Who isn't wary of being hurt? That's a cop out excuse to avoid any meaningful involvement with other human beings.
As for being a "giving person to a fault"-- that's called being stupidly naive and unwilling to take responsibility for using good judgment.
If you want to rescue a damsel in distress, remember what your prize is: a distressed damsel.
 aliveone1
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 16
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History
Just friends
Posted: 2/7/2009 12:44:58 PM
Count on me to say the controversial, kind of devil's advocate thing here. Please try everyone not to get all up in arms over what I have to say here...

The economy is truly in devestation, as we all know. Paying the bills is getting harder and harder for everyone. The losing your job thing might really be at the root of her pulling away. And if it is, I don't think that we can blame her or throw around names like "gold-digger." I've seen many friends go through this lately with guys that they are dating. It is not shallow for someone in a caregiving role to want someone financially stable that can be depended on so that she/he can continue to care for their aging parents or children well. By well, I mean, count on the person to help to provide a roof over your heads, nothing more extravagant than that.

I'm not saying that you are not financially stable, people lose their jobs for a variety of reasons, especially in this terrible economy. And I don't know under what circumstances you and your previous job came to be separated. (I was recently laid off.) We also have to take into consideration that you have only been dating for 6 weeks. That's not long enough for any permanent commitment to have been made in her mind. And unfortunately, there ARE a lot of fish in the sea as we all know.

Try not to take it personally if in fact this is what has given her pause. Continue looking for a job, and stay in contact with her on her terms. If it is meant to be, it will be.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 18
Just friends
Posted: 2/8/2009 8:36:51 PM
Make sure you're not suffocating her, especially when you're really concerned about not losing her.

Not enough info -- but it sounds like you've been a rebound of sorts, and she isn't interested in a committed relationship... but doesn't want to lose you as a friend or an option as a boyfriend. In other words, mixed feelings. It's normal. But just because it's normal, doesn't mean it's something positive. People recently divorced or out of a big breakup will end up being really into you really quick, then reality hits after the honeymoon phase. In many ways, yes, they did lose some interest, but come on -- they're in breakup-recovery-mode, which lasts longer after a marriage. Keep that in mind, and mentally prepared to look elsewhere.

If you guys haven't gone past a PG-rated barely-makeout session, then she definitely just isn't interested in you and you're on the friendship ladder. If you guys have been physically intimate to a substantial degree at this point, then it's probably just that reality has set in and you're not on the same page as her in terms of what you're comfortable with. Don't get your heart set on it, that's all!
 kjj44
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 19
Just friends
Posted: 2/9/2009 7:12:27 AM
cool that is awesome! and i agree, this jm-so in so is just a wrinkled up piss in your cheerios kinda chick. get over your self lady!
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