Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Can you keep her happy without spending money?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 46
Can you keep her happy without spending money?Page 11 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
Oh, man. So predictable. Actually too predictable, so it becomes quickly boring. I'll just watch as others take further turns at you now, although you'd think you'd have caught on by now that you're not making too much headway with your (ir)rationalizations of keeping someone happy by being the big old provider with your archiac roleplaying scenarios of the mighty lion. I'm sure you will keep someone happy...at some point. There's someone for everyone, no matter the mentality.
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 47
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/23/2009 9:43:44 PM
It seems no one understands. There are so many dialogues going on here. You have the Tall Willow , (Pats) who fancy themselves more highly evolved than you run of the mill neophytes, who see no differentiation between male and female. Just one gene pool of 'people' getting together to "what"? Coexist like homosexuals or worse yet, asexual beings?

You have the 19 yr. olds who probably still live with mom and dad or are still tied somehow to the apron strings, either by a prepaid credit card or a phone call..."Oh daddy, or mommy, I need $50 to get me through to next payday, or a new car or can you cover my cellphone bill."

You have the "weenie" dudes who expect a woman to take care of them, no matter how they couch it, they feel inadequate to meet the challenges of being the alpha male, maybe its because so much of our society is single women raising male children to run the household. They grow up with the idea of an alpha female, no male role models around to depict what a man does, to mirror the male role to the young child.

There are women who take care of themselves and would continue to do so and be perfectly content to do so, but who look for the "attitude" that a man was raised with. Not that they expect a man to be able in this day to work his sorry ass off to provide while the woman sits and pops bonbons while watching her favorite soap, but who expect a man to have the attitude that he is the head of the family.

In nature a two headed organism is an ananomoly.

I'm smart, I can spell, and I know what I'm talking about.
 discrete_contact
Joined: 7/18/2008
Msg: 48
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/23/2009 10:46:48 PM
Waaw over-fking-whelming.
Guys please hold your hats and lets do a collection to buy these poor ladies some whims and trifles. They still never have enough.
Uff-uff I spoke.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 49
view profile
History
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/24/2009 10:53:27 AM

The point is that it is *insulting* to treat an adult like a child. It's not a matter of whether it's a new relationship or a committed one. It's expecting that a woman should be treated as a dependent child. I don't know why you don't get that it's inconsiderate at best to say that "allowing" "your" woman to pay for dinner would be like allowing your child to do so.

Actually, the comment meant that a man should love his woman and his child in the same way. If he would want to provide food for his child he should also WANT to provide food for his SO as an act of love not in a patronizing fashion.

I am perfectly capable of supporting myself therefore, for a man who cares about me to suggest that at some point he would like to support me threatens my ability to be my own independent person, not at all.

The whole issue is about respect, period. For some women, particularly in the earlier stages of a relationship, if they want to reciprocate for the dinners out, hellooo, she cooks a meal. If it is important for a man, like it is for many that live in my area of the country, to pick up the check, aren't you being direspectful if you insist on paying your own way?

I like nice things but I don't need them. If it got to the point of someone buying a ring, sure, who doesn't want something nice but you also don't want the guy bankrupting himself to get it. I haven't read the whole thread and I don't think I want to but generally if you are being a decent guy I don't see where spending money 'just to make her happy' is necessary but if you goal is avoiding spending money on someone you care about, perhaps you should just accept your life as a hermit and get over it.

The scenario described in the OP I would say was a woman not worth your time. You have a reason that you are in your situation but then again, what are you doing to get out of it? I have a friend who bought a house and took a second job just to pay it down faster, something he is probably really happy about right now. Do you have a second job to put money on the principal in addition to your mortgage? Do you have a plan for not being broke sometime in the next five years? I would personally not have a problem with nights in and cheap or free activities because with the kids and the business I tend to be a homebody anyway. Give me a good book or a DVD and I am good to go.

My parents were school teachers, very solidly middle class but with kids at home, mom had to make choices. She liked nice things so she chose to spend her money on furniture, etc. She biatched about it for years but she chose to dump the dentist for my dad, lol. After we were gone, they went out to dinner a lot more, took trips. People make choices. If going out is important, then she should find someone that is in a position to take her out, period.
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 50
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/24/2009 11:05:44 AM
Tall Willow, I can't speak for anyone else, but I certainly never said, ever, that a woman can't and shouldn't be able to pull her own weight in a relationship. It is the ATTITUDE that I'm talking about. The attitude that it seems the majority of men have that they just "expect" the female to be everything to them without their doing their part.

It seems most men want a sex partner, but not just any sex partner, she has to be beautiful and hot. They want a money machine who not only can but does support herself. (so they don't have to.....).

They want a good mother to their offspring, a good cook, housekeeper, maid, caregiver, spontaneous woman who is able to spring at his crooked finger on a moment's notice to adorn accompany him on a trip or weekend fling.

They want a woman who isn't too lippy, too strong, too opinionated, too independent, too well educated, smarter than they are, outspoken......you get the picture?

They want it all and what do they give? Eight hours of their day? A meager paycheck? A "sometimes"**** A back that is no longer able to work in the yard? (so you have to?) A sympathetic ear when they offer NO sympathy or even empathy.

They want their freedom to hang out at the clubs, Elks, AmVets, Lions, the bar, the pool hall, but God forbid you should want to hang out with your friends or even have friends male or female.

You shop, clean, cook, work, work, work, care for him and his kids.....and still he expects you to work some more, get a better job, a better paying one.

So, NO, he can't keep me happy without having the attitude, not of "ownership" but of responsibility for the 'weaker' sex, the beautiful side of the relationship, the gracious one, the female one.
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 51
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/24/2009 11:55:11 PM
Help is great. It is part of being in a relationship...helping each other.

I hope for you that you work your ass off for some man until you retire at the age of 72 then, I hope he runs off with a young chickie poo and supports her....waaa, waaaa, now cry some more.
 Ender330
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 52
view profile
History
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/25/2009 7:23:52 AM
B.I.G said it best, "mo money mo problems"

Some women are foul, nasty, liquidy shiiiiit that take on the form of any container you put it in. So if you start off by putting her in a kings goblet...and you find that you need to change up a little bit...well after a short period liquidy shiiiit dries up....so getting her out of the goblet and into say the cup of a humble carpenter....won't be easy if you can do it at all. When it does come out of the cup...it will be all dry and crumbled and won't be happy to be there.

I have had many women just stop talking to me even only as friends after I said the most powerful word in the world to them "NO"
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 53
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/25/2009 10:04:08 AM
Levi, and the lady one horse short of a merry go round above,

I was married to a wealthy man for 21 years. I know exactly what they want and I'm it. Thing is I don't want THEM. Because I've seen what they are like and most of them live for their jobs and their money. Their attitude sucks wind also, most of them. Dearie, you have no idea....you don't know me and this forum is too short to go into anymore detail....he tried to "share" me with his best buds because I was so good....I don't need that.

Nothing I do is a chore and I certainly don't need to explain myself to someone whose name to me rhymes with chore.....enough said.

No one has ever left me for anyone else. Period. I am very happy. As a matter of fact, when relationships have gone south, they have begged me to come back EVERY time. So, I must be doing something right.....My life is satisfying and I don't need your best wishes although nice of you.

What you nor anyone else seems to be able to comprehend is that its not about being "kept" its about attitude. I would gladly help financially and pool my resources with the right man. But what I WILL NOT do is pool resources with a guy who "expects" me to take care of myself. I will gladly DO that, but not if it is an expected prerequisite to being in a relationship with him. Its all about attitude for me.

I can't respect a man who "expects" a woman to carry him. I wasn't raised that way. My dad loved us so much that he worked two jobs to support us. He is my hero and that wasn't back in the 50's, that's now. He is 83 and is still working because he enjoys what he does. My mom doesn't work but could. She doesn't need to. She's a school teacher.

If being with a man means that I have to be with one who is weenie enough to expect me to take care of myself and still be there with and for him, then what do I need him for and I can tell you, I've taken a poll at work and 97% of the women I work with feel the same way.

We don't respect a man who has the attitude that a woman is just like him in every way other than the anatomy. We don't need a man for anything but sex(?) if that's all we can expect to get out of the relationship. No emotional support, no respect, a man who only puts 8 hrs. of his day into the relationship (which is for him anyway because HE needs a roof and food in his stomach too) then expects dinner, clean clothes, a night out with the boys, a smiling supportive partner.

Because I have a heart of gold and am capable of the deepest love and am self sacrificing, I am raising one of my grandchildren, was raising two. His dad refuses to work, is a lazy no good piece of human refuse. I work fulltime and feed, shelter, clothe, provide medical care, insurance, entertainment and nurturing because I love him with all my heart.

I've seen first hand what a weenie thinks and does. He finds a woman with a good heart who loves someone close to them and then uses them, leaches off them, disrespects what they have worked hard for, sits their lazy ass on your hard earned couch and records on your DVR while you are at work to support them.

Nope. If it is going to be equal, then equal it should be. I keep my money and you keep yours. The lady with the excel sheet must not have been that far off base. (my apologies to her) Split everything right down the middle. "You can't watch that HD tv, I paid for it." That's my pork chop. That's my bottle of beer. I paid for this vacation, so we're going to do THIS. Those are my socks. Did you take my last piece of gum? I paid for that gum.

No thanks. If I'm to be completely responsible for myself and be the Alpha female, then I'll just buy a big dildo and a great dog. Peace out and don't be hatin.
 HSV kitty
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 54
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/25/2009 10:57:32 AM
One thing that hardship does is bring out the best and worst of people. Those who are still showing their best side and helping others in the hardest of times are usually the ones with heart that I would gravitate towards. The trouble is , so do the leeches...

But back to the question... if she ISN'T happy without you spending money and that matters to you then no... anyone who is bought needs to be kept. ( remember you said you need to spend money on her to show you love her so you labeled her) You are also living beyond your means so you need to get that settled and not worry about trinkets and dates. People are looking for homes... setting up a bedroom for rent is always an option. Won't that be a turn on for Ms. right!

My question would be, why do you want to keep a woman whose world revolves about what you buy for her or where you go for dinner. If you cannot afford the luxuries she needs. let her run the hell away, although I would likely have put the boot to her first ...
 HSV kitty
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 55
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/25/2009 11:58:33 AM

Krys,
No, People want different things. Is it wrong for a woman to WANT a fat diamond, instead of a walmart ring? That is what the people here aren't getting. There is NOTHING wrong with simple things, in fact we need them, though half of the world doesn't appreciate them.

But for some reason, it seems when a PERSON, wants or appreciates finer things. (Nice clothing, nice pianos, good food, expensive wine, and THE BMW (Growls! I love it.)

They are condemned to be a bad person, if they only choose to find a mate who CAN PROVIDE WHAT THEY LIKE!


Nah he isn't right, he is just opinionated and prolific. Want what you want, call it a need for all I care, keep the bubble going, because selfishness is what it is all about... for you.

Even though the economy has tanked, you still want it all...think you can have it all and give it all away.... on a silver platter. Right? Righteous, young but thinking like a dinosaur, sexist and mouthy does not make right.

Bought women being provided for are not mates, no matter how long you stay here and try to argue your points.
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 56
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/25/2009 7:24:01 PM
Thank you jsphn11. I get it all the time from jealous women. They're too dense to comprehend what you are trying to say and "get it" that you're saying the very same things.

Patience is needed here, and I don't have a lot of it. I'm trying though. What I've found is that women like "sweetness" Yeah Right.......feel threatened by women such as yourself who are intelligent, beautiful and secure.

They think that by discecting someone's conversation....(gee, look mom, I can use the quotation gizzies,) make them appear intelligent and that some schlep here on this thread will take a second look because she is a self depricating female who WAS married to a wealthy guy.......I guess she missed the part about so was I for 21 yrs, a CEO who jumped in the swimming pool and literally went off the deep end when I left him and its not because he cheated on me.

I just had two millionaires in my bedroom tonight....lol They were talking to me about a business deal, came to my house from Orlando. So, "sweetness" lets not think more of ourselves than we need to and by the way, I am a grandma.....but you could be one too.....lol

Difference is, I'm proud of it.
 discrete_contact
Joined: 7/18/2008
Msg: 57
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/25/2009 7:36:24 PM
Can you keep her happy.....
"keep her happy" - who is "she" that I have to keep her happy? Am I considered some sort of f-king clown that I need to "keep her happy"?
If I don't keep her happy then what? Would she pretty much get into depression?
Would she get lost in the world? And let's assume the "vengence" of say she is going to some "other guy" and offer sex over there. So? Then what? I would bend over on the spot ?...and even worse..."start crying" and spit blood? F-k noo. If you don't like it..there is a road upstream and one downstream at least. Feel free and take one. No questions asked.
If I am wrong (I know I am not though....hihihi, not much anyways)....what is "behind"...can you keep het happy then? What's the deal?
Say I keep you happy. (or he keeps you happy) then what? Do you guys go day by day to work to please your boss? (if you have one) Huh?
 discrete_contact
Joined: 7/18/2008
Msg: 58
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/25/2009 7:58:16 PM
Sorry I am not looking just for ladies from my native and neighbouring countries. But not now, I am ok for the moment, but I like the fun and the TRUTH. I leave the rest for you.
Old lady? Are you kidding me? Do you guys like the cold and old (potentially mouldy) soup from the fridge ? That's where you guys are? Oghei, whatever. Good luck with that, but I am really sorry for you if that's true.
 discrete_contact
Joined: 7/18/2008
Msg: 59
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/25/2009 9:56:13 PM
I love intelligence. I love education. I love ambition. I love charisma.....you can continue...I love the porch, I love my pencil....etc. Sounds very promising..about the love part. I thought people would say ..I like education..I like ambition...but whatever love souds good.

The types of men I'm attracted too are generally successful .....here its about "attracted to" .... and not about "love". Hey guys show your walllet and you are set.
Would I date a guy who had everything I wanted, but didn't have a high income? about "date" and not "love". ...Hey guy here you may get a favour.

I hope guys you got the message and you know what you need to do with the money and you get all the benefits of your hard work.
Please feel free and have 3 girls at the same time. "Love" them all.
 HSV kitty
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 60
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/26/2009 7:33:19 AM

A real man, instead of b1tching about all the bills THEY GOT THEMSELVES IN, would find away to fix it, instead of expecting a lady should lower her quality of life.


Lower her quality of life by ...working?

If you are trying to attract someone by saying you are a sugar daddy, just say so.

A real man would do whatever it takes to keep the family intact and to keep food on the table, including letting their wife do what is necessary to get 'er done. You are so lost in your BMW wet dreams you can't even relate to what is real anymore.

Let us say you lose you job and there are no more jobs to be had, will you let your wife work? Say McDonalds is the only place to work because people can't cook and need to eat, will you work there even though she is skilled as a professional and wants to work and can get a job RIGHT NOW. If you had children in the relationship, what would come first, your BMW or the children. Yes, I had to ask.

What if you CANNOT make ends meet let alone find a way to lavish gifts on yourself and her... and you are no longer able to provide the gifts that you promised and lavish... do you kill yourself? Judging from your previous posts that would be the only successful optionfor a manly man of your stature.

For someone who has spent a lot of time trying here trying to convince yourself you are a good provider and man, you seem lost in your own little world of ignorance. (you write well, that's it...) Maybe ask your Dad what he would do in the above scenarios being you wish to emulate him. Or are you like the child who saw his mom slice the ham ends off and did so as well all his life thinking it was the right thing to do, but when he finally asked why, it was because she had a small pan?
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 61
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/26/2009 8:26:04 AM
Bottom line, to assume that just because a self sufficient/independent/intelligent/well-educated/happy/secure lady is looking to pool her resources with a man who has been raised by a family who taught him right, must be a shallow, money grubbing leach is stupidity.

A man who takes the responsibility for his wife and children, is a man who deserves everything his wife has to give including their joint incomes, their shared dreams, their shared history making moments, their love and devotion to each other.

If one or the other becomes disabled or loses their job or needs help in anyway, the other should fill in the gap. I look at a married couple like a team of oxen. There are two of them pulling the plow of life together.

They are yoked together by one yoke.. If one falls down, the other helps the one who fell to get on his/her feet until the two can once again plow together. In a team of Huskies, there is a lead and there are followers. Each member is just as important as the other. The bottom line is "gitter done".

Get life done and do it well. Do it together. Do it as a team and enjoy it while you're doing it. Its really that simple. I'm not looking for a man without the team mentality. If I'm pulling all by myself, the burden is too great. If he is pulling by himself, the burden is too great. If we pull together, we can make it.

If he expects me to pull by myself, I don't need him because then we're not a team. He has his yoke and I have mine and we're heading in two separate directions each thinking about where they are respectively going but not as a team.
 todelicous
Joined: 1/3/2009
Msg: 62
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/26/2009 11:06:13 AM
bro you need to freewheel for a while get yer life in order sure a woman wants things you still expect ,maybe even take for granted the things she brought to the relationship yeah thats what i thought there aint nuthin wrong with a one night stand once a week (cheap also)
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 63
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/27/2009 3:16:49 AM
Sweetness, I get what you are saying, but when my husband died suddenly in a motel room in Louisville, KY on the way back from a family reunion, I had nothing.

I have been raising two small children, a nine yr. old boy and a six yr. old girl by myself with no help from anyone. I work fulltime, provide healthcare, insurance, food, shelter, transportation, education, love and a huge sacrifice as far as my social life goes....(social life???what's that?)

I'm "mommy" and "grandmommy". I'm just as sexy as I was in my 30's and just as appealing to the eyes.

I've found there are many grandparents in the same role these days. I love them. Its that simple. They are worth it. Since I haven't had the opportunity to acquire monetary wealth, I'd like to think that somehow I've earned the right to prefer someone who would become my partner in every aspect of life, including finances.

Wealth isn't the fate of everyone. I've been given things much more valuable than materialism.

Having said that, I wish you well. Lets leave it at that. Peace.
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 64
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/27/2009 3:09:28 PM
If you have a woman in your life that is worth worrying about, she will not be worried about how much money you have. If your girlfriend cared about you, she wouldn't worry about you spending money on her, and would be happy spending time with you.

What you can do in the future is be more selective in the women you date. If you are smart you will show the current girlfriend/burden the door.
 limowilly
Joined: 12/23/2006
Msg: 65
view profile
History
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 3/3/2009 2:08:16 PM
No buddy you can't. They may say their independent, but when was the last time you say a women reach for the check? I drive a limo and towncar on weekends, women are lousy tippers,especially lawyers and doctors. Like Chris rock says: "pu**y cost money,dick is free"
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 66
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 3/3/2009 3:38:55 PM
^^^^^^ I'll say!! The rule of thumb is no more than 35% going to a mortgage and no more than 5% on other credit payments. That equates to a lot of Kraft Dinners (by yourself) for years in order to live! Its part of the reason why people lose their houses in the States...banks haven't been accountable for allowing people to mortgage themselves beyond their means.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 67
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 4/2/2009 11:41:13 AM

Oh chameleonf, you think the banks should accountable because some people who were too stupid and lived beyond their needs?? sorry I don't buy that argument, I dont recall any bank executives being brought up on charges because they " forced" certain homeowners to take a mortgage.


Wrong choice of words I used, really, Iceman. No, the banks shouldn't be held accountable for stupidity and that's really what it is, people's financial stupidity and greed. However, people have been allowed by the banking system, in the States in particular, to get a mortgage and other types of loans far too easily. Living in Canada you have to jump through far more hoops and it's still too easy for stupid people. For those who say it has more to do with people losing their jobs than stupidity and greed, where were their backup plans? I have a year of finances I can fall back on if something like that should happen to me. If I didn't, I certainly wouldn't buy a house.

I'm with you, I agree that people are entirely too stupid and too greedy. It never ceases to amaze me just how much so. What rankles me even further is the ease with which they can claim bankruptcy and it's only for 9 short months in Canada. Everyone wants to be bailed out of their own stupidity and greed with little accountability.

I know this is off topic people...sorry. Back to your regularly scheduled programme.
 cannpeters
Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 68
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 4/3/2009 12:28:02 PM
Why, or why, do some men put up with a woman demanding more to be spent on them and more time to go out, etc? I just don't get it!!

First of all, OP, you're paying 75% of your take-home pay on your mortgage. Why would you get intot this situation? I see you said you don't have a car payment, etc. I don't care....that's nuts. This is why this country is in the mess it's in. Too many people bought way beyond their means. I understand that it's impossible to sell homes in many places right now. Maybe you need to think about a second income for a while until the economy recovers and you can sell the home. I would panic if I owed 40% of my pay to a mortgage, much less 75%!

As for women, first off, why would you want to date a fragile woman, as you put it. That sounds like fun! I love dating people who aren't stable! Secondly, if any woman demands money to be spent on them, lose them. Yes, I like to go out sometimes, and I enjoy dinners out. But I am also willing to pay half the time and if the man can't afford to do it, then we do other things that are cheaper. In fact, I don't want to go out all the time. I'm tired after work and enjoy staying in sometimes, or just having a walk.

So can you keep a woman like this happy without spending money? Apparently not. But don't conclude this is ALL women.
 SevSaint
Joined: 3/6/2009
Msg: 69
view profile
History
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 4/3/2009 12:33:41 PM
Me and my girl, when we first got together were over excitied about the fact that we could enjoy ourselves without over spending.
Driving around looking at all the coo christmas lights.
Taking long walks through parks just talking.
Scenic tours through the woods.
Movie and dinner i cook she picks the movie.

There are so many things you can do to enjoy urselves without going broke. Most people are just to lazy or selfish to come up with decent ideas..
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 70
view profile
History
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 6/1/2009 2:12:33 PM
It cost everything with Money even the lowly toilet paper..
Well if your gf wants a goodtime , she have her own credit card she can squander as much as she want,it is not fair that she inposed on you when she fully knows your financial situation. Does your gf knows that LOVE is priceless ???
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Can you keep her happy without spending money?