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 SimpleCltMan
Joined: 11/11/2011
Msg: 41
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecksPage 4 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
OP, I read this with some sympathy and contempt at the same time. I was one of those guys. My ex hated that I got the house, the cars, the money, and got to see my son. So the only leverage she had was my son. She has kept him away from me, took him another 40 miles away where I have had to drive 80 miles further to get him, and dating?!?!?! {rolls eyes}. She was horrible for about a year after we divorced to anyone that came into my life as a dating situation. Stalked them on facebook and threaten to take my son if I ever introduced him to any of the women I met. Even though it has cleared up for me, there are people out there that do the "baby Momma/baby Daddy" drama just to bring data misery to the ex spouse.

I take a man wanting to be a father seriously. I have STOPPED dating women who keep their child away from the father even when the father was a good man. I am not talking about the drug dealing/playas/thug losers, but men who do child support, see the child regularly and try to be a good Dad. I know you don't see it this way, but the man is fighting for his kid. If that is too much drama, then so be it. However, I have seen many a woman tell me that her kids come first and I have respected that as I want to be a good Dad. I didn't ask for the drama over my son. Nor do I want to subject a woman to it, but sorry it happens. If you cannot be mature enough to work with it and see the good person that wants to be a good parent, then you do need to leave and let that person find someone that can understand what it means to put kids first. Sorry, if I am ranting, but when it comes down to men being good fathers I cannot stand by and watch people take them down.
 moonchildmn
Joined: 4/1/2013
Msg: 42
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 4/5/2013 8:59:19 AM
One of the nicest men I have met since my divorce could be classified as a train wreck. I found the whole situation very sad and ultimately ended it because there was no end in sight to his pain and suffering.

I couldn't help him, I never tried to help him. After two dates and a few phone calls it was obvious we were in different places in life. I had been divorced for 10 months and he had been divorced for over 4 years.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 43
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 4/5/2013 9:53:04 AM

SimpleCltMan, Msg. 51:
She was horrible for about a year after we divorced to anyone that came into my life as a dating situation. Stalked them on facebook and threaten to take my son if I ever introduced him to any of the women


How exactly did she know who you were dating? If you were divorced at the time, it's none of her business. If you put these women on Facebook and you allow your ex to have access to your Facebook account, who is at fault for her finding out and stalking these women on FB?
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 44
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 4/5/2013 2:21:00 PM
I've encountered serveral men in the last year who were just widowed...I mean just weeks after the event. They're on here looking for a new, long term relationship. One I know was looking for someone to ease the pain and he thought I was just the ticket. Sorry, no can do, and told him why. I also had someone from high school who contacted me less than a month after he was widowed and essentially said "Well, here I am!" He didn't get it that I quit corresponding with him 5 years ago for a reason. We did meet several times (after a 46 year separation) but after seeing his life style (the animal urine smell was there before you even got in the house, and ever see Hoarders?) I ran like hell. Don't have the time for this.
 AvailableinIndy
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 45
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 4/5/2013 4:01:27 PM
I dated a guy for 5 yrs and 3 of it was spent going thru his divorce. Well, actually it went on and on after that...his ex was a nutcase.

I make it quite clear now when I meet up with someone that you must be in the same place I am . Divorced for several years, and the ex behind ya.
 ladywyatt
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 46
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 4/5/2013 7:57:42 PM
My rule has been..If he spends the majority of his time with me talking about his ex....he's not over it yet...After 2 consecutive dates like this,I move on
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 47
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 4/5/2013 8:53:04 PM
oh gee thanks for the warning.........if you decide to get on a bus going over a cliff don't whine about the flames.
 ladywyatt
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 48
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 4/6/2013 4:16:43 AM
My experience with recently divorced men with young children has been, not only is the ex playing "keep away" with the kids, he is also pushing the GF to play "perfect mommy" with the kids just so he can smear it in the ex's face what a "bad mommy" she is...

Nothing like using the kids as weapons....pathetic

I'm too old for and have no tolerance for these games. Wait for the dust to settle and then try dating.
 TheSereneGreenthumb
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 49
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 4/6/2013 5:06:55 AM
Wow. Sounds like things happened so fast. That's my red flag on you. Sometimes people are cognizant of the fact that they only need a shoulder or a friend. Others latch onto emotional/romantic rebound support regardless of what life troubles they're going through. You just have to know the difference, that's all.

The title of the thread seems rather offensive and hurtful especially for something as painful as a divorce.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 50
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 4/6/2013 5:24:33 AM
nonmedicated,
kudos. Divorce is straight up messy, even when I was a child growing up in a divorced environment, depressing. It's not something children should have to go thru. People going thru Divorce are definitely not ready to date and need A LOT of time to heal and raise their children. Or just heal and get help.
 BrookeAda
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 51
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 4/6/2013 7:00:12 AM
Recently divorced, out of a long term relationship, widowed and so forth. Tired of being used to fill time by those who have no idea what they want simply wanting to use others to fill their voids. This is not speaking sexually.

Recent guy was out of LTR, assured me he was over it. Didn't bother to cancel our plans, left me sitting at the agreed lunch sport with no word what so ever. Later heard he was out on the town with the supposed over it woman.

Avoid these types unless you are interested in a world of hurt.
 lord-baltimore
Joined: 3/11/2013
Msg: 52
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 4/6/2013 8:53:37 AM
Even if there are no custody issues, chances are they have baggage.

So I met someone a few weeks ago on here. I thought we hit it off nicely. She was recently divorced and even moved to another city to start a new life. So after a couple of dates I get the virtual "Dear John" letter. There's all this stuff going on in her life, its not you it me, blah blah blah. She thought she wanted a relationship but now she's not ready.

What-the hell-ever. After I told her I respected her position (though upset about it) then she started trying to explain herself and how she "respects" me. What am I, her father? I didn't hear "care" about me or anything that made me think this person had any feeling about it.

I'm divorced but it has been years. Separated/ recently divorced people, be sure you are over it and not just on the rebound! After my divorce, I waited a long time to date. Two years to be exact. By then I did not feel the desperation into dating again.
 SimpleCltMan
Joined: 11/11/2011
Msg: 53
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 4/8/2013 11:05:09 AM

How exactly did she know who you were dating? If you were divorced at the time, it's none of her business. If you put these women on Facebook and you allow your ex to have access to your Facebook account, who is at fault for her finding out and stalking these women on FB?


What I didn't know was that she had the username and password of a profile of a mutual friend on facebook. She would ask our son who was I talking to on the phone and take the first name and my friends list and stalk them through the other user. She would lie and say that the friend was doing the other girl a favor for telling her how bad I was. When the mutual friend found out, she was mortified. I blocked everyone from my facebook page. I now just tell my son that I am talking to a friend and leave it at that.
 drewsbu
Joined: 12/16/2012
Msg: 54
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 4/9/2013 9:54:57 PM
Wtf, my divorce was mutual and drama free. No lawyers involved. No kids. So I am a horrible person to date?
 offroader831
Joined: 2/15/2013
Msg: 55
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 4/10/2013 11:13:43 AM
I was in a situation like this where I was the one that had been divorced and was waiting for a court date while fighting for a measure of custody for my child.

As much as I wanted her I just wasn't ready....things are better now.

I do miss her terribly.

I also have to say that in a relationship, we are many things to one another...a partner, a confidant, a teammate, a mechanic, a counselor, a chef, a cheerful fan, a lover....
things can't always be rosy...there are ups and downs in life. If you are seeking a rosy picture at all times, you'll be jumping from one relationship to the next.
 girlwithnoprofilename
Joined: 3/2/2013
Msg: 56
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 4/10/2013 11:55:59 AM

RUN LIKE HELL!


This woman speak the truth.

I was dating a recently divorced man IRL for about 3 or 4 months and he claimed to have no baggage. I knew when I met him that he had been married 10 years and had 2 daughters o I knew there was baggage but I didn't think there would be as much drama, whining and belly-aching.

He had court dates over the kids & was always meeting with lawyers of real estate owned with his ex wife. He wanted to talk about the divorce a lot (although I didn't) and it was very emotionally draining on me. I couldn't just enjoy getting to know him and the time we spent together because HE SIMPLY WASN'T READY for another woman yet. I was becoming attached to him but I began to see how low our relationship ranked in the grand scheme of things and felt it best to tell him I couldn't be with an unavailable man. He had the freakin' NERVE to be upset! How selfish is it to bring in another person into the equation when you still have so many unresolved issues with your family of 10 years?? Ugh.

Moral of the story is: Stay the hell away from Married/Seperated/Recently divorced. In all likelihood it will end in heartbreak; YOUR HEARTBREAK. Get involved at your own peril!
 dinno76
Joined: 9/29/2014
Msg: 57
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 12/30/2014 2:01:26 PM
They should not be dating if they have that kind of drama.
 OneKewlDood
Joined: 5/21/2014
Msg: 58
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 12/30/2014 2:07:29 PM

A man going through a divorce is not dateable. If custody was not yet determined then the divorce would not have been finalized. He was full of sh1t as well as drama.


Never date a guy who is getting divorced, or about to get divorced. Most are complete liars and have no plans to actually pull the plug, especially if they have kids. It's too expensive.

If the divorce has actually started and they're dating or looking to date, then they're afraid of being alone and are going to use you as a crutch or a rebound.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 59
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History
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 12/30/2014 2:39:18 PM
This site is full of so many separated and recently divorced people that they should call it Plenty of Baggage. I would say the majority of them also have two or more children. It's depressing on several levels. First you think about all these broken families and then you also realize that this is your dating pool. Being single gets less fun every day on here.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 60
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 12/30/2014 6:01:10 PM
I think most people would know to stay away from something like that. I don't even think the custody hearing is a necessary association.

I think involving yourself with a person who has undergone a recent divorce is bad juju no matter what way you look at it. There isn't a single angle that I can see that would make me consider that being a rational idea. Involving yourself with any person after a major (negative) life event is a bad idea. Not only for you, but for them as well.

You don't give the person time to think about anything, consider what loss is and means, and it screws the natural process up. In addition you put yourself in a situation to where you have to provide emotional support or Band-Aid situations that you can't possible mend.

Run like hell indeed, for the sake of due process.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 61
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 12/30/2014 6:53:48 PM
There's a market for honest people going through divorces that are lonely..tsk, tsk....

Seriously, approach with caution but if 2 people want to have consensual fun while the ink dries on the papers? So what?

There are many possibilities and one of them is that if you support that person's baggage, they just MIGHT love you even more for it.

Or not...

Not advocating this situation is just as worthile a pursuit as a truly divorced person either.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 62
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 12/30/2014 10:41:08 PM

Seriously, approach with caution but if 2 people want to have consensual fun while the ink dries on the papers? So what?


If it can be just that, but sometimes consensual fun gets confusing if you're not done dealing with what you've gone through.

My position has less to do with divorce, and more major life change that impacts in a negative way. That usually requires resolution before anything can be pursued
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 63
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 12/31/2014 12:44:28 AM
This site is full of so many separated and recently divorced people that they should call it Plenty of Baggage. I would say the majority of them also have two or more children. It's depressing on several levels. First you think about all these broken families and then you also realize that this is your dating pool. Being single gets less fun every day on here.


Broken families branch out to blended and entirely independent families whilst raising the children who share them. There isn't anything really amiss with this, so long as their needs and futures are considered and the families get along.

As far as the separate and recently divorced people are concerned, I also avoid those whom engage in casual sex out of these, rebounding from relationships or chronic relationships, and so forth. I'm not availing myself to nanny for their very young children nor as a counselor to hear what a vicious twat their ex allegedly exemplifies in character.

As a divorcee of several years and being singular for quite some time by choice and speaking with such people, the dating pool, for me, given my own circumstances and people in my age bracket having toddlers, emotional attachments to ex whatevers,and court orders ongoing, is very shallow; it's no easy feat for me, either.

 wooweewoo13
Joined: 7/7/2013
Msg: 64
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 1/1/2015 5:46:05 AM
Unfortunately sooo many are drama ridden in society...specially the younger people...see it with my children....never was and when chatting with woman it doesnt usually take to long to figure out where they are coming from.....as Im sure its the same with woman to men also.....lol
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 65
view profile
History
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 1/1/2015 5:53:40 AM
Not every recently divorced person is a train wreck or emotionally unavailable. As with most things, there are no hard and fast rules and must be determined on an individual basis.
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