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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!      Home login  
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 tiklish
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 53
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!Page 3 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
It is a a high probability that a man is having other priorities than stick to one woman and have serious relationship/ a family with her, if he recently did not:
-completed or still continuing his Advanced /Professional education
-separated from common law
-taking care of ill or old family member, poor health himself or unfertile
- returned from serving Forces or another services/ job with liabilities
- ended his working contract and relocated to another geographic area /immigration
-lost secure job/ housing/ assets/ hope/ soul mate
-raised in restricted environment- religion/custom
- live in gender disproportional population areas
- have a low sex drive/tired
-still waiting for consideration of real woman of his desire or "come- back” girlfriend
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 55
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over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 10/16/2008 12:49:02 AM
It depends...
If they're 40, successful with life and all other things in order, good family, good attitude in life, then they really just haven't found the right one.
If they're 40, unable to take care of themselves, have very little social graces, bitter, negative, etc... then yeah, that's a red flag.
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 58
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over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 10/17/2008 10:49:45 PM
It's only a red flag if the individual in question:


1) lives at home and sponges off Dad and MOM!
2) has a massive toy collection which he still plays with.
3) lives in a complete stinking dump.
4) has yet to learn how to use deodorant
5) talks and bits of food fly out at you but he keeps talking!
etc... etc./..
 johnny*b
Joined: 1/22/2008
Msg: 60
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 10/20/2008 3:47:26 PM
I'm 40 and never married. ALL my brothers and sisters, about 50% of my friends as well as my parents are divorced.

So what is worse, over 40 and divorced with a brand new mortage. Or 40 and never married with your house almost paid off, a new car in the drivway, an awesome retirement account, and vacations every 3 months.

Is waiting for right one somehow worse red flag than settling for the wrong one and splitting up 2.5 kids and a bitter divorce case? That is a red flag.

I would rename this thread to "I am looking for the Holy Grail of a man who is 40+ and never married."
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 61
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 10/20/2008 4:15:21 PM
There are many women who are 40+ and have not been married. Men seem to avoid us like the plague.
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 63
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over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 10/20/2008 10:39:56 PM

i'm not saying to dismiss divorced people or people with kids, but how exactly can they be defined as "better" than someone who's had neither? after all, if they're single now...they weren't very successful at the marriage and commitment thing the first time around, now were they? i'd say they're just as flawed as the rest of us single people...except the ex-married's also got the lawyers, church and/or state mixed up in their past too.


Indeed!
 mcopado
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 66
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over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 10/21/2008 8:13:52 AM
If you think being single and over 40 is a "red flag" then your are a fool..plain and simple.

If you look at being divorced as "given" about the ability to have a successful relationship then you have very twisted view of relationships.

It never ceases to amaze me how many version of this idiotic question are on here, and how many people who actually think there's something wrong with me because I am over 40 and single an childless. There's actually another thread on here that accuses me and guys like me of being selfish simply because I happen to now be 40 and
never been married.

Let's see, maybe I could have been married a couple of years ago, but I
needed to put my new career and my life on hold for a year and a half to
care for my elderly parents who both became I'll at the same time, then
I lost my father, and need to make sure my 82 year old mother could
function without her husband of 65 years..Yeah I guess that's selfish...

Maybe I could have gotten married in the 6 years prior to that but
suddenly after working in a career since I was 16, I had a "calling" and
ended up (kicking and screaming mind you) to devote 4 years to going to
graduate school, so I could help my fellow man...yeah I guess that's
selfish...

Maybe I could have gotten married in my early 30's, but let's see I was
"working on myself" doing all sorts of personal growth stuff, so I could
be a better human being...to potentially be a great partner to someone,
and an even better father than my father was to me, because he came from
a time where men didn't necessarily show affection, especially to their
male children because they wanted them to be tough, and I didn't want to
be that kind of parent/husband when I did find the right person to share
my life with...yeah I guess that was selfish of me..

Maybe I could have gotten married when I was in my 20's, yeah that
would have been a great time, when I was struggling financially, and was
basically an arrogant and immature tiwt who didn't know anything about
life, and was barely a few years out on my own..hmm that's a great time
to get married eh? A better time to be a parent too eh?

Getting married when we're "young and dumb" as opposed to when we've
learned a a few things about life, the universe, how to be a partner is
"unselfish?" Or the reason the divorce rates are so high, and there's so
many people in there 30's and 40's on here (and in society) who are
listed as seperated or divorced???


Now that doesn't mean I haven't had relationships...I was engaged once
when I was young and dumb, and again about 5 years ago, neither of those
worked for various and complicated reason. I've also had a couple long
term relationships, where we realized that we weren't "it" for each
other and parted ways, and countless other dates and periods of dating
women for a short period on the quest for finding the right one...

If anything being single means you been pretty discerning as to what will or will not work in a relationship, instead of just jumping in....then jumping out again.

There's no shame in being single....Our lives are complicated. I'd
rather be single and relatively happy than with the wrong one and be
miserable...I've been there way too many times. The only difference is,
that I didn't jump into anything...I'm looking for a rest of my life
partner, I only want to be married once. I'm glad I found out before
hand that it wasn't going to work, with whoever it was....that way I
won't be bitter and judgemental like many of the people who start
threads like this.


It took me nearly 40 years to finally love and accept myself, to feel comfortable in my own skin, worts and all...I did a LOT of personal work to get to this space, and went through a lot of pain in the interim...But it's gotten me to the point where I know enough not to drag my Baggage into a relationship...and how to treat someone with love, honor, and respect...

Haven't you heard that we can't truly love another if we don't love and accept ourselves? That doesn't happen over night, or in your 20's...or 30's often either...
 cmlyna
Joined: 4/14/2007
Msg: 67
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 10/28/2008 2:55:59 PM
BRAVO, mcopado! I loved your post!

I am 41, never married, no children and agree that I will never settle just to be a couple! I am not talking about settling for someone who doesn't fit our 'fantasy' picture of our perfect mate -- I'm talking about settling for a person who doesn't treat us the way that one should be treated.... for example, dishonest/lies/emotionally unstable/criticizes/manipulative, etc.....

You learn later in life to detect these types of problems rather quickly!
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 69
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 10/30/2008 3:18:55 PM
I can only speak for myself, however I have wondered about why I seem to have not met the man for me at times, and why I seem to lack something that makes a lot of men want to actively persue me. Friends tell me that the men I have met are not looking for a woman of substance (figurately and literally), and that I should be glad they did not persue me, since I deserve to be loved and cherished with abandon, as I will reciprocate with a deserving man.
 ripley65
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 71
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 11/5/2008 9:37:14 AM

One thing that hasn't quite appeared in this discussion is that we're talking of the red flag others see about us the over forty unmarried person. I wonder how many of us have wondered if there was something actually wrong with us ourselves. That in my relationships I could not find that spark that meant this was the one and that something must be wrong with me. I know I have done this repeatedly



Ive wondered the same thing myself. Is it me? Is there a vibe i give out thats unattractive? Or,,is it that i have poor choices in men? Too picky maybe? Not picky enough which results in wrong choices? I dont know. But i do know one thing and that is that i refuse to settle! Like MC said, id rather be alone and going on with my life rather than be with someone who im not truely happy with.
 roxygirl00
Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 74
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/9/2008 10:48:57 AM
Personally I see no problem with being over 40 and never married. Who gets to decide that your relationsip is not a committed relationsip if you are not married. I do not think you need to get married to be in a loyal and loving relationship. I was in a committed relationsip for 12 years and never married, Let me tell you it made our seperation a lot easier then if we were married......
 *~*Royal Majesty*~*
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 75
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/9/2008 11:08:41 AM
In fact, more & people are choosing to remain single than ever before. So therefore, seeing someone who's 40 and never married should be of no surprise.

People are not perfect and neither are thier situations, we do different things at different times in our lives and that's why it's called Life. Throw in some Reality and you have your Life Experience.
 Tonyrocks
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 78
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over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/11/2008 6:58:50 PM
well thats what dating young girls is all about, if older women arnt going to give you the time of day AND thats what there telling you then tuff bananas. AND here is the funny part then when you start dating the young chick the older women gives you hell for it, there going to judge you both ways. take it from me there are no right ways of going about this except one look for any oppertunity you can get and take it at least at 40 you have money, home and a car. Have fun your not 60 you know?
 MGaeta211
Joined: 11/6/2008
Msg: 79
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over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/15/2008 7:40:15 PM
I'm 38 and I have never been married, why, cause I haven't found the right woman yet. Red flag? Nope.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 80
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over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/15/2008 9:52:41 PM
Anybody who sees problems with someone's resume because it doesn't include certain checkpoints they think should be there (imagined sins of omission) is probably someone who sees problems even when none exist. Now that's a RED FLAG!

Pursuing people who have little or no baggage is simply easier than pursuing those who have some. So what's the opposite of a RED FLAG?
 spicynicegirl
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 83
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/15/2008 11:28:49 PM
I have to be honest - I didn't read all the answers on this thread.

However I tend to wonder about men in my age group that haven't been married.................(40-50 year olds).
 Thatguy67
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 84
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over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/16/2008 6:46:50 AM

However I tend to wonder about men in my age group that haven't been married.................(40-50 year olds).


What's there to wonder about? (tick)

We're just as normal as the next person! (tick) (tick)

 faze54321
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 85
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/17/2008 2:23:59 PM
Ahh great! I guess my green flag is going to turn into a red flag in about 2 years.
Honestly, if I wasn't single, I'd be divorced, so I'm juuuust fine!
 lankeeyankee72
Joined: 11/14/2008
Msg: 87
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/18/2008 6:36:42 PM
I would disagree with this. We all mature at different ages. Whos to judge? In all honesty if I meet someone and they have been divorsed 2-3 times than this is more of a concern for me.
I personally am 36 yrs old and never been married nor have any children. This is by decision I have had a few good women that would have made long life partners, just wasnt the time in my life. Marriage is a life long commitment in my mind and putting the other first which a lot dont understand.
In high school I didnt date, I was more interested in dirt bikes, cars, fishing and hanging with the guys getting into trouble and acting out in a rebel type manner.
When I graduated HS I pursed my goal of drag racing motorcycles professinaly. I did this when I felt I reached my goals after 5-6 years.
I decided to pursue my education and career. This is when I lived with a woman for 5 years helping raise her child from her first marriage. We grew apart and wernt able resolve issues in a mature manner. I moved out of state and thats when my dating started and got real wild in search of qaulities I like in a woman.
After 5 years of living the wild life of dating I now know what I am looking for in my mate and ready to settle down.. So do the math.....
Does this mean I have a red flag over my head cause I persued all my goals, personal and career wise? You can be the judge.. All I know is I dont cheat, I dont need to leave my wife to go out drinking all night with my buddies picking up chicks to have that one night thrill.
 angel**devil
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 88
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/18/2008 9:13:16 PM
["damaged goods"]
damaged people are dangerous, they know they can survive!!!!!!
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 89
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/22/2008 7:36:12 AM
Touche, I get so tired of people judging the ones who have not been married without knowing anything about us as people.
 casperella
Joined: 10/30/2006
Msg: 92
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/23/2008 6:26:03 AM
My parents were married for over 30 years and then my mom decided she wasnt happy and divorced my dad. Or so I thought. I found out later , because my mom told me, She hadnt been happy in years. She said she stayed with my dad for the kids. The way she put it, she wanted a divorce when I was about 2 years old. But back in those days women STOOD BY THEIR MAN blah, blah, blah. She wasted 25 years of her life with a man she couldnt stand in the end. Needless to say I didnt marry well and I didnt stay married for 25 years for the kids! But my attitude is not jaded on marriage . I'm willing to try again With the right person.
 *~*Royal Majesty*~*
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 97
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 3/10/2009 2:55:27 PM
"...I have never been married. I want to be married, but it has not happened yet. "

Me too! And from what I had experienced in the dating scene, it's just been my luck (good and/or bad)! You know, that's JUST the way Life has turned out for me.

I'm glad that I'm single today and I could care less if anyone thinks that it's a "bad thing" at my "age".

I certainly make mistakes and have learned my lessons/have a lot more to learn but does that make me a "bad person" because I'm still single and not married at my age? Certainly NOT!

If there's some kind of rule book as to which ages and stages of Life we should be accomplishing and doing things, then I've already broken quite a few of them!

One fine day, I would like to marry & settle down but for now, it hasn't happened yet!
 LinuxD
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 98
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over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 3/10/2009 6:40:12 PM
I'm 41 and it's been said here in this thread that if someone is not married by the time they are 40 or so they must have "issues" Yer dang right i have issues.. Issues of out of print books, collectable issues of magazines,issues upon issues of various publications... And I can blame none of them on anyone but myself! What can i say? I love my issues and don't do anything to rid me of them!

Seriously... goodness me oh my! I have never been married.. well treat me like a leper! There are a plethora of reasons that could have contributed to this.. Working two jobs to support myself,getting an education past High School,Being a commercial fisherman for a while,traveling,going back to school so I can add to my list of licenses,caring for a sick father,attending school to become a tradesman,studying and research just for the heck of it,the list goes on and on... Ever stop and think some people don't especially enjoy the thought of getting into a legal binding agreement with someone and then having to hand over everything that they worked a lifetime to get,for whatever reason? I've been engaged,she ended it. I guess there is a huge red flag over me.. wait.. someone please turn off that glaring spotlight on me! it's high lighting all my "issues".
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 101
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over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 3/12/2009 10:44:54 AM
"Over 40 and never married--damaged goods?"

NO--I think it shows wisdom, foresight and common sense!

Maybe I haven't met "the one" who fits into my life and fills in all the right pieces, but I don't want to be married at this point.
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