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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Can you keep her happy without spending money?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 arcticdude
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 27
Can you keep her happy without spending money?Page 2 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
How about a deal... guys stop treating women like walking vaginas/uteri in exchange for women stop treating men like walking wallets! Or at least offer those types free tattoos so they can easily find each other at a glance and happily execute their 'transactions' without involving the rest of us!
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 28
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/10/2009 12:58:38 PM
Safe and protected by a guy who has or doesn't have money after six weeks of DATING?? Puleeeease. How about women make themselves feel safe, protected, secure and stable when it comes to all things financial, particularly when just dating! What a burden men must have to live with to think they have to keep a woman safe and protected by the amount of money in their wallets or bank accounts. Gawd...stomps my foot! If such is the case and some women "believe" they need a man for this reason, no wonder so many can't fend for themselves when something happens in their lives like a divorce or death of a spouse. Wouldn't you think that men would have more respect for women if they didn't display this sort of "dependancy"?
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 29
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/10/2009 2:47:41 PM

Safe and protected by a guy who has or doesn't have money after six weeks of DATING?? Puleeeease. How about women make themselves feel safe, protected, secure and stable when it comes to all things financial, particularly when just dating! What a burden men must have to live with to think they have to keep a woman safe and protected by the amount of money in their wallets or bank accounts. Gawd...stomps my foot! If such is the case and some women "believe" they need a man for this reason, no wonder so many can't fend for themselves when something happens in their lives like a divorce or death of a spouse. Wouldn't you think that men would have more respect for women if they didn't display this sort of "dependancy"?


There are many of us who just want a man with the "attitude" and belief that it is a man's honorable duty to provide for his WIFE or girlfriend and his children, who feels a responsibility toward his mother and sisters for their protection and care. That doesn't mean he has to support them because they are feeble and simple minded.

Personally, I can take care of myself and have proven it over and over again, financially, have been abandoned, have fought like a wildcat when physically challenged, can defend myself, can shoot better than a man, can run faster and am totally self sufficient.

To A$$ume that since a woman expects a man to step up to the plate and be a man, doesn't mean she NEEDS someone to take care of her, but siht!! It sure would be nice to find one with that kind of attitude.

If I needed more kids to raise, I'd go adopt one.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 30
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/10/2009 3:01:24 PM
To A$$ume that since a woman expects a man to step up to the plate and be a man, doesn't mean she NEEDS someone to take care of her, but siht!! It sure would be nice to find one with that kind of attitude.


Just what does the woman step up to the plate with? Bear in mind this thread is about dating, at the six week mark, not about the give and take in a marriage where a number of other considerations come into play. It would appear to me that the above comments would infer that men should treat women as though they're adopting or raising them.

I don't find much difference in the above attitude between the definition of the words "need" and "expect".
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 31
view profile
History
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/10/2009 3:29:42 PM
You could. Make love to her over and over and over again. She'll be very happy!
 BrittyW
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 32
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/10/2009 3:30:24 PM
I guess she didnt understand that some things are more important then going out. I f she didnt like going on maybe she should have spent a little money on you. you've got more important things to do and ways to spend your money.. find a more understanding girlfriend..
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 33
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/10/2009 7:10:26 PM

Women can do it all, and have proven it many times. However, that brings up a musculine side of them. Not talking about just dating, but when it's already a relationship, and a man and a woman are taking care of their stuff on their own it feels more like a 2 unisex people union, not a man/woman interdependent relationship.

It's absolutely interdependent. They aren't expecting the other to take care of their stuff for them. Tho someone may offer to help and you accept and appreciate, there's no demand for it.

IMO that's not only healthy, and heavenly if you find it, sadly it's rare too.
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 34
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/11/2009 4:42:06 AM

To a "humble" woman I would give all that I have and even lay down my life to protect her. To a demanding woman who believes she is entitled....I give you NOTHING.


So what is your definition of humble?? If you were to read my last 25 posts..... you would see that I'm very humble, just not trying to impress anyone with how, "humble" I am. I've seen so many women on here who will say anything just to have guys think they are "all that". At least I'm for real.

It's not that I expect a guy to lay down his life for me, just to care enough for me, to love me enough to have the desire to give his all for me and me for him. That's not asking too much.
 arcticdude
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 35
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/11/2009 5:50:15 AM

If you were to read my last 25 posts..... you would see that I'm very humble
src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_204.gif border=0>

The guy expressed what his definition of 'humble' is by contrasting it with what he considered to be the 'opposite of humble'

a demanding woman who believes she is entitled

...guess you missed it in his rambling post! Not the sharpest knife in the drawer are ya?

Amazing. At least they are easy to spot! Let's all raise a glass to the Neanderth...'traditional' fish:
"May they find the mates they deserve and leave the rest of us in peace!"

 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 36
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/11/2009 6:32:34 AM

Amazing. At least they are easy to spot! Let's all raise a glass to the Neanderth...'traditional' fish:
"May they find the mates they deserve and leave the rest of us in peace!"


Another one bites the dust, another one bites the dust, and another one, and another one.....

The ones easy to spot are the "men" who believe they are entitled to all that belongs to real men, and yet are willing to give nothing in return but their sarcasm, their bitterness and their baggage.

Good luck with that........
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 37
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/13/2009 5:35:15 AM
If you're too poor to take me to 7-11 for a hot dog and a Pepsi, I don't need you! And, if you think I'm a spoiled brat for thinking you should be able to to spend time with me, then I don't need you!

All I'm saying is, I am a generous woman with a huge heart. If I am to lavish my affection, my gifts on you, you would be someone who knows and believes that it is a man's resonsibility ultimately to provide for his wife and family.

Doesn't mean the wife can't take care of herself and isn't completely self reliant, it AGAIN, is a mindset. Attitude. IF you expect me to carry your sorry a$$, find someone else desperate enough to do it.
 arcticdude
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 38
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/13/2009 7:12:27 AM

And, if you think I'm a spoiled brat for thinking you should be able to to spend time with me, then I don't need you!


And, further, I don't see anyone even remotely hinting that wanting/expecting to spend time together is an objectional trait in a woman...
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 39
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/17/2009 6:01:43 AM

Men are looking for a certain attitude as well. Yes, I do pay for the first few dates, but if I don't see some sort of gesture that they are hanging around me because they like me rather than the free stuff I'm providing, then I'm not gonna be a sucker and keep doing it. I mean a simple gesture like I'll get the next one(and actually do) or let me buy you a drink, or something Geez. After you've been with someone long enough then it should be 50/50 unless it's been discussed and agreed upon because of kids or something. Just like with friends, I'm around them because I enjoy their company not because I expect them to give me things.


I don't know what kind of women are out there or what kind of women you have been hanging out with, but I don't know of many women who are just out to find a man to pay her bills, clean her house, pay for her clothes and shoes, buy her jewelry, pay for expensive vacations.....etc.

Where I come from, women are cherished and adored. We aren't spoiled because we do "our part" and more. But our men know it is ultimately their responsibility to be the head of the household and to provide for their families.

Most of the women I know work to help out the union, to be an aide, and assistant, an equal partner in life with her man. There can't be two "heads" or they will collide. There needs to be a head and an equal but different partner. Men and women are different and bring different things to the table.

It takes those two abilities, gifts, talents, to make or break a relationship. Those responsibilities and talents aren't set in stone and the two can work out the differences and capitalize on them for their own best interest, but it is the attitude that is important.

Marriage and committed relationship isn't 50/50. That's a myth. It's sometimes 20/80 or 70/30 or 25/75......shti happens. Life happens. Two pulling together headed in the same direction is what is important, each knowing their responsibilities and their places within the relationship.
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 40
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/17/2009 7:28:45 PM
Zephyr, we are just going to have to agree to disagree because it doesn't look like I will change your mind, and you sure as hell won't change my mind. It has to be give and take in a relationship(both sides), because I'm not going to be involved with a self centered person.


That's fine. I can go along with that. We're actually saying the same thing. It IS give and take on the part of both. Most people, when it comes right down to it, ARE self centered. There are very few who aren't. I'm not here to change anyone's mind, just to enjoy the company and varying ideas of a collection of people all of whom have the right to believe as they wish and I wish you all the best.

And to the lady from N. Carolina. Yes, we do come from different mindsets although the ladies I know are just as much Steel Magnolia's as the best of em. I can do anything I put my mind to and when it comes to knowing my mate, I make it my delight.

We are all just people, but we ARE different, males and females. I like to think I'm an esoteric being in a female body. I know the place and design for mankind and I'm quite content to live within its parameters. Again, please, continue to be who and what you are. I'm sure there will be someone who is suited for you. But I must insist on being who I am and desire the same respect and consideration because of my knowledge of humanity..
 discrete_contact
Joined: 7/18/2008
Msg: 41
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/21/2009 9:25:26 AM
Yes its obvious and when you are 45 you are single mother, or potential single mother. See? Why? Take a wild guess.
I checked dating site for 3 different countries and the most divorces are in the 40-45 age range. Its money or not does not matter....for men its not money as much for sure.
A man with tons of money as you women want will find a way to have something aside when the "viagra times" kicks in......(what is "viagra times"? It is when you may not attract him sexualy anymore.....the deadly anemy of your "sexual power")
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 42
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/22/2009 8:04:36 AM
A strong man who cares for his wife and family never needs to fear being abandoned should he become disabled or in need of any kind. There is nothing I wouldn't do for my dad. There is nothing I wouldn't have done for my husband who loved me, worked right alongside me, loved my children who weren't even his own as if they were.

A man who is the lion of his pride, protects, provides and wins the hearts, the respect and the reverence of his pride. A woman can't respect a sniveling, whining, selfish, prick who only thinks of himself or who considers a woman who yes, DOES expect a man to take the responsibility for his family seriously, as a gold digger.

A man who provides for and cares for his family couldn't lose his wife if he tried. Her love and respect and affection and devotion to him would be there.

My last husband was the most selfish prick I've ever known. I was loyal to him in spite of it until my 3 yr. old grandaughter moved in with us. He moved out, sold the house out from under me, gave me 3 months to find somewhere else to live and sent us out into poverty while he rented a huge house with 4 bedrooms, a den and a living room while my 3 yr. old grandaughter and I rented a one room apartment above a bar.

So that door swings both ways! You men say you want a tender hearted, good woman who is romantic and self sufficient and independent when everything you post is to the contrary. A tender hearted woman takes in a three yr old little girl with no home. He even suggested I put her in foster care!!! My own flesh and blood. The **stard!

There is a double set of standards for sure.
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 43
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/22/2009 8:59:12 AM
You don't have a healthy relationship. So focus on your home.

Any woman who'd be upset that you can't go out that often is a douchebag (I saw someone else use that word and loved it).

Obviously you were being overly polite referring to her as "fragile"... she's an insensitive cow.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 44
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/22/2009 9:39:54 AM
Off topic: Bob - don't waste your typing time on the flamer. He does this just about wherever he shows up. As for the comment on your spelling, you're right - never ceases to amaze me that just when someone takes the time to pick at someone's spelling, they are guilty of it themselves.


Alas, that little bit extra would have taken a minuscule amount of effort.


Don't know how the proper spelling of miniscule became minuscule...but hey, maybe that's the way lions spell!
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 45
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/23/2009 10:03:14 AM
Nope...sorry....your comprehension sucks. I wasn't speaking to you apain - I was speaking to Bob. Now I am speaking to you. I know the various spellings of miniscule/minuscule but it's so funny baiting you just to read your reactions and how you flame away when being flamed. You'll be so lucky to reach my age without drowning in your own verbal diarrhea first. lol...now I'm waiting for the next barrage...should be a good one! Must be even funnier to watch you in person. I picture it being very animated - kinda like slapstick.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 46
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/23/2009 1:45:46 PM
Oh, man. So predictable. Actually too predictable, so it becomes quickly boring. I'll just watch as others take further turns at you now, although you'd think you'd have caught on by now that you're not making too much headway with your (ir)rationalizations of keeping someone happy by being the big old provider with your archiac roleplaying scenarios of the mighty lion. I'm sure you will keep someone happy...at some point. There's someone for everyone, no matter the mentality.
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 47
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/23/2009 9:43:44 PM
It seems no one understands. There are so many dialogues going on here. You have the Tall Willow , (Pats) who fancy themselves more highly evolved than you run of the mill neophytes, who see no differentiation between male and female. Just one gene pool of 'people' getting together to "what"? Coexist like homosexuals or worse yet, asexual beings?

You have the 19 yr. olds who probably still live with mom and dad or are still tied somehow to the apron strings, either by a prepaid credit card or a phone call..."Oh daddy, or mommy, I need $50 to get me through to next payday, or a new car or can you cover my cellphone bill."

You have the "weenie" dudes who expect a woman to take care of them, no matter how they couch it, they feel inadequate to meet the challenges of being the alpha male, maybe its because so much of our society is single women raising male children to run the household. They grow up with the idea of an alpha female, no male role models around to depict what a man does, to mirror the male role to the young child.

There are women who take care of themselves and would continue to do so and be perfectly content to do so, but who look for the "attitude" that a man was raised with. Not that they expect a man to be able in this day to work his sorry ass off to provide while the woman sits and pops bonbons while watching her favorite soap, but who expect a man to have the attitude that he is the head of the family.

In nature a two headed organism is an ananomoly.

I'm smart, I can spell, and I know what I'm talking about.
 discrete_contact
Joined: 7/18/2008
Msg: 48
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/23/2009 10:46:48 PM
Waaw over-fking-whelming.
Guys please hold your hats and lets do a collection to buy these poor ladies some whims and trifles. They still never have enough.
Uff-uff I spoke.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 49
view profile
History
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/24/2009 10:53:27 AM

The point is that it is *insulting* to treat an adult like a child. It's not a matter of whether it's a new relationship or a committed one. It's expecting that a woman should be treated as a dependent child. I don't know why you don't get that it's inconsiderate at best to say that "allowing" "your" woman to pay for dinner would be like allowing your child to do so.

Actually, the comment meant that a man should love his woman and his child in the same way. If he would want to provide food for his child he should also WANT to provide food for his SO as an act of love not in a patronizing fashion.

I am perfectly capable of supporting myself therefore, for a man who cares about me to suggest that at some point he would like to support me threatens my ability to be my own independent person, not at all.

The whole issue is about respect, period. For some women, particularly in the earlier stages of a relationship, if they want to reciprocate for the dinners out, hellooo, she cooks a meal. If it is important for a man, like it is for many that live in my area of the country, to pick up the check, aren't you being direspectful if you insist on paying your own way?

I like nice things but I don't need them. If it got to the point of someone buying a ring, sure, who doesn't want something nice but you also don't want the guy bankrupting himself to get it. I haven't read the whole thread and I don't think I want to but generally if you are being a decent guy I don't see where spending money 'just to make her happy' is necessary but if you goal is avoiding spending money on someone you care about, perhaps you should just accept your life as a hermit and get over it.

The scenario described in the OP I would say was a woman not worth your time. You have a reason that you are in your situation but then again, what are you doing to get out of it? I have a friend who bought a house and took a second job just to pay it down faster, something he is probably really happy about right now. Do you have a second job to put money on the principal in addition to your mortgage? Do you have a plan for not being broke sometime in the next five years? I would personally not have a problem with nights in and cheap or free activities because with the kids and the business I tend to be a homebody anyway. Give me a good book or a DVD and I am good to go.

My parents were school teachers, very solidly middle class but with kids at home, mom had to make choices. She liked nice things so she chose to spend her money on furniture, etc. She biatched about it for years but she chose to dump the dentist for my dad, lol. After we were gone, they went out to dinner a lot more, took trips. People make choices. If going out is important, then she should find someone that is in a position to take her out, period.
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 50
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/24/2009 11:05:44 AM
Tall Willow, I can't speak for anyone else, but I certainly never said, ever, that a woman can't and shouldn't be able to pull her own weight in a relationship. It is the ATTITUDE that I'm talking about. The attitude that it seems the majority of men have that they just "expect" the female to be everything to them without their doing their part.

It seems most men want a sex partner, but not just any sex partner, she has to be beautiful and hot. They want a money machine who not only can but does support herself. (so they don't have to.....).

They want a good mother to their offspring, a good cook, housekeeper, maid, caregiver, spontaneous woman who is able to spring at his crooked finger on a moment's notice to adorn accompany him on a trip or weekend fling.

They want a woman who isn't too lippy, too strong, too opinionated, too independent, too well educated, smarter than they are, outspoken......you get the picture?

They want it all and what do they give? Eight hours of their day? A meager paycheck? A "sometimes"**** A back that is no longer able to work in the yard? (so you have to?) A sympathetic ear when they offer NO sympathy or even empathy.

They want their freedom to hang out at the clubs, Elks, AmVets, Lions, the bar, the pool hall, but God forbid you should want to hang out with your friends or even have friends male or female.

You shop, clean, cook, work, work, work, care for him and his kids.....and still he expects you to work some more, get a better job, a better paying one.

So, NO, he can't keep me happy without having the attitude, not of "ownership" but of responsibility for the 'weaker' sex, the beautiful side of the relationship, the gracious one, the female one.
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 51
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/24/2009 11:55:11 PM
Help is great. It is part of being in a relationship...helping each other.

I hope for you that you work your ass off for some man until you retire at the age of 72 then, I hope he runs off with a young chickie poo and supports her....waaa, waaaa, now cry some more.
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